Why yes, I am alive. Thank you for asking.

This is a really short chapter compared to the last one, but I've stopped at a really natural place and if I tried to make it longer it would take me another 6 months to get out (probably). I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to write this. Life happens, time for fic writing is cut short, and it is very tragic indeed. But lately I've had a burst of inspiration for this fic, and I've had a lot of really nice reviews/PMs asking for updates, so I should hopefully get the next chapter out soonish.

Also, this fic seems to have devolved into madness. Sorry about that.

"Allen!" Lavi shouted, bounding through his boyfriend's front door in a panic. He swept into the living room and looked around wildly. "Where are ya, neighbor?"

Allen shifted slightly from his spot on the couch, turning to face Lavi and opening a bleary eye. "What do you want?" he said crossly. "I'm trying to sleep here."

"I can't find my wallet!" Lavi wailed. "I was going to order a pizza—"

"What? Pizza?" Allen said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Just go to sleep already, Lavi. Aren't you tired? We were up practically all night!"

"But I'm hungry," Lavi said pitifully. "And we're out of food again."

This wasn't technically true, of course. There was plenty of food in their kitchen; in fact, the refrigerator was so stuffed that things tumbled out of it every time Lavi opened the door. But this did not mean that the food in the fridge was anything he was particularly interested in eating. Lenalee returned from winter break proclaiming that she was vegan now, ranting about cholesterol and dairy products and the unethical treatment of chickens. When Lavi voiced his disbelief, she shoved some book on animal cruelty in his face and told him he needed to be more socially aware. At this point he decided to give up, because no one wins arguments with Lenalee.

So now his fridge was full of tofu and soy milk and arugula and other stuff he'd never even heard of and certainly didn't want to eat. He was beginning to fear that he'd starve to death, really.

The white-haired boy sighed. "So, what? Are you accusing me of stealing your wallet?"

"Of course not, dude!" Lavi said, pouting.

"Then you want me to give you some of my money?"

"Again—no. Just let me freaking tell you and stop trying to guess already!"

Now it was Allen's turn to pout. "Fine."

"So, I think it must have fallen out of my pocket while we were in your car during the scavenger hunt. Can I have your keys to unlock it so I can go check?" Lavi smiled hopefully.

"Oh, sure," Allen said, his own lips twitching into a smile. "I think they're still in my pocket. Hold on a second." He stood up and began digging in his pants pockets with a look of concentration on his face. Then he frowned and pulled out a pink, folded-up piece of paper. "What's this?" he wondered, staring at it in confusion.

"Um," Lavi said, raising an eyebrow.

Allen unfolded it and his eyes lit up in recognition as he read it. "Oh, it's one of the mysterious flyers from last night!"

"Oh yeah!" Lavi said, striding over to read it over Allen's shoulder.

"I really do wonder what it's for, you know?" Allen said, tapping his chin with his free hand.

"Well then, let's go!" Lavi said, snatching the flyer out of his hands and leading the way to the front door.

"Wait, what?" Allen said, trailing after him. "You can't be serious."

"I am rarely serious," Lavi said. "But I do mean it—we should totally go check this out. It's like a mystery or something! These mysterious letters are obviously code for something. We should do some sleuthing and figure it out! Now onward, Watson!"

"Why do I have to be Watson?" Allen asked, disgruntled. He picked up his jacket from where he'd tossed it onto the floor when he got home from the scavenger hunt and pulled it on irritably. "I want to be Holmes."

"Because, I'm clearly the hero of this story," Lavi said, leading the way out the front door and onto the sidewalk.

"No you are not!" Allen said, scampering after him.

"Dude, I so am," Lavi said, grinning. "And as the hero, I automatically get to be Holmes. It's a rule. They wrote it down somewhere, I think."

"You are so full of it," Allen said, shaking his head and abandoning the argument.

Lavi took this to be a concession of defeat and did a little victory dance as they made their way down the sidewalk. Allen eyed him warily and edged away.

"What's that look for?" Lavi demanded, pausing mid-twirl. "And where do you think you're going?"

"Away," Allen said, walking quickly and glancing suspiciously at Lavi over his shoulder. "I'm afraid I can't be seen with you if you insist on doing that."

