A/N: D-does anyone still care about this story? I apologize for the ridiculously long wait; I admit that I lost interest in the pairing and it was quite a chore to force myself to finish. Hopefully this obscenely long chapter will make up for the wait at least a bit. And a big thank you to fakiagirl for betaing the first half of the chapter! Thanks for your help!
"Lookin' good, you guys!" Belgium, the director, said through her microphone. "Why don't we take a half an hour break? You look like you're about to drop dead, Spain."
Spain sighed with relief as he accepted a hand towel from one of the stage crew and wiped the sweat from his face. Prussia, his head pyro technician, bounded over with a grin.
"So? What did you think of that new spark-shower effect?" he prompted excitedly. "Pretty awesome right? Feel free to praise my genius on your knees!"
"It was pretty amazing," Spain panted. He muffled his ensuing coughing in the towel and slumped against the wall tiredly. "It was hard to fully appreciate it when I'm so busy trying not to cough up half my lung, though…"
"Dude, you're still not better?" Prussia asked incredulously. "You took more than a week off of work and everything! Get your shit together, man! The show's in four days!"
"Believe me, I would if I could. Oh, thanks a lot," Spain said as one of the stagehands brought him some cough suppressant and a bottle of water. He gulped them down and sighed. "I got rid of my fever so I thought I'd be fine coming back to work today, but… It would've been nice to take another day or two to let the coughing and stuffy nose go away. Maybe Romano would've taken care of me a little longer…"
Prussia rolled his eyes at the dreamy smile that crept onto Spain's face at those last words. "You're still stuck on that Romano guy? If you like him so much why don't you just do him already? The awesome me is getting real sick of listening to you spout sappy crap about him."
"I can't just do him," Spain insisted. "Romano is special; I don't wanna mess things up with him by asking for sex too soon. It seems like he's had a lot of not so good relationships so I've gotta take it slow with him, you know? Besides, I want our first time to be really romantic, and…"
"What part of 'I'm sick of listening to you spout sappy shit' didn't you get?" Prussia whined. "It was bad enough when France got serious about that half invisible blond kid! I thought you were with me on the sane side! Whatever happened to bros before…other, lamer bros?"
Spain laughed. "Yeah, sorry about that. But I love Romano so much, I don't even care if I seem crazy! Anyway, don't you have Austria?"
Prussia's cheeks warmed and he pouted as he thought of the graceful dark-haired man who composed the original music for their show and worked with the sound team, snubbing his toe absentmindedly into the stage. "Th-that's different… It's… it's lust, ok? L-like the awesome me would ever fall in love. Pfft! Yeah right!"
"But you're going red!" Spain grinned, poking at his friend's cheek. "Hey, I'll ask him out for you if you're too shy!"
Prussia scoffed and swatted him away, his face reddening even further as he spun around to hide his embarrassment. Fortunately for Prussia, Spain's phone began to ring in his pocket at that moment, distracting him from his teasing. Spain dug the phone out and glanced at the caller ID before answering.
"Hello Italito!" he chirped.
"Hi Spain!" Italy said brightly. "You can talk right now, right? Are you feeling better?"
"Mostly," Spain assured him. "You're so cute worrying about me, Ita!"
"Because we're friends!"
"Was there something you needed from me?"
"Oh, that's right! I'm calling about Brother."
"About Romano?"
"Yeah… he's having a really terrible, yucky day at work today. He came in here earlier really upset … I thought if anyone could cheer Brother up, it was probably you."
"I see… Poor Romano. Did he tell you what happened?"
"Yeah, but Brother might be mad if I… Oh…" Italy's heart sunk as he suddenly remembered that Romano's love for another man was at the root of his troubles. He knew how Spain felt about Romano. The Italian paled on the other end of the line, realizing that he'd just unintentionally done something really insensitive.
"What's wrong, Ita?" Spain asked.
"Veee, I'm so sorry, Spain!" Italy wailed. "That was so mean of me! I didn't even think about it… I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, really! I'm sorry!"
"Eh? What do you mean?"
"Part of the reason Romano's so sad is because he's in love with… Waaah, I said too much again! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
"Romano's in love with someone?" Spain bit his lip lightly in thought. "Is it… El Apasionado Caballero, by any chance?"
Italy stopped crying on the other end of the phone. "Ve? You already know?"
"I had a feeling. But that's ok; I'm not worried."
"Y-you're not?"
"Nope! There's no way this thief guy is as cool as me! I can still win Romano over... Did he actually tell you that he was in love with this guy?"
"No, but I'm dating Germany, you know? And he's a police officer who goes with Brother when they try to catch El Apasionado Caballero. Last week he saw the two of them together in the forest after El Apasionado Caballero ran away from the museum and he kissed Brother and Brother didn't even get mad! And then Germany was worried that Brother was working with him…"
Now it was Spain's turn to pale. Someone had actually seen that? Moreover, it had been a police officer. Suddenly Spain had a very nasty feeling that he knew what had happened to make Romano so upset.
"Ita… R-Romano didn't get fired, did he? Are… are they going to arrest him?" Oh god. If Romano was going to be arrested because of Spain's carelessness, he had no idea what he'd do.
"No, but… ve, I already said too much again. You should just ask Brother. Anyway, I'm sure he'd feel a lot better if you called him or went to meet him sometime today."
"I… I see," Spain let out a deep sigh of relief. "Maybe I'll take him out to lunch, then."
"Thanks Spain! I knew you'd help!"
"I'm glad to do it. Thanks for letting me know."
"No problem! Good luck with Brother! Bye!"
Spain smiled softly as he hung up. Lunch with Romano… it had been a long time since they'd done that. Naturally they had eaten together while they were convalescing this past week, but the misery of their fevers and coughs and runny noses had kept them from enjoying it so it didn't count.
What would be good for their first date after being reunited? If Romano was really as upset as Italy had said over what had happened to him at work, maybe a home-cooked meal would be best. He'd take Romano home with him and make some ropa vieja and pa amb tomàquet and then flan for dessert; it would be a nice, intimate meal all to themselves. That way Romano wouldn't feel quite as embarrassed if he needed Spain to comfort him while he cried on his shoulder.
"Oi, you in there?" Prussia's irritated voice snapped Spain out of his daydream.
"What?" Spain said dazedly.
"Jeez, I said your name like six times," he groused. "What was that all about? That Romano guy going to jail?"
"No, thank goodness! Ita couldn't tell me all the details but it seems that he's avoided it somehow."
"Seriously? Maybe this guy is more badass than I thought…" Prussia mused. Then his face fell as he realized what that meant for him. "So you're ditching me at lunch, then."
"Oh, yeah… Sorry… But hey, now you're free to have lunch with Austria if you want!"
Prussia gritted his teeth. "Look, for the last time—"
"What about me?"
Prussia jumped like he'd just been electrified and whirled around to face Austria who had just joined them on the stage. Spain grinned widely as Prussia went red again.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Prussia yelped.
"How rude. I work here too. Had you forgotten that, you fool?" Austria replied snootily. "Anyway, I distinctly heard my name appear in your conversation just now and I demand to know what was said."
