Stephanie Meyer is the lucky bitch that owns Twilight! I just like to make them horny!

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Chapter 1 – The Loss

Daddy, please don't go!

Isabella you know I have to go sweetheart!

Please daddy, please don't leave again. Take me with you!

Honey listen we spoke about this before, this is my work I need to do this. I will call you and I promise to right okay?

I Love you baby-girl!

I…love…you…too…daddy!

But daddy why do you always have to leave, why can't we just have a little bit more time together? Who is going to come to my Christmas show? I don't want to be alone again!

Sweetheart, please don't cry! I'll be there angel I promise I will my dad said before locking me in a strong embrace.

I woke up the tears streaming down my face. It has been 5 years since my father passed away, Major General Charles Swan of the US Marine Corps. He was respected by all and generally known as the best dad ever.

He was killed in battle his battalion entered into Iraq on a drill and an unknown suicide bomber caught him off guard.

We were based at Fort Nelson in Washington. My mother Rene was a free spirit and felt like the life of a militant was weighting her down. While my father was off saving the country my mother was servicing the fellow soldiers down at the local pub. Feeling like maybe she was also doing her bit for the United States of America.

My father knew his good name was being disgraced as he played the role of Captain America, but he chose to be the faithful husband and always turned a blind eye to Rene's antics. Rene was unhappy and wasn't a mothers ass. I cooked and cleaned and dragged her drunken sorry ass from pub to pub.

I really loved my dad and he seemed to be loved by all except the mother of his child. He came home on brief visits but he always made sure the visits were memorable. He would take me camping and swimming and shopping. I grew up learning to respect the militant lifestyle and rules. I mean my dad even took me shopping for my first bra and worst tampons!

"Hey Bells" I heard my father say as I walked into his study crying my eyes out.

"What's wrong?" he asked concern laced in his voice.

"I need to go to the store and mom doesn't want to wake up!"

"Oh I can take you angel" my dad said as he hugged me close to him. Wordlessly he led me out of the house and into his big jeep. He buckled me in and we drove off to the shop.

"So what is so important at the shop?" my dad asked me smiling.

"Just stuff" I moan looking out the window.

He smiles to himself but doesn't continue the conversation.

As we get out of the car I turn to my dad "you can wait here dad I won't be long" I say hoping he will just listen.

"Nonsense I want to spend every second with my angel" he said taking my arm and leading me into the store. He grabs a basket which I know we won't need as we head on over to the first isle.

"So?" my dad questions me raising his eyebrows. I just blush and stomp off to the right isle.

I stop in front of the tampons hoping I could just grab a box and rush to the counter before my dad gets there but he reaches me just about the same time as I reach the tampons.

"OH" he says and blushes just like me. So there we are just standing gawking at the vast array of tampons. I mean why can't they just have a box that says for first timers?

"Major?" I heard a female voice ask right behind us and I froze. Why don't they just have my dad's whole platoon march into the shop and watch me buy tampons!

"Staff Sergeant Denali" my dad said very formally and still blushing.

"Is this the beautiful Isabella, you are always talking about?" she asks and I smile but hide my face from her view.

"Yes it is" my dad says filled with pride and forgetting we are standing in an isle packed with tampons.

"Please to meet you Isabella" she says holding out her hand to me.

"Hi" I say softly taking her hand. She is wearing the normal brown uniform and has her hair tucked under a hat. I am slowly dying of mortification.

"Well then bye" she says and starts eyeing the shampoo on the shelves behind us.

"Well?" my dad asks me nodding his head towards the tampons.

"I…don't…know" I stutter as the tears roll down my cheek "That is why I tried waking mom up" I finish as my dad wraps his arms around me.

"Don't worry angel we will figure this out, you and me just like always" he says as he drops his arms from around me and starts chucking one of each type of tampon in the basket.

I heard a snicker behind me as I stared at my dad in awe? I mean shit I don't think I need a year supply on my first flow?

"May I be of some assistance?" The staff sergeant asks eyeing us both and I blow out the breath I wasn't even aware that I was holding.

"Please" my dad breaths as he puts the basket down and puts his hand on his hips to look at me.

"Okay" she says looking at my dad "You might need to give us a minute?" she asks trying to still respect his rank.

"Sure, is that okay with you Bells?" he says looking at me and I nod.

"Irina" she says smiling at me and I smile back relieved at how warm and loving her whole attitude is towards me.

"So Isabella" she starts but I stop her by saying "Bella, just Bella" and she nods her head before continuing "I suppose this would be your first period?" and I nod my head.

"And you do understand the whole reason behind why you are getting your period and for how long.?"

"Yeah, we have a health class and it was all explained, well the biological side not the practical side" I say gesturing towards the tampons.

