Hey!

This is a oneshot about how Lydia developed from an innocent apprentice to a person full of egoism and hate. I haven't written anything for a long time, esp. nothing english, so please forgive me all the mistakes I made, or even better: correct them all and send them to me so I can improve. (I'm also not sure about the title... I couldn't find a better word...)

I hope you like it.

Special thanks to Bloodthirsty Muffin, who helped me a lot by correcting nearly every sentence of this story.

Barbie and the Diamond Castle © Mattel.

Pernicious Love

I feel like this day is worth to begin a diary. I'm not going to write about every day. Just the very special days. From today on I'm no longer an apprentice. Today the three of us became the new muses of the diamond castle. This beautiful place will be my home from now on. It feels so.. right. It's meant to be that I will live here with Dori and Phaedra. I still can't believe it. It feels so wonderful. We will live here and play music the whole day. I have the crazy feeling, that the diamonds sparkle even more since that special moment when we were told, that we are THE NEW MUSES! I will now go and celebrate this wonderful day with Phaedra and Dori, OH MY GOD!

Today I realised it. When I saw Phaedra playing her lute alone in her room.

Music is Love.

Pure, innocent love. Music doesn't need words, although singing is beautiful. Music is letting our hearts tell the truth. One only has to listen to the music. Phaedra's playing is so beautiful, I could listen to her lute the whole day.

When Phaedra, Dori and I play together everything just feels so right. It feels like time stands still and the world stops turning and it is like... everyone in the world is listening. However time passes quickly sometimes. The three of us are really good friends and I'm very grateful for this wonderful life. We have a great time together, of course especially while playing our instruments. Our music is perfect harmony.

Now it's more than a year since I started this diary. I've changed so much since my first entry. When I read it now it sounds childish and overreacting. Haha. I guess, that's how I was back then. I guess I learned a lot during this year. And I'm a lot more mature by now.

I saw Phaedra this morning. I woke up before sunrise and since I could'nt go back to sleep, I went out for a walk through the forest. It happened when I came back. The sun was rising and made the castle glimmer and shine and it was like the sun was painting my home with magical colors. That's when I saw Phaedra. She was standing on her balcony watching the morning forest. She didn't see me. I stood there under a tree watching her up there in the light. The morning wind was playing with her hair and the light fabric of her gown. It was such a beautiful picture, I will keep it in my heart forever. For a moment I wished Dori to be with me and watch this beautiful moment, but I'm selfish. I' happy that I was the only person to see it. It was like... just for me.

I see I write a little more now. But it is again a very special day for me. Today we got our first apprentice. It feels like it was hundreds of years ago since I was an apprentice myself. So much happened since then. Her name is Melody and although she is OUR apprentice I feel like she is mine. Because she plays the flute like me. There is so much we want to teach her. She is very talented and it feels like I'm a „full-fledged" muse now, that I -and the others of course, too- have an apprentice to teach. I'm so happy and Phaedra and Dori of course are so, too. Today it's partytime again.

I'm feeling ashamed. I wanted to teach Melody so much, but Phaedra and Dori had to slow me down. Melody shoul be able to develop her „own" music instead of learning mine. That's ridiculous. I just wanted to help. That's a point I miss around here. I want something important to be mine. It is sometimes hard to hare everything. But still my life here is wonderful. We have these little funny moments when Dori is making fun with her lyre and singing nonsense. And Phaedra is always the first one to laugh. Yes, I love to be with them.

Earlier in my diary I wrote about music and love. It feels like it was a long time ago. But today I feel the same. Music is Love. And Love feels like music. It's like my heart sings the whole day, one and the same song. And the song is named „Phaedra". It's not only her music that's beautiful, it's everything about her. It's her benignant face and her affectionate smile. She is so kind-hearted and everyone loves her. But not the way how I love her. When I read my previous entrys I can see the signs. I don't know when it began, but today I realised, that I loved her for a long time without realising it. And my love for her grows every day. I sometimes sneak after her, watching her while she thinks she's alone. Or listen to her playing music alone, without Dori or Melody. I love her playing. I sometimes sit around my room playing just for her.

I can feel it now... every time the three of us play together... I only play for her. Neither for me nor for Dori nor for the three of us... Yes, I play only for her. But she never notices that she is the only person i think about, there's nothing and no one on my mind but her, whatever I play. She says, that my music was beautiful, but she doesn't hear the love in it.

I just got an idea. I will write a song. A duett for her and me. When we play it together... she might notice by the music how much I love her.

It's so ridiculous.

In fact I wrote this song. And it IS beautiful. In my fantasy Phaedra and I are playing it, without Dori or Melody around. Surely why does it have to be THREE muses. It would be so much easier for me if Dori wasn't there. Two muses are enough. Dori is only in the way. I want Phaedra to be mine. I want her music to be mine.

The found my music sheets.

I can't believe it. They found them and PLAYED THEM! I came to the hall and heard them playing MY song! I froze when I realised it was my song. The song I wrote for Phaedra. Dori and Phaedra were playing it. When they saw me, they stopped and waved. They told me it was beautiful and we should play it together. The THREE of us. From that moment on I hated Dori. I guess I didn't like her before, but now I really hate her. And it was also the moment my love for Phaedra turned to hate. I never believed this could happen. But Phaedra didn't understand anything. She was just smiling her wonderful smile and telling me how much she liked my song and that it would be great if we ALL could perform it TOGETHER. She'd never understand. Although she played my song. She is so stupid. My music isn't for everyone. My music is mine. And so shall every music ever be. If Phaedra can't be mine...

I gave her a last chance. I didn't want to be just furious. I really agreed on playing my song with them. I don't really know what I wanted to achieve. Maybe I really believed, that there is a chance.. even if it's just a very small one... that she might realise AND return my love.

It didn't happen. While playing I suddenly knew it. She will never understand. NOBODY will ever understand. Nothing will ever be mine. It was MY song. And that made it MY music. If they'll never understand, what this music meant to me and how to talk through music... they shall never play their instruments again. NOBODY shall ever sing again except me. I shall be the one and only muse! Since nobody will ever know the real meaning of music.. no one shall sing any more...