"Oh, babe!" Lavi said, holding a hand over his heart in mock offense. "How can you be so cruel?"

"Sometimes the truth hurts," Allen said, shrugging his shoulders in a gesture of helplessness.

Clearly, Lavi decided, this dismissive attitude toward his coolness could not be abided.

So he tackled Allen into a snow bank.

"Look, we're too late!" Allen said, pointing at the closed door of room 123 in the student union. Then he pointed at the clock, which read 8:07. "Whatever this mystery thing is started seven minutes ago! These are the effects of your constant goofing around, I'll have you know."

"Don't worry about it," Lavi said, sauntering toward an unmarked door at the end of the hallway. "You liked our little snow-wrestling match—which you did not win, by the way, because everyone knows that hair-pulling is cheating—just as much as I did. You really should learn to admit things like this. Plus, you need to stop freaking out, because I know a secret entrance."

"Of course you do," Allen said, shaking his head fondly as he followed.

Lavi smirked and pushed the door open as silently as he could. "Room 123 is an overflow auditorium," he whispered, creeping inside and beckoning Allen forward. "It's for smaller events that don't need the huge auditorium on the third floor. It has a fewer number of seats, but it still has a stage and lights and a projector and stuff. There's a catwalk along the left-hand side of the room that janitors use for maintenance which stays pretty much shrouded in darkness even when the overhead lights are on. We can sit up there and ninja-spy on whatever these people are doing. They won't even know we're here."

Lavi began to climb the ladder that led to the aforementioned catwalk and heard Allen hum thoughtfully below him, followed shortly by a slight vibration of the rungs that indicated the white-haired boy was following him. When he reached the top, Lavi crawled slowly along the walkway and finally sat cross-legged next to a large spotlight that wasn't currently being used. A moment later, Allen settled to his right and looked inquisitively toward the stage. Luckily, the program (or whatever it was that the cryptic flyers advertised) hadn't started yet.

Though the lights were low, Lavi immediately noticed that the room was filled with girls. He thought this was a bit strange and began to entertain thoughts that this was some sort of secret society open only to women. The more he thought about it, the more sense it made. The cryptic symbols and acronyms on the flyers would only be understandable to the potential initiates, and they'd have to undergo hazing and participate in ancient rituals and probably sacrifice some sort of animal to some obscure deity. Lavi became so convinced of this idea that he began to relay it to Allen, detailing the tasks he was sure the girls would have to complete.

"And then they'd have to undergo some test of courage of whatever, and then they'd accidentally kill someone and then try to cover it up. I mean, this always happens. And then—"

"Or they're probably just members of one of the sororities on campus," Allen interrupted, not even looking at Lavi as he squinted through the darkness at one girl in particular. "Probably doing some sort of fund-raising meeting or something."

"Dude!" Lavi cried. "You totally wrecked by theory!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Allen said, reaching over and patting Lavi's arm distractedly.

"You ruin everything," Lavi grumbled, crossing his arms.

This of course was a preposterous thing to say, because Allen could only ever make things better, as far as Lavi was concerned.

"I try," Allen said, glancing at him briefly. Then he returned his attention to the sea of female faces, frowning in concentration. "Is that—?" he began, but was cut off by a blast of ridiculously loud pop music that had the boys scrambling to cover their ears. Below them, the girls in the auditorium did the same.

"Sorry!" a horribly familiar voice called, amplified by the microphone its owner held to her lips. "Sorry everyone!"

"Um, is that Chomesuke?" Allen murmured.

"Yes, I believe it is," Lavi replied, with a sense of growing dread.

"This is probably going to be bad, isn't it?" Allen asked, leaning close to whisper in Lavi's ear.

"Once again, yes. Yes, I believe it is."

"All right, is everyone here?" she called, prancing around the stage and holding a hand over her eyes as if shading them from a bright light as she inspected the audience. Behind her, a screen lowered and the projector hummed to life. A cheer rose up from most of those in attendance and Chomesuke giggled. "Good, good! Then, let's get started!" She held up a black remote and pressed a button, causing the screen behind her to go pink. The letters LBFC appeared behind her in a sparkling blue font. "Let the first spring semester meeting of the Lavi Bookman Fan Club commence!" She clicked the button again and a large picture of Lavi's grinning face appeared on the screen.

