The first time I saw him was at the library. It was late fall and I got caught in a down pour. I was drenched and cold and needed a nice, quiet place to pass the time because I knew the rain wasn't going to stop for a while and I wasn't in a hurry to go anywhere. So, I took refugee in there. It was warm and dry and there were plenty of books to keep me occupied for a while.

I had been browsing the non-fiction section; looking for books on the holocaust. I had a paper due on the subject a few weeks from then and figured I might as well check them out while I was there. I was scanning through the shelves looking for the right section. That's when I saw him.

He had been sitting there at one of the tables in the far, east corner with tons of books spread out in front of him. Some lay open while others were stacked. I was intrigued by how pale he was and how his dark brunette locks clashed so beautifully with his skin. I believe that's what drew me to him. That and he was by himself.

He hadn't even noticed when I took a seat across from him and picked up one of the books. "How To Be More Out-Going With The People Around You" was printed in big bold letters on the yellow cover and underneath that was a picture of three people laughing and seemingly patting one another on the back. I remember glancing up at him then, peeking through the ends of my wine red bangs; he just flipped to the next page of the book he was going over.

I sat there for a while, just watching him read. I said nothing and he said nothing. I'm not even entirely sure if he had noticed me and was just ignoring me or not. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to say something. Ask him his name or what he was doing. I wanted to make small talk. But I just couldn't; I was just like him, I could tell. We were both shy and didn't know how to speak out.

I had been a sophomore in high school then. I was going through that awkward phase most boys went through around that time. I was quiet and withdrawn and generally didn't know how to react or fit in with people. But I still made an effort; for him, I made an effort. "Any of these helpful?"

I was looking over one of the books he had picked out when I asked. It seemed like he didn't even move or look up and he hadn't said anything. I glanced up and met his gaze; those dark eyes were peering at me with curiosity from across the table. I watched his hand place the book he had been reading down and then move to brush his bangs out of his eyes. "Some are. Others, not so much."

The way he stared at me made me feel uncomfortable. It was as if he was searching for something. They stared right through me and saw what I was trying to keep from him. "It took you quite some time to speak to me." He voice was so smooth and deep; and I began to wonder if he was really like me or not. It certainly didn't seem like he had trouble with people.

"It had looked like you wanted to say something since you sat down." That caught me off guard. So he had noticed me. If he had seen me, then maybe he saw me watching him. I knew my face had tinted crimson with that thought and that I probably looked like a deer caught in the head lights.

The way he tilted his head caused his choppy bangs slide over one eye and he gave me a smile that you knew was complete bullshit, but I could tell there was something more to it. Something I didn't know of yet. And he introduced himself then, "I'm Sai. And you are?"

I hesitated; I wasn't sure if I wanted to make that connection with him. If I wanted to be friends with someone like him. It could be dangerous in many ways. The main one being that I could learn so many things about myself that I wasn't ready for. But he had reached out farther to me than I had him and I just couldn't let him dangle there. So, I reached back and grasped onto his hand. "Gaara."

I was stocking the shelves at the bookstore I worked part time at after school. It had been a slow day in more ways than one. There had been only two customers earlier that morning and it was snowing pretty heavily now. It was the type of snow that people liked to avoid; the wet and sticky kind. And not many people were out on the streets because of it.

I had heard the jangle of the bells above the entrance and leaned back to peek around the bookshelf in order to see. "Welcome to…" I had started but my sentence fell and I felt my body warm up with shocked delight. It was such a strange feeling, seeing him stand there on the welcome mat brushing snow off himself. He was covered in it; his clothes damp and heavy.

I had a moment thought, wondering what he was doing wandering about in the snow. Because that's what he had to have been doing to be so covered in it. But when his gaze turned up to me, or rather down since I had been kneeling on the floor, the thought was pushed into the farthest spot of my mind.

He looked pleasantly surprised I was there in front of him. For a split second, I swore I saw a slight smile spread across him features. It was small and only lasted a few seconds but it was achingly sweet. "It's you." He said, walking over. "Gaara." His voice had gotten deeper or maybe it just seemed like it because I hadn't seen him in so long. Either way, it was still satisfying to hear.

"And you, Sai." I stood up and brushed my pants free of dirt and dust. I was glad to see him but I didn't let it show. I gave him a smirk, crossing my arms and leaned my shoulder on the shelf. "Get tired of the library's atmosphere?"

He had seemed amused, the look in his eyes gave it away, but his features told me nothing. "Not entirely." was his response. He had walked by me and was browsing the shelves. He was searching for something but it didn't look like he knew what exactly. To me, it looked like he was trying to find something that he couldn't find on a shelf or in a book. But I couldn't be too sure.

