Well.

This was awkward beyond all comparison.

Gerald wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Or what she was going to do, for that matter.

"Um-"

For what it's worth, being the boyfriend of Helga G. Pataki's best friend was actually pretty funny, in a nutshell kind of way. When Gerald had started dating Phoebe back in freshman year, he'd suddenly found himself not on Helga's shit-list, and if he were honest with himself, he'd say that it was actually kind of awesome.

He suddenly found himself being privy to a ton of schemes and escapades that Helga had dragged Phoebe into because, let's face it, anything that involves Phoebe and getting into potential trouble, is totally his business.

He always knew when something was going down when he would be walking down the hallway of their high school with his petite Asian girlfriend, and then look over to where she was, only to discover that she had been pulled into the Janitors closet. The first time it happened, he was a bit frantic, calling her name and asking random passersby if they happened to see Miss Heyerdahl, only to have the closet door swing open, bringing him face to face with a mildly irritated Helga, with an amused Phoebe peeking out from behind her.

"Criminy, Gerald, get a hold of yourself. She hasn't been abducted by aliens. You're in school for Mighty Pete's sake; as if anything bad could happen to Phoebe in her natural element."

And with that, the door slammed shut, leaving a frazzled Gerald to stare at it in confusion. He'd found himself ready to knock on the door and ask what was going on when he'd been alerted to a text message from none other than Phoebe herself.

Don't fret Gerald, Helga just needs to vent. I'll text you when we're done xoxo.

From that day forward, he wasn't surprised when Phoebe would suddenly vanish from his side (whether they'd be at school or the park or what).

Hell, he'd even come to expect it.

Two years later, he was still with Phoebe, and she was still Helga's one true confidante. Unfortunately for the young keep of tales, today was on of those rare days where Phoebe was absent from school (she was out with the flu). He knew something was up, though, when she texted him earlier that day, telling him to keep an open mind, in regards what, or rather who, he was assuming was Helga.

And that was how he found himself hijacked (yes hijacked, not kidnapped) into the infamous Janitor's closet, by none other than the Blonde Terror herself.

He turned down the south hallway, on his way to Spanish 2, and then suddenly he was in a dark, closeted space, staring down at his girlfriend's best friend.

"-what's up?"

Her jaw was tense. Even so, she looked like she was rolling her tongue or eating a piece of hard candy or something, so it was clear to him that she wanted to say something.

"Pheebs is out right?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah. She's sick." he answered dumbly.

She scoffed. "Figures."

She released his shirt and backtracked deeper into the closet, staring at him hard. Gerald wore a puzzled expression, he was sure, as he stared back at her. He wasn't exactly sure why he felt so exhausted. She hadn't even really said anything yet.

He supposed it was just the anticipation for the shit he was about to dragged into. Although Helga was only one girl, she was strong willed and determined, a little brash, and a bit crazy (certifiably so, she mused). Whatever she had stewing in that neurotic brain of hers, he was almost certain that it was going to affect his life, tilting it to right on the spectrum of calm and catastrophic to, probably chaotic.

"I love Arnold." she spoke evenly.

Gerald raised an eyebrow. "Okay?"

"What do you mean 'okay?' Geraldo? Didn't you hear me? I said I love Arnold Shortman, your best friend." she hissed.

Gerald raised and dropped his right shoulder lazily. "Sister girl, I'm dating your best friend, which means that your life and my life became inevitably involved. From the way you rant and rave, and how you take to kidnapping my woman every other hour, it's not hard to pick up on certain things." he paused briefly. "Also, I was wondering about your serious addiction to, and curious love for ice cream, so I asked Phoebe what that was about, and I pretty much figured it out."

Her eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed in disbelief. "Phoebe told you?"

"Not in so many words. All she really said was that I knew 'ice cream' very well, and that 'ice cream' was nice and kind hearted."

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Hm. Not sure how to feel about this."

"Eh, well, you're the one who brought it up, so…"

"Right, right. Okay so, I love Arnold, you already know this." She was on him in a second, jabbing him in the chest so hard he thought his sternum would break. "If you ever tell him, I swear Gerald, I don't care who you're dating, I will kill you where you stand, got it bucko?"

Gerald sighed in resignation. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Why did you steal me from the world?"

Helga backed off and leaned against the door next to him.