"Prussia wants to have lunch with you today!" Spain piped up brightly.
"Hey, you shut the hell up!" Prussia hissed frantically. "I never said that! Just because you and France turned into fucking morons doesn't mean I have to!"
Meanwhile, Austria's cheeks had gone pink. He cleared his throat nervously and straightened his tailored jacket. "Hmm… I suppose I might be able to stomach your company for a short while provided that you foot the bill…"
Prussia froze, his eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Y-you mean that, Young Master?"
Spain's phone chose that moment to ring again. "I'll just give you two a moment," he chuckled as he retreated, digging his phone out of his pocket one more time.
After he returned to the station, Romano became increasingly restless. The epiphany he had had at Italy's café, that he did care for both El Apasionado Caballero and Spain in some capacity, made him want to take some sort of action, though he wasn't really sure what he should do. Before he acted on his newly discovered feelings in any way, he still needed to see proof from one or both of them that they did in fact love him. He could figure out where to go from there.
But that left him with another problem. How long were they going to keep him waiting? He couldn't just go up to either of them and demand the proof immediately. It would be meaningless if he followed them around asking for it. Regardless of how careless he had been in letting himself start to care for them (and really, it was only the littlest bit; it wasn't as though he was in love or anything), he wasn't so desperate that he would try to cajole them. The best thing he could do was to spend time with them and hope that his presence was enough to make them remember what they were supposed to be doing.
It was easy enough to spend time with Spain, even though it would require him to swallow a considerable amount of his pride. That clueless idiot would probably stop over after work today to bother him now that his fever had gone and Romano had kicked him out of his house. All he had to do was work out an excuse about why he was suddenly agreeing to meet him when he'd been ignoring him for months. Just because he was acknowledging that he cared about Spain to himself, didn't mean he was ready to fall into his arms and confess his undying love for him or anything.
The problem was El Apasionado Caballero; how was Romano supposed to be able to meet him now that he'd been kicked off the case? He had no way of contacting the thief and he didn't want to just sit around the house waiting for him to show up.
The only option he could see would be to sneak onto the crime scene-to-be to wait for him and just pray that he wasn't caught by any of the officers legitimately working the scene. It was risky, but Romano had followed him this far. Like hell he was giving up now.
Well, if he was going to sneak on to the scene, it was better to find a hiding place before the other officers started setting up tonight's security. Actually, since he wasn't handling the case this time, he couldn't expect to be let in after closing time like usual. Romano would have to enter it during business hours and find someplace to hide until it was time. This called for a reconnaissance mission to the museum.
But if he was going to go to the museum before it closed he would have to leave straight from work, and that would mean missing Spain if he stopped over. If he did that, Spain might think he was ignoring him again. He couldn't meet one without missing the other. It looked as though he was going to have to decide right now which one was more important to him.
Romano sighed and plunked his forehead down on his desk. This was part of the reason why he'd tried to give up on caring about people; it was so freaking exhausting. He didn't have much time left to decide, either. The museum closed at five; he would have to figure out what he wanted to do before then. He mumbled a curse under his breath. How was he supposed to make such a clear-cut choice so early in the game?
Suddenly there was a ringing in Romano's ear, snapping him out of his troubled daze. He snapped to attention with a startled gasp. When had he taken his phone from his pocket? Romano hadn't the slightest memory of doing so. He didn't even know who he had called. The detective was just getting ready to hang up when he heard an all too familiar voice in his ear.
"Is that really you, Romano? I can't believe you really called me on your own! Maaan, I can't even tell you how happy this makes me!" Fuck, he'd called Spain. Hang up. Hang up!
"Dammit, why did I…? I-I didn't call you, you bastard! Don't get cocky! It was just… it was a squirrel, dammit!" Romano sputtered, flailing comically. "It just invited its stupid squirrely ass in here and dialed your number when I wasn't looking! D-don't get the wrong idea, dumb ass!"
"So? How's your day been?" Spain asked cheerfully, wisely opting to pretend he hadn't heard anything from Italy. "Did you take any fingerprints today?"
"Why the hell would I take fingerprints?" Romano huffed. "You read too many detective novels."
"Yeah, that might be," Spain replied with a laugh. "I just looove reading detective novels and imagining my sweet little Romanito as the main character!"
"Don't tell me about your fucking weird fantasies, pervert!" he growled. "Anyway, it's been a really shitty day and I'm going out to eat tonight because I don't feel like cooking. That's how shitty it's been."
"I see… a bad day, huh? That's too bad. You wanna talk about it?"
Romano's cheeks colored at the genuine concern in Spain's voice. He rolled a pen back and forth compulsively on his desk as he tried to decide how to reply. The thought of letting Spain hold him close and stroke his hair while he told him about the terrible things that had happened to him lately didn't repulse him as much as he'd expected. His face warmed even further when he imagined Spain kissing away all his worries with those warm, soft lips of his.
"Romano? You still there?" Spain asked, interrupting what had most definitely not been a daydream.
"O-obviously; who the hell just hangs up in the middle of a conversation, dumb ass?" Romano said quickly, forcing the previous humiliating image from his mind. "Anyway, I don't wanna talk about that now."
Spain was a bit put out by this reply for a moment, before he realized that Romano had said that he didn't want to talk about it now, which implied that Spain was free to wheedle it out of him later. Perhaps he could get it out of Romano over lunch.
"Well, maybe later, then," Spain replied easily. "In the meantime, why don't you let me work a little cheer-up-charm magic? Why don't you come over to my place for lunch today? We can eat together and have a siesta afterwards. It'll be just like the old days!"
Romano fought down his urge to agree immediately and forced himself to hesitate. He didn't want to seem too eager. "Fine," he said as sullenly as he could.
"Ok, I'll see you at noon, then!" Spain chirped. "Goodbye, Romanito. I love you more than anyone else in the world!"
"Hmph," Romano grunted, blushing as he hung up.
Romano's heart was pounding as he pulled into Spain's driveway. As much as he wanted to find some other reason to blame it on, he knew precisely why his body was reacting this way. After all, it would be the first time he'd be seeing Spain face to face since he'd admitted to himself that he cared about him.
Well, he only cared the tiniest bit, but Romano had his pride. He had spent months avoiding this man, and when he had been forced to see him, he'd spent that time telling him that he hated him and to get out of his face. Now here he was willingly joining Spain for lunch. In doing so he would not only be dining on whatever Spain was serving; he would also be eating a large serving of crow and that was a dish that Romano could live without.
Even so, Romano couldn't bring himself to turn the key in his ignition and pull away from Spain's house. In the end, pride or not, he was still left with the realization that he did, in fact, still care.
Deciding he had put off the moment when he would have to look Spain in the eye long enough, Romano hauled himself out of the car and dragged his suddenly leaden feet up to the front door. He was just extending his finger to ring the doorbell when the door flew open of its own accord.
Even if the suddenness had surprised him a little, Romano didn't jump and he most certainly didn't yelp. It seemed that Spain had hallucinated that he'd done those things, though, because he laughed.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you, Romanito," he said, grinning brightly though his voice still sounded a bit hoarse and congested. "I'm just so excited to see you!"