She spent half an hour in the store with me outline the different tampons and the pro's and cons of them before she let me make an educated decision regarding which I wanted. I never knew tampons could be so confusing I mean why? But thanks to Irina I was now more enlightened and ready to purchase. So also gave me her contact detail in case I had any other questions about anything ever which was very nice considering my own mother could not be present for the occasion.

I left the store and found my father looking extremely relived that he was able to get out of that particular conversation,

"Ice Cream?" he asked as we both headed to the ice-cream parlor. My dad is awesome!

I didn't like the military life but I loved my father dearly. I was assured a letter at least once a week while he was away always telling me how much he loved and missed me. I tried to keep good grades and make my dad proud. My mother didn't even know where to find the school I was attending!

Rene had started getting more and more impossible to be around and I was embarrassed to leave our home. Living on an army base with a mother like mine wasn't an easy fete. Especially if you consider the high rank my father has obtained, people expected more from her but she never once showed any signs of wanting to stop the life she was living. I begged my dad not to leave knowing it was killing him, when his orders came in he was always packed and ready go my crying only hurt him so much more.

I wanted to be his first priority and be the one he responded to. I wanted him to calm my fears and promise to return. The promise never came.

When I got news of my fathers passing I had to run from pub to pub to try and find my mother and give her the news. Two uniformed officers arrived at our door and having witness this same scene endless amount of times around the base I just had to see the hurt on their faces to get the message loud and clear. When I found my mother with the news she just smirked and then passed out. I had no one to console me or hold me and promise that my rainy gray cloud might have a silver lining ahead. Irena came past the house and made sure there was food and spent some time there trying to support us, but with my mother passed out I didn't want to disgrace my fathers good name any further and told her I am fine so she could leave. I wanted my mother to be there for me, I needed to feel love and comfort but her world and life was all that mattered we were all tiny insignificant bumps on her road to getting laid.

I woke up the next day and Rene was gone. Not even a note for the daughter who looked after her and took care of her for years and had just lost her father. Nothing. My father had passed away and my mother had abandoned me. I was a 17-year-old girl with no family and no future.

The military arranged for my fathers will to be read the afternoon of his funeral. I will never forget the words the soldier said to me as they folded the flag over the casket containing my father before handing it to me "On behalf of the President of the United States, the Commandant of the Marine Corps, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's service to Country and Corps."
I sat in the front row with one other woman whom I just met and no family. There were a lot of marines in attendance, these were the people he served with and they had a part of my dad that I never did.

It appears Charlie had made sure I could live financially secure for the rest of my life with no worries. And I was left in the custody of his only remaining Relative Esme Swan. Who was also present for the funeral and the reading of the will? I had never met Esme but I had heard many stories of her from my dad. He loved and worshipped her, but being in the military barely left enough time for me, so he was unable to ever visit his sister, opting for family outings with me, and just a letter in the post to Esme.

I was packed up and shipped out of Fort Nelson to Miami Beach Florida, where I was going to move in with Esme and her two daughters Rosalie and Alice Swan. I had no say in the matter and it was a forgone conclusion that I was to leave my whole life behind and start a new one without the only two people I have ever loved.

I hardly had any time to grieve for my dad before I was getting ready to complete my senior year in a new school with a new family and a new life. The adjustment to living without my father wasn't as hard as I would just imagine he was off on another assignment, but that would only last so long before I would sink right back into a deep hole of depression and longing for my dad who I knew was the one person who loved me unconditionally.

No matter how hard I tried to remember the life I had with my father the memories got less and less clear as the days moved on. I would sit on the window sill in my room willing my mind to focus on the times me and my dad went camping or hiking or when my dad forced me to go because I was being difficult. I would think about his hair and smile and how proud he was when ever he returned home safely from leading his troops successfully in and out of combat. We had so many good times, I really didn't want to forget them, and it felt like I was loosing so much at once. I ached to feel his loving arms sooth me when I got hurt or how his kiss would heal my ouch when I fell or his gentle hands when he taught me to ride a bike and I fell and he had to stick a plaster to my scraped knees!

Esme was a kind loving woman that supported me emotionally. She held me when I cried, she would crawl in bed and sleep next to me if I had nightmare. She tried so hard to break the exterior of pain I kept up, but I never relented. I ate meals in my room and left only to go to school. I spoke to no one even though Alice and Rose tried their best to involve me, or sit with me. I just smiled and looked at my food. Never making conversation or continuing a conversation that they started.

