Bella threw the writing pen she was holding like it suddenly burned her. It wasn't like she's going to use it anyway. She has a laptop, thank you very much.

The boy, however, picked it up, and handed it to her, looking at the pen on his hand. She just looks at him.

"You might need it," he says. When she didn't budge, he scratched his head and glanced up to the sky, the car, the side then the ground.. Anywhere but her eyes.

"It looks like it's going to rain again. So, uh, you want to go back to my apartment? I can make us some hot chocolate while you write," he looked up to her eyes finally, and exhaled the air he didn't know he was holding.

She narrowed her eyes then shrugged, walking past him to get in the car. He hesitated, then walks around the car to get to the driver's seat. He took a deep breath and went in.

Here we go, she thought to herself. Another awkward ride. He won't be talking to me again. He's been like this for two weeks. Two weeks! It was only a kiss. A kiss that I looked forward to since our first one. Was I that bad of a kisser? Ugh, another thirty-five minutes of unbearable silence.. Maybe I should've taken the bus or -

"I heard you were looking for a job fit for your area of expertise."

She stares at him a little too long. Fuck, he talks!

"Uh," she clears her throat. "Yes, I am. Looking for a job as a nurse, if that's what you mean."

"Yes, that is what I mean," he glanced at her. "Any luck?"

"No, Edward. I'm still waiting. As always." She patted herself in the back. Nice one.

His right hand twitched. She saw it and looked outside the window, biting the inside of her cheek.

Silence filled the car again. She was itching to turn on the radio, but doesn't want to remove her hands from her lap. She saw the pen on the console and glanced at him sideways, as if afraid he'd see her eyeing the pen she refused to take from his hand. Later, she said to herself.

Thirty-five minutes later, and the car was parked. He went out and tried to run around the car to open the door for her, but she already got out. She rolled her eyes at him. Really? Who am I, the Queen?

They slowly went upstairs, not saying anything to each other. They're used to it. It's been two weeks, anyway. He pulled the key from his pocket and opened the door. He even tried to remove her jacket to hang, but she rolled her eyes again at him. He dropped his hands and looked at the floor with sudden interest.

"Hot choco?" he said to the ground.

"Yes, please," she said, plopping herself on the sofa in the living room as he went to the kitchen. She took out her laptop. She wants to write again. But he was making her lose all her focus.

I wish I hadn't kissed him. Then maybe I'd be writing about a hundred things right now. We'd be laughing about how some of the elves from The Lord of The Rings look gay or how Megan Fox's lips from the first Transformers movie looked a little less plumper from the Revenge of the Fallen. I wish I held everything in. But then he kissed me back! Or was it a guy thing? Fuck. Maybe they just can't hold it in too?

He went back and handed her the cup, glancing at her laptop. He sat down across her from the other end of the sofa.

"You writing again?" he smiled.

"Yes, but I can't concentrate..." Damn it! Just say it!

"Oh. " His back straightened. "Uh, you want me to head out? Leave you alone for a bit?"

It's lucky she was holding a steaming cup of hot chocolate to keep her hands busy. Or else they would've been clawing all over his face. Huh. Maybe not that lucky. She imagined herself pouring the contents of the cup to his head...

She shook her head quickly. She is not brutal, and she wouldn't be starting now.

"No, silly. This is your house. I should be the one leaving," she said, her smile not reaching her eyes.

"No!" he said. He clears his throat. "I want you here. Want you to stay here. With me." Facepalms. "I want you to stay here with me while writing."

There you have it. An opening.

Bella raised an eyebrow and turned to face him. She sets down her cup and laptop on the table, and placed her feet across the sofa.

"Edward, what do you want?" she said icily.

