A/N: This was meant to be a lot sadder at the end because I have a severe case of angst obsession. (Beta: no dispute there) But my friend dared me to make it fluffy and happy ending. So it's a little cliché now. But it's nice, I think. (AGREED! And one happy beta :))
Read & Enjoy.
You're gonna die, in somebody else's arms,
And I have to live with that.
Well I hope you have a good life,
Hope you have a good life.
Somebody Else's Arms – Armor For Sleep
There's that smile on his face; the different smile. He's smiling it at you, but it's not meant for you. You've catalogued every emotion that could possibly appear on the face of one Zack Fair obsessively, but this is the expression you loathe. Because it's not yours.
"... I'm gonna go down to Sector 5 slums. How about you?"
"Ah..." You pause because you didn't foresee this outcome; you haven't planned out this conversation. You're an idiot and thought he'd be free.
"... I'm not really the kind to plan out my weekends beforehand, I guess."
But you had this one planned out, right to the very minute. You had this weekend planned out so thoroughly that you had the Friday before; today planned out as well. If it had worked out perfectly, you would have suggested going to the countryside for the weekend at exactly 12:36pm after training. He would have agreed and then you would have wandered off for lunch, nonchalantly as you always do, hoping that Zack would follow you. After that...
What does it matter, it's 12:38pm and the plan is ruined. He smiled that smile and now all you want to do is go home.
"Hah, you're pretty easy going then, huh?" Zack slaps you on the back, and you want to laugh because you're far from easy going, "well if you're free, why don't you come down to the slums with me?"
Your heart soars, but just as swiftly falls. You fell for that ploy once; on the same day you met Aerith for the first time. And to this day, you still regret going down there with Zack.
"With you, to the slums?" You repeat, only so you can buy yourself time. Time you're wasting because you dug yourself into a hole by saying you have no plans, therefore leaving no excuses not to go.
"Yeah. I mean, you don't have to, it's not the most exciting place in the world..." and now he's using reverse psychology and it's working perfectly on you.
"No, no, I'll go. Sounds good, I have nothing better to do." you run a hand through the back of your hair, musing it sheepishly. Your plan is ruined and now you have to go to the slums. This day could not get any worse.
"Awesome!" Zack's grinning. Now there is an expression you love. "Meet me at the station at nine."
"Alright." you smile and his face flushes a little, though maybe you're imagining it.
"Right, well, see you later Spike, I gotta go wash this stink off me. Good work today!" Zack's still grinning as he leaves the training room and you're still smiling, though now your smile is real. You live for these small compliments, no matter how casual they are.
You turn to head to lunch and notice Kunsel with his training bag slung over his shoulder out the corner of your eye. You hadn't noticed his presence. He sighs, and you know he knows, but you don't really care anymore. It's just Kunsel.
"Come on, I'll treat you." he beckons to you, and you follow him, trying to insist it's all right. But he'll have none of it because "someone has to make your day, and it sure won't be Zack".
You suppose he's right.
"Why'd you agree to go, blondie? You'll just be a third wheel." Kunsel says, but not harshly.
"He seemed like he wanted me to go or he'd be happy if I..." you trail off. Kunsel sighs.
"That's the thing about people in relationships like theirs, I guess..." and he trails off, too. But you get it. They never really notice anything outside of "them", and are content to assume that everyone else is just as happy as they are.
He's standing at the end of the platform, rubbing his hands together and shuffling slightly as if he's just about ready to do squats. And fair enough, because it's freezing. You're so cold and pale you might as well be a ghost. You should have worn more clothes, but you weren't really expecting this when you dressed this morning.
You jog up towards him and apologise for making him wait as he greets you with a friendly "hey!". He laughs and waves it off. Next to his feet is a large bag, like a bag one would put a large gift into. You don't recognise the brand emblazoned on its hard cardboard side, but the gold lettering tells you it's from Loveless Avenue.
"Sleep well?" Zack looks down at you and you look up. He's got a strange face on. You thought it was small talk, but the slight concern in his eyebrows tells you it's not. Damn, he's feeling observant today.
Or maybe you just look like a train hit you so hard even Zack Fair, the most oblivious guy in the world can tell you're feeling cold and miserable.
"Mm, not really." You respond, because it's useless lying.
"I can tell. Your face is white but your nose and eyes are red." Zack rolls his eyes and now you know; you do look like shit. Oh joyous, joyous day.