Their support never waiver and they always dried the tears and held me up. I started breaking out of my shell and learning to live with the hole in my chest. I opened up to Esme Rose and Alice and since then I have become best friends with the girls and loved them all dearly. The taught me how to laugh and love again. I was happy and carefree even though I still have haunting dreams about losing my father. I would watch Esme interact with Rose and Alice and just feel so empty knowing my mother didn't have one ounce of love for me. My fathers face will stay forever etched in my memory as my Hero who loved the US more than he did his own flesh and blood, but still my hero.

We all attended the University of Miami, Rose went into law and Alice majored in Fashion Design. And me the little bookworm I majored in medicine specializing in pediatrics. I wanted to make a difference the way my father had, but I had a hard time getting along with people my own age and older, and I loved children dearly so I decided that pediatric would suffice in making a difference in the big ass world out there.

Alice graduated before me and Rose and opened her own fashion house. She was a very creative species and loved the hectic world of fashion. Rose and I were going to graduate this summer.

Rose got an internship for her first year at Mayer and Dart anion's and I got a residency with St Christopher's in Miami. It was a hospital focused purely on soldiers and their families and they only took 3 residences each year so I felt beyond honored to have been accepted.

Life seemed to be on track. I was sitting having coffee and reading Withering Heights, when I looked up into smoldering brown eyes; of a guy that was sitting at a lunch table entertaining his friends. He smiled at me and I blushed and looked down. He seemed to be with a very rowdy crowd of guys probably from some fraternity of sorts. Rose and I lived at home and avoided all frat parties no matter what. We were focusing on our studies and the fun would follow after.

I paid the check and ducked out of the coffee house before I embarrassed myself more. I would not classify myself as pretty but I wasn't ugly. I had brown eyes and hair hanging from my shoulders. I had a good body as I was used to the training schedules of the Military because I tried to keep a very active lifestyle, and to be honest I wanted to joint the marines at one stage of my life, the stage before my father died and my mother left and so I tried to stick with it even when I moved in with Aunt Esme. I enrolled at a gym and spent most of my free time there.

I always hid behind the veil of my hair and I didn't have the confidence that Rose and Alice had.

They were both taller than me but Rose had beautiful blond hair and blue eyes, killer breast that caught people's attention no matter what age or gender. She had slender long legs and a gorgeous body. Alice was a little bit taller than me with spiky black hair and green eyes. She also had a good body. She was gorgeous just like Rose.

Guys always hit on them when we were out shopping or eating. I wanted to be noticed especially by the guy with the brown eyes. He looked amazing with jet-black hair kept short and seemed to have a killer body. For some reason the body was a Hugh deciding factor in my decision but it might go back to the days I spend at Fort Nelson seeing all the marines in training with gorgeous bodies busting abs of steel… Believe me hitting puberty while ogling these guys was a nightmare!

No one like that will ever look twice at me. But I wished he would. I sighed as I walked into Alice's store and plopped myself down on one of her comfy couches.

"Hey Bella, why are you so glum?" Alice said still arranging her shelves.

"I just saw the father of my babies, and he didn't even look twice at me!" I moaned

"BELLA!" she shouted jumping up and down "THAT IS GREAT!" she said.

"Alice did you just hear what I said?"

"Yes, and I think you are just being silly I am sure he noticed you, but more importantly you are actually interested in a guy!" she yelled

Fuck! It seems like she is right I haven't noticed anyone in the male form since I left Fort Nelson 5 years ago! Wow, where have I been? In hindsight I must admit the guys in the military are hotter than the average university or high school student.

"Yes, I am" I said smiling.

"What are you too so chirpy about?" Rose asked as she walked in looking like a goddess.

"BELLA IS IN LOVE!" Alice yelled

"I am not in love I just saw someone I liked but I have no chance what so ever with him" I said looking at my hands.

"Why?" Rose asked dumbfounded

"Hello Rose where have you been, have you seen me?" I questioned

"Yes Bella I have and so has every other male in our direct vicinity!" Rose said rolling her eyes.

Yes like I was going to believe that guys are going to look twice at me, when I have Alice and Rose around me.

"Sure"

"Bella just because you don't see yourself clearly does not mean the rest of us don't" Alice scolded me.

"I just wish I looked more like you guys, instead of being short and plain!"

"Bella you are beautiful, you just need the confidence to pull it off, and those shoes are not exactly boosting your confidence" Alice said looking at my converse sneakers.

"MAKE OVER!" Rose yelled excitedly.

"No guys come on!" I moaned very unconvincingly as Rose grabbed my arm and I was dragged from the store.

"Bella, looking good, starts with feeling good" Alice said as we ducked into a spa just down the road from her shop.

"Okay so you should keep your natural style but you would need to wax the brows and stop biting your nails!" Rose said as we waited to be helped.