"Wh-who said I was scared… dumbass…" Romano mumbled.
He clenched his teeth in frustration and fixed his gaze determinedly on Spain's welcome mat as his face heated brilliantly. As he had expected, looking him in the eye was just way too uncomfortable. In fact, it went beyond being uncomfortable; so much as glancing in Spain's direction made his chest feel all funny and his head go fuzzy.
What was going on? He hadn't had this much trouble looking him in the eye this morning when he'd demanded that Spain go back to his own house if his fever was gone. Nothing significant had happened between them since then. Sure, Romano had acknowledged that maybe he cared about Spain just a tiny bit, but that shouldn't have been enough to cause such a violent reaction just by looking at him.
"…Romano?" Spain interrupted softly, bending down slightly to look into his eyes. "Are you alright, my little tomato?"
Romano's heart stuttered and his breath caught slightly in his chest when he was forced to meet Spain's concerned brilliant green gaze. Spain cupped his cheek and ran his thumb over it, caressing it tenderly.
Romano was simultaneously torn between wanting to kick him in the shin and snap at him to keep his damn hands to himself, and just staying silent and letting Spain stroke and hug him. It caused a painful tug-of-war in his head between his pride and the shameful feelings that were blossoming into further maturity by the second. As it was, he couldn't force a single syllable from his lips.
Spain tugged him inside slowly and shut the door behind them before looping his arms around him. Romano, still paralyzed by indecision, couldn't do anything even when Spain stroked his hair and pressed a lingering kiss to Romano's forehead. Romano couldn't decide how he wanted to react to that so he simply allowed it.
"Poor Romano," he breathed. "Your day must've been pretty bad, huh? Why don't we have some lunch and you can tell me all about it, ok? I made some yummy tomato dishes that I think will help you cheer up a little."
Romano gave Spain a very delayed and half-hearted swat as the older man led him into the kitchen. His mouth began to water before he even saw the shredded beef in tomato sauce on the bed of rice.
Beside the main dish was a plate of sliced bread which looked as though it had been toasted and rubbed with tomato. If there was one positive quality about Spain that Romano hadn't had too tough a time admitting from the start, it was that the man could cook. Spain grinned when Romano's stomach rumbled hungrily.
"So you're not too upset to be hungry," he commented with a little sigh of relief. "That's good."
"It'd better be pretty damn good to make up for all the shit that's happened today," Romano groused as he slid into his chair.
"My taste is still a little off because of this stuffy nose, but I'm pretty sure it turned out well," Spain assured him cheerfully as he loaded up Romano's plate for him. "I think you'll be happy with it."
"Hmph."
Romano took the plate that Spain was offering him and dug in eagerly. He refused to hum in satisfaction at the rich and somewhat sweet and tangy flavor, but it was only through sheer force of will that he managed to restrain himself. Spain was watching him with a smile as he sat down beside him with his own plate.
"Good?" he asked.
"…It's not terrible," he grunted, still not looking at Spain for fear that his face would go red again and give Spain the wrong idea.
His precautionary measure was ruined when Spain put his hand on top of Romano's on the tabletop and squeezed it gently. The Italian cursed inwardly as his cheeks began to heat up.
A comment about Romano's resemblance to a tomato was sitting on the tip of Spain's tongue but he swallowed it for once. Romano needed to be comforted rather than teased right now. But he couldn't resist leaning over and kissing his round, flushed cheek, which earned him another half-hearted swat.
"Now," Spain began, digging into his own lunch, "why don't you tell me all about your bad day?"
Romano continued to eat as if he hadn't heard Spain's request, though in reality he was trying to decide what he wanted to tell him, or if he should tell him anything at all.
Spain didn't know that he was competing with El Apasionado Caballero for Romano's affections. Should he mention that? It might help hurry Spain's show of proof that he loved Romano if he thought the Italian was in danger of being swept away by someone else.
Then again, telling him about the agony he was caused over having to pick one or the other of them would let Spain know that Romano was, in fact, not only interested in El Apasionado Caballero, but also in Spain himself. Not that he was particularly interested in either one; really, his level of interest was negligible.
Romano didn't understand why the choice was bothering him so much when he really cared only the tiniest bit, but if he told Spain about it he had no doubt that he would blow things way out of proportion and that would be embarrassing. It was probably best if he didn't mention it.
There was also the matter of Romano having been removed from the El Apasionado Caballero case and Germany, his mortal enemy, having been put in charge instead. That was what had really made today crappy.
But Spain always talked about how cool he thought Romano was when he was doing his job and praised his skill, even though the idiot had never even seen it in action. How disappointed would Spain be in him if he told him that he wasn't as good at his job as Spain thought he was and that he'd been kicked off of the biggest case he'd ever handled?
Romano didn't really care whether he disappointed Spain, but it was mortifying to admit to his own failures, especially one as spectacular as this. Maybe he wouldn't mention that, either.
He hazarded a glance in Spain's direction and found the older man watching him closely, anxiously awaiting Romano's story. Obviously he would be the most disappointed if Romano didn't tell him anything. What if he started crying? The last thing Romano needed on this crappy day was to have to deal with someone else's tears.
"My boss… yelled at me," Romano mumbled. "Because he's an asshole."
Spain waited for Romano to continue but Romano began eating again, avoiding his gaze, and it didn't look as though he was going to say anything else. He had been spotted as El Apasionado Caballero kissing the head detective of his case and Romano had only gotten yelled at? That couldn't be right. Something like that would warrant being fired at the very least, and being put on trial at worst.
Obviously his sweet little tomato detective wasn't telling him the whole story. Even though Spain knew what a prideful person Romano was he couldn't help being hurt by that.
"Are you sure that's all that happened?" Spain asked.
Romano reddened guiltily. He wanted to tell Spain what had happened, he really did. He just couldn't. Spain set down his fork and pulled Romano into a hug, rubbing his back soothingly.
"It's ok Romano, you can be honest with me," Spain breathed. "No matter what happened, no matter what you did, I'll still love you more than anyone else in the world."
There was a note of hurt in Spain's voice as he said this that sent a shock of pain through Romano's heart. It was so acute that he almost wanted to return Spain's embrace. It didn't help that he'd brought out that cursed phrase again. Every time Spain told him that he loved him more than anyone else in the world, it made his chest hurt for reasons he couldn't explain.
"That bastard thief k-kissed me," Romano ground out, "and that damn potato saw, but he didn't… He just kept that a secret…"
"Germany covered up for you?" Spain asked, his eyebrows raising in surprise. "I thought you two didn't get along."
"He only did it because he's dating my brother," Romano muttered. "It has nothing to do with me…"
"I see…"
"…Hey, not that I give a shit or anything, but aren't you gonna get pissed?"
"What, about El Apasionado Caballero kissing you? Why? I mean, it was one-sided on his part, right? Anyway, I'm a thousand times cooler than he is so I'm not worried."
Romano snorted doubtfully, but couldn't help feeling just a little guilty. True, the thief had been the one instigating the kiss and he had done so without any prompting from Romano, but he… he hadn't hated it.