"I just said -"

"What do you want?" she cuts him off. "I mean, what the hell? You've been running hot and cold on me for the past week! A few months ago we were okay, you didn't even have a problem looking me in the eyes," she gestures to his face, "behind those fuck-hot glasses of yours before! You are so frustrating sometimes! If you want me to stay, then just say it so that I won't be feeling this stupid! Was I not that obvious? Have I not done enough? I wish I could remove that stick from up your ass.. Maybe that's one of the many reasons why you're such a prick. Fuck, it feels like I'm the one growing balls here!"

She stops, breathing heavily. Fuck, did I really say all that to him? Then her face started to redden and looked at her lap. For an anemic, she had enough blood fill up her face. After cursing herself inwardly for a few minutes, she sighed and finally looked up at his face.

He was staring at her like he was seeing her naked for the first time. His cheeks are red, and he looks like he was trying hard not to jump up and run from the room. Great, she cursed, her eyes closing. I ruined it again.

"You didn't," he said softly. She opened her eyes and looked at him questioningly. His cheeks are still red, but at least he doesn't look scared now. Just a bit wary, though.

"What?"

He sighed, then set his cup on the table too. "Ruin it."

Shit. Inner facepalm. Did I say that loud? Fuck, fuck, fuck...

"Yeah, you did."

Okay, inner convo fail, she sighed. Shut up now.

He smiled at her, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I'm sorry I messed up. I didn't know that was how you feel."

"I'm sorry I said those things to you.. Shit. I shouldn't have. Fuck. You don't deserve that -"

"No, it's okay.. I -"

"No, shit, it's not! I was very assuming to think that - "

"Hey -"

"Fuuuuck! I am so so sorry!"

"Bella! Shut the fuck up!"

That silenced her. Her eyes went wide. She never heard him curse before. But then she took care of a lot of his firsts from him for the past few months: his first alcoholic drink (which he thanked her for profusely, saying he'd never take it again), first cigarette (that one, too), first clubbing (he said he dances better if the club isn't that full; she doubted it). And even for a boy the age of twenty-two, his first real kiss. And then suddenly, she felt like a villain, a seducer, a Betty Cooper of sorts. She felt like she violated him. He cursed at her, for fuck's sake! He's a good boy! He takes her to different places when she said she wants to write on a different setting. He makes sure there is an extension cord available for her laptop whenever they settle on a chosen coffee shop. He takes her to the bookstores, and suggests her some books to read because he knows she is obsessed with them. Sometimes, he even let her wear his glasses because, as what she says, they are "fuck-hot." Hell, he'd even allowed her to watch those Disney movie classics with him. He was a good boy. He is a good boy. And she feels like she's tainting his beautiful soul.

She wants to cry. She wants to leave. She can't even look at his pretty face. But she can't. Clumsy and dumb as she is, she might end up landing on the table and spilling their hot choco on her laptop and the floor. That wouldn't be too bad, she guessed. Maybe if she just spills a bit to herself, that would be an excuse to get up and leave. She eyed the cups conspiratorially.

"Don't even think about it," he murmured.

She looks up at him. He moved his feet from the floor and placed it on the sofa; their feet touched. He glanced up at her, then smiled. She did, too, forcefully. Her previous thoughts still swirling inside her head. I shouldn't have kissed him. I didn't deserve it. Shit. I fucking didn't deserve it. Ugh. I should go. Yeah, I should go.

She started to get up (slowly, of course) and picks up her heated laptop. Maybe I could hug it all the way home. It's warm enough for the rain. Haha. Funny.

"Where are you going, Belle?"

She hesitated. She almost smiled. He started teasing her with that name ever since they've watched The Beauty and the Beast, saying she always has a book on her nose wherever she goes.. which is part true: she always makes sure to have a book in her bag whenever she leaves the house, just in case her travel time takes abit longer.

"Home, Nerd Boy," she retorted. "I have one too, you know."

"Nerd boy," he mumbled to himself. He had told her before that he hated that name, but whenever she calls him that, his beautiful green eyes lit up a bit. Maybe he's getting used to it. "It's still raining. I'll drive you home... Later."

She sighed. Of course, he wants to torture me a bit more.