Once we were each assigned a beauty therapist, I moved with mine to the back. I was nervous. Esme and the girls did this all the time and I always declined the offer opting for the natural-don't-notice-me-boring look.

Rose had completed my form so I had no idea what we were going to do. And knowing Rose I might need a bullet proof vest and some good running shoes!

"Okay pumpkin strip and lay down on the bed, there are towels and a gown in the bathroom. Your therapist will be in shortly!" The lady said leaving me before I even had a chance to utter a single word. I was nervous. The shit these girls get me into!

Strip? Why? Why did I need to be naked?

Even though I was feeling uncomfortable I stripped and I was staring at my naked form. I watched a program on TV about getting inked and the ink intrigued me. I wanted one but I wasn't sure that I could handle the pain? My skin was so pale it was like alabaster and maybe if I added some color to it might look a little more appealing? Esme would kill me though. My father had my name inked on the inside of his right arm; he always said I go with him wherever he is. I wanted this because it would mean in some way I was like my father. I hoped to God I was nothing like my mother. Maybe that is why I have avoided all the male species for the past 5 year.

Anyway I lay down on the bed covering myself as much as possible. A friendly smiling face popped into the room wearing the light pink dress that seemed to be the dress code for the spa. She had long brown hair and a tanned complexion. Her eyes seemed to be happy and dancing as she moved closer to me.

"Hi I am Lauren and I will be your therapist" she smiled as she started preparing the goo next to her.

"So Bella right?" she asked and I nodded my head. "Will this be your first wax?" She asked.

"Yes" I smiled thinking about the amount of time that will be saved on not shaving my armpits and legs!

She moved the towel away and spread the hot was over my kitty? What the fuck was happening here? This was not going to be good!

She placed the strip over the wax and smiled at me before pulling with so much force I was sure that I had no skin left. I lifted my whole body off the bed and groaned in agony. I tried my hardest to focus on something other than the pain of having to endure Chinese torture but my attempt was futile! I felt like I was King Kong covered in hair!

"What the fuck!" I yelled and Lauren just smiled apologetically before applying another layer of wax. The torture seemed to go on forever. When she was finally done she started on my legs. I was so tense I could die! Really why do people invent something so bloody painful? Everything in life was designed to be painful to woman, mammograms, losing your virginity, giving birth having your heart broken… the list is endless.

I was going to kill Rose and then save her so I could kill her again.

By the time the girl was done I felt like I had been stung repeatedly by a swarm of bees. She did my facial next and then I was taken to sit in stool while she did my feet and hands, that part was bearable I liked it and I spent hours in my room doing it myself so it was nice.

Rose and Alice walked in like nothing happened. "If I wasn't in so much pain right now I would get up and beat the living shit out of you!" I scolded them.

"Bella, please once your lover boy sees your smooth skin he won't be able to resist!" Rose smirked.

"Rose, firstly he is not my lover boy and secondly no one is going to see the smooth flesh"

"Bella please you cannot stay a virgin for the rest of your life, you have to take the plunge sooner of later. So it is always better to be prepared." Alice smiled sweetly.

"Well please correct me if I am wrong but prepping to lose your virginity should be in the forms of condoms, birth control and lube not a fucking wax!" I scolded

"Bells, do you want us to give you the birth control pep talk or just toss the pill in your bag along with some lube and condoms?" Alice asked me while trying to hold her laughter.

"Yeah Bella I thought with you being a doctor and all you would understand the schematics?" Rose said and they both burst out laughing.

"Yes, that's it girls let it all out! You guys are bitches! I was trying to make a point not get a lecture!" I fumed.

Rose and Alice had both lost their virginity fairly young and were both single yet sexually satisfied due to line of suitors that had on call.

"Are you saving yourself for Marriage?" Rose smirked at me.

"Culo" I spat at her witch is Italian for ASS! They all hated it when I spoke Italian and left them hanging. But it is the only thing my mother taught me that was worth learning.

They were always sharing their stories and handing out some unwanted tips to me. Bella the plain 22-year-old virgin, it isn't like I am a hermit or anything I just never felt a connection with anyone? Does that just make me more of a nerd? The fact that I spend the majority of my time in the library studying so I could be top of my class and always ensure I overachieve? Fuck yes I am a nerd and a virgin and boring as fuck!

Once we were done I moved into the salon of my own free will and decide a new hairstyle was on the cards. Rose and Alice smiled excitedly at my enthusiasm. I have always been a girly girl but like to keep that side of my personality hidden from Rose and Alice, as they can be very overbearing!

I had my hair cut into a shiny bob just below my chin. I loved the new look. The picture I saw of the haircut looked so good on paper I was worried about my lack of looks to pull it off but it appears that I had made the right choice. The cut showed my face more and my eyes seemed alive.

