The phone rang off the hook for over a week, but I didn't answer. Mostly our band's management was calling to fuss over the whole ordeal. I already know what they have to say. They're going to drop us and we're going to have to find another label who will 'put up' with our 'relationship'. Their opinions are the last thing on my mind. At least our mum has come to accept us. We talked for hours. I explained everything to her. I told her the truth about everything. Everything except Emy. She told me that they're still looking for evidence on who killed her. When she told me she saw the video, I was tempted to hang up, but she went on to tell me that she loved us no matter what. I remember feeling like I had the greatest mother ever after I put the phone down.

I think about Lindsey every day. About how I could have saved her, how I could have stopped Kaki. Sometimes it gets too overwhelming and I find myself curled up on the floor, blaming myself for it all. Why did she do it? Why did Lindsey try to stop Sarah and Kaki when it was Sara and I who betrayed her? I cheated on her with my own sister! But rather than get revenge, she stood up for us. Maybe those videos opened her eyes to see that Sara and I really are in love. Maybe she saw that the bond we had was worth fighting for. Maybe she loved me so much that she accepted me for who I am and who I love, even if it broke her own heart.

Wondering about it only makes me cry harder. Sara would find me in the corner of the room as she returned from a grocery store with food to last us another few days so I wouldn't have to leave the hotel. I stay inside and let Sara coax me to bed, doing all she can to make me feel better. She's out again right now. Gone without telling me where she went. I was asleep when she left an hour ago.

I hear her open the door from where I sit on the floor beside the bed. I'm still undressed from last night and I bring my knees to my chest, wiping my eyes on my right arm. I'm only spreading the tears, I know. I feel myself tense as Sara's feet pad against the carpet and I hear her sigh.

"Tegan, are you crying again?" Sara's sweet voice calls from above me. She's walked around the bed and starts to take off her shoes. I look up at her and hide my face when she starts to frown at me.

"Give me your hands." She says.

I peek up at her and sigh. Sara shakes her head and grabs my hands herself and pulls me up from the floor. She slips her arms under mine and encloses me in a tight hug that presses my body into hers. She's freezing, just coming back indoors from the cold of winter outside. I shiver and goosebumps rise on my skin. I know she can feel my nipples harden through her sweater and she hugs me tighter. She blows warm air in the crook of my neck with her breath and it makes me shiver again, though in another, lower place. Her hands rub small circles on my backside, trying to make up for making me cold.

"I love you, remember that. We're going to be okay." Sara whispers and breathes more warm air onto my skin. I grab hold of her sweater as she places a tender kiss to my cheek.

"I love you, too." I say, my voice hoarse from sleep and misuse. "Where did you go?" I ask before placing a kiss of my own to her cheek.

"I found a place. It's small, but it's in good condition. We don't need too much room, anyway." Sara kisses me on the mouth, her lips lightly brushing with mine. I can tell she's been using chapstick when I run my tongue over my bottom lip.

"Where is it?" I ask.

"A few blocks away. It's an apartment, it's nice." Sara assures me and kisses me again, softer than before.

"Sara...are we ever going to go back?" I stop her from trying to kiss me again and ignore my question. She bites her lip and hugs me tighter.

"I'm afraid to."

"But what about our houses? What about all of our stuff? Our instruments, our clothes..."

Sara shrugs. "We can always just start out fresh. We can buy all that stuff here, Tegan. I told you, we're going to be fine." I feel myself start to relax at her words. I slip my fingers under the hem of her sweater and revel in the warmth of her lower back. I slide my hands down and tuck them into the pockets of her jeans.

"They got Kaki. She turned herself in and they found Sarah and LB." I can't bring myself to say her name. It's like an anchor on my heart. Every time I say it, it pulls me down further and I don't want to drown.

Sara nods and I rest my head on her shoulder. When she speaks, I can feel her voice vibrate in my skull. "I was afraid she wasn't going to go through with it, honestly."

"Me too."

Sara places her hands on my hips and I bring my head up to look at her. My hands slide out of the pockets of her jeans and hover over her bum. I don't always know where she takes things after she finds me like I was today. Sometimes it leads to sex, while other times we just lie in bed and watch a movie or two until I fall asleep, clinging to her with my head on her chest. I know that she's trying her best to make me feel a little less like I've lost everything I love, everything except her.

Today, Sara steps back and eyes my exposed skin. The clothes she removed from it last night are folded neatly on the bedside table. She took her time undressing me, taking everything slow. I was in a condition worse than I was a few minutes ago. I couldn't stop crying, even through Sara's careful touches.

"I never want to lose you, Tegan." Sara says to me as she continues admiring my waist. I watch her eyes fall lower and she licks her lips. I fill the space between our bodies and kiss her. I put every ounce of love that I have for her in it and hold my breath. Her eyes flutter closed and I reach my hands up to hold her face still as I deepen the kiss.

I lead her to the bed and kiss every inch of her body. I touch her as my sister, my lover, my best friend. And just before she comes down from the high I've brought her to, I take her hand and place it over my heart as I place mine over hers, feeling the erratic thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump underneath our palms.

"I know you feel it, too."