"What the fuck," Allen blurted, eyes wide.

Lavi would normally make a big deal about Allen using such foul language. This would cause his boyfriend to get exasperated and pout, and then Lavi would have to tickle him to get him laughing again and a great time would be had by all. Presently, he could not muster such a reaction.

"My sentiments exactly, dude," he said instead, blanching.

Now, Lavi will be the first to admit that he is a pretty awesome dude. He'll also be the first to admit that if anyone on this campus deserves a fan club, it's totally him. However, the thought of his fan club being run by his number one stalker extraordinaire was rather unsettling and could perhaps even be described as chilling. Also, he had no memory of that photo being taken, which immediately ratcheted up his paranoia levels to a new high.

"Does anyone have any new Lavi-related news to share?" Chomesuke called.

Nearly every girl in the audience glowered and raised her hand.

"Well, aside from the obvious one," Chomesuke added darkly.

As one, the girls all lowered their hands.

"He hasn't really done anything interesting for an entire month!" A voice from the audience wailed.

"He has become a little boring," another girl added.

"Nonsense!" Chomesuke barked, frowning. "Lavi is never boring!"

"She has a point," Lavi whispered, elbowing Allen lightly. "I am a continual source of entertainment for all."

Allen shushed him.

"We all know who is to blame for Lavi's recent change in personality," Chomesuke said solemnly. She raised the remote and clicked the button resolutely.

The photo of Lavi vanished and was replaced with a truly terrible picture of Allen. Lavi leaned back in surprise. He always thought that Allen couldn't take a bad picture. Seriously, the kid was just that photogenic. It almost seemed like the photographer of this particular shot had done everything they could to catch him at a bad angle. The Allen on the screen wasn't smiling, and he seemed to be mid-blink. Lavi had to admit that his boyfriend looked a little evil.

"Dude," Lavi breathed.

"Ugh," Allen replied. "What the hell."

"Allen Walker is the most malicious, two-faced boy to ever exist," Chomesuke spat.

Next to him, Lavi felt Allen flinch.

"He pretended to be my friend and to help me talk to Lavi, but then he stole him all for himself!"

The crowd of girls grumbled at this injustice.

"As if you're somehow incapable of making your own decisions," Allen seethed to Lavi. "That's so stupid. You can't steal people. Not unless they wanted to be stolen in the first place. Then it isn't thievery, it's…it's… collusion! And it isn't my fault!"

"Chill buddy," Lavi said soothingly, putting a hand on Allen's arm.

Allen slumped a little in defeat.

"But how could he have stolen Lavi away so thoroughly and completely?" Chomesuke said. It was obvious from her slightly stilted tone that she had rehearsed this speech. Either that, or she was a robot. Now that he thought about it, how was Lavi to know if she wasn't some sort of cyborg from the future who was meant to destroy him through obsessive affection? The plan made so little sense it might just work!

"Do you think Chomesuke is a Terminator?" Lavi whispered to Allen.

"Probably," Allen grumbled back.

"I freaking knew it," Lavi said triumphantly.

"That's true!" a girl he vaguely recognized called out. "Even when Lavi was dating me, he was also dating a bunch of other girls!"

Allen turned to glare at him.

"Just keeping my options open, babe," he said, chuckling weakly.

"You're awful." It seemed this whole bizarre proceeding was putting Allen in a really bad mood. Lavi needed to think of some way to cheer him up, stat!

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" Lavi whispered, wiggling his eyebrows when Allen stared at him incredulously. This was bound to work. Lavi was the most skilled joke teller on campus (or so he'd decided last year).

"Because she was obsessed with you and needed to get to this creepy meeting to talk about how much she hates me?" Allen answered darkly.

"Um." Shit. His plan was foiled. Curse Allen's impressive command of sarcasm!

"Exactly," Chomesuke said. "Since when is Lavi really exclusive with anyone? Let alone someone like this guy," she said, using the projector remote to click to a new picture of Allen. In this one, the camera flash gave him some serious red-eye, and his smile was bordering on eerie. Basically, he looked like a demon.

"Holy shit, you look like a demon!" Lavi exclaimed quietly.

