"Teresa, please," Jane scooted off his chair and gently onto the bed beside her, facing her. He waited, holding his breath, praying she would look at him.

Slowly, ever so slowly, her eyes met his, yet he saw nothing in them. She was a blank slate and it terrified him. He swallowed hard, reached over and cupped her cheek in his hand.

She closed her eyes at his touch, yet didn't pull away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"No, no baby, I'm sorry," Jane almost broke down at her words and stumbled over his own to try and comfort her. "This...is not your fault,"

At that Lisbon pulled her head away from his hand and looked away. "Yes, it is,"

"Teresa-"

"I don't want to hear it Jane," there was nothing in her voice as she spoke, just emptiness.

"Lisbon," Jane tried to go the sterner route, his fingers slipping around her chin and tugging her face back to look at him. "You couldn't see this coming,"

"I should have,"

"Just like I should of seen Red John coming," he let the words sink in, "I'm begging you...Teresa...this is not your fault. Don't...don't shut me out,"

A tear slipped down Lisbon's cheek as she looked down at his hand over hers. She didn't say a word. She didn't know what to feel

"I'm sorry. I should have been there, I should have been protecting you," Jane dropped his hand from her face. "I'm sorry I annoyed you to the point of you having to ditch me. This is my fault,"

Something about the tone in his voice made Lisbon snap and for instant, anger flashed in her eyes as she glared at him. Then her expression softened as she saw the pain on his face. She wanted to heap the guilt on him, because it partly was his fault and she couldn't handle the possibility of it being HER fault, even though she knew deep down it was partly hers to. Things might of been different if Jane had been there, but she shouldn't have been out in the field to begin with. She allowed herself to be distracted. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it.

"I'll go...if that's what you want...I wouldn't blame you,"

Lisbon closed her eyes and nodded her head slowly as a tear slipped down her cheek.

Jane started to move, but Lisbon clutched onto his hand as the tears started falling faster and her body started trembling with sobs.

Jane turned his body so that Lisbon could lean against him wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed.

"It's okay, it'll be okay," Jane murmured as tears slipped down his own face.

They sat there for a few moments, clinging to each other, sobbing quietly. Jane trying to murmur soothing words in her hair, as his heart felt heavier than ever. A nurse came in as one of Lisbon's machines started beeping. She pressed a button on one of Lisbon's drips and soon her grip on Jane relaxed and her breathing steadied. Jane leaned his head and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep as well.

5 days later...

"You got it? You got it? It's okay, i've got ya," Jane slipped his arm around Lisbon's waist as she struggled to rise from the wheelchair to get into the vehicle parked right in front of her.

She leaned heavily against Jane as he practically lifted her from her feet and maneuvered her into the passenger seat.

He reached over to buckle her up, but Lisbon' pushed his hands away and did it herself. Backing off he closed the door, thanked the nurse with the wheelchair and hurried over to the drivers side.

It was a silent ride, Jane insisted Lisbon stay with him at his apartment/condo, easier for her it all being on floor and Lisbon couldn't protest it much. Jane nervously tapped the steering wheel, looking from Lisbon to the road back to Lisbon.

"Stop it, I'm not going anywhere," Lisbon stated, her head resting on in her hand, staring out the window she obviously noticed Jane's eyes on her.

"Sorry," Jane repositioned his hands on the wheel and centered his gaze on the highway before him. "Did you need to stop anywhere and get anything?"

"I would say my apartment to get a few things, but, I assume you already did that," she spoke but there was no emotion in her voice.

"Just trying to make things easier for you," Jane said softly.

"What about Hightower?"

"The team knows...they promised not to say anything to Hightower. Hightower knows you'll be staying with me, but just because she knows we are close,"

Lisbon nodded her head.

The rest of the trip was silent, the only noise was the lulling sound of the tires meeting the pavement over and over again and the hum of the engine as they sped down the highway. Jane was at a loss as to what to say or do. He didn't know how she was going to react to all of this and after her little breakdown at the beginning, that was all the emotion he got out of her. She spent the five days recouping, telling Jane to go to work and that she was fine, but of course Jane stayed silently by her side, waiting for her to open up to him. But it never came. She stared out the window, talked work talk with the guys when they came and visited and at night always pretended to fall fast asleep the moment Jane stepped into the room. Not wanting to upset her while at the hospital, he pushed no matter and just sat silently in his chair or on the couch by the window for the duration of their time at the hospital. Leaving to change clothes, shower, eat and then come right back. He knew a showdown was coming, he just prayed that he would be able break through her barriers before she threw in the towel.