My mind kept drifting to how ecstatic I was about starting my residency and the exposure I was going to get is amazing. I have been appointed to work under Aro Volturi who is the leading Child Specialist in his field and has delivered hundreds of lectures based on studies he has conducted on incurable child diseases. He has dedicated his whole life to helping children in need and working on a cure for their presence. I just need to learn to control my emotions, and learn to be brutal. I am hoping this new hair cut will put me on the confidence fast track!

"What about a girl's night out?" Rose said to us we all left the spa. I had never had a girl's night out so maybe this was going to be a very eventful day.

"Hell yes!" Alice said, "I have not been drunk in ages and you bitches need to spend one night without stress"

I knew this was way beyond my realm of control so I just decided to smile and go with the flow. Alice and Rose called up some of their friends and because I am such a nerd I was left with no one to call. I felt kind of sorry for myself knowing I don't have a life and the only two friends I have, is Rose and Alice?

We dashed home and we all got ready. Alice chose the scantiest outfits she had for us all to wear saying we needed to let it all hang out, and I don't think she meant this as a figure of speech because seriously the dress barely covered enough skin to qualify as a dress.

We were meeting friends of theirs at a pub down town. I really hope that I don't end up falling flat on my face….

When we got to the pub I felt so stupid dressed like a ho in same dingy bar while the girls there all wore comfy denims…. Why oh why do I ever listen to Alice.

"Seriously Alice what the hell is wrong with you, bringing us to a pub dressed to the nine when everyone is dressed in jeans?"

"Bella please, you are never going to find Mr. Right dressed like Mrs. Wrong! And besides we might hit some clubs later"

"Alice I don't intend meeting my Mr. Right in a pub! Seriously I am sure even I can do better than that!" I finished, does she seriously think I would fall in love with a fucking biker and then have loads of little Harley Davidson babied dressed in leather! As if!

"Bella, stop bitching and come and meet the girls!" Rose scolded from a nearby table with 2 other girls already sitting there sipping on very pink and girly drinks.

"This is Amber and Linda" Rose introduced me to the girls.

"Hey guys" I smiled as I took a seat opposite Rose.

"Hey Bella, so we finally get to meet the infamous 3rd sister" The one named Amber said. Sister did Rose and Alice really refers to me as their sister to their friends? I have been so wrapped up in my own life and coping with my father's death that I never really had the opportunity to see Rose and Alice for who they really were. They did love and accept me into their family. Sisters in every possible way.

"Yeah they finally got me out of hiding" I said smiling warmly at Rose who just patted my hand.

Alice came to the table with 3 pink drinks for us and sat down.

"Strawberry Daiquiri" she said as she started sipping on the drink.

"So have you girls spotted any potential yet?" Alice asked the girls.

"Hmmm, some yummy ones!" Linda fesses up, as she pointed to a table not to far from ours. There were about 10 guys sitting drinking beer, not the regular rowdy type they seemed relaxed and laid back not bikers like I would have thought.

The girls started some mindless chitchat about the approaching exams and Alice's new range, while I just sat sipping on my daiquiri.

After about the 4th daiquiri I felt myself starting to relax and looked at the giggling trio at our table. The girls had all mellowed down some and seemed to be getting a tad bit flirtatious with the guys at the other table.

"See anything you like Bella?" Amber asked me.

"Nope!" I said honestly because I truthfully didn't. Well I couldn't really see the guys from where I was seated but I was sure that they were not my type!

"Lets get this night going shall we?" Rose asked while she got up and went over to the bar she came back with 2 bottles of tequila and shot glasses.

"We can start of with a game of MFK" Alice said bouncing excitedly? MFK is that like a relative of JFK?

"MFK?" I questioned the girls nervously….

"Marry fuck kill" Alice said, "I'll start then you will see" she finished as Rose got the shooter glasses filled with tequila.

"Okay Tanya MFK, let see Cameron Diaz, Angelina Jolie and Lindsey Lohan?" Alice asked her. She seemed to take her time to consider then said:

"I would marry Cameron, fuck Angelina because she is known to be fuck –awesome in bed and kill Lindsey just because I can." She finished.

"Okay now you Bella" Tanya said looking at me.

"That guy over there" she said pointing to a bear like figure with dark hair and brown eyes who was watching our table "Megan Fox and Robert Patterson" she asked.

"Kay I would kill that loser over there, and I would seriously fuck Megan Fox just for being hot and I would marry Robert Patterson so we could fuck forever" I said not even blushing thanks to the generous amount of alcohol in my system.

"Okay Rose, Avril Lavigne, Jennifer Aniston and Amy Whinehouse" I said

"Too easy, I would fuck Avril Lavigne, Marry Jennifer and kill Whinehouse repeatedly" she smirked.

