I was working on 'Advent Children on a Budget' - which has been sadly neglected of late - when I got distracted by Limericks running through my head. They wouldn't go, so I wrote them down.

Pure silliness, once again. This tells the whole plot of 'Advent Children' (not 'Advent Children Complete', although I may add verses about that later). Every verse should be a Limerick, although the metre breaks down in places.

Warnings: two examples of 'language' ^^ and I am shamelessly biased in favour of Rufus and the Turks (especially Reno) - so if they seem to be getting too much attention - that's why!

The one advantage of this is it's actually finished.

I'll try to post all three parts at once.

Nothing is mine but the bad rhymes and dodgy scansion.

More Silliness

The Whole of Advent Children - Limerick-style

Part One

The pounding of paws on the ground:

Nanaki and cubs run around.

The landscape is green

Ancient ruins are seen –

The sense of renewal's profound.

x-x

498 Years Earlier:

x-x

We cut to a chopper in snow.

Not much can be seen here – although

We're supposed to infer

From this black and white blur

Major plot points - but how - I don't know.

x-x

Marlene summarises the past:

ShinRa, Sephy, and Meteor's blast.

And this brand new enigma

They call geostigma,

With stills introducing the cast.

x-x

Now Tifa's gone back to her bar

And she's still busting out of her bra –

But Cloud's done a runner

So being a stunner

Has not really got her that far.

x-x

Poor Denzel is terribly ill

But no one's come up with a pill.

Reno phones, and sounds worried

But Cloud won't be hurried –

He's moping about on a hill.

x-x

Three remnants, who look like each other,

Await their black sheep of a brother.

Loz and Yazoo

Trade an insult or two,

But Kadaj only cares about Mother.

x-x

While Cloud fights with Yazzy and Loz

Kadaj asks to speak to the boss.

There is no more to say,

So all three ride away,

Leaving Cloud at a bit of a loss.

x-x

At Healen, Cloud has little truck

With Rufus' tale of hard luck.

Things have changed, and it's weird –

Geostigma – Rude's beard –

Reno's suddenly pretty as f***!

x-x

In Aerith's old church in the slums

Tifa searches for Cloud: Marlene hums.

Loz arrives and plays rough

And, though Tifa is tough,

She's out cold when Cloud finally comes.

x-x

Now Reno and Rude try to fight

But are totally pwned by Seph-lite.

"But, Sir, surely you see

The resemblance in me?"

"Sephiroth?"

"By Jenova – you're right!"

x-x

(In this scene, it must also be said

That both Tseng and Elena seem dead.

And the part in the snow

At the start – so you know –

Was Jenova (Turks finding her head).)

x-x

Marlene's gone, Tifa's hurt, and Cloud's sure

That he simply can't cope any more.

Geostigma and guilt

Cause our hero to wilt

And he helpfully faints on the floor.

x-x

Cloud comes round on a bed. Tifa's there –

Kids are not. Rude enquires, "Don't you care?"

Cloud barely replies.

Pissed off, Reno just sighs

And departs, with a toss of his hair.

x-x

In the meantime, far off in the trees

Kadaj and his gang shoot the breeze.

"This materia's cool –

Get the kids in the pool.

What will Big Brother do when he sees?"

x-x

Cloud's finally got on his bike.

He has flashbacks upon the turnpike.

He will no longer dally

Or shilly or shally,

"Though I'm not fit to help…" What's he like?

x-x

Then suddenly everything's white

And Aerith is there in the light.

"You came – though you're breaking!"

Cloud's poor heart is aching:

"I just want forgiveness – all right?"

x-x

Versus Loz and Kadaj and Yazoo,

Cloud enters a skirmish or two:

Loz is strong, Kaddy's jazzy

With Souba, while Yazzy

Looks pretty, and does some Kung Fu.

x-x

Then Vincent arrives – shout horray!

And his swirly red cape saves the day.

But Cloud is depressed

By his lack of success:

"See – I knew I'd be useless!" Oy vey!

x-x

Then Vincent, who seems well informed,

Explains that Jenova suborned

Mortal folk, with the curse

Of the stigma – and worse –

Sephiroth's coming back! You've been warned.

x-x

(Oh – we also learn here, by the way

That he saved Tseng and Laney - so - Yay!

Their ordeal in the cave

Almost led to the grave

But he thinks that they'll both be okay…)

x-x

Cloud's phone – as it sinks in the pool –

Plays voicemails from one and from all:

Cloud's friends – they all care –

And the last message there

Is from Aerith: Don't blame you at all.

x-x

(Author's note: are there folk who agree

That the phone scene is genuinely

Quite sad? I admit

I get blinky – a bit -

When I watch it. Or is that just me? )