A/N: I haven't played ME1, so I couldn't do a satisfactory novelization if I tried. Nonetheless, I strongly support the Ashley/Shepard pairing, despite Mark Meer's mediocre voice acting. I just love Ash's character and I feel like there aren't enough fics out there for them. So, here's to Shepley and, well…42nd Street (best musical ever, btw).

Shepard stats: Earthborn, Sole Survivor Caleb Sheploo, Soldier Class, Paragade :D

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that we can share
Falling into memories of you and things we used to do

1: One Year, Six Months

Shepard did not die a happy man.

To Ashley, that was the worst injustice, the worst insult. He'd given so much and gotten so little, and in the end it hadn't mattered worth a damn either way.

The second worst insult was the way the Alliance had treated his funeral.

Seats were reserved for those who would look good on camera, not those who truly cared. That, to her, was the final blow that sent her over the edge. A lot of politicians, including (ironically) Udina, had spoken, sappy and idiotic speeches about how his spirit inspired them all and how he could be a valuable example for all of humanity. It was a joke. Their speeches hadn't even scratched the surface of what was really there.

But, like a good soldier, Ashley said nothing.

She could only watch as, one by one, Shepard's old squad was picked apart. Joker was grounded within a month and fell off the radar a few weeks later. Kaidan was all but forgotten—any mention of him raised eyebrows and led to a "C'mon, skipper, let's get some coffee" from the nearest shrink. The entire crew of the Normandy was broken apart and reassigned, some even given honorable discharges. Tali was shunted back to the Migrant Fleet. Wrex returned to Tuchanka. Liara fell off the grid as well, only to resurface months later in Illium. Garrus tried and failed to become a Spectre, and soon he, too, disappeared.

It was in times like these that Ashley truly doubted her motivations. Was this really the Alliance her father had pledged her life to? Her grandfather? What kind of bullshit was this?

They never found his body, but she knew. She knew from the moment the escape pod had turned up, with only one occupant. It was just a feeling, but she knew and goddamn did it hurt like hell.

That didn't stop her from praying for him. Every night she'd bow her head, clasp her hands, and silently beg whatever God was out there that he could return, unharmed and safe, and fall into her arms. And then she'd cry herself to sleep.

Shortly after Tali left, Ash was chained to a desk. There was hardly any fanfare, just "You're a desk jockey, Williams" and then nothing. Radio silence from everyone, even Anderson—and that pissed her off the most. She thought Anderson had been on Shepard's side. Evidently not.

And so Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams' life fell into miserable monotony, broken only by the sporadic "Shepard sightings" that dotted the media. Though she knew how insanely stupid it was, she felt a little bit of hope every time she saw one, only for her spirits to fall once again when she realized that he looked nothing like Caleb originally did.

The very worst thing, though, came every time she went out for food on the Citadel. The Alliance had started using Shepard's likeness as part of a recruiting campaign, as well as his voice and some action footage. It became so that no matter how hard she tried, she could not erase his face from her mind, or his voice from her memory. It became impossible to move on, and she sank even deeper into that abyss of grief and the feeling of uselessness became more potent with each passing day.

For one year and six months, the ugly cycle continued.

Finally, someone, maybe Anderson or Hackett, woke up and decided to put her out of her misery. Her ass was put back on a battle frigate and sent out to several mundane worlds in the ass end of the Terminus Systems. She saw combat again, and it distracted her from her grieving, if only for a little while, until the gunfire ceased.

Silence became her enemy, sleep even more so. She'd hear Shepard's voice coming from some corner of her mind and try to reach it, only to realize, too late, that it was as far removed from reality as Omega was from the Citadel. She dreamed of him almost every night.

She dimly remembered promising herself that nothing would ever come between her and the line of duty. It seemed like an eternity ago. Those words sounded so hollow now. She cursed herself for bringing herself to this, for letting somebody change her so that she was utterly lost with him gone.

Is this what my life is gonna be? she wondered. Am I destined to rot in the ass-end of the Terminus, pining for a dead man?

Ashley Williams grieved long and hard, and reality slipped from her fingers for one year and six months.