I slid off the shelf and went back to the inventory. Placing books in their rightful spots while stealing glances at Sai every once in a while. I knew he was doing the same; we would catch each other occasionally. However, when we did, we didn't look away awkwardly or turn back quickly. We just held each others gaze until one of us decided to divert our attention back to our tasks.

Our behavior seemed childish to me. We both wanted to communicate though neither of us made a move. Or at least, I didn't; he was the one to reach out again. He was always the one to reach out. I had been lost in thought while shelving that I had stopped sneaking looks his way. I stood to go throw the empty box that I carried the books in, into the back area of the store and was startled to find him sitting on the counter next to the cash register.

He had been patiently watching me. He tilted his head to the left and made a face at me. "You sure can zone out your surrounding when you're focused on something." I gave him a playful sneer, although I don't know if he knew it was playful. He didn't seem to mind either way. I walked behind the counter while he hopped off.

I glanced over the items he had; three books on subjects probably relating to his schooling, two books on art history, a sketch book and a mole skin notebook. I punched in my employee code and began to ring him up. "How long were you watching me?" I casually asked. I sneaked a glance up through my bangs and saw his features change. He looked almost uncomfortable and embarrassed.

He looked the other way when I turned my full gaze at him and he scratched his cheek. "Well, to be honest… Since I came through the door." My eyes widened and I didn't know what to say and I knew by his silence, he didn't either.

It was one of those moments when you knew that there was something there. You knew, they felt the same way you did and you wanted so desperately to do something about it. But you didn't. Normally, I would have just stayed quiet and ignored the situation. But it was different with him. He was different; I had to admit I was attracted to him in more than one way. And so, as he stood there in front of me all flustered, waiting for me to bag his items; I jotted down my cell number on the back of his receipt and placed it between the pages of one of the art history books before placing it in the bag.

I reached out that time, farther than either one of us had. And nothing came of it. Weeks went by and nothing happened; he didn't call. It bothered me, it did. It bothered me so much; everyday I was waiting for that stupid phone call and nothing came.

Sunday mornings were a past time for me. They were peaceful and I enjoyed waking up early to lie on the porch and read. I stretched my shoulders until I heard the pop and felt them relax and slid out of bed. I heard my siblings bickering in the other room about something idiotic and sauntered into the bathroom. I washed up a bit and put some pants on before grabbing the novel I was reading for my English course.

I headed towards the kitchen passing my brother and sister, Kankuro and Temari, on the way to the fridge. I placed the book between my arm and ribs while I held the refrigerator door open and looked about. I pushed things around, opening drawers, peering into them before closing them. Then shut the door with a slam and walked out onto the porch.

There was never food around here, never. I wasn't exaggerating; no one ever went and bought groceries. We would only pick something up when we individually felt like it. If you were hungry, you got your own food. We were the type of family that didn't function well together. We didn't hate each other, well, not anymore, but we didn't really think of one another too much.

I was sprawled out and had just finished the fifth page from where I started reading when Temari opened the sliding door, interrupting my peace. I glared murderously up at her but she wasn't affected by it in any way. She probably had too many years of dealing with it under her belt. Lazily she stared down at me and held my cell phone out. "Some kid named, Sai."

I know I looked startled and all ruffled up, because Temari flinched back in surprised and stared at me like I was crazy when I quickly jumped up and snatched the phone from her. I pushed past her confused body and went straight to my room before saying anything. I heard Kankuro ask her, "What's up with him?" on my way but completely ignored it.

I took a breath and composed myself. "Hello?" I tried to speak calmly but I sounded strangled. I didn't relax until I heard a light chuckle on the other side. "It took me a while to find the note." He explained before a proper greeting or anything. "I only just opened the book last night."

The relief I felt then was amazing. I didn't realize how much it affected me that he hadn't called. God, I was acting like a teenage girl; it was pathetic. But even so, I couldn't help myself. "Hey, I haven't eaten yet and it's…" I paused to glance over to my clock. "Nine seventeen. Why don't we meet up and talk over… Brunch, I guess you could call it."

I wanted to see him. I wanted to talk to him face to face. Over the phone wasn't good enough with him. It never satisfied me. "Alright."

We kept seeing each other occasionally after that. We could go for months without talking and yet if one of us called, we'd always end up meeting the other. It was a spur of the moment thing, always. It didn't matter where we were or what we were doing; we'd meet up. It was like we were addicts hooked on some drug that we just couldn't get enough of. Though, we never openly admitted it to one another.