"Uhhh….Amber MFK the golden girls?" Rose asked Amber

"Are you fucking serious? Two of those girls are dead?" Amber said making a nasty face. "You sick basterd" she finished as we all laughed.

"I chose Linda, MFK Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra and Oprah" Amber stated

"Jeez I would kill Oprah just so that I wouldn't have to listen to her shows anymore and I would Fuck Pamela and Marry Carmen" she finished and looked at Alice

"Okay Al, MFK Kid Rock, Fred Flintstone and Al Pachino" Amber questioned Alice

"Shit lets kill the old guy first and then I would fuck Fred Flintstone shit can you imagine the animalistic sex? And I would marry Kid Rock shit can you imagine the fucking joy that man can bring to my va-jay-jay? No matter which angle you put it I win?" she said and I had to laugh because Alice seriously enjoyed sex….

"Okay Bella here is one for you, would you rather have a night of passion with the guy with the pony tail over there or the sexy bartender staring you down?" Alice asked me while indicating to the two guys in question.

"Alice a "Night of Passion" is no less than 8 hour of whatever sexual/semi sexual activity that other person wants to do. Depending on the person's proclivities, this may or may not include cutting one up and stuffing them under the floorboards. So I would have to say I most definitely would prefer the barman," I said after my rambling left them all open-mouthed.

"Here" Rose said handing me a shooter "You are way too sober" she laughed.

"Why do you say that?" I asked her really not understanding the statement.

"You are still thinking to clearly, maybe we need to get you high? Or maybe get you some girl on girl action?" Alice smirked at me and on this I have loads of opinions.

"Marijuana smokers should be allowed to marry their bongs and masturbators should be allowed to marry their hands, I mean considering that gays are allowed to marry. As long as we are handing out special rights for different behavior choices then at least smoking pot and masturbation is more normal. I seriously think that Pot smokers should also get a fucking parade and it should be supported by the pc crowd long before an anal sex/cunnilingus parade should. I mean fuck, why don't we just throw a fucking parade for pimps and hookers?" I finished breathless after my rant

"No offense to any gay members of the public" I smiled innocently as they all just gawked at me. Rose pushed the bottle of tequila in front of me and said, "Drink now" while everyone burst out laughing.

"Shit you're a real firecrackers aren't you?" I heard someone say behind me while the girls just smiled like they wanted to hump his lump.

"Been eavesdropping?" I asked without tuning around.

"Nope you were just loud enough for us all to hear," he said laughing when I turned I saw the guys from the table next to us moving their table right against ours.

"Mind if we join you?" the guys asked but I still hadn't noticed his face. He took the seat next to me and I fucking froze. He looked magnificent! He had the most startling green eyes; a spiky yet unruly mop of hair that looked like it had a personality of its own and a very defining jaw line. His lips were begging me too kiss them.

"Sure" I heard Rose say and I wanted to kick her under the table.

"I'm Edward" he smiled at me.

"Uhhh...Bella" I said as he took my hand in his, an electric current ran up the side of my arm, making me wish I had gone slower on the tequila!

Edward continued introducing his friends at the table but I blocked it all out completely as I tried to focus on the heat jumping from his body and curling around mine like a thick wool blanket.

The guys all said a soft hallo while Rose got them all a round of shooters. Tanya and Amber fell into easy conversation with the guys but Rose and Alice decided to stick by me just in case I lost it completely.

'So Edward are you from around here?" I heard Alice ask

"Nope just in town for a few days catching up with some old friends while visiting my father" he said

"So you would totally fuck Megan Fox" he smirked at me.

"You are going to talk to me about my sexual preferences?" I questioned and he laughed

"Nope not really just glad you weren't into Cheney over there" he said and I felt like shit for being horrible to one of his friends even if he seemed okay with it.

"So you girls were playing a game?" One of the guys asked and Alice was so fast to jump on the bandwagon

"Yeah know any good ones?" she asked

"Well as a matter of fact we guys do this thing on tour where we have to take a nursery rhyme and turn it into sexual innuendo and if you cant you need to do a double shot of tequila?" he said

"Okay but you will need to start as we don't know the game?" Rose said evidently deciding that we are all playing.

"Okay, Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. Jill, the dill, forgot her pill,
and now they have a son" he said smirking at Alice

"Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play he kissed them too cos he was gay." Alice said triumphantly.

I was so fucking screwed. I tried my hardest to think of anything but nothing came to mind. All the rhymes I knew were meant for kids and I could not for the life of me figure out how to fuck them up?

"Do you need some help?" Edward whispered close to my ear and I almost came undone at the feeling of his breath blowing across my skin.