"I really am sorry," he said. He looks up and stared into her eyes. "I really didn't know I was making you feel that way.. And I'd hate to let you walk out my door without clearing this up between us.."

She said nothing and looked at her lap. Her hands are itching to grab something again. Damn it, I wish I'd taken that pen!

"It's okay. No worries. I'm okay now," she lied. "Glad to finally get that shit off my chest," grinning awkardly.

"Um," his eyebrows are raised. "Okay."

Silence. His right hand is starting to twitch again. She looks at it, her eyebrows furrowed. "Are you alright?"

He laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, I'm alright, I'm alright. I just wanted to touch you." His eyes widened. "I mean, wow. Huh. I said that out loud, didn't I?"

She smiled at him. It made it to her eyes this time. Glad I'm not the only one having issues with my brain filter. "Yeah, you did." She sighed. "I fuckin' missed you." She closed her eyes and decided that it is now or never. Well, she basically told him she had bigger balls, and she has more experience with relationships than his non-existent ones, so to hell with it. "I'm sorry I kissed you." Hesitates. "Again."

She continued with her eyes still closed. It gives her more courage that way.

"I know we're not together-together.. Not even a couple. And I took that from you, and now I'm wishing that I hadn't. I'm not saying that you don't kiss well, because, God, you do." Her eyes opened. "You were amazing. But I wish you experienced it with someone you really wanted to kiss, not with someone who practically forced it upon you." Sighs. "Well, shit, you could've said 'no' and I wouldn't be offended." Glances at him. "Okay, I would be, but just a bit! Because as what I've said, we're not even together! But you're so fuckin' nice and everything.. So yeah."

"You thought I wouldn't want you to kiss me?" he asked after a few seconds, a smile on his voice.

"Well, I don't know," she stares at his hands. "Eversince the second time we did it, you won't even look at me properly. I feel like I molested you are something."

She was startled when he began to laugh out heartily, his fuck-hot glasses askew. He straightened up, still chuckling, then muttered, "molested", to himself like that was the most amusing word he's ever heard.

"Ah, Bella." He smiled at her. "I may be innocent on some parts, but I assure you that I've never felt molested by you." He still chuckled when he mentioned the word. "You don't get it. And partly because it was my fault. I am used to being just a 'nerdboy' to others for so long, that lately having been 'molested' by you has taken over my every dream." His eyes widened again. "I mean, no! Not that way! I mean, teaching me new stuffs." His face started to sweat. "I never regretted being kissed by you. I was just scared that you would stop wanting to kiss me. So please, don't feel bad on my account."

Her face lightened up. "Really? So if I kiss you again, you wouldn't object?"

His face reddened. "No. Not at all. I... am sure I'd enjoy it." He smiles. "Then it would be my third kiss.. Not that I'm counting."

Her heart's starting to beat normally now. Finally. She was scared she'd need to put napkins under her armpits. Thank fuckin' goodness.

"Then let's make that third kiss special," she said, winking at him. "Now that I know that you're really up to it, and not a molestation, then we should make that our special one."

He smiled back. "A special third kiss?"

She nodded. "Let's not rush it, Nerd Boy. As much as I want to give you my Dementor's Kiss, this wouldn't feel right."

He laughed at her again. "Yeah, you might suck the soul out of me."

She tried not to laugh at that seemingly inappropriate comment. I won't, I won't, I won't...

"Yes, I might." She shook her head. "This would be fun if I were a real Nerd Girl too. Well, yeah.. I am, I know. But I seemed to have taught you so many things!" She laughed. "You even cursed at me! It must be so fun to be doing all my Firsts with you!" She blushed. "I mean, the drinking thing and stuffs."

"Silly girl," he smiles. "You curse too much, throwing a fuck here and a shit there.. (she almost kissed him again. Curse words on him are never prude) But even with that smart mouth of yours... What I wouldn't give to have me as your first, too."

*** so what do you think? Review, pretty please? ***