Zack bends down and rummages through the bag, extracting a long white scarf. It looks new, and the tassels on the ends have sky blue threads entwined with the white wool. He throws it over your head (you step back a little in shock) and the next thing you know, you're nestled in three layers of wool.
"Don't get sick, stupid." Zack snorts, and you look down and smile, unwinding the long scarf so it's only wound around your neck once. Then you spot the label on the bag and you're yanking off the scarf hastily.
"I can't accept this, it's expens—" Zack's eyes follows yours down to the bag.
"Oh no, man, I don't have the money to buy stuff from Loveless, it's just that I needed a big bag for all this stuff and my room mate had this lying around. Turks make so much more money!" He frowns and pouts theatrically at the thought of his abysmal pay before continuing, "But yeah, don't sweat it! That's mine, but you can have it."
"But it's your—"
"Seriously, if you don't wear that thing, your neck will freeze like ice and then one turn of your head and snap! Your head will break off." Zack says sternly. Your nose scrunches at the thought and you wound the scarf back on, just so Zack will stop bullshitting. He grins and you can't help but smile back.
Honestly, the fact that he's given you something he used to own makes you a hundred times more ecstatic than he will ever know. And this scarf will probably never leave your neck for the rest of winter, only because the last thing you need is your head snapping off, of course.
You can feel eyes on you, and you look up. Your eyes meet Zack's, and he looks away, blushing slightly.
"Jeez, my scarf suits you better than me. What's with that?"
And now you're blushing, violently.
You're glad the train pulls in and distracts Zack from your flushed face and you follow him onto it, fingers playing with the tassels of your new favourite scarf.
The church is just as cold as it is outside, you realise as you step in. It's still as beautiful as before, but you can't help but spurn it anyway. You hate this place for the sheer fact that Aerith is here.
Zack walks down the aisle to Aerith, who's kneeling over her flowers (though there are no actual flowers as it isn't spring), her head turns to both of you with her ever-smiling expression.
You follow Zack slowly down the aisle, and now you are beginning to feel like a third wheel. Why did you have to agree to this yesterday? This is one of the most awkward experience you've ever had to live through, and you've only been in the slums for ten minutes!
"Aerith!" Zack helps his girlfriend up and even with his back turned from you, you know he's doing the smile. As you approach he turns slightly and you can see his warm eyes and the soft expression of love on his face. And you hate that it's not directed at you.
Aerith calls out a greeting to you and you greet her back as cheerfully as she did, much to your own amazement. She's got a small cardigan over her usual dress and you frown.
"Aren't you cold?"
"I'm sort of used to it now." Aerith shrugs and smiles.
Zack puts down the bag and pulls out a thick jacket, which he throws over the brunette's small shoulders. This one's definitely not one of Zack's, because just one look at its cashmere material and fitted design and you can tell it was designed for a woman. No money your ass.
"Zack, you didn't have to..."
"Oh, not you too! Just accept it! Man, it's really annoying when people don't accept gifts! Just be appreciative, will you?"
Zack teases before rubbing his nose with a thumb and looking down at the bag,
"There's a couple blankets and some other stuff in here to, and you have to take it back home, got it?" Aerith smiles and nods. You can't help but notice how sweet she is. That's why you hate coming here. If she were cruel, ugly and bitchy you'd be able to convince Zack to dump her.
But you can't because she's beautiful, kind and perfect for him. Looking down at your scarf, you can't help but think 'this was meant to be hers'. And if you stole Zack from her, that's probably all you'd be able to think as well.
"Thank you." she kisses Zack on the cheek and you suck in a deep breath and look away quickly.
"That's alright."
"Alright then! Let's go to the Market place, then!" Aerith says cheerfully, putting her new coat on properly, and taking Zack's hand. Together you begin walking back towards the Market place. You generally loiter a few steps behind Zack on his right while Aerith walks on his left. They're smiling and laughing, and the man of your affections shows his girlfriend a photo of a sunset on his mobile, and she can't believe how beautiful it looks. She looks up at the plate above you as though expecting the sunset to be there, and you can't help but smile. They're such a perfect couple. Time to think of an excuse to get out of this awkward situation you're in. Anything to get out of feeling bad for liking Zack. Maybe a sudden dentist's appointment, you're sort of forgetful, right?