She sighed sadly. "Well… I love Arnold. I have always loved him. My heart and my soul are his."

"That's a bit much, don'tcha think?"

Helga smiled, sly and knowing. "I see Phoebe only gave you the gist of things."

And so began the long winded tale of that day in the rain, with the umbrella and the bow, so many forgotten years ago.

When Helga finished spinning her tale of hidden feelings for his football headed best friend, Gerald knew that he was right about his life going to Chaotic on the spectrum.

"Okay, so, yeah. Wow." was all he said.

"Is that all you're going to say?" she questioned.

"Well-no, I just don't know what to-I'm sorry. That's pretty heavy."

Helga blew her bangs out of her face. "Tell me about it."

"Well, if Phoebe already knows all of this, why did you feel the need to vent?"

"It happens sometimes. My feelings get the best of me, and I feel like I'm going to explode. But… that's not why I needed Phoebe today. I can't take it anymore."

"You know, there's no point in being all cryptic with me anymore. I know pretty much your life story. What's up?"

"I… I really love Arnold. He was the first bright spot in my life when everything looked dark. My feelings for him have done nothing but grow stronger over the years, and with each passing day, my heart swells with passion for him. Everything about me loves everything about him, but… it hurts. It hurts so much to see him and know that he will never love me. He goes after this girl and that girl, and I'm glad he's happy, but what's the point in waiting for something that will never happen? I mean, I confessed to him, back when he saved the neighborhood, but like, that ship has sailed. I missed my chance to be real with him, and life has moved forward since."

"Helga…?"

"I love him, Geraldo, but this is real life, and real life moves on. I think… that maybe I should too."

.

.

.

.

.

.

"That sounds like a terrible idea."

"What the hell, Tall Hair Boy? I'm effin pouring my soul out to you and you shut me down? You're sick!"

"I'm just saying, you shouldn't give up. Arnold's oblivious to most things around him, but if you drop hints and stuff, I'm sure he'd pick up on them."

Helga slapped him upside the head.

Gerald jerked forward. "What was that for!"

"For being freaktarded! Haven't you been listening? I've been dropping hints since I was like, three!" she hissed.

"Yeah, see how well that's been going for you?" he rubbed his head. "Beating people up and threatening to beat them up is your form of flirting, and then just deciding to not of either of those things but still generally be crude and shit is not dropping hints that you like someone. Do I need to teach you how to be a girl?"

Helga smirked. "I'm sure you'd be a good teacher."

"Hey, hey, hey, don't get it twisted. I am all man. Just ask Phoebe."

"Okay, ew. Thanks for disturbing me."

"Anytime, my friend, anytime."

"Okay well, since I'm sure we've missed the last class of the day pretty much, do you want to go see Phoebe with me?" Helga asked, opening the door. She walked out and Gerald copied suit.

"Sure," he said. "I was planning on going to see her anyway."

"You should bring her flowers too. Phoebe likes peonies."

"Sound's good."

"And maybe some soup. Or, well, scratch that. Knowing her parents, she's probably had soup all day. You should bring her a milkshake or something."

"Sure, sure."

"And buy me a cheeseburger."

"Ahahaha-no."

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own "Hey Arnold!"

LAS says:

Okay well. Here I am again, uploading a new story when I have a bunch others to just effin update, but you have to understand; I HAVE BECOME OBSESSED WITH HEY ARNOLD!

Helga x Arnold FOREVERRRRRZ!

I wrote this because I like the idea of Helga and Gerald forming a weird, comfortable friendship. They might seem out of character here, but whatever. It's a fanfiction, I can write them however I want!

...But even so, I am taking a different approach to their personalities because they don't have the typical ffnet Helga and Gerald relationship.

So yeah.

Also: don't fret. There will definitely be some awesome HxA goodness to come. Arnold just has to realize his feelings for Helga first. And he will, with the help of Gerald, Phoebe, Rhonda, JustDance2 for Wii, and a TalentShow!

Welp, since I'm all super excited for this fandom, and for this story, I'm off to write chapter two because throughout the duration of this Author's note, it has been stewing in my mind the entire time :D

I hope you stick around.

Reviews are appreciated. No seriously, they are. I'll even give you a cookie. Maybe.

(Probablynot...)

Anywho, that's all for now. Thanks again for reading!

HEART HEART HEART HEART HEART HEART HEART HEART