Chapter 5: The End and the Beginning

She is still staring intently at the murder board when he returns with two cups of coffee. It is almost midnight, and the precinct is empty except for the two of them. "Kate," he says quietly as he approaches.

She turns to accept her coffee before going back to staring at the murder board, "Thanks, Castle."

"You really shouldn't be drinking that at this hour. You'll never get any sleep."

"I won't get any sleep anyway so I might as well stay up and do something useful."

"You're taking this one too personally, Kate." Their case is almost exactly identical to her mother's, the situation almost the same, except this victim had been strangled instead of stabbed. And they had no motive, no physical evidence to link anyone to the crime scene, and no witnesses.

"I can't help it, Castle. All I see is myself. And I can't let what happened to me happen to them. I have to find this guy."

"You will. But you can't do it if you're exhausted. You need rest. Come back to it tomorrow with fresh eyes, and I'm sure you'll find something."

"There is nothing to find, Castle," she snaps. "No one knows anything. There was no reason for her to be murdered. And even if we get a suspect, we have nothing to tie them to the scene; they're going to go free, just like my mom's killer, and there's nothing I can do about it."

"You have me," he says quietly. "We'll solve this the way we solve a lot of our cases. We'll create a story, find the proof that we need, and catch this guy."

"It's not going to work."

"It's worked for us in the past."

"But we had more to work with then; motives, evidence, and witnesses to help us with this story. Now we have nothing."

"Kate, we will find him. And we will find the guy who ordered the hit on your mom."

"No, we won't, Castle. It just doesn't work like that. Now please go home and let me do my job."

"I'm not leaving until you do," he says stubbornly, plopping down in his chair beside her desk to get a little distance between them so that she couldn't take her anger out on him.

"Then you're going to be here a while."

"Why won't you just take a break, Kate? Nobody expects you to solve this case in a day. Get some rest, and when you come back in the morning, everything will suddenly make sense."

"Things don't just magically make sense, Castle. The only way I'm going to solve this is by going over everything again and again."

"That hasn't gotten you too far on your mother's case," he responds quietly, knowing it would anger her.

As he expected, she turns her glare on him, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying that you've been going over your mother's case again and again for eleven years. Until recently, it didn't get you too far. Someday you'll catch the guy. And someday you'll catch the guy that killed this woman for no apparent reason."

"At this rate, it's not likely," Kate sighs, sitting down in her own chair.

"Maybe it's the same guy. Maybe you'll catch him and solve both cases at once. And probably a whole bunch of other murders that have gone unsolved until now."

"Possibly… but why strangle this one? My mom was stabbed to death."

"Well, you killed Coonan. The MO changed when he got a different hit man. Maybe he's trying to send a message to you by killing this woman almost exactly the way your mother was killed."

"Please, Castle…" she puts her heads in her hands. "Don't say that. I really don't want to feel more guilty right now."

"I'm sure that's not the case, Kate. It was just something that came to mind."

"I wouldn't put it past him to do that, but… I'd rather not think that until we know it's true."

Castle looks around the bullpen, triple checking that everyone else had left, before placing his hand on her arm, "Kate, I know this is hard for you. But please give it a rest until morning. You're going to get yourself killed if you keep going like this."

She looks up and, seeing the sincerity and concern in his eyes, concedes. "Okay."

"Thank you," he whispers, standing to help her put her coat on.

"Can you… stay with me tonight? I need you with me."

"Sure."

"And Alexis won't mind? She'll be okay by herself?"

"Mother is home with her, and I've called them to explain that we're investigating a difficult case so I might not make it home tonight."

She nods, "Thanks."

He places a hand on her back as they head to the elevator, and once outside, he tries to hail a cab for them, but she stops him. "I want to walk," she says at his questioning look.

"Okay." In the ten blocks to her apartment, he manages to get his arm around her without her causing him physical pain. She pulls out her key and opens her apartment door, letting him inside. "Have you eaten anything lately?" he asks.

"The sandwich you brought me at one and some M&Ms. But I'm not hungry right now." He tries to protest, but she places a finger against his lips, "We'll eat in the morning. You can take me out to breakfast or make breakfast or whatever you want to do."

He sighs but does not voice his protest. "To bed then?"

Instead of answering, she takes his hand and leads him to her bedroom. Castle follows willingly but is shocked to find himself pressed against her now shut bedroom door moments later. "Kate…" he starts, but her lips are on his before he can continue. He lets her have control for a few minutes, knowing that she needed it after her long day, and then flips them so she is the one pressed against the door. His lips leave hers so that he can trail down to her neck. Her hands find the buttons on his shirt and start to undo them.

Suddenly he pulls away from her. Shock is etched on her face as she looks at him. "Kate… I don't want to do this. I don't want to take advantage of you just because you need to feel some sort of connection after a bad case. I want this to be because we love each other."

"Rick…" she closes her eyes. After a few seconds, she continues, "This isn't just about the case. You have to know that by now."