A good year had gone by like that. We grew close but we always kept the other at arms length. Making sure we were only so close to the flame; neither of us wanted to get burned. It happened to us too often. He had told me how he didn't get along with most people; he was too blunt. I had been the same, although, I was too quiet.

Somewhere along the line though, we dropped out of contact. It could have been because I was preparing for exams and applying to colleges. But I wasn't sure, some how he had slipped my mind. It could've been like the saying, "Out of sight. Out of mind." It was strange anyhow, because he had been on my mind so much before that. Perhaps I had needed a break to get things sorted out before anything happened. And he must have too, since he hadn't called me either.

It was around eight o'clock and I was having a coffee break when I saw him walk in. I was at one of the local cafés around my apartment, working on an essay. The university I had gotten into wasn't too far from home but I decided to move out anyway. I wanted my own space. I wanted some kind of responsibility. But mainly, it was because it was close to the library.

I watched him stroll to the counter and order something. He paid and waited patiently. Watching the barista intently as she made his drink; not even looking about him. I felt a slight tinge of jealousy swell up inside me then. I knew it was ridiculous, but even after quite some time; I was still attracted to him.

It was worse now than it had been before. He was a man now, I was a man now. And after talking with him before, learning things about him most people probably never knew. Even when he might have insulted or offended me in some way, with or without realizing it, I still wanted to be near him. He even dealt with my fits of anger well and when I just wanted to be left alone, he didn't bother me. He knew how to deal with me.

It made me so attracted to him. I had never considered myself gay, nor was I straight; I was probably considered more asexual than any thing else. But Sai, he made me want him; I was gay for him. He was sensitive and smart and artistic and he was beautiful. He may not be good with people, but he was good with me. He was good for me.

I hadn't needed much and he didn't either. But what we both needed, we could give to one another. It was never spoken about but it was felt. We felt the pull each of us had for the other. We were like magnets or moths to a flame. We were drawn to each other so strongly; it was insane.

Even so, I decided not to bother him. I hadn't seen him in quite a while and for all I knew, he could be in a relationship. It wasn't out of question, he was gorgeous. He knew how to make friends and he knew how to begin relationships. His problem laid in keeping those bonds. But more so; I probably pretended I didn't see him because I was afraid of being hurt. If he was in a relationship with someone, I wouldn't know how to react.

However, I couldn't help the smirk that spread across my face when the seat across from me pulled out and Sai planted himself in it. He didn't say anything and neither did I. That was normal for us; we could go hours in each other's company and not say a word. And that was okay; that's how we were.

I continued to work on my essay and he watched me, taking a sip of his cappuccino every once in a while. He was staring out the window when I placed my pen down and leaned back in my chair. Looking him over; and I mean, I looked him over. I knew he saw too, the smile from behind his cup wasn't hidden well. "You stalking me?" I teased; we both knew he wasn't.

A coy expression filled his features. "And if I was?" My eyes followed his hand to the table, where he placed his cup, and then flickered up towards his face. I took a while to answer, mulling over the thought of him stalking me. I could tell he was beginning to get anxious of my answer. "I probably wouldn't even care." His lips drew back into a small smile. "Oh? You wouldn't?"

I caught his gaze and I flipped the atmosphere immediately; turning it from playful to serious. I rested my head on the palm of my hand and gave him a pensive look. "If it was you…" I started and it seemed like I hadn't fully caught his attention until I had spoke then.

He stared back at me with curiosity in every feature. He was probably confused and didn't understand why I was acting like this all of a sudden; and after so long. I averted my attention to the people passing by outside the window. "If you were stalking me. I don't think I would mind. Not one bit." It wasn't a confession, not entirely anyway. But I knew he knew; he definitely knew.

I woke up to my cell phone going off. It was probably around two a.m. and by checking the clock on the side table I confirmed that it was really three o`five. I thought about ignoring it, but a feeling spread through my belly and I rolled over to search for my cell that was somewhere on the floor. I finally found it and panicked when I saw it read "Sai" across the screen, trying to answer it before he hung up.

"Sai?" I sounded tired and rushed and desperate. I wasn't sure what to think when all his reply was, "Open your front door." I hesitated, confused, but never the less jumped out of bed and quickly made my way to the front of my apartment. I hadn't seen him in weeks and was pleasantly surprised to know he was here. I unlocked the door and opened it, not caring that I was only in a pair of old pajama bottoms.