"And I love you way more than he does," Spain added with a grin, as if it was his strongest argument that he'd been saving for last.
"L-like I care about that," Romano stammered, his cheeks going red again. "Anyway, I'm fucking hungry so get your damn hands off of me and let me eat."
Spain couldn't help grinning even as Romano elbowed him in the ribs to break their hug. Even if it would have been nice if Romano had continued to let him hug and kiss him, the return of his usual insults in full force told him that Romano's mood had improved at least a little, and it was all thanks to him. Was he a master of the cheer-up charm or what?
Once the food had been eaten and the dishes cleared away, Romano leaned back in his chair feeling pleasantly full and just a little bit sleepy. Spain smiled as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to the top of Romano's head.
"Tired, Romanito?" he asked sweetly, dodging another one of Romano's half-hearted swats.
"It's siesta time, dumbass. What the… hell do you think?" Romano groused. He didn't sound half as irritated as he'd intended thanks to the yawn that had slipped out in the middle of his sentence.
"A siesta does sound nice, doesn't it?" Spain agreed, his heart warming at the memory of the way Romano's long, pretty eyelashes drifted down gracefully to rest on the tops of his warmth flushed cheeks when he slept. "Come on, we can sleep in my bed."
"Hmph. Like I wanna sleep in your nasty pervert bed," Romano muttered grumpily, though he allowed Spain to lead him to it without serious complaint.
The Italian shed his clothing with practiced speed, fell into the bed and instantly made himself at home in it, hogging the single pillow and blankets in the process. Spain didn't mind, though; he climbed in beside Romano after shedding his own clothing and rested his head on the corner of the pillow that Romano hadn't taken up, intentionally letting their faces come so close that their noses were almost touching.
Romano blushed and scooted over to escape the uncomfortable closeness. Spain stopped him from moving as far away as Romano wanted to by curling his arms around him and pulling him against his chest. He weaseled his way under the blanket that Romano had attempted to keep to himself. Romano blushed scarlet as Spain's bare legs intertwined with his and their naked chests pressed against each other. He was acutely aware that the only articles of clothing separating their more sensitive areas were their boxers.
Don't think about it, Romano commanded himself forcefully. That bastard Spain is trying to put me under his fucking pervert spell again, but it's not gonna work.
Romano drew a deep breath, intending to calm himself. The tantalizing scent of Spain's cologne and the natural, not altogether unpleasant scent of his skin entered Romano's nostrils and sent a little shiver down Romano's spine. Spain's confident hands began trailing up and down Romano's bare back lightly, stroking him in a way that had always soothed Romano when he'd been jolted awake from fever-induced nightmares. The comforting familiarity of that action made Romano start to feel sleepy all over again. His eyelashes tickled Spain's chest lightly as his eyelids drifted closed.
Spain started to hum quietly, smiling to himself at the way Romano had molded himself to his body. Romano tucked his head under Spain's chin and sighed softly against his collarbone. The Spaniard kissed Romano's forehead, then the tip of his nose and finally his sun-bronzed cheek. He let his eyes slip closed as Romano's warmth lured his consciousness away, the sensation of their hearts beating next to each other, almost as one, creating a silent but effective lullaby.
Germany looked down at his watch. It was almost three o'clock, meaning that in a few minutes, he would need to page his back-up squad to his office for briefing. He hadn't seen Romano since he'd stormed past him in tears. Germany hoped he wasn't off drinking himself into a stupor at some dingy little bar, planning his revenge on Germany at this very moment. He'd heard too many stories from Italy about Romano throwing tantrums and peeing on the houses and cars of people who had angered him to think him above doing such a thing.
With a long suffering sigh, he paged his fellow officers. He watched dully as they began to trickle in, already planning his trip to the carwash. Hopefully that was all Romano's revenge would entail.
France sauntered in last, not looking at all ashamed of his tardiness. Germany considered scolding him, but knew it wouldn't do any good. He leveled him instead with a stern look, but instead of giving even a token show of contrition, France winked and blew him a kiss. Feeling slightly ill all of a sudden, Germany decided to just begin the briefing.
"I'm not sure how many of you have heard, but from now on, this case will be falling under new management," Germany began. "Detective Vargas will no longer be in charge of this case; Chief Kirkland has appointed me as his replacement."
There was some murmuring at this announcement, but the only one who appeared to be really stricken by it was, much to Germany's surprise, France. His eyes went wide and his face paled.
"Might I ask why?" France requested, his tone unusually serious.
"The chief felt that Detective Vargas was not producing satisfactory results," Germany replied, studying his fellow officer curiously. "He decided to delegate the case to someone whom he deemed more capable."
France's brow furrowed, his gaze dropping to the floor in thought. Germany was a bit puzzled by this reaction; he hadn't been aware that France and Romano were especially close. To tell the truth, this show of concern surprised him. No, "concern" wasn't the right word. When Germany had announced that Romano would no longer be on the case, France had actually looked frightened.
"If you have any concerns, Officer Bonnefoy, I would be more than happy to address them at this time."
"Hmm?" France glanced back up at him absentmindedly, as though Germany's words had brought him back from somewhere very far away. "No… no concerns."
Germany frowned but got the distinct feeling that France wasn't going to be sharing anytime soon. "In that case, I think it's time that I brief you on the plan of attack for this evening. My approach is going to be quite different from the method's we've used in the past."
Germany got up from his desk and pulled down the projection screen so that he could share the diagrams he had prepared. In the meantime, France wormed his way to the back of the crowd of officers and dug his cellphone out of his pocket. He needed to warn Spain.
The detective was still groggy when he arrived at the museum at four in the afternoon. He rubbed his eyes yet again and half-stifled a yawn as he absentmindedly shucked out the money for the entrance fee. He hadn't been ready to wake up from his siesta with Spain quite yet when the alarm on his cell phone had alerted him that if he didn't get up and leave right then he wouldn't make it to the museum before it closed.
It was only with the greatest reluctance that he'd disentangled himself from Spain's oh-so-warm and comfortable embrace. That damn bastard thief had better appreciate the effort he was going to in order to keep their engagement. Romano yawned again and made his way toward the Egyptian exhibit where the Scepter of Anubis, El Apasionado Caballero's intended target, was being displayed.
The scepter was being kept in a large pyramid shaped structure which had been constructed inside of one of the rooms of the museum. Romano circled the outside, examining it first with his eyes, then reached out and laid a hand on the wall. It felt like it was made of plastic of some sort, but it had a very convincing stone-like texture.
He circled back around to the front. People were flowing in and out of the pyramid at a leisurely pace. Romano began to enter, but paused in the entryway and looked up. There seemed to be a heavy, retractable steel door that could be lowered after hours for enhanced protection of the items inside.
The scepter was kept at the very back of the pyramid, mounted to the wall behind some glass. Romano scanned the area, looking for some prop in his surroundings that could easily be converted into a trap. His eyes fell onto a nearby sarcophagus. What if he made the inside of the pyramid pitch black so that he could hide himself in the darkness, where he would be waiting with handcuffs? Then he'd get one of the other officers to dress up like a mummy and burst out of the sarcophagus to scare the crap out of El Apasionado Caballero. The mummy officer would back the thief into a dark corner where Romano would be waiting with his handcuffs, which he would then snap onto El Apasionado Caballero's wrists, detaining him.