Zack opens the door to the Market place and you follow Aerith in.
Zack wanders away to find a bathroom while you and Aerith find a place to sit for lunch, though you mentally begged him not to leave you with her.
"So how are you, Cloud?" she asks as though she's genuinely interested, and maybe she is.
"... Not bad." you reply. Though it would have been more honest to have just said 'bad'. Aerith stares at you, and you stare back. She's analysing you, and as soon as you realise you look away.
"That's good," she chirps before saying almost cryptically, "sorry for dragging you around like this."
"That's alright, it's pretty fun."
"Spare me your lies," She laughs and you know she's just kidding so you smile sheepishly,
"Zack asked you to come, right?" the two of you have somehow wandered over to the park.
"... Honestly, yeah... But that's alright..."
"... Because it's Zack." she finishes for you. Your eyes widen and you panic slightly.
"Haha, yeah. He's a great friend, but you know how he is." you cover a little too quickly, and pray that she meant it that way. She smiles. You can't really tell what she's thinking but you smile back anyway. She laughs again as the two of you sit down on the wooden surroundings of a sandbox.
"You're pretty cute!" she beams, but her words just freak you out, majorly. You rub the back of your neck and you don't know what to say, so you worry your lip awkwardly, eyes darting.
"Uhhhh..."
"Well, I don't mean it like that, but you know. You've got a cute smile. You should do it more often." she clarified.
"... Right." but you're still a little freaked out. The last thing you need is Zack's girlfriend crushing on you when all you want is her boyfriend.
"I think Zack would worry about you a lot less if you smiled more. Though I think it's perhaps because you're a quiet, shy person. Zack has trouble understanding anyone whose not like him." She rolls her eyes.
"He worries about me...?"
"Mm, a little. He says you seem stressed or 'on the edge' whenever you're around him." Aerith waved her hand in a gesture that clearly said 'there's more to it, but you know...'
But you don't know and you want her to elaborate.
"But 'cause you're both guys, he doesn't really want to ask you and I don't even know why guys don't just talk when they need to talk!"
Man pride.
Fuck, you just realised that Aerith said Zack knows something's up with the way you're acting around him. Fuck.
"Well, there's nothing to worry about, it's nothing I can't handle." it's only a slight lie, but it's nothing a smile can't hide.
"There you are!" Zack jogs up towards you guys, "at least tell me if you decide to leave the Market area!" Aerith giggles.
You feel more comfortable around them now as Aerith pulls lunch out of a plastic bag. And you don't really know why. You guess it's because you talked to Aerith. She really is an amazing, friendly person, and deep inside, you know she doesn't deserve to be hated.
Thoughts from last weekend have left you frustrated. You spent the whole weekend just turning over Aerith's words in your head over and over, and replaying Zack's words at the station. His blushing expression was carefully filed away into the Zack shrine in your head, the one at the back of your mind.
You punch the punching bag again with even more force, and the other people in the SOLDIER gym room are giving you a wider berth now. But you don't notice because you're head is too full of unwelcome thoughts.
If only Zack would stop unwittingly giving you hope! You could live your life peacefully knowing it was useless to dream of a relationship between the two of you. Then Zack could die happily with Aerith at an age of ninety-seven or something. Sometime in the far, far future. But no, he just had to do all these little things to make your feelings more unbearable.
You wish you could go back to before you knew Aerith even existed. When you thought Zack was single. Those were better days. Now you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.
And you've realised that there are only two solutions to this situation; steal Zack from his girlfriend and break her heart, or leave Zack with his girlfriend and give up, breaking your own heart.
With a punch at the sand-filled bag, you decide the latter is easier because at least you don't love him like Aerith seems to. The thought of making Aerith upset makes you feel like a monster.
Besides, Zack wouldn't choose you over his sweet, lovely girlfriend.
And that thought just makes you hit the punching bag even harder.
"Woah, woah, woah. Slow down there, Blondie." Kunsel appears beside you, and you stop hitting the punching bag, instead opting to slump onto it in exhaustion. You didn't realise how hard you were pushing yourself until you were pulled out of your thoughts.
"... Hi Kunsel."
"What's up?"
"... Zack and Aerith are perfect," you push yourself off the punching bag, "for each other and I'm going to give up." You begin to remove your gloves and shake out your hands, wincing at the cricks your wrists make as you do so. Kunsel frowns, his nose scrunched.
