This is the LAST time I'm going to rewrite the story. I swears! I didn't like the other two stories. I have murdered one and divorced the other. :) And now I have Betas! So I won't have an excuse to not finish the story. Weeeee. Soooo y'all just migrate over here...
Betas: Akirisan X and Francesca Zatnik
I don't own anything. Characters belong to Hasbro.
The orbital cycle was in the middle its daily manifestation. Deep within the pressure of the liquid life source of the planet, and remote from any Autobots or curious flesh creatures, lay the beaten shell of a grand warship. The Nemesis. Tarnished by years underwater, its outer walls infested by tiny creatures that taunted the ship's once pernicious reputation, this effete framework was their home; the home of the Decepticons -whose reputation was once tantamount to that of their ship. Once, they had ruled Cybertron, conquered every battle. Since arriving on this planet, Earth, everything had become dilapidated.
The Nemesis was filled with the rattling footsteps and ongoing rumbles from its crew. First shifts were ending and those on second shift were heading off; this was the noisiest the ship ever got. Nothing else got this exciting. Not even preparation for battle against the Autobots. With their ongoing losing streak, no Decepticon was about to get excited about having their afts handed to them.
Starscream stood by the viewing glass and stared into darkened water. One of the only kicks in having the title of Commander was having private quarters. Here, the Seeker could consume himself with as much darkness as he desired. As if light was harmful; as if it would burn his armor with its bright expression. Starscream remained still, basking in peaceful nothingness, lost in his thoughts; thoughts that only left him feeling lonelier.
The Seeker held himself as he recalled painful memories. His paranoid mind forced him to distance himself from everyone; to live a solitary life that was exclusively narcissistic. He once believed that the only thing that mattered in life was him. Comrades, friends, trinemates; they were insignificant. Unnecessary. No one could be trusted. Once you placed everything in them, they leave you with nothing.
But now he resented it. He felt alone, empty, and unwanted even by himself.
-0000-
Starscream had been summoned to the control room. His glorious leader had come up with a plan that was sure to work.
I joined because I believe in the Decepticons' ideals. I still do. But Megatron refuses to see those values anymore. He is only interested in his own agenda and not in the Decepticon cause. He does not care for his followers; we are all dispensable, nothing. This war has gone on for far too long. If I was leader, Cybertron would already be under Decepticon control. Megatron is progressing too slowly. No, he isn't progressing at all. We are losing more battles than we are winning. Back on Cybertron, we used to easily outwit and outnumber the Autobots. But now all we do is lose because of his pathetic plans. We are losing this war because we are run by a defective leader.
Starscream continued his way to the control room. His processor had begun to ache. This had been occurring a lot lately; sudden bursts of pain in the most random of times, places. The Seeker never bothered to speak with Hook about his problem. This defective state would pass. Eventually.
His steps felt out of place with every progression along each passing corridor of the Nemesis. He felt out of place. Even as other Decepticons passed his frame, all he heard was the echo of his pedes bouncing off the bulwark. No soldier turned to look at him, salute him, or acknowledged his existence. Starscream was nothing in their optics. He was a coward, an incompetent fool, and a traitor. Everything a Decepticon shouldn't be. He was an embarrassment in the ranks. Starscream knew he shouldn't let the neglect bother him, but the back of his processor constantly nagged him that this wasn't how it is supposed to be. And he was right. He was their Second in Command. He was supposed to have their respect and loyalty, they were supposed to fear him, not reject him. Not make him feel as though he was as worthless as an empty carcass of an Autobot.
Even if I yell or threaten them, they refuse to listen. They have learned to avoid my words, my screams…my pleas.
Starscream continued his empty walk towards the Control Room. For a Seeker who only craved attention, being ignored was… incomprehensible; strange. He turned a corner and found his trine walking towards him. Starscream discontinued his peregrination – part of him wishing they would look at him, talk to him. He stood in place, feeling as though weights were locked onto his legs, and continued to stare at his trine as they approached. Starscream didn't give them a smirk, smile, or frown. His face was, for the most part, unwritten. But his optics showed a bit of sadness. If anyone cared to notice.