It was brilliant! It was fool proof! It was… no, wait… Romano had been taken off the case, hadn't he? He no longer had free reign over the crime scenes. Romano sighed and hung his head again. All he could do now was hide and hope that a chance to talk to El Apasionado Caballero presented itself.
What would he even say if they met? What did he want to say? He hadn't the slightest inkling. Well, there was still quite a bit of time before the thief showed up in which Romano would be doing very little. Hopefully he could figure it out during that time. Romano wandered away wearily to look for a place to conceal himself.
Spain roused himself lazily from his siesta at a quarter to eight. He sniffled through his still-stuffy nose and rubbed his eyes sleepily before glancing at his clock. Shit! Romano was going to be late! He was going to be late!
"Romano! Romano, wake up! You're going to be…"
Spain stopped when he realized that Romano was gone and his side of the bed was cold. It seemed that Romano was more on top of things than he was. Well, there was no time to waste. He had a fifteen minute drive to the museum and he still needed to shower, brush his teeth, do his hair and shine his boots. Spain jerked his thief costume out of the hidden compartment in his closet before jumping into the shower. Tonight was the night he would reveal his identity to Romano and he wanted to look his best.
Romano glanced down at his watch for what felt like the hundredth time in five minutes, and after seeing that it read the same time that it had the last time he'd looked at it, checked it again to make sure it was still ticking. Why was time moving so slowly?
The detective had long given up on trying to plan the speech he would give El Apasionado Caballero when they finally met. Every time he thought he'd come to some sort of decision about his feelings, he'd change his mind and have to start reforming his speech in his head all over again.
All Romano really wanted was to get out of this sarcophagus. It was cramped and musty and humid inside. He was afraid to even open it a crack to let in some fresh air because he could hear two officers stationed outside.
Hurry up, you bastard. I'm waiting, dammit.
El Apasionado Caballero had always considered his costume to be a point of pride, but right now he was ready to rip it off and throw it as hard as he could. Had these clothes always been so hot and confining? Well, in all fairness to his costume, perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he was crawling inside a ventilation shaft.
El Apasionado Caballero stopped for another break, and pulled his shirt up over his face to muffle the ensuing coughing. God, what wouldn't he give for a drink of water. He shifted his legs, trying to find a more comfortable position, but it was such a confined space that there wasn't much room in which to maneuver.
As he squirmed, the cell phone slipped from his pocket. El Apasionado Caballero picked it up, intending to put it back where it had come from, when he noticed that the little green light, the one that indicated that he had a text message or had missed a call, was flashing. He hadn't felt it vibrating in his pocket… Curiously, he roused the phone from the power-saver mode.
He had fifteen new text messages and eight missed calls. What on earth? The most recent one was from half an hour ago. El Apasionado Caballero had been in such a rush to get ready that evening that he hadn't noticed the messages until now. They all appeared to be from France.
Spain? U there?
Helloooo? Respond. This is important.
Dammit Spain! Where r u?
Answer ur damn phone!
It's about ur plans 4 2night and it's important!
Not a joke. Answer ur phone ASAP.
Where the hell r u? u know I can't text u about this.
R u blowing off ur plans? Don't tell me ur phone is dead.
Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnn answer ur phone!
There's no way ur not getting these messages.
U better not be ignoring me on purpose. I'm trying to save ur ungrateful butt right now.
It's about the tomato.
Seriously? U won't even answer 4 that?
Ok, I'm guessing u lost ur phone or ur charger in which case ur screwed but I'll tell u anyway just in case.
Change of plans. No tomato 2night. We're having wurst instead. Be careful.
El Apasionado Caballero lowered his phone. "No tomato tonight. We're having wurst instead… No tomato… Wurst…"
He mumbled the message to himself under his breath, trying to figure out what France might mean. Obviously it was some sort of code; if one of them happened to lose their phone and the wrong person picked it up and happened to look through the text messages there would be serious trouble if they found references to tonight's heist amongst them.
"No tomato"… That was probably a reference to Romano. "No Romano tonight. We're having wurst instead." What could wurst refer to? Sausages… meat…pork…German… Germany! "No Romano tonight. We're having Germany instead."
El Apasionado Caballero's mind whirred. Why would Germany be appearing tonight without Romano? He began to continue towards the vent slowly, churning it over in his head. Romano had seemed pretty upset today… and he had said that his boss had yelled at him… and that Germany had seen him, El Apasionado Caballero, kissing Romano.
But Germany was supposed to be covering for Romano and keeping that tidbit a secret. Why would Germany have taken Romano's place on the case if he'd kept that a secret? Then again, why wouldn't Romano have been fired and put on trial if Germany had ratted him out?
El Apasionado Caballero had never met Germany in person, at least not beyond the minimal contact they had when El Apasionado Caballero stole something. What little he knew of the man came from bits and pieces that he'd been told by France and Italy and Romano, but even from just that, El Apasionado Caballero knew that Germany was a far more intimidating foe than the detective had ever been.
If Romano really wasn't on the scene, then there was no need for him to go through with this caper. He had never been in this for the treasure, after all. But Romano had told him that he was planning to meet El Apasionado Caballero tonight, and that he was waiting for proof of his love. Maybe he had snuck onto the scene to see him.
Finally El Apasionado Caballero reached the vent that led into the room containing the pyramid display. He peered through the grate at the room below. The place was swarming with police officers. Apparently Germany didn't subscribe to Romano's theory of staying out of sight until the very last second.
There were five officers surrounding the doorway of the pyramid, another ten stationed in the entryway to the room containing the pyramid, two in front of each window, and a few circling the outside of the pyramid. El Apasionado Caballero wouldn't be surprised if there were some inside the pyramid as well. Germany was certainly taking no chances.
Thankfully, El Apasionado Caballero's intended point of entry was left free and clear. He had snuck into the museum last night to make preparations; as this would be the last time he appeared as El Apasionado Caballero, he had made sure that this would be his most coordinated and impressive caper yet.
El Apasionado Caballero reached into his boot and pulled out a small, custom-made remote control. The first thing he needed to do was to make sure that no more officers than were already inside the pyramid could enter after they were aware of his presence. He needed to seal it off. El Apasionado Caballero pushed the green button on his remote.
The officers guarding the doorway to the pyramid barely had time to react before the steel overhead door shot down and hit the floor with a resounding clang, closing off the pyramid so that no one could enter or exit. Every one of the officers nearly jumped out of their skins, startled by the sudden noise.
"He's here!" a man's voice shouted. "Everyone on your guard!"
Even from where he was, inside a vent near the ceiling of a room with a clearance of probably thirty feet or so, El Apasionado Caballero could see all the officers tense and square their shoulders, preparing for action.
El Apasionado Caballero kicked the vent with every ounce of strength he possessed and sent the flimsy piece of metal flying. He was too busy launching himself out of the ventilation shaft to wince when the vent cover nailed the Finnish officer on the head. El Apasionado Caballero was falling as he shot his grappling hook which latched onto the window sill across the room. The officers swarmed beneath him as he swung through the air toward the pyramid.
