Here it is at last. I hope you enjoy it!

Hide and Seek

Chapter 1 MOV This is How a Heart Breaks

The night was dark, rain threatening as thunder rumbled in the distance. 'Tonight. Tonight I'll leave,' I told myself as I had for nearly a year now. I flew around the city, saying goodbye to my home, my refuge, my flock. I flew to the edge of the city, out past White Plains, just past the park where we would go camping…

But just like every other night before this one, I turned back. I landed on the highest point I could at the top of the tallest skyscraper in New York City, the Empire State Building. My haven now was no longer the city that protected me from the whitecoats and erasers, but this roof-top observation deck that hid me from sight as I cried out.

About a week after Fang left, last September, I stopped crying for him. He was the enemy. He wasn't worth my tears. I would not give him that victory. Another week after that, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and finished making a plan. I realized that I had to leave the city. I had to leave the flock. If Itex was looking for me, then I was a danger to them. If Fang was working for Itex, then I would have to lead him away from the city, away from the flock.

After that came my first night out here, as unable to leave this city as a dog with an electric collar. I gradually was able to go farther and farther, but I always turned back. Then I would land here on the Empire State Building, and cry, or shout in anger, or just stare across the skyline numbly. I stayed there until I felt stable, or until the moon began to set, right before the sky began to lighten. Six nights a week I flew, catching up on sleep the seventh day. I'm sure the others noticed when I suddenly stopped crying, but still always had red eyes. Or when I spent more hours sleeping in, but always looked tired. But after six months or so, they stopped asking questions. That was six months ago.

As I sat on the roof, hugging my knees to my chest, I just stared blankly at the stars. I had stopped shouting in anger a long time ago. I had stopped crying for myself, for my ruined life, for the flock's damaged lives, or for the thought of leaving them. I had stopped crying months ago. My eyes were dry again.

I felt a light rain begin. I looked up to see dark thunderclouds flickering with lightning. I don't know why, but I felt like there was a change coming. Something was going to happen, but I didn't know if it would be good or bad. 'Well. My life can't get much worse than it already is,' I thought bitterly. Maybe the attack from Itex would come. Then I wouldn't have to leave the flock. I wouldn't have to run.

Only when I gasped for air did I realize I was crying. I didn't know why. Fang? My broken heart? The flock? Fear if facing Itex again? Leaving my home? The possibilities were many. I didn't know. Maybe all of it, maybe none of it. But I didn't mind these tears. They weren't the shrieking wails that came with the feeling that my heart was being ripped to pieces. They weren't the kind that made me want to leap off this building (and for once not open my wings) just to end the pain. No, this was a Nudge-after-watching-a-sad-movie cying, or an Angel -middle-school-drama crying. The kind that you know would be over soon, and then everything would be ok again. This was a relief.

I laughed up to the thunder and lightning, happy to feel a bit more normal, and let myself cry. There was no one to see me; I felt no shame or weakness with these tears. I must have looked like a madwoman.

Maybe I had finally cracked. Maybe I'd finally lost it.