AN: I didn't forget about PP&S, this just needs to come out. Then i can get writing again. Forgive me, please? I'm not the most consisten author, but i'm really trying. Just everytime i do, it doesn't turn out right and i end up trashing the whole chapter. I'm even thinking about rewriting the current one. Bare with me folks. In the mean time, please enjoy this.

Prolouge

Isabella Swan is a strange creature. Like a flame, you're never really able to touch her. But you know she's there, you feel her heat, her warmth, that very burning sensation when you get too close to her but you can never touch. The first time you meet see her in person, in real life, you know she's the one. The hope that your infatuation with a simple minded human girl will die before she arrives to fall in love with Edward doesn't manifest itself.

You know that Edward will swoon her and through thick and thin she will be swooned and they will be together. It's not set in stone but it might as well be. You've seen it, felt it, dreaded it, hidden it, forced it into the back of your heart what you most fear: losing her to him. Through it all though, when you see your brother's face as he broods for yet another day waiting for the one person to change it, you can't help but love and pity him enough to give up the one girl you've ever wanted.

Yes, you're more willing to give her up to your brother. It's a noble cause, you tell yourself. But that's not the truth, not the whole truth anyways. His happiness matters not to you as much as Bella's, that's what she'll tell you to call her when you two meet, not Isabella. You'll do anything to bring that smile to her face, even if it means burning yourself next to her fire, waiting, wanting and never having.

You've lied to yourself many times before, lied to yourself when you said that Jasper was the one for you, that the emptiness inside it filled completely by him. Lied to yourself that you love her, so much that Jasper has yet to detect any change in your emotions, so much that Edward doesn't hear your screaming conscious to run, take her away and have her for yourself forever when you first saw her. No, the secret that should not belong to you is hidden away so deep in your mind that you yourself don't believe it.

You wonder sometimes what it will be like with her. When you're by yourself, out in the woods, hunting to sate a never ending craving, you think about her. Soon after meeting her, the smell of rotting, molding wood, fresh rain, the outdoors soon reminds you of her. So does vanilla and lavender, it's the body wash she uses but you only catch that scent ever so often. You don't visit her like Edward, not nightly, he takes that time for himself to watch and observe her. There is one time though, when dawn touches night, bringing the sun out, Edward doesn't risk getting caught in the day so he leaves, which means you go. It's once in a while not daily; you can't arouse too much suspicion.

You sit on top of her window, not the window sill, just where the top edges meet the roof that protrudes outward, you sit cross legged and close your eyes. The vision you get is just a millisecond father into the future and it gets even better when she decides to open her windows. You soon find out she must open her windows daily because every time you've visited, she's opened it. You know it is weird, creepy and inappropriate on so many levels but you can't help yourself. The need gets too much, it feels as if you're suffocating.

When you two have developed a close enough relationship, after the whole James incident, you give into touching her. It burns, it sparks, and it feels as if you're finally alive. When she drops her books in the hallway, you remember this distinctly; you're fast to be next to her to help her pick it up. When her hands touch yours for the first time trying to pick up the last piece of dropped paper, it makes your heart nearly beat. When you look into her chocolate eyes, you wonder if she feels the same because her face is mirroring yours; surprised and unsettled, eyes needy and wide open. You spend the rest of the day shaken up then excuse yourself second period and tell the group you're gone hunting. It helps. Though, you've fed on so much animal blood that your eyes are now a bright yellow, any lighter shade and it will be almost unnatural.

You refuse to think about the look she gave you when your eyes meet.

There have been many more encounters, many more touches that were longer, less tentative. But never anything that caused anyone to wonder if they were anything but friends.

Then you find her lips on yours one winter morning when you had come to wake her up. It was a snap decision, one that you didn't see coming before her lips crashed into yours. She had just finished showering and changing in the restroom as you wait on her bed. The sight of her wet, messy hair draping across her shoulders coupled with that wonderful lavender and vanilla smell sends your judgment downhill. There is a tag sticking out the back of her shirt so as she is standing in front of her dresser, plugging in the hairdryer, you find your legs moving towards her. Small talk escapes from the both of your mouths but you don't recall much of it. You recall being behind her as you take her hair and brush it to one side so you can get a view of her neck and the tag that was sticking out. When your fingertips graze the back of her neck, lifting up her shirt just slightly and pushes the tag back in its place, you lose all control. You move just a little closer, breathing her scent from her hair and she turns to face you.

Then its lips to lips, tongue to teeth, sometimes so passionate that your teeth touch as well. It is every kind of rightfully wrong with a bit more tongue. When she takes your lower lip and begins to suck, gnaw, lick, kiss, you wonder if this is heaven. It's not long before she is pressed up against her dresser with your leg between hers, her leg between yours, your cold thighs touching her heated center.

Then you realize what you're doing and you're across the room from her. When you meet her eyes, you know it wasn't a mistake, you see the want, need, fear, everything that you've felt in her eyes.