"There he is! Fire!"
El Apasionado Caballero gasped and swung his hips desperately to get out of the way of several somethings that whizzed sinisterly past his ear and sides. If he hadn't been so preoccupied with landing on top of the pyramid and disconnecting his grappling hook, he could have observed the projectiles sticking to the opposite wall and discharging a bolt of blue electricity.
El Apasionado Caballero secured himself on the rough slopes of the top of the pyramid by clamping his knees around the walls and lifted off the pyramid's point to reveal an entryway that he had made for himself the night before. There was a lot of confused and shocked shouting from the officers at this. El Apasionado Caballero had to lean back so far to miss another barrage of sticky, electrified bullets that he almost toppled off backwards.
He ripped off his gloves with his teeth, revealing the suction cups he had strapped to his hands, hooked the pyramid point on his foot and crawled into the opening head first, sealing it as he entered. El Apasionado Caballero could hear the officers outside shouting and trying to scramble up the sides of the pyramid while others dashed around looking for a ladder they could use to follow him through that opening or a crowbar they could use to pry open the steel door.
The thief was more concerned at the moment with the three officers stationed on the inside of the pyramid. They had been momentarily stunned by his sudden appearance, but they were recovering quickly. The Dutch and Swiss officers scowled fiercely at him, aimed their guns and fired straight at El Apasionado Caballero's face. The Hungarian officer appeared to be aiming for his back.
El Apasionado Caballero had no time to waste; he kicked off from the ceiling hard, prying the suction cups on his hands away from the surface and dropped to the floor in order to miss the electrified projectiles. He spring-boarded gracefully from the Dutch officer's face, sending him tumbling backwards into the glass display behind him, and landed on the Swiss officer's shoulders.
The Hungarian officer was taking aim with her gun again so El Apasionado Caballero launched himself off of the Swiss officer, did a front flip in the air and landed lightly on his feet on the floor. The Swiss officer's landing was far less graceful; he smacked his head hard against the wall and slid, unconscious, onto the floor, sprawled out on top of the equally unconscious Dutch officer.
That left El Apasionado Caballero with only the Hungarian officer to worry about. He was far less inclined to be so rough with such a pretty lady, even if she was currently shooting at his chest. The thief bent over backwards to miss the bullet, breaking his fall with a backward roll.
Unfortunately, she had predicted with terrifying accuracy where he would stop rolling; she shot at him and caught him right in the stomach. El Apasionado Caballero's muscles clenched involuntarily as electricity raced through his body. He shouted in pain and alarm as he dropped to his knees against his will, and fell forward, flat on his face.
The Hungarian officer swooped silently down on him, producing a pair of handcuffs from her pocket as El Apasionado Caballero's muscles continued to jerk uncontrollably. El Apasionado Caballero was hardly aware of his twitching leg whacking against something large and heavy in the midst of his haze of pain, but suddenly there was a gasp, a crash, and a grunt that sounded like a woman having the wind knocked out of her.
By the time the muscle spasms had stopped, El Apasionado Caballero was sweating and breathing rather hard, his eyes staring blankly at the inside of the point of the pyramid. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that if he didn't get up and secure the top of the pyramid, the officers were eventually going to find a ladder and storm in on him. He'd been saved from arrest just now by sheer dumb luck, but he couldn't count on something so miraculous to happen twice in a row.
But he wasn't sure if he could support his own weight right now. He felt shaky and a bit queasy, and the area under his ribs where the Hungarian officer's electrified bullet had hit him burned like she had put a match to his skin. This couldn't be the end of him; he couldn't let himself get arrested before he proved his love to Romano.
El Apasionado Caballero groaned miserably, preparing to force himself to his feet. That's when a very welcome and unexpected face appeared above him.
"What the hell are you doing on the floor, lazy ass?" Romano demanded. "Get up."
"R-Romano?" El Apasionado Caballero panted. "What are you…?"
"The correct response would be 'thank you', you ungrateful shit," Romano sniffed. "You would've been toast just now if I hadn't just saved your ass."
El Apasionado Caballero glanced over at the heavy object that had incapacitated the Hungarian officer. It appeared to be the lid of a mummy's sarcophagus. The thief was still a bit dazed from his unfavorable meeting with the stun gun and failed to piece together how that particular item could be connected to Romano. He opted to ignore it in favor of more pressing matters.
"But I thought you weren't going to be here…"
Romano stared at him for a moment. He might have been wearing a look of surprise, but it was too dark to tell. "How the hell did you…?"
"I've got connections inside the police department… I was told at the last second that you wouldn't be here and that Germany would be taking your place, but…"
El Apasionado Caballero saw Romano's fists clench as he looked off to the side, avoiding the thief's gaze. A strange silence settled between them for a beat before Romano dug the toe of his shoe painfully into El Apasionado Caballero's ribs.
"Anyway, get up. I dunno how long we're gonna be able to stay here before those dumb bastards out there finally manage to get in," Romano mumbled. "The last thing I need is to be seen with you again."
"I just have to get up there and screw the top shut and then we'll have plenty of time together," El Apasionado Caballero said. "There's something I have to tell you."
Romano's heart sped up. Could this be it? The big unveiling? He took a deep breath and released it slowly. He couldn't let on how much he was looking forward to this. Not that he particularly was; he was just a little curious, that was all.
"Well what the fuck are you waiting for, then?" Romano huffed.
El Apasionado Caballero extended a hand to him, a silent request for assistance. Romano rolled his eyes, his cheeks warming a bit as he took the thief's gloved hand and pulled him to his feet. El Apasionado Caballero hesitated a moment, getting his balance, before starting to roll up his pant legs. Romano's brow crinkled in bewilderment. What on earth was he…?
That's when El Apasionado Caballero revealed the suction cups strapped to his knees. With the pant legs out of the way, El Apasionado Caballero crawled up the wall like a spider, heading toward the pointed ceiling. Romano watched silently as the thief nailed his entrance shut with an electric screwdriver. Even he had to admit that it was kind of cool to watch El Apasionado Caballero do his thing when he didn't have to worry about catching him.
With the entrance sealed closed, El Apasionado Caballero dropped to the floor again, landing a bit less gracefully than usual on his feet. Without thinking, Romano offered his arm to steady him. "Thanks, my sweet little tomato," El Apasionado Caballero muttered. The detective blushed as it occurred to him what he'd just done. He pushed El Apasionado Caballero away, but did so far less forcefully than he'd intended.
"So?" Romano demanded sharply.
El Apasionado Caballero looked down at him in surprise. Romano's face reddened even further and he averted his gaze, cursing himself mentally. Hadn't he just decided to play it cool? He cleared his throat and examined his fingernails in the best show of indifference that he could pull off at this point. Too bad it was too dark for it to look at all convincing.
"You said you wanted to tell me something," he said. "Not that I give a shit or anything, but since I'm trapped with you anyway we might as well get it over with."