Sai was standing there with two cups of coffee in his hands. I gave them a questionable glance; both the coffee and Sai. I was holding the door open but I didn't ask him in yet. I raised an eyebrow and motioned toward the coffee, "You woke me up for coffee?" He laughed; a full hearted chuckle and I couldn't help but smile. It was such a nice sound. "Not just coffee," he started. He handed one of the coffee cups to me, which I took a sip of, and pulled a case out from under his arm. "I brought a movie too."

"Oh, well. In that case, I guess, you can come in." He grinned at me and I moved aside for him. He quickly made himself at home; kicking off his shoes and pulling his jacket off, laying it on the arm of the couch and then flopping onto the couch itself. He seemed comfortable and I loved that. I walked over to set the DVD player up and took the DVD from him, placing it in the tray and closing it.

I sat down next to him, and pretended to make myself more comfortable, really only trying to get closer to him without raising suspicion. However, he wasn't having any of it; he scooted right over and placed his arm around my naked shoulders. I tensed up. I definitely wasn't expecting that.

Nervously, I glanced over to him; he just stared at the screen as if nothing was out of the ordinary. And honestly, maybe nothing was. There wasn't anything different about this situation other than an arm draped about my shoulders. Everything else was the same, everything. I turned back to the screen and watched the previews for a bit until I realized something. "How did you know what apartment I was in? I never told you where I lived."

He sat there and for a minute I thought he was ignoring me. I knew he heard me, he wasn't even two feet away; he heard me. I lean over in front of him and narrowed my eyes. I knew then he was ignoring me. I wasn't angry though, in fact I was smiling at him. "I'm not going to repeat myself."

He avoided the question and began to snicker. He was in a good mood and it was putting me in a better mood than I had been all week. "I stalked you. You said you didn't mind." I stared blankly at him. I wasn't sure if I should have been creeped out or thought it was clever and witty. I mean, I had given him the idea. Though it was late, or rather early, and I just found it funny.

I couldn't hold it back and laughed out loud and I could tell it pleased him. "You sure have a way of making someone feel so creeped out but…" I stopped where I was going with that and my widened eyes shot straight to his. The look he gave me then made my face go red. "But?"

I slumped back on the couch. I almost went too far. I couldn't cross that line. I wasn't ready, I was still too inexperienced with things like this and even after all this time I still didn't know what orientation Sai was. It wasn't the right time. "Gaara." "Nothing. But nothing." I heard his soft sigh from beside me, but he didn't press any further. That was something I liked about him; he knew when to let go with me.

"Yeah, Naruto?" I said a second after flipping open my phone. "Do you have pants on?" I choked on my breakfast. "What?" Naruto chuckled loudly on the other end. "Do you have pants on?" I looked down, wondering what could possibly be going through his head. "Uh, yeah." Not long after that reply I heard the dial tone on the phone and then there was a knock at my door. I shook my head and got up from the kitchen table.

I opened it with a smirk that faltered immediately; Naruto was standing there with a big grin and… Sai. "Sai?" A big grin spread across the blonde's mouth as he saluted me. "We thought a little surprise would brighten your morning." Naruto told me walking straight past me and into the house, Sai following behind.

I didn't know if I should have been annoyed that they both made themselves at home. But it was the two people I had a soft spot for; I was physically incapable of being bothered by them. "I didn't know you were friends with Naruto." I said to Sai as I sat back in the kitchen to finish eating. "I didn't know you were friends with him either." Naruto grinned at me from the living room. "I was wondering where he ran off to the other night only to find out it was your place."

I didn't know what to say and thankfully, Naruto was a chatter box because he didn't even notice how uncomfortable I became and just kept chatting on about something. I caught a glimpse of Sai sneaking a peek at me from over the couch and smiled as I continued eating.

It was nice having the two of them over like that. Naruto was such a bright and welcoming person, it was hard to not be happy around him and I was content with being around Sai. They left around the time I had to leave for class and after that the rest of the day seemed so dull. It was as if the two ate up everything interesting and it left such an empty feeling inside.

After that day, the three of us hung out together more often. Not only that but Sai and I hung out more often as well. Months had gone by in what seemed like days. It was a strange time warp that I wasn't use to. But it felt nice all the same. Things didn't have to change for me to be happy. I was happy with the way things were.

But when things did change; I was sure I ready. It had been so long and the more time I spent with Sai only made me want him more. For a man, like me, it wasn't hard to hold back; I knew how to hold back. Though it proved very difficult to reach out. More so than it ever had been.

I wanted to reach out and make him mine. I wanted to tell him how I felt and pull him close. I had nothing to prove to him anymore; I'm sure he knew. He always knew. I knew he knew, though it didn't help me from being nervous. I was nervous as hell. I didn't know how to reach out.