One day. That's all Lisbon lasted. She was attempting to get up on her own from the couch, but when she fell back down and let out a yelp in pain, Jane had come running to her side.

"Hey, what are you doing? What do you need? I'll get it,"

"I can do it myself," Lisbon said through gritted teeth.

"No, that's why you are here, so I can help you," he didn't mean it to come out condescending but the glint of anger in Lisbon's eyes told him he had said the wrong the thing. Throwing up his hands in surrender he leaned back, rolling his eyes. "Or I can let you rip open your stitches, that'll work too,"

"What the hell Jane? I just want to be able to get up my own damn self!"

"Yeah, well I wish you would actually talk to me, we don't always get what we want, do we?" THAT he meant to come out sarcastically.

Lisbon glared at him from her slouched position on the couch. "What is that supposed to mean?" her voice was low and angry.

Jane looked at her, a hint of anger in his own eyes. "Nothing, nothing,"

"No," Lisbon pushed herself to a sitting position, wincing at the pain. "What do you want to talk about?"

Jane resisted from helping her, instead stood himself and walked away from to stare out the window. Biting his bottom lip and closing his eyes, he willed himself to remain calm, taking slow controlled breaths.

"Jane" her voice was almost pleading and in pain as she pushed herself to the edge of couch.

"You've shut me out since this all happened, I don't know what to do anymore,"

Lisbon was silent, so Jane turned around to face her and continued. "I sat by your bed for five days and not one word about losing the baby. Not one word period about how you you were doing, how you were feeling,"

"I'm sorry I wasn't up for talking about my feelings-"

"Okay fine, forget your feelings," Jane bit his bottom lip, this might be the only way to reach her, "What about mine? How the hell do you think I feel? I try to protect you and keep you safe, I annoy you to no end and it results in THIS," he swept his hand towards her, and Lisbon caught the meaning, "This is the second...second child I've lost, it hurts just as much,"

"I'm sorry Jane, ok? I'm sorry. You don't think I don't know you are in pain. I see it, I see it in your eyes! How do you think I feel knowing that I caused it! That I was so stubborn and bullheaded I couldn't pull myself from the field!" she was yelling now, tears building in her eyes, she struggled to stand and Jane didn't help her. "You don't think everyday seeing you in pain doesn't effect me? It makes it hard to talk to you knowing that I'M the reason your in pain. That it's my own fault!"

Jane strode over to her and gripped her shoulders. "It's NOT your fault Teresa!" his voice came out a choked growl. "And I'm not angry at you, I'm not hurt by you. It hurts that he was taken from us. It hurts that I blame myself,"

"Wh-"

"We could go around and around with your fault and my fault..but in the end, we are both in pain and we both need each other,"

Lisbon looked away. "I don't ...I don't know if I can handle this Jane,"

Slowly, his hands dropped from her arms. "Handle what?" he whispered.

"After all of this...I don't...I don't know if this is something I can do..."

"Teresa...don't...don't do this," Jane's eyes were a storm of emotion.

"It hurts too much," Lisbon wrapped her arms around herself as tears slipped down her face and she looked anywhere but at Jane.

"Then let's get through it together, come on," Jane stepped closer and slid his arms around her waist, clasping his hands together behind her back. He bent down slightly to get her to look at him. "I need you Teresa, I need you," he leaned forward and placed kisses on the exposed skin of her neck, trailing them upwards and across her chin till he reached her mouth, where he hesitated for a moment before capturing her lips in a tortured, desperate kiss. One hand trailed up to cup behind her head while the other stayed firm around her holding her to him.

Lisbon was angry. Angry that he would stoop low to use this tactic. Angry at him in general for this whole situation. Angry at herself for loving him too much to fall for it and not continue fighting. But her mind was made up and no matter what happened in the next hour, she was resolved with what would she would do in the morning.

a/n: ahh..more angst! it'll be ok though :)