"That's no good, no good at all," he puts a hand on your shoulder and you sort of wish he didn't, because you're sweaty and it feels gross, "you can't give up, man."
"Why not? He's perfectly happy with Aerith." you frown as well. The other soldier lets out an angry 'arghh' in frustration, mussing his hair with both hands.
"You guys are so stupid, I don't even— look, it's not completely hopeless, okay?"
"I... Even if it's not hopeless yet, I couldn't... I couldn't do that to Aerith. She's a nice girl, she doesn't deserve to be heartbroken." you pick up your bag and push pass Kunsel. You've just realised you're actually having this conversation in the gym room where there are five complete strangers training. How embarrassing, you hope they weren't listening. Kunsel follows you out, shaking his head slightly.
"Both of you are going to drive me mental, one day. Especially Zack, he needs to stop thinking before he hurts himself. You're not the one who has to deal with him, y'know." He rambles more to himself as you head towards the virtual reality system. You don't really know what he's implying, and part of you doesn't want to know.
"Well, whatever. Go away." You drop your bag in the storage area and drop your gloves on top of it. No one else is in the VR room.
"Yeah, yeah. Don't come running to me for help later on then." Kunsel snorts and leaves, and you let out a sigh of relief. The last thing you needed was even more food for thought. Any more information and your brain might self-destruct. Hopefully a couple hours in the VR system will let you forget.
You select a program in the system that gives you a healthy amount of monsters in a virtual version of Sector 8. You place the goggles over your eyes, readjusting them slightly before beginning. Your vision in the goggles flickers a little before the machine loads the virtual reality.
You appear in front of the water fountain, without a monster in sight. Great, you should have selected 'pre-emptive monsters' on the panel. Damn it. It's all right though, because after walking around for about a minute, a trio of monsters appear. A strange, wide grin appears on your face, and you pull out your sword with a deep breath.
You need this.
It's two hours and fifty-six bleeding monsters later when he appears. You were wiping stinking blood from your blade.
"Heya Spike, start the party without me, why don't you."
Your mind scrambles to catch up, reeling as your eyes widen. They hurt from sheer exhaustion. Your muscles ache and tremble. The last thing you need is VR-Zack.
"I… am going mental." You mumble, before quickly trying to walk away.
"What's wrong?"
"I thought this was meant to be an alternate reality." You groan and hope some monster will show up soon. Only a couple more before the program ends, but why did Zack show up of all people? How was it even possible? As far as you know, 'Virtual Zack appears' isn't part of the program!
"Ouch, that stings."
"Can you blame me from wanting a break?" You sigh and head up a flight of stairs in search of the last four monsters. Zack follows, a slightly confused expression on his face. You turn a corner and spot a couple monsters down the back of an alley. Lunging, you rush down the alley to kill them, leaving Zack at the alley entrance. A single slash at the head of one and a deep stab into the heart of the other dispatches them easily. You're doubled over with your chest heaving, your blade's tip resting on the concrete in front of you.
"Impressive, but you don't need to push yourself so hard," Zack's next to you now, "What's up with you, Spike?"
"… I…" You look up at Zack's face, and he seems so real, but you know he's not. Maybe you should take advantage of that and kiss him? It's about your only chance.
A heavy hand is on your shoulder, and you decide that you want your first kiss to be with the real Zack.
"What's goin' on?" He's frowning in concern, and now you can't help but unload yourself onto VR-Zack. This has to be the strangest thing that has ever happened to you.
"I'm sick of having you in my head constantly, so why can't I just blow off a little steam? Life isn't perfect for everyone else j-just because you're…" You pause slightly, "… because you're so lovey-dovey with Aerith!"
"… What?" The hurt on his face is clear and you can't believe how realistic this stupid machine is.
"I just… I just needed a break from reality today, okay? Before I implode."
"Yeah… I guess that's what VR is for, right?" Suddenly you're pulled into a broad chest and he's got you in a one armed hug, "Just don't go imploding."
Now your breathing is shaky and you don't know whether you should breathe shallowly, or if you should breathe in deeply. But you realise it doesn't matter because he's made out of data anyway. If he's made of data, then he's not real. So you hug him back with both arms, tightly. Because this is your only chance to ever do this.
"Zack?"
"Uhh… yeah…?"