Allen groaned.

"And you've got laser eyes!"

"Lavi," Allen said warningly.

"But dude," Lavi said, gesturing to the picture.

"I see it," Allen said, sitting forward so that his bangs fell into his eyes.

Lavi put his arm around him and Allen leaned into the embrace.

"So what could possibly be the reason for Lavi's newfound 'Love'?" She asked, putting air quotes around the word love.

"Hey!" Lavi whispered indignantly. "Don't you trivialize what Allen and I have together!"

Allen grinned into Lavi's shoulder.

"What?" The group of girls chorused. Chomesuke was, at this point, getting really geared up. She stormed back and forth across the stage, whipping herself up into a frenzy.

"That girl needs to relax," Lavi said.

"The answer, fellow LBFCers, is obvious." She slowly raised the projector remote and clicked the button. The screen went black. Then, the worst picture of Allen that Lavi had ever seen appeared. His head was slightly thrown back, his eyes were squinted, and his mouth was wide open. Clearly, he'd been caught mid-laugh, but that wasn't the strangest part of the picture.

"Oh for the love of…" Allen muttered.

A pointed black witch's hat had been photoshopped (poorly) onto the laughing Allen's head. A broomstick that was smaller than Allen's arm was cropped in next to his hand. In the background, a large black cauldron bubbled, boiling something green.

"What the hell?" Lavi said, perplexed.

"Allen Walker," Chomesuke said, pausing for dramatic effect. "Is a witch!"

There was a collective gasp from the audience.

"Damn it," Allen sighed.

"This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen!" A familiar voice shouted. Lavi and Allen both looked over the side of the catwalk to see Lo Fa standing up from her chair. All of the other girls in the audience looked scandalized.

"I thought that was her!" Allen said, leaning forward. "I wonder what she's doing here?"

"It so is not!" Chomesuke said, very maturely.

"It so is!" Lo Fa countered. She looked around the room in exasperation. "Allen Walker is not a witch. He's a really nice guy."

"No he isn't!" Chomsuke bellowed. "He worships the devil!"

"No he doesn't!" Lo Fa sternly replied. "Look, I came here tonight because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about this Lavi guy. He didn't seem so special to me."

Everyone in the auditorium made surprised and angry noises.

"But!" Lo Fa continued, shouting over them. "But I've realized now that if Lavi makes Allen happy, then I'm okay with that." She smiled softly at the picture of Allen on screen. Then her smile wavered and she began laughing heartily.

"What?" Chomesuke demanded.

"That's the worst photoshop job I've ever seen. You people are stupid."

"We are not stupid! We're here to protect Lavi from being bewitched and sacrificed to the devil! That's the only reason Allen wants him, you know!"

"You want to sacrifice me to the devil?" Lavi whispered. "I wish you'd told me that before. I can't be in a relationship with someone who wants to cut out my heart and offer my immortal soul to the greatest evil known to Man."

"Well, if I'd told you, you wouldn't have fallen into my trap," Allen said, in an odd voice. "Now I have you right where I want you!"

"Wh-what?" Lavi said, eyes wide.

"Mua ha ha ha!" Allen laughed, poking Lavi in the side. He shrieked, but luckily the girls in the audience had broken into pandemonium at Lo Fa's proclamation that they didn't hear it.

"You guys are horrible people," Lo Fa said, picking up her winter jacket and pulling it on. "Just leave them alone. They like each other—get over it."

"Hmm, it seems she has," Lavi murmured.

"What?" Allen wanted to know.

"Oh, nothing, bro. I'll tell you later."

"This is an outrage!" Chomesuke screeched as Lo Fa calmly made her way toward the door. "You'll pay for this."

"Get a life!" Lo Fa yelled, and she slammed the door behind her as she left.

Silence reigned for a few seconds before a girl in the audience called out, "I bet she works for Walker. You know, like, he created her out of clay and she does his bidding. I saw it on a show about witches once."

"Really?" Chomesuke said, eyes wide. "Which show was that?"

"Something on the History Channel," the girl replied. "So you know it's legit."

"History channel," Lavi growled, gritting his teeth. "Do not speak of the History channel."

Allen leaned over and rubbed his shoulder.