I had invited him over that day, just like any other time. We had planned to go out and walk around the festival that was in town. But when he showed up, when I opened the door for him; I didn't want to go anywhere. He had smiled at me and for once, there was nothing fake about it. Every time before that day his smiles had held something in them. I was never entirely sure what that "something" was but I felt it there, I saw it there.

It melted my insides. "Sai." I heard his name slide off my lips in a soft, whispered groan. He looked perplexed, and glanced away for a moment. His face had tinted red and he shifted from foot to foot. His eyes met mine whether he was uncomfortable or not. "God, Gaara. You've never said my name li-" "Stop." I didn't want to hear it. "Just… Don't say it." I didn't want to hear him say it; I knew.

He glanced away awkwardly and he looked like I had punched him or something. He knew what I meant, I know he did; he always knew what I meant. I knew that but still, even if I knew it was still hard. I still didn't know how to express myself and I didn't know how to tell him.

"Why don't we stay in today? Forget the festival." I was snapped out of my thoughts then. I was still standing in the apartment, holding the door open. He gave me a weak, little smile when my eyes met his and slid past me into the house. I caught a whiff of his cologne then and it sent a pleasant feeling through me; he smelled of cinnamon.

I closed the door and followed him over to the couch but didn't sit down. Staring down at him, I raised an eyebrow. "That it?" He leaned farther back into the couch and crossed him arms, giving me a knowing look. "No." I frowned; he was too good at reading me. "What's bothering you?"

I groaned and sat next to him on the couch. I changed our relationship back then, when I said his name. I let him know so much by just muttering his name. I didn't say anything to him; I didn't answer. For Sai, I didn't have to answer for him to know. He sighed and moved closer to me. I was frustrated in the worst way and it was getting the better of me tonight.

"I'm bisexual." My head spun his way and I stared at him like he was crazy. He wasn't looking at me instead watching an advertisement on the television in a bored manner. I looked away from him as I let that fact sink in. "I never asked." I told him, still not understanding where that came from but part of me knew.

He could see through me so well. I saw him looking at me out of the corner of his eyes. He scooted over to me and rested his arm on the top of the part of the couch. His hand lay just past my cheek, his wrist by my face. "You didn't need to, Gaara." His voice was close to a whisper and my heart rate started to pick up. "I could tell. We're alike, you know. Not completely, but we are."

I was at a loss of words and just stared at him, mouth slightly ajar. I knew it, I knew he knew. Like I said; he always knew. He may not know others, but he knew me. I contemplated what to say, I wanted to say something but didn't know what. I wanted to do something, but didn't know how. "I'm frustrated." I mumbled, getting flustered and avoiding eye contact.

He moved his leg onto the couch and leaned toward me. "Yeah?" was his response, as he placed an arm beside me on the armrest, to steady himself so he didn't fall on me. "Yeah." I told him, taking a deep breath as I turned away from him and closed my eyes. He was getting too close. I could smell that musky cologne again. "How so?"

He was right there. His whisper was right next to me. "In so many damn ways." He gave me a soft, amused chuckle, placing his hand on my neck and pulling me toward him. He pressed our foreheads together and muttered, "I might be able to help with some of them." before he pressed his lips to mine.

I was ecstatic; I had waited so long for this. Since that time in the library. My hands moved up his chest, one tangling into his hair and he pushed himself farther on me. He knew what he was doing and even though that bothered me slightly, I didn't care; I just wanted to make out.

He pulled away from me with a smug little smile. There was no doubt he knew I hadn't kissed anyone before and that I was inexperienced in more ways than most would think. "Shut up." I told him embarrassed, which he laughed at. My face was red and I was flustered, but he would have told me I was flustered in the good way. "You've done that before, haven't you?" I asked even though I knew.

He gave me a bemused glance and tilted his head to the side, looking up in thought. "A few times." His head turned back to me then and he grabbed onto the hem of my shirt. "But I liked yours the best." he told me against my lips, his breath floating over them before they made contact again. It was better this time; his lips were rough but sweet.

We kissed like that for a while; feeling each other above the waist here and there. And when he pulled away to breathe a bit, I couldn't help but admire him so. His hair was in disarray and his lips were wet and a bit swollen. I probably looked similar but I knew he looked better.

I needed to let him know then. He had a right to know how I felt. I wanted him to know. "Sai, I-" I managed to softly start before he interrupted. A smile was on his lips and his eyes held something deep in them, meant only for me. "Don't say it." He told me. "I know."

And just like that, he had me. I was his; he had reached out again and grasped onto me. "I know you know." I told him. Leaning my forehead onto his, a smile on my face.