"Would we really be doing this right now if it wasn't for this case?"

"Probably not. But we've been together for two weeks, and we've known each other for over two years. Quite frankly I'm kind of surprised we lasted this long."

"I just want our first time together to be special, to be about us, not some case you're working on."

Finally, Kate looks up to meet his gaze. "Okay, Castle."

He looks somewhat shocked at how easily she had given in, "Okay?"

"We'll wait."

He leans in to give her one last kiss before whispering, "You really need to get some rest now."

"And you'll still stay?"

"Of course."

She gives him a soft smile and pulls him over to the bed.

CB

"Beckett," she answers her phone the next morning. Esposito fills her in on their latest crime scene, and by the time she hangs up, Castle is awake and staring at her.

"Good morning, Detective," he smiles. She hugs him tighter. "Shouldn't you be getting ready to go solve another mystery?"

"No," she mumbles. He waits for her to elaborate. "You were right, Castle. He's baiting me. He wants me to come after him. And he's going to keep murdering innocent people because I'm not good enough to find him."

"What happened?" he asks quietly, rubbing her back.

"They found another woman killed this morning. Same MO as the one yesterday… and same as my mother. Except he left me a note this time."

"I would've thought you'd be all over this case."

"Montgomery's at this scene; he'll take care of things there. I supposed to meet them in a couple hours at the precinct to discuss our next move."

"What did the note say?"

"I don't know."

"Kate… this isn't your fault. You're going to find him and put a stop to all of this."

"I don't know, Rick. I don't know how much of this I can take. He's killing all because of me, and I have no clue how to stop him."

"Put a bullet through his head," Castle says bitterly.

She lifts her head from his chest to look at him, "We have to find him before that can happen. And… I don't know if I can even face him. Plus I'm sure he's got some big plan to evade arrest or to take as many people down with him as he can."

"I'm going to be there for you, Kate, every step of the way. If you need anything at all, just let me know."

"Rick, I know I said we could do breakfast this morning but…"

"I understand. I'll bring you and the guys something when I get there."

"Thanks."

"No problem. This is way more important than us having breakfast together."

She sighs, "I suppose I should get up now."

When she tries to pull away and get out of bed, Castle tightens his grip on her. She looks down at him questioningly. "Can I get a kiss?"

Kate acquiesces with a small smile.

CB

"No."

"I have to."

"Absolutely not."

"If I don't, he's going to keep killing."

"You're not going."

"I can't have this on my conscious, Castle. There are already three dead people because of me."

"I'm not going to let you walk in there and get killed."

"I'm not going to get killed."

"If you go in there alone, you will. And I can't deal with losing you."

"It's my job. I can't let more innocent people die because you don't want me to go in there."

"I'm going to go talk to Montgomery about this."

"He already approved of it," Kate says defiantly. "There's nothing you can do to stop me."

He grabs her forearms, holding them tightly so she couldn't get away from him. She glares at him. "You really expect me to believe that Montgomery approved of you walking in there to your death?"

"No. But it doesn't matter what he thinks because it's my life and I have to do something to stop him."

"There has to be something else, Kate, something we're missing that will lead us to him without you dying."

"We've been over everything, Castle. This is our only chance."

"No. I will handcuff you to me if I have to. You're not going in there."

Esposito and Ryan walk into the break room where they are fighting. Castle immediately lets go of her arms. "What's going on?" Ryan asks cautiously.

"She thinks she's going to go meet him," the writer says, his eyes not leaving her.

"Castle!" she yells in frustration.

"Beckett?" Esposito looks at her in shock. "Montgomery said no. We're with him and Castle. You're not going."

She shakes her head at them, giving them all a death glare, but remains silent.

"Anyway, we think we might have something," Ryan hands her a file. "We've got teams ready to go check it out."

Beckett looks over the file, her mouth slightly open in shock. They're all looking at her expectantly. "Okay… let's go pick him up."

CB

Castle is sitting at her desk, having waited patiently for her while she talked to the victim's families. When she walks over, he quickly gets out of her chair. "Sorry, I…" he stops, realizing he didn't have an excuse. She doesn't even seem to notice him as she sits down at her desk, turning her chair to stare at the murder board. He slowly sinks down into his chair beside her, "You okay?"

For a moment, she doesn't move, and he thinks that she hasn't heard him as she seems lost in her thoughts. She eventually shakes her head. "Telling a family that one of their loved ones is gone is one of the hardest things I do. But having to them that they their loved one was killed because of me is… a hundred times worse. And they didn't even seem angry at me when I explained everything to them."

"Kate," he reaches out to take her hand but drops his, realizing that the precinct is still full of people. "I'm sorry that it had to happen like this."

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have done anything differently."

"Neither could you."

"I could have chosen not to shoot."

"If you hadn't, you could have been killed. Or Ryan or Esposito or any other officer. You did the right thing," he tries to assure her.

"I… know. But it doesn't feel right. So many innocent lives were taken. I just wish it hadn't happened like this. I wish that he hadn't killed those three people to bait me, that he was still out there."