Thundercracker walked passed his trine leader without a glance or any kind of indication that he acknowledged his presence. Skywarp, following closely behind his trinemate, gave Starscream a disgusted look, then quickly looked away.
Starscream remained standing. Even long after his trine left. He knew they despised him, but he didn't blame them.
-0000-
Though he bore the tiles of Second in Command and Air Commander, he was in no 'command' of anyone. He was supposed to have control and power approximately equal to that of Megatron, but instead he was treated as low as a foot soldier.
He never listens to any of my ideas to defeat the Autobots and gather energy from the humans. He tells me that I am worthless. I was the top student at both the Science and Military Academy. So when you call me useless, worthless, are you just trying to make yourself feel better? You, who was nothing but an energon miner before the war.
Megatron sat like a king on his thrown while the Seeker stood to one side, towards the back. The bright frame of the Air Commander was engulfed by the shadow the thrown produced; engulfed by the darkness he was forced to live with. Starscream had his chances to gain respect, fear, but he lost every Decepticon's loyalty through his narcissistic ways. But for him, none of that mattered, at the time. Now, everything seemed to sting like a dagger to the spark. Cold stare, no stares, everything caused pain. Everything hurt. Though he would never admit it, what made his spark twist in depression was the hate his trinemates had towards him.
Megatron continued to mouth his plan and highlight positions on the giant projector screen displayed before them using a stylus, but they were nothing but empty words and gestures. Starscream hadn't paid attention; couldn't have paid attention. His thoughts required his undivided intention, not his leader's words. Not this plan that was vital for obtaining energon, their life source.
"Your plan will end the same- with us retreating," spoke the Seeker. He knew the plan would fail. They all did. No need to listen to false hope.
"My plans only fail because you fail me, Starscream."
There you go again, blaming everything on me. Must you despise me so much? Do you gain satisfaction by making me feel worthless? I have grown tired of this game. You are not fit to lead. I will offline you one day. I will finally become Leader and receive the respect that I deserve.
-0000-
Starscream retreated to his quarters after a minor beating from Megatron. The pain inflicted didn't hurt as much as it used to; vorns of abuse have made him immune... To physical pain, anyways. His processor still ached, worse than before.
"I served under that tyrant for millions of vorns. Obeyed his every command without question, but he never listened to me. He never considered my thoughts, my warnings, even when I became Second in Command. Did he honestly believe that I would simply do as he ordered forever? I am not some mindless drone! Megatron, you lost your little obedient soldier, and now that soldier will destroy you," said the Seeker. Vorns of neglect had felt him to only converse with himself. At first he only heard one voice, his inner voice, but then he started hearing more and more voices. Some not even his own.
But by disobeying Megatron, you disobeyed the Decepticons. The cause. You are alone.
"Unspeakable loneliness was merely self-satisfaction."
You resent it now. Crave for attention. You are like a cowardly little turbo-dog constantly barking in order to protect your little pride. You only cared about yourself. Assumed everyone else around you was deficient. Worthless. But now you are. And even to this orbital cycle, you continue to bark; continue to hold on to what little pride you have left.
"I understand the condition that I am in."
You understand your condition, yet go against it.
"I just… want others to accept my existence. To realize my existence."
But you will forever be alone; trapped in the shadows without words. You run to find the answers to your problems. Even though you already know there are no answers. You are worthless, never to become leader, doomed to remain nothing.
"Silence!" He screamed and clutched his head to suppress the voices. But they were still there. Still talking.
"I am going insane," whimpered the Seeker.
You already are.
Starscream retreated to his berth to recharge, all while trying to ignore the voices that plagued his processor. They aggravated him, drove him mad at times. They were negative entities, designed to make him feel crestfallen.
His processor felt like it was about to explode and his chassis felt ineffectual. He had forgotten to refuel again; his body had been giving off the signs of energon depletion, but Starscream hadn't noticed. And if he did, wouldn't have cared.
He turned to one side, mindful of his wings, and easily fell into recharge.