"So that girl was a clay monster?" Chomesuke said, intrigued.

"Sometimes they're made out of frogs," the girl pointed out helpfully.

"So she's a frog monster."

"Probably," the girl said, shrugging.

"Lo Fa is not a frog monster," Allen said hotly. "She is a very nice girl!"

"Don't doubt it for a sec, babe," Lavi said.

"So how do we defeat this frog monster?" Chomesuke wanted to know.

"She's not a frog monster!" Allen whispered.

"Fire, I think," the girl said, her brow creasing as she tried to remember.

"Holy shit, they're going to set Lo Fa on fire?" Lavi breathed. "These girls are hard core!"

"Or," the girl from the audience continued, "we have to destroy the source of Walker's magic power. Then all of his spells will be broken."

"Including the one on Lavi!" Chomesuke squealed, delighted. She clapped her hands, and the rest of the girls followed suit, murmuring excitedly to each other. "But where does he keep this power source? Also, what do you think it even is?"

The auditorium was silent for a moment as they thought.

"So, where is the source of your power?" Lavi demanded.

"What? I don't have a source of power. I don't even have any power at all!" Allen replied, disgruntled.

"But if you did, what would it be? And where would you keep it?"

"Lavi, this is really stupid."

"Why won't you just answer the question? Unless…" Unless Allen really was a witch. That opened up a whole new avenue of possibilities. Lavi could be under a spell, right now, being slowly prepared by Allen to become a human sacrifice. It all made perfect sense.

Slowly, Allen smirked.

Then the two leaned against each other and broke out in silent giggles.

"Ah, these girls are being crazy right now," Lavi said, wiping tears from his good eye.

"This is the most ridiculous thing that has ever happened to me. And, seeing as I hang out with you on a regular basis, that is saying a lot."

"I know!" Chomesuke screamed into the microphone, causing the boys to cover their ears again. "It'll be in the basement of his house. That's always where creepy things happen in houses, in the basement. I'm sure we'll find all of his witch stuff down there, including his source of power, and then we can break it and release Lavi from the spell!"

The audience cheered.

"So, tomorrow night at midnight," Chomesuke said, checking her watch. "That's when we'll strike. I'll need a small team to come with me."

"Where are we going?" a girl from the audience wanted to know.

"Into the lair of the beast itself," Chomesuke said mysteriously.

The girls, and Lavi, shivered. Allen gave him a Look.

"Sorry babe," Lavi said sheepishly. "I'm letting myself get sucked into the story."

"I've got a signup sheet here," Chomesuke said, holding up a pink piece of paper. "Anyone who is brave enough to join the mission squad, come write your names down."

"Come on, let's get out of here before we're discovered," Allen whispered, turning to crawl back along the catwalk and toward the ladder to the ground.

Lavi followed.

They sneaked out the door and made their way out of the student union without being seen.

"Wow!" Lavi shouted once they were safely on the sidewalk heading home. "That was some freaky stuff, huh?"

"Yes," Allen said, staring at the ground as he walked. "Yes, it was."

"Weird." Then, Lavi shrugged. "Oh well. Wanna order a pizza?"

"Huh?" Allen stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and looked at him like he'd lost his mind.

"So, not pizza then?"

"You did hear them, didn't you? They're planning to break into my house tomorrow night."

"Oh, yeah." Lavi turned back to look at the student union and put his hands on his hips. "You want me to tell them not to?"

"No," Allen said. He began walking again, head bowed in concentration.

"What's up, little buddy? You seem to be scheming. And as you know, I am totally awesome at scheming. This one time—"

"Let them come," Allen, who clearly had not been listening to a word Lavi said, interrupted.

"Uh, why?"

"We need to run a few errands," Allen said cryptically. "Come on, the hardware store closes soon."

"What do we need to go to the hardware store for?" Lavi demanded.

Allen stopped walking, turned, and gave him that creepy smirk again. It was kind of hot, Lavi decided. Also, it made Allen look like he was planning to kill and eat him, so Lavi was becoming increasingly concerned by his apparent attraction to potential murderers and/or cannibals. It was quite distressing.

"If they want witches," Allen said, smirking wider. "We'll give them witches."