She lowers her head and says "Sorry."

Silence.

"I love him Alice."

You nod knowingly then disappear.

You don't come to school that day.

When she tries to explain her actions a week later you tell her it's okay. She keeps telling you that she loves Edward that you begin to wonder if she is trying to convince you or herself. You don't say much, just nodding and "I understand" once in a while. When she's done stuttering through a probably practiced speech to you about how much she wants you-as a friend- and how you and her "Just wouldn't work out.". You tell her it's okay. You know that if it had been you who initiated the kiss, it would be you telling her the same thing right now.

So you really do understand.

It just doesn't cure the pain.

When Bella's birthday comes around and Jasper snaps, you are forced to leave. A part of you is sad because you're leaving her. A part of you is almost giddy because now at least Edward won't have her. But when you see her struggle to move on from him it breaks your heart.

The next time you see her she smells like dog, lavender and vanilla.

When Edward decides to try to kill himself, stupidly, over a miscommunication, is your turn to snap. You're driving your favorite Porche to take the Princess to save her Prince Charming. The drive was of you two catching up marred with a single stop to get gas and food, driving with your eyes closed, driving with your eyes closed as you take her bag of chips and feed it to her. It's almost as if you're not driving to save the man that will take the love of your life.

She keeps asking if we'll make it in time. You say answer honestly; yes they will.

Looking deeper into the future, you only chance this once during the trip, you realize this is the pivotal point where Bella is completely Edward's, making up her mind to love him and only him. Not Jacob, not her.

What does surprises you is when you pull into the town that houses the Volturi. "You only have a couple minutes Bella. Go!" You tell her.

And she kisses you. Its gentle and tender and you know it doesn't mean what you want it to mean.

"I love you Alice."

You begin to feel as If the world is falling apart.

"I just love him more."

The door slams

A goodbye kiss.

Jacob gets the same denial kiss only months later.

In the end, she, as you know she would have always, picked Edward above all.

Suddenly, you're happy. Or atleast you tell yourself that you are.

You're smiling as they grow closer and closer. You wonder where these smiles are coming from, if they're real or not, you wonder how you can be happy, are you happy, you just don't know anymore. Everything becomes a blur, numb at most, even your time with her feels a little less there and a little more abstract.

Then your world snaps.

It's the day when Bella tells you the exact date of her wedding.

You smile at her, hug her, wish her the best. You don't realize the disturbed feeling until you're out of the room. It feels cold, freezing yet you can't feel much of it either.

When you go outside for a drive, you abandon your precious car completely, choosing vampire speed completely. When you're a good fifty miles or so out in the woods is when you stop running. The clouds are just overhead and it's begun to rain, hard. You breathe in smell of wet wood, outside, the smell that has so reminded you of her, you begin to cry. The rain replaces the tears that can never be shed, but you're crying, sobbing, wailing. It hurts and you're finally letting it hurt.

You just want to go back to the time you never met her. You hate her, hate how she's come into your life and ruined it, torn your world into pieces, threw it up in the air and walked away. You just want it to go back to the times when she hadn't kissed you, to the time when you sat outside her house and just enjoyed her. But when you open your eyes to reality, it's not going to happen. You don't know how long you've laid on the forest wood crying but when you're done, its night and you're tired. Worn out, worn thin, empty and numb again.

The sound of waves crashing against rocks draw you to it, reminded you of the vision you had of her. Then your shoes are off, you're sailing twenty feet into the air, dropping as fast as gravity will let you. You don't feel the release that Bella has told you about, no sudden visions of Bella appearing and telling you that you're a stupid, hopelessly in love, idiot. None. The cold water doesn't even feel cold. The rocks that would have broken a regular human barely scratched your skin.

You make no attempts to get on shore.

You just float. Endlessly, eyes closed, rain pelting on your skin, water soaking your cloths, you float. You know they aren't worried about you yet. And you don't want to go back, nothing there for her anymore other than a broken heart and pain.

When you feel yourself hit land, you realize the hunger you've been fighting for the past week manifest itself. You barely feed these days, numbness takes the place of all else. Its daybreak, still cloudy so you can't tell the time.

When you stumble onto a deer that had been hit by a rifle shot, you don't move away.

It's not the deer that takes your attention though, it's an elderly man and the cut he has on his leg. The blood thats calling out to her, singing its name, making her mouth pool with venom. You're not Alice anymore. Just an animal, a hunter to its prey.

His eyes go wide when you appear in front of him.

Then you sink your canines into him, warm, red liquid spilling out. The thought of stopping never appears.

Neither does the thought of going back.

The 2nd person stops after this chapter. :) Yes, no, maybe so? Like it? I really tried to fit into the Twilight plotline and Alice's character with her loving Bella from the start. Didn't wanna redo/rewrite Twilight. I wanted something that stretched beyond New Moon and Eclipse. Certain things are changed in the history, obviously. Review!