El Apasionado Caballero couldn't help smiling. It was adorable how eager Romano was to hear what he had to say, even if he was trying to hide it. He took Romano's hand's gently in his, causing the detective to go scarlet and fidget nervously. Romano's heart was pounding so hard that he was afraid that El Apasionado Caballero could hear it from where he was standing.
"Romano," El Apasionado Caballero began quietly, "a couple weeks ago, I promised that I would prove my love to you. I couldn't do it then because there were a few things I had to take care of, a few things I had to check before I could risk revealing my identity to you. I've taken care of those things, and I think now is the time."
The thief heard Romano's breath hitch softly in anticipation and rubbed the back of his hands softly with his thumbs in an effort to sooth him.
"I spent a long time thinking about what I would say when I unmasked myself," he continued. "I finally decided that I would explain by telling you a story."
Romano looked up at him suddenly, and El Apasionado Caballero could see his puzzled frown even in the poor lighting of the pyramid. "Are you shitting me? A story?"
"I promise, Romanito, everything will make more sense after you've heard my story."
Romano sighed impatiently and plunked down on the floor, folding his arms in an expectant manner. El Apasionado Caballero sat down across from him unhurriedly, collecting his thoughts briefly, unperturbed by the sound of police officers scrambling around outside their enclave and trying to get in.
"Once upon a time," ("Oh give me a fucking break," Romano interrupted in protest to the childish opening, causing El Apasionado Caballero to grin) "there was a stage performer. We'll call him Antonio.
"Antonio was walking to work one morning, just like he always did. While he was waiting at the crosswalk, he made a careless mistake that almost cost him his life. Luckily, another man, we'll call him Lovino, saw the accident that was about to happen and jumped to Antonio's rescue, putting himself in mortal peril instead and saving Antonio's life."
Despite Romano's initial misgivings about the idea of story time with a thief, he was now listening intently. This was shaping up to be far too much like the story of him and Spain to be a coincidence. The question was how El Apasionado Caballero knew about it. He swallowed thickly and continued to listen.
"At first, Antonio planned to thank Lovino for what he had done for him, maybe take him out for a very nice dinner or grant a favor of Lovino's choosing in order to show his gratitude… but then Antonio got to know Lovino.
"He found that even though Lovino was very shy and grumpy, he was still very charming and sweet in his own way. Antonio fell in love with Lovino, more deeply than he had ever loved anyone in his entire life."
Romano was gaping openly now. There was no mistaking it; this was definitely his and Spain's story. He was in too much shock to even ask El Apasionado Caballero what the hell he thought he was playing at, spying on him and Spain that way. The only thing he could do was to wait for the story's conclusion.
"Then one day, something happened between them. Antonio made a big mistake and ended up hurting Lovino's feelings very badly. It was a complete accident, and for months Antonio didn't even know what he had done to make Lovino so angry. The only thing he knew was that he had royally screwed up and now Lovino didn't want anything to do with him. He tried calling and sending apology letters and gifts, but Lovino had been hurt so badly that he didn't want anything to do with Antonio.
"Antonio was lost. He'd tried everything he could think of to show Lovino that he hadn't meant to hurt him, but nothing helped. Antonio thought he had lost the love of his life and it was driving him crazy… He could hardly eat or sleep or do much of anything. It felt as though a part of him was missing…A…Antonio had never felt so miserable and lonely in his entire life…"
El Apasionado Caballero lapsed into silence, and Romano saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed thickly. Romano blinked furiously at a painful sensation built in his chest. He was hesitant to put a name to the feeling, but it was so acute that it was making his throat feel tight as well. The detective waited for El Apasionado Caballero to continue, but the thief seemed to be lost in thought.
"What…" Romano cleared his throat and tried again, hoping to sound less hoarse this time. "What did he do, then, this… this Antonio guy?"
"Well, Antonio was a desperate man so he decided to take drastic measures. Lovino was a police detective, you see, so he wondered if there was some way that he could get Lovino to see him through his job. He considered pretending that he had been robbed and reporting it to the police, hoping that they would assign Lovino to the job.
"But the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like a long shot. What if Lovino heard that it was Antonio's house that he was being sent to and refused to go? Even if Antonio got lucky and he was able to see Lovino, how many meetings would something like that even get him? How many times would the police go to investigate repeated burglary reports of small-time items before they figured out that something fishy was going on? Antonio decided he would need to try something even crazier than that.
"Then it came to him. The best way to get the attention of a detective…" A small smile tugged at the corners of El Apasionado Caballero's lips. He took Romano's hands again and guided them up on either side of his mask. Romano looked deeply into those sparkling green eyes, utterly speechless. Logic told him that there could be only one person behind that mask, but he simply couldn't believe it. It was just too crazy, even for that idiot.
Hands shaking, he slowly removed the thief's mask. His eyes grew so round and wide that they began to hurt, but he couldn't process the amount of insanity that was now staring him right in the face.
"…is to become a thief," Spain finished.
Romano just stared. All this time it had been Spain. There was no need to decide between Spain and El Apasionado Caballero. They… they were the same person. All this time, he had been chasing Spain and he'd never even suspected. All the signs had been there from the beginning: the way that they were the same height and build, their voices the same, his sinful skill with a flamenco guitar, the same pet names, the same turns of phrase, the same kindness, and passion, and unfailing acceptance… and yet Romano had failed to see through him. How could he have been so clueless?
"Romano…?" Spain said tentatively, a nervous glint in his eyes. He looked so vulnerable in that moment that Romano almost felt sorry for him. "You're… not angry, are y—"
The rest of Spain's sentence was cut off suddenly when Romano grabbed him by the lapels and jerked him forward, kissing him forcefully. Spain was stock-still for a moment, frozen in shock, before his arms came up to wind around Romano's body. Romano allowed Spain's tongue to trace lightly along his bottom lip before entering his mouth.
Romano's mind was in the midst of an overwhelming tornado of emotions: relief, surprise, joy, passion, disbelief, hope… he poured them all into that kiss, climbing into Spain's lap and pushing the other man onto his back. He wasn't even aware of the tears rolling down his cheeks until Spain broke the kiss slowly to wipe them away. Romano sniffled and rubbed his eyes, his cheeks burning.
"It's about time, you stupid bastard," the detective sobbed, punching Spain weakly in the shoulder. "I thought you were just going to leave me hanging again, you asshole."
"I'd never do that to you, Romano," Spain assured him gently. "I love you more than anyone else in the world!"
Spain caught Romano's tear-salted lips in his again as his fingers slipped into the Italian's hair. Romano gasped in surprise when Spain's fingertips found the base of a certain curl, but the gasp quickly became a moan. The detective ground his hips desperately into Spain's as his curl was tugged. Spain met the friction eagerly, rolling his hips. Romano hummed with pleasure again; he could feel Spain's cock starting to grow just a bit hard as it rubbed against his through their clothing.
"R-Romano…" Spain panted. He moaned throatily as Romano rutted into him again. "Romano, I really think…mmm… maybe this isn't the best place to do this. We… we don't know when those three officers will wake up… or when the guys outside will break through."
