WARNINGS: Mentions of attempted suicide.

PAIRINGS: Dean/Castiel

RATING: T for attempted suicide

NOTES: I'm not very good with such dark themes, so this is me giving it a shot!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything but the plot of this fic. And my grammar/spelling mistakes from lack of rereading/time.

...

It was a seemingly normal day in the lives of Sam and Dean Winchester when he decided to end his life. It grew to be too much; the pressures of being a hunter for pretty much his whole life. Dean Winchester stood in front of the upstairs bathroom mirror in Bobby's house with one of their many knives pressed to his neck. His hands were shaking uncontrollably as he cried. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. One too many people had died, one too many people he couldn't save. A case they solved, but they couldn't save everyone. And the fact that Sam didn't care at all was just adding to the horror.

He just couldn't handle it anymore. His brother wasn't his brother. They couldn't stop the end of the world. Dean couldn't go on with his life anymore. The next logical step was to end his life. Sam didn't need him. No one needed him anymore. No one wanted him anymore. No one cared anymore.

Dean lowered the knife to calm himself and gripped the sink tightly. He cried silently for everything he lost in this war. He cried for his brother. He cried for everyone who has lost their life because he couldn't save them. He cried because sometimes nothing is enough and there was nothing more he could do.

After a few minutes, he picked up the knife again and held it to his neck. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Castiel's voice stopped him. He didn't turn around, only stared at Castiel from the mirror. "Why are you here?" Dean didn't drop the knife. He held it tighter in his hand. Besides that, he barely moved at all.

"I sensed your emotional distress." Castiel moved closer very slowly as if he was afraid. "I was worried."

Dean shook his head and chuckled mirthlessly. "No. You weren't worried. You are here by duty, not by want." Dean turned around and faced Castiel, knife still held to his neck. "And I need to be alone right now."

It was then Castiel realised what Dean was going to do. He didn't know why, but he did know that Dean was going to attempt to take his own life. It sent Castiel's mind spinning. "Why are you doing that, Dean?"

"Oh you mean this?" Dean cut into his throat a little and blood slowly ran down his neck. Not enough to kill him, but enough to make Castiel panic.

"Stop, Dean. You don't know what you're doing." Castiel tried moving closer to Dean, but he only growled.

"Step any closer and you'll regret it, angelface." The name wasn't endearing like Castiel had often heard it used by other humans. It was threatening and dark. Castiel had never been more afraid since he met Dean.

"Dean, why?"

"Because, Castiel." The use of his full name didn't pass by Castiel. He knew things were getting more dangerous by the second. Dean's arm began shaking again from being held in the same position for so long and his nerves. He didn't want to kill himself; he felt it was the only option. "The world isn't butterflies and ice cream cones. I've seen the darkest things, and I've tried my hardest to stop them from taking over me but I can't do it anymore, Cas." Dean's voice broke. "I can't. Sam isn't Sam anymore and nothing is alright. I just…I can't handle it anymore."

Dean's hands continued to shake, the small cut on his neck still bleeding a little. Castiel had no idea what to say. He wasn't sure how to talk Dean out of this.

A shaky breath. A pregnant silence. Dean began to speak once again. "And no one needs me, Cas. No one needs me. No one cares. Sam has no soul and he's the only one who really needed me, Cas. Lisa pretends but…but I know she doesn't really. She doesn't know half the shit I go through. I need to be…I need to be needed. I need someone to want me there. And the only person who ever did is gone."

The tears had long since continued and every breath for Dean was heavy. Neither man moved for a while.

"Are you going to stop me?" Dean's mouth twitched. He wasn't in his right mind, they both knew it. Dean wasn't going to stop himself.

"I…I don't know what you want me to do." It was true. Castiel was in fear for both of their lives. If he went to take the knife, would Dean attack him? If he didn't Dean would surely kill himself and that was the opposite of what Castiel wanted.

"I want you to leave. I don't want you to see this." Dean turned around towards the mirror.

Castiel almost listened. He almost let Dean make a huge mistake. But he realised what Dean truly wanted him to say. The truth. So Castiel didn't leave Dean then. He didn't leave Dean to die. He couldn't.

Just as Dean was about to slit his throat, Castiel stopped him.

"You are wrong."

Dean turned around at that. "What?" The knife fell to the ground at Dean's surprise. He thought Castiel had already left him.

"You are needed." Castiel began somewhat awkwardly. "You are wanted. You are cared for. But you are also blind to this. There may be a lot of dark in this world, Dean, but in order for there to be dark there also has to be light."

"Those days are over, Cas. The light has gone out for me." Dean said. Suddenly, he couldn't stand. He leaned against the wall by the sink and slid down, shaking. He reached for the knife, but Castiel grabbed it first.

"I care for you Dean. Don't do this to yourself." Castiel kneeled next to Dean, who had now buried his face in his hands. "Don't do this to me."

"Cas, I can't do it. I can't save the world." Dean sobbed. The tears continued rolling and his frame kept shaking. Castiel didn't know what do to other than hug the man.

Dean collapsed into him, forcing Castiel to take a sitting position on the floor. Dean held him tightly as if he would fall apart otherwise.

"I don't want to lose more."

"You will be okay, Dean. I got you, you'll be okay."

Castiel made sure Dean made it through that night and every night after that. He feared leaving Dean alone.

No one ever knew what happened that night except Dean and Castiel. Everything seemed to go back to normal. The only thing different was the strengthened bond between the angel and his charge.