"Maybe" I said softly back to him, he moved his chair closer to mine and his leg was so close to mine I could feel the material of his denim against my skin. He put his arm across the back of my chair and leaned close to my ear.

"It is going to cost you though," he said seductively.

"I don't think I am willing to pay what you require" I finished looking him in the eye.

"Yeah, you not the clubbing type?" he asked

"Clubbing?" I questioned dumbfounded

"Yeah clubbing not fucking just clubbing," he said and I blushed in embarrassment while the nursery rhymes still floated around the table.

"I am suppose to meet my brothers at a club just up the road from the pub in about an hour and I wanted to know if you would join me?" he asked me and I wanted to go so bad but I wasn't sure if I could do it alone.

"We would love to go" I heard Alice chirp right next to me making Edward smile. I tried to send Alice a very subtle look of horror but she just smiled and pretended to focus on the game while I saw one too many shot glasses being downed.

Edward pulled me to his side so that my ear was right next to his mouth and whispered the rhyme in my ear. I was still trying to memorize the feel of his skin when Alice bumped me in the ribs indicating it was my turn. Edward chuckled next to me as I tried to remember what he had said.

"Kay, Jack and Jill went up the hill and planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass

And, grabbed her ass now two of his front teeth are missing" I said successfully reciting his rhyme in my drunken stupor.

"We are all going to pretend that we did not just hear you recite one of Edward's famous nursery rhymes back to us. So lets just pretend that was your own" one of Edward's friends said.

Edward smiled before he looked down at the table and said, "My friend Billy had a ten foot Willy. He showed it to the girl next door. She thought it was a snake and hit it with a rake and now its only 4 ft 4."

I had to smile because he was the sexiest man I had ever seen. He turned and winked at me and I creamed myself. I had never had an orgasm but I was sure on the verge just watching him smile.

"Okay so how about the things you never want to hear your partner say?" Tanya asked

"I promise you won't choke," Rose said laughing

"Can I get you in the pooper?" I said and Edward almost choked on his beer with laughter.

"Do you mind getting me some vagisil?" one of the guys laughed and I blushed that was some messed up shit right there.

"Well your sister likes it like that" Edward smirked and I elbowed him in the ribs.

"What?" he questioned laughing?

"I think the condom broke like 10 minutes ago" Alice said and that was not funny that was scary.

"Bella shut up," Rose warned before I could utter another word about the precautionary measures for sexually transmitted disease.

"I gotta poop" Amber finished as well laughed hysterically.

"Nothing wrong with taking a good old dunk" One of Edwards friends laughed. No one else did.

"I want to try something and see if you like it as much as you mother," Linda said as the guys all-high fived each other. Edward just smiled at me.

"I wouldn't share you with anyone" he said seductively in my ear.

Hi phone alerted him to a text message and after a quick reply he looked at Alice and me and said "You girl ready to head out?"

"Yeah" Alice said as we all got up to leave the table. Amber and Linda was staying behind with some of the guys while me Alice and Rose left the club with Edward and one of his friends, that was trying to chat up Rose.

"So Bella do you stay in Miami?" Edward asked me as we took the short walk to the club. I was trying to focus on walking and not falling.

"Yes how about you?" I asked but before he could answer I heard a booming voice yell.

"Well it is about fucking time bro" as a burly man with blond hair and dimples said to Edward. He was massive no gigantic and had the biggest arms I had ever seen.

"Hey Emmett, this is Bella, Rose and Alice" Edward said indicating to us.

"Hi Girls" Emmett boomed as his eyes softened on us. He zoomed in on Rose and I just smiled knowing he was so getting laid if he played his cards right.

"Girls these are my brothers Emmett and Jasper" he said as another guy stepped from behind Emmett with curly brown hair and gently green eyes. He was the smallest of the three but also had a big muscular build like Emmett and Edward.

"Shall we?" Edward asked as he put his hand on the small of my back and guided me into the club.

His touch made my whole body ache and I wanted to feel his body melt with mine. Maybe I was drunk?

Rose and Alice appeared to have made instant friends with Emmett and Jasper if the dry humping was anything to go by.

The club was packed to the rafters. Edward leaned in to me and I felt his breath fan my face "Can I get you a drink?" he asked and I nodded and asked for a beer.

The guys left for the bar while Rose grabbed Alice's hand and mine and led us to the dance floor.

"You guys had better make sure I don't do anything stupid tonight," I yelled at Rose and Alice. Jasper came onto the floor and handed us each a beer before leaving to stand to the side and watch us. More like ogle but hey it is not like I wasn't doing the same to Edward. Fuck he was hot personified!

Rose and Alice realized the guys were watching us and dance seductively. I downed my beer in one gulp with the nervousness.