"If you're not happy with Aerith, I'm gonna kill you in your sleep."
And then you let go of him and cancel the program, because this is stupid and you feel like an idiot. You blink slowly and sigh as your vision slowly readjusts to reality.
And Zack is standing right in front of you, dumbfounded, with a pair of goggles over his eyes.
Oh… oh dear God, just kill me now.
You want to run, but you're frozen in place from shock, and horror. Your mouth is still hanging open when Zack pulls the goggles off quickly. His face is so mixed with emotions, it doesn't match any of the ones filed away in your head. Hurt, shock… and realisation.
You take in a deep breath and you want to scream.
Understanding.
And now you can run away, and you do. And hopefully you'll never see Zack ever again for the rest of your life.
"Cloud, I'm being serious. Open this door!"
Never. You'll never leave this room ever again. You'll eat delivered fast food for the rest of your life if you have to.
"Come on, I've got your gym bag too, you left it at the VR."
Oh God, the VR System. Memories come flooding back again and you just want to smash your head on a wall for being so stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. There is complete silence outside your door, and you sigh with relief.
"… It's not the end of the world Cloud,"
Damnit, he's still there!
"… Zack still doesn't know."
Okay, now you're curious, so you step towards the door and unlock it slowly. Kunsel pushes on it from the other side, shoving you aside before you change your mind.
"… How do you know?" Your voice is hoarse and sounds strangely foreign after so much misuse.
How many days has it been, three, maybe four? You clear your throat. You have a million questions now, so you don't totally regret letting Kunsel in. How can Zack still not know? What does he think, then? Why did he have that expression of understanding then? How does Kunsel know what happened?
"I'm one of his best friends, he told me. Came bursting into my room, I suspect straight after… the incident… or whatever you want to call it. Yelling, 'oh my God, oh my Shiva, oh my Bahamut, oh my Midgar on a stick!'. It was pretty funny, actually."
"Ha ha." You're not amused.
"Anyway it's not a disaster, but it's still pretty bad. And it's not gonna fix itself with you holed up in your room. Zack thinks you like Aerith."
"Aerith?" You croak.
"Yeah, he was like, 'it all makes sense, with all the smiling with her at the park, and whenever he's around me he's all twitchy and tense because he's trying to stop himself from punching me because he thinks that I'm still with Aerith! What am I gonna do? He's gonna kill me!' or something to that effect anyway." Kunsel rolls his eyes.
"Wait, wait, wait. He's not with Aerith? You didn't tell me?"
"Well I didn't want to do all the hard work for you two! But it seems I have to because you two are just so unbelievably useless!"
"Then why'd he give all that stuff to Aerith?"
"Because that's what you do when a person who's like your sister has to survive the winter in the slums and refuses to move up to the top of the plate."
Suddenly everything makes sense.
And somehow, even with this new information in your head, you still want to bang your head on a wall and yell stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
"This is your chance, Cloud."
"I know."
"Good."
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
It's not beautiful and romantic when you finally confront Zack. You're not in Loveless Avenue, or in front of the fountain at night. It's raining, but it's not a romantic raining, it's a 'hoh shit' kind of storm. Hell, you're not even alone with him. He's not even here. Honestly, Kunsel locked you out of your own room. If he hadn't done that, you wouldn't be doing this until some time next week. You're wet and cold and your umbrella died; it met a violent demise on the way to Zack's apartment.
Standing in front of Zack's TV, staring at it blankly as it plays reruns of… God knows what, but the main characters are making out in an elevator now. You turn awkwardly and Zack's roommate is staring at you with an all too lewd grin. He's sitting on the couch with his arms thrown over the back and his legs spread like he was waiting for you to… nevermind. Suddenly, you have a feeling the redhead was staring at your ass.
"You know what, I think I'll just come back later." Your uncomfortable expression doesn't make the Turk's wide grin falter at all.
"No can do, yo," He makes a fist with his right hand and looks at it a little mildly, "Zack told me if you swung by, I have to keep you here, with force if I have to. So don't make me tie you up, yo."
"Uh…"
"Okay, I made that last bit up," He grinned again, before frowning, "Wait; you are Cloud, right?"
"Yeah…"
"Right on. You look airheaded enough to be a 'Cloud'." He teases, laughing as if he was actually funny. But now you're just offended. Zack's idiot roommate is going to drive you mental.
