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Owner's Guide and Manual: Undertaker

OH MY GOD I'm SO happy you purchased an UNDERTAKER unit, because that means I DON'T have to take care of YOUR funeral when your Grell, Sebastian, or Alois unit becomes homicidal. To properly keep your happy Undertaker in top form, please read this manual or be dissected in the middle of the night by your unit.

Your cheerful mortician comes with the following:

1) A long black robe, slightly tattered at the end

2) Black nail polish (ooh la la)

3) Hair products ( I believe he prefers Garnier's Mortis Fructis Shampoo and Conditioner...ah, the sweet smell of decay!)

4) A nail file

5) One incredibly long top hat

6) A set of very shiny and menacing dissection tools (Note: If you lose these, please see me for replacing them: I will obtain my school's entire biology equipment set for you...in fact, I'm BEGGING you to take them away so I don't have to do ANY labs for the entire second semester.)

We are not responsible for coffins and dead people mysteriously appearing inside your bathtub, or your closet, or your safe where you hide all your yaoi goodies. Also, if you wake up feeling a bit odd and you have a scar with several stitches on your body, I highly suggest you call an ambulance and go to the emergency room. You might just be missing part of your intestines and a kidney.

To remove your Undertaker unit:

1) Get a Sebastian unit to holler something that Undertaker might find funny (ex. Tom's grandma is a man) or do it yourself. Your Undertaker unit will burst out laughing and destroy the box.

2) Open the box and activate him by tickling him. He is EXTREMELY ticklish and will instantly activate.

3) Say that Grell is outside and wants to have "FUN". (Sure...fun...nice excuse Grell...you two are totally going off to the playground...psh.)

Your Undertaker comes in several modes:

1) Normal: He will walk around munching on doggy biscuits and happily dissecting everything he sees. Including you. Which is why you should really invest in either a Hazmat suit or a medieval knight's chain armor.

2) Happy: In this mode, anything is possible: He will sing, dance on the table to Caramelldansen, and glomp everyone in sight while creepily laughing and saying "I really want to see inside of you." Yeah...this is one disturbing unit.

3) Hyper Uber Crazy Yaoi mode: Ever heard the term, "Doing it like rabbits"? This is CRYSTAL CLEAR; he will do everything in sight. To save yourself, get a Grell and throw them into a room with a bunch of "toys".

Undertaker can perform a wide variety of jobs:

1) Blackmail (Anime Version only): He's a powerful shinigami in the anime, with access to the Life Record Library. Awesome, no? And with the help of a pink pen he can write embarrassing moments into your enemy's life. For eternity. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

2) Historian: Hey, he did live in the Victorian era. Show off in class when you get to the English chapter.

3) Biology/Forensic Science tutor: Kinda scary that my school actually offers Forensic Science as a course: but no fear! Don't want to fail your dissection lab? Got a 60 on your last biochemistry test? The famous mortician will help you pwn.

4) Boyfriend: Now WHY in the world would you want to marry a man that might mistake you for a corpse in the middle of the night and possibly dissect you? You fangirls are mental.

Food:

Undertaker eats anything, but he adores doggy biscuits. Yes, doggy biscuits.

Cleaning: He can clean himself, but since he's actually quite lenient he won't mind if you join him. Or Grell, or Sebast- is hit in the face-

Questions and Answers:

Q: Instead of receiving a silver haired mortician, I got a blonde who keeps throwing knives at me and asking where the hell his "frog" is.

A: Oops...I think we sent you a Belphegor: Katekyo Hitman Reborn model instead. You can keep him, but sooner or later we'll hear in the news that another fangirl has been brutally slaughtered.

Q: He's in Hyper Uber Crazy Yaoi mode.

A: Uh yeah...you might want to get your tranquilizer darts ready. Or place him in your ex-boyfriend's house.

Q: I think I lost a kidney.

A: I think you lost your memory: "We are not responsible for any physical damage." Call the ambulance and pray for an organ donor that matches your blood type.