Romano groaned, knowing that Spain was absolutely right, and that if he was caught on the premises he would be out of a job.
"Well, what the hell do we do, then?" Romano demanded, his cheeks still hot. "You better have one hell of an escape plan. And… and you better be able to get me outta here too. Thanks to a certain careless asshole, that potato bastard saw you k-kissing me and I… might've kinda gotten kicked off your case."
"Wait, what?" Spain asked, his eyes wide with horror. "You got kicked off of my case? But I thought you said Germany was covering for you!"
"He didn't tell what he saw, but the fucker still pointed out to my boss that I wasn't getting the job done and got him to put him in charge instead," Romano explained irritably. "So you better freaking appreciate how much I'm putting my ass on the line to meet you right now."
Spain smiled and stole another kiss. "I do appreciate it. More than words can say."
"S-so how do we get out of here?" Romano asked. To tell the truth, all these kisses were making him feel blissfully lightheaded and he wasn't sure if he would be able to produce one of his usual brilliant schemes at the moment.
Spain's eyes grew distant as he wracked his brain for an escape plan. Romano waited, nudging the Dutch officer nervously with his toe to make sure he was still unconscious. Then, at long last, Spain snapped his fingers.
"I've got it!" he sang.
Romano raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, awaiting his explanation. Spain said nothing; instead, he dug out a length of rope from somewhere behind his cloak and stretched it out for Romano's inspection. The detective took it in his hands absentmindedly and looked up into Spain's eyes, nonplussed.
"What's this for?" Romano asked.
"Well, I need to get you out of here without letting you be seen, right? I was thinking I could tie you onto my back under my cloak and just escape the way I had originally planned," Spain explained brightly.
Romano stared. "The hell kind of plan is that? I'm too heavy for you to carry on the kind of getaways you usually make, you moron. And anyway, what if I fall off?"
"That's what the rope is for," Spain said unconcernedly. "Besides, I carried you off on one of my getaways before, remember?"
He kissed Romano's cheek cheerfully as it reddened with the memory of the cupid statue incident.
"Now, why don't we make ourselves scarce?" Spain suggested in his most sensuous voice, speaking softly into Romano's ear. "My little tomato was doing something very interesting with his hips earlier that I can't wait to try again."
Mumbling under his breath about indecent perverts, Romano climbed reluctantly onto Spain's back underneath his cloak. The detective held the garment up and out of the way as Spain wound the rope tightly around both of them, securing them together. It was like being in a makeshift version of the sort of open backpacks that parents use to carry their babies.
"Wrap your legs nice and tight around my waist, Romanito," Spain instructed, sounding as though he was enjoying this far too much.
A shiver ran down Romano's spine as his partial erection pressed firmly against Spain's lower back. Any jostling would certainly… no, this was no time to think about that now, not when they had an escape attempt to make.
"Are you ready, Romano?" Spain asked.
"As ready as I'll ever be," Romano grumbled. "Just get it over with already."
With that, Spain placed his suction-cup hands on the wall again and hoisted them up. Spain's legs dangled for a moment before he was able to swing his lower body hard enough at the wall for the suction cups around his knees to catch. He grunted with pain as he aggravated his sore ribs with the movement.
Romano clung to him tightly, his heart pounding in anticipation of what lie ahead. If he fell… if he was caught… if they were caught, well… Romano didn't want to think about it.
But Spain had done this many times, right? And if Romano was honest with himself, he'd never really come close to catching Spain; he'd always been able to slip away quite easily when it suited him. Spain was master of escape. He had this covered. Though it was counterintuitive, Romano had no choice but to put his trust in Spain.
Suddenly, Spain was maneuvering them upside-down. Romano gasped in surprise and clutched Spain even tighter. He was trying valiantly to ignore the fact that his half-hard erection had found the cleft in Spain's bottom and was now rubbing against it. Face burning as red as a cherry, Romano forced himself to think of the least sexy thing he could imagine: potatoes. iNasty, squishy, mud-covered potatoes…i
"Here we go," Spain muttered.
Romano couldn't see from where he was at the moment, but Spain had his remote control out again. He took a deep, steadying breath and pushed the button. There was a slight whirring and metallic grinding noise and the steel door that separated the pyramid from the rest of the museum slid upwards into the wall of the pyramid once more.
The officers spilled in at once, flooding the pyramid so hastily that they almost trampled their three unconscious fellows who lie on the ground. There was a murmur of confusion from those at the front of the pack that quickly spread to the officers who hadn't managed to get in immediately.
"Officer Germany, sir!" the Finnish officer shouted (a nasty looking bruise had blossomed on his forehead where the vent grate had hit him earlier). "The scepter wasn't stolen! It's still right here where it's always been!"
"It's still there?" Germany asked, sounding rather bewildered. "But why on earth would he spend so long in there only to leave the treasure he came to steal…? Be on your guard, everyone! The thief must still be here somewhere!"
Germany was half right; Spain was still in the building, but he had crawled out of the pyramid right over the officers' heads like an oversized gecko. Once he had slipped out, Spain turned his attention to his remote control once more.
"Thank you very much for your cooperation, everyone!" he shouted in a jaunty, winning voice. "I have taken my target item and now I'm afraid I must say goodbye!"
With that, he jabbed the button once more. The large steel door slammed shut, trapping a large number of the officers inside the pyramid. Those who had lingered outside took aim with their stun guns.
Romano couldn't see much from under Spain's cloak, but even he could hear the sinister whoosh of the electrified bullets as they whizzed past them. He whimpered and tried to make himself as flat against Spain's back as possible. It didn't help that Spain was swinging through the air at breakneck speeds. Romano didn't know when he'd felt more unsafe in all his life.
Suddenly there was a great crash like a window being shattered and Romano felt a sharp pain in his arm. The detective gasped in pain, but didn't dare check his wound. They were free-falling now; he could feel it. Then they caught on something and were swinging through the air again. Romano was vaguely aware that the shouts of their pursuers were growing gradually more distant.
"Sorry, Romano!" Spain panted as Romano's warm blood seeped out from his cut in sticky, slow moving droplets. "Are you hurt badly?"
"You crashed us through a fucking window, you dipshit," Romano croaked, trying not to let himself cry. "What the hell do you think?"
"I know; I'm so sorry… I promise I'll make it up to you when we get home," Spain assured him. He wanted to wink at Romano, to give him a nonverbal hint as to what kind of repayment he could expect, but he decided that it may not be the best time for it now when he was trying not to let them run into a tree.
"Hmph, you'd better have something pretty damn amazing in mind," Romano groused, his cheeks reddening again at the thought of what he hoped it would be.
"Oh, don't worry," Spain said brightly, rotating his hips in a manner that should have been illegal so that Romano once again became highly aware of the friction between them. "I've got something in mind that's sure to have my little tomato screaming for more."
Romano was disinclined to believe most of the things that Spain told him, but there was something in the thief's voice that told him that this particular promise was one he could count on him to uphold. Though Romano would fiercely deny it later, he did not cuss Spain out for the perverted implications of his promise; instead he blushed, rested his lips lightly against the side of Spain's neck, and mumbled "looking forward to it."
The End