"Reno, by the way," He says as his laughter dies, and you nod. Reno mumbles something under his breath, and he's probably lucky you didn't catch it, "Anyway! Zack'll be here in a couple minutes, I sent him out for a pizza a while ago, before the storm started."
"Why didn't you just order it?"
"Because it was all I could do to get him to go away! Jesus, he's so annoying, yo. Doubly so these days, and I have a feeling it's all your fault. I'm just about ready to explode here, yo! Always with the moaning and the complaining, Cloud this, Aerith that! Pfft." Reno hangs his head over the back of the couch with an exasperated groan.
"Is that so…"
"It is so!" You fall back into a silence and you turn back to the television. This is just as awkward as it was in the slums last weekend, and now you're cursing Kunsel to the depths of Hell and back.
"He should just grow some balls," Reno says randomly, "And you should too. If you like Aerith, then bang her already!" Your eyes narrow slightly in disgust at his vulgarity. How can Zack put up with this guy?
"I don't want to 'bang' Aerith." You say coldly.
"Then what?"
"I don't like Aerith that way."
"Oh… oh! Ohhhh…" Reno's grinning again, and damn do you wish he wasn't, "I see, I see… GOD, that's funny. Still, you guys need to grow some balls."
"… Okay." Please shut up now.
There's a noise from the front door, and you sigh with relief, which just makes Reno laugh.
"Alright, here's your pizza, or what's left of it. Fuck this rain, it's like the apocalypse out there," Zack says as he walks through to the lounge,
"Cloud…?"
Zack looks at you, then at Reno, who is grinning like an absolute lunatic. He sends Reno an incredulous, accusing look. Zack steps forward and yanks Reno up, shoving the soggy pizza into his chest and pushing him out of the room and to the front door.
"Hey, what the hell, yo?"
"Time to go, Reno."
"But it's raining outside!"
"Good. When was the last time you showered, anyway?"
"Ha-ha."
"Sit in the hallway!"
"Asshole!"
Bang. And you breathe another sigh as Zack reappears in the room, shrugging off his wet coat.
"Sorry about hi—"
"I don't like Aerith." You cut him off quickly. It's hasty, but if you don't get this out now, you'll just hyperventilate and die. You want to survive long enough to be able to run away.
"H-huh?" He's taken aback.
"I, act-ually, I like… uhh…" You trail off and kick yourself mentally because you can't get it out. The words stick in your throat like peanut butter. Your fingers shake as you play with your scarf. His scarf. Zack runs a hand through his hair.
"It's alright if you do like Aerith, I'm not actually going out with her anymore. But you know, she's like a sister to me, so I can see why you'd think I was." The lights above you flickers slightly.
"I don't like her, seriously." You rub your eyes and this time Zack believes you.
"Then… wha…?"
"I…" you take in another deep, shaky breath, and your face is hot, "It's because I... I like… you."
There's a long silence. You want to just say 'okay, that's done, bye forever' and just run out of the room again. But you don't want to, because you want to know. You want to know what Zack thinks. But he's silent, his face sort of shocked, but mostly unreadable. You can hear the rain outside, it's not letting up. Maybe you should just take the silence as a rejection and leave.
When Zack finally speaks, his voice is a little hoarse.
"… Excuse me?" his is a little breathless, too.
"I don't want to say it again." You mumble. This is useless, and now you really run out of the room. You're halfway down the hall when an arm yanks you back hard, and you stumble back onto a solid chest with a yelp.
"Ah! Sorry! I just, you were leaving again, so I…" He trails off.
The hallway lights up, then a few seconds later thunder claps nearby. Everything is silent. Zack's hand is still on your arm, though it's loosened it's death grip. He's staring straight into your eyes, and your throat is so dry you think it might become permanently damaged.
And then he ducks in quickly, and a chaste kiss is planted on your lips. It barely lasts at all, more like a brush than a kiss. He stands up straight again, and his mouth twitches to the right, his cheeks red now.
The hall flashes again and the lights go out for a couple seconds before flickering back on. Your first kiss is nothing like you fantasized it to be. It's not romantic, or passionate. But that's alright; it's better than that. Your lips shake into a tiny smile.
And then he smiles. And it's better than that smile. It's better than the smile you hate. It's warmer, and softer, and it's almost giddy with happiness and it's all yours.