"He would've killed more people before he eventually met his downfall, Kate."

"I just… I want to know why all of this happened. And he's dead so now we'll never know," she fights hard to keep the tears inside.

"It's been a long day, Kate. Why don't we head home?" he offers, knowing she was going to break down soon and not wanting her to be embarrassed in front of her coworkers.

She hesitates before nodding and standing up to put her coat on. Together they walk over to the elevator. Once the doors have shut, she leans up to kiss his cheek, "Thank you, Rick."

He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close. "Why don't you come back to my place? Mother had a play and then she was going out with some of the other actors, said she wouldn't be home tonight, and Alexis was having a sleepover with one of her friends. We'll have the place to ourselves."

"I'd like that," she says quietly.

"And I have alcohol if you want to get incredibly drunk and forget about this terrible day."

"Alcohol sounds good too."

"And I promise no funny business."

"I don't know about that one…"

"We can bend the rules if need be."

Kate doesn't have a response to this and is content to just be with him. He hails a cab, and half an hour later they are pulling up outside his building. With a hand on her back, he leads her inside. Once upstairs, he helps her remove her coat before going to get them both a drink. She is curled up on the couch when he returns, handing her a glass of wine.

"I don't feel any different," she whispers, then drains half of her glass. "I thought I'd be relieved… happy… whole… when it was over. But… I just feel worse than before."

"You'll get there, Kate. It'll take some time. Some days will be worse than others. Your mother was a big part of your life, and now that you've got the guy that did it, you can start to heal again, but the scar will always be there," he takes her hand.

She takes another sip of her drink, "I'm not even sure I want to be a detective anymore."

Castle tries his best not to show his surprise, "Why not? You're so good at it. Think of all the murderers out there that you still have to catch."

"There will always be murderers out there, Castle. Any other cop can find them just as well as I can. It's just… now that her case is closed, I feel like there's no point."

"Of course there's a point. You help bring people justice, you help bring families answers, and you put killers behind bars. There are still people out there that could use your help."

"I can't help everyone."

"No, but think of all the case you've solved. Hundreds, maybe even thousands. And you've touched so many lives."

"Do they really care? I mean, finding the killer doesn't bring your loved one back."

"Kate…" he says gently, now realizing what is wrong. "You brought closure to many families. Knowing that the killer is behind bars helps, but nothing anyone can do will bring someone back from the dead."

"I know. I just… miss her. I wish she could be here."

He puts his arms around her and pulls her close. The tears streak down her cheeks before being absorbed by his shirt. They sit silently like that for a long time until her tears subside. "Kate… maybe you should call your dad, let him know what's happened," he says softly, not wanting to surprise her.

"Yeah… I guess I should," she pulls her phone out and wipes at her eyes.

"I'll just go in my office and give you some privacy," he offers, trying to get up.

She doesn't let him, "Stay here."

"It's really not my place."

"No, I want you here. And you've met him, Rick. He told me… a couple weeks ago when I called him to tell him we hit another dead end… he said that he thinks you're good for me."

"Really?" Rick gives her a soft smile.

"Yes," she hits the send button and holds the phone up to her ear before leaning against him again. "Hey, Dad. No, everything's fine. Well, for the most part."

Castle can't hear her father's side of the conversation, but he can tell that the man is worried about her daughter. He absently rubs her arm as she talks.

"I'm fine, Dad. Really," she tries to assure him, but the writer, being a father himself, knows that this doesn't really do much. "That sounds fine. Yes, I'll let him know. See you Saturday."

"You're meeting your dad?"

"Saturday for lunch. He said I could bring you."

"Oh, I couldn't intrude."

"You wouldn't be."

He shrugs, "Maybe."

"You could bring Alexis."

"You want to introduce my daughter to your father?"

"…Yes."

"I'm honored."

"You've already met him so you can't exactly do the whole official meeting thing," she smirks.

"Too bad. But if I ever want to marry you, I'd still have to do the whole awkward thing."

"Or not," she shrugs. "I think he's already given his permission for anything to happen between us."

"He could take that back now that we actually are together."

"He won't. You're definitely one of the more acceptable guys I've dated and let him meet."

"Ooh, story time," he smiles excitedly.

"Nope. Unless you wanted to tell me a story…"

"I'd be delighted, Detective, if that's what you want."

"I actually have something better in mind for tonight," Kate lifts her head off his shoulder, smiling before leaning forward to give him a gentle yet passionate kiss. "Rick… I love you."

Castle can't stop the smile that adorns his face, "I love you too, Kate."

A/N: I am so excited for tomorrow. Hopefully classes aren't too bad because I'm not going to be able to concentrate at all. And hopefully my roommate doesn't come back while I'm in the middle of watching the episode. Anyway, I've got one more story done, and I'm almost done with a second. I'll probably start posting one towards the end of the week. So... please review and give me your final thoughts on this story. Thanks again.