It's been three years since Emy and I broke up.

Three years since I've been with anyone.

Three years since this all began.

I refused to accept it. I refused to show it.

I pushed everyone away.

I secluded myself, I became hushed on stage. I didn't want to talk about about this new found attraction towards my twin. I didn't want to talk at all.

It's taboo, shunned my society and thought to be tainted, it was unwanted. I didn't want it, either. I would have much rather been without the thoughts of being with my sister. I didnt want to acknowledge my love for Tegan.

It was forced out of me.

After every tour, Tegan and I go "out." We go to clubs and bars where we know fans won't interrupt our celebratory drinks.

This year is the end of the Sainthood tour. We're older now, in our thirties. We dont party as hard as we used to. I dont, at least.

"Tegan, hurry the fuck up!" I tie the laces on my two-sizes-too-large shoes and grab my Blackberry from the dresser provided by the hotel.

I examine my reflection in the mirror of the bathroom, feeling dissapointed, and walk out of the bedroom into the lounge area. Tegan had on a baggy tee shirt and skinny jeans, sunglasses shading her eyes under grown-out bangs. She looked stunning.

"You ready?" I check the time on my phone. "We've got to leave soon."

Tegan powered off her Blackberry and placed it in my hand. "If I'm getting fucked up tonight, there's no way I'm letting myself near my it." I huff, amused at her determination not to embarass herself again. Tegan's always had a problem with drunk texting people, especially ex-girlfriends. She even changed the name of a girl she'd been eyeing before Lindsey to "Bad Idea" in her contacts.

I slid her phone into my back pocket. "Okay, lets go."

"Wait, fuck, I forgot something.." Tegan ran into the bedroom and came back empty handed.

"The fuck, Tegan? God, I swear you waste time just to piss me off."

"What?" She opened the hotel's front door and waited for me to exit. I rolled my eyes at her as I passed by, hearing the faint noise of the lock on the door clicking behind me.

I had no I idea that she was packing.