The song ended and we headed to the table to find a few ice buckets filled with beer just waiting for us. Edward handed me one as I sat down next to him. The tables were very high and I felt all wobbly sitting on the chairs.

No conversation was possible through the blaring speakers and I looked up to find Emmett smirking in Rose's direction. Emmett grabbed my by the waist and dragged me to the dance floor.

"I need to make your sister want me and you need to set Edwards pants on fire" he breathed into my ear. I just shrugged as he pulled my back against his chest and we ground against each other. His hand was palm down on the flat of my belly.

I laughed as I saw the mortified looks on Rose and Edward's faces. Maybe upsetting Rose was a bad call but the look on Edward's face is priceless.

I turned and wrapped my arms around Emmett's neck and pulled him down to my level and said "Thanks for the dance" before leaving him on the dance floor and heading back over to stand next to Edward. Emmett walked towards me and I slipped to stand in front of Edward with my back to his chest as he wrapped an arm around me to keep Emmett away. I could feel his body against every inch of mine. His hand was resting on my tummy and I was sure he could feel my rapidly beating heart.

A lady carrying shot glasses came over and within minutes we had finished a round of shooters. I was still standing in Edward's arms and I felt the heat of his body seeping into my own. All I wanted to do was turn around and push him to the floor so I could ride him like a fucking cowboy. I was so turned on it was unbelievable. I pushed my ass back against his crotch area and I was met with a rock hard erection. His hand came to my hip and held me tight against him stopping my movements. Alice and Jasper were seated next to each other giggling and Rose and Emmett were arm wrestling across the table.

His hand slipped from my hip and ran down my body stopping at my thigh where the dress ended.

He made circle motions with his fingers on my leg I leaned forward so I was standing against the table and his hand on my leg was hidden from view, unable to contain my hormones.

He leaned forward and kissed my neck. I felt tingles run up and down my spine. Alice and Jasper were now dry humping each other like me and Edward just not trying to hide it like us and Rose and Emmett were heading to the dance floor.

Edward's hand snaked forward and moved to my front and then he stopped like he was waiting for me to make the next move. I moved my hips a bit so he could get the hint and grabbed a beer in the hopes that it would cool me down. His long slender fingers made contact with my panty clad kitty.

I wished I had forgone the underwear, as it would really come in handy right now. His thumb grazed over my clit and I just about passed out. Leaning closer to me he whispered in my ear. "You are so fucking sexy". Alice and Jasper had stopped dry humping so Edward dropped his hand making me groan.

I finished my beer and grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor. I pulled him flush against me and started moving my hips with his in time to the music. I felt the rough material of his denim rub against my kitty and I had to force myself not to hump his fucking leg. He smiled down at me like he could read my mind and I was lost in the depth of his eyes.

His hand moved to cup my ass and I felt his fingers heating my flesh. I was going to spontaneously combust if I didn't get some form of release soon. I stood on my toes as I gently took his earlobe between my teeth making him moan.

"Do you want to leave?" He just about yelled at me over the blaring music

"And go where" I answered and kissed down his neck

"To my hotel room" he said breathlessly and kissed the hollow at the base of my throat.

"My sexual proclivities does not include chopping you up and stuffing you under my floor boards or getting you in the pooper" he laughed

"What does it include then?" I asked seductively as I crashed my lips against his swirling my tongue into his mouth like a sex-crazed maniac.

"So I can fuck you repeatedly while you scream my name over and over and over in ecstasy," he said as he pulled my lip between his teeth and nibbled. I felt the moisture leave my kitty like it was licking itself clean. He was turning me on so bad that I wanted to beg him to take me right there in the club in front of everyone. I was a quivering mess.

"Don't make promises that you can't keep!' I said as he grabbed my arm. We reached the table and he grabbed my bag before I could even say anything to the girls. I don't know where the courage was coming from.

He marched me out of the club and stopped a passing taxi; he wordlessly helped me into the taxi before he gave the driver the address and promised a sizable tip if he made haste. I slipped my hand from his and palmed his erection discreetly. Hoping the taxi driver was paying attention to the road and not us. I realized I had liquid courage seeping through my veins.

He jumped at the contact and shot me a warning look, that I assume was suppose to make me stop not turn me on more. Which I ignored and palmed his erection again. We reached the hotel as he ran us both into the lifts. Literally. When we reached his floor I was barely out of the lift before he pushed me up against the wall and started kissing me. He fumbled with the card struggling to open the door. Once the door opened he picked me up and carried me into the room.

His kisses were roughly while his hand slipped beneath my dress to cup my ass. He stumbled in the dark before laying me down on the bed. He wanted to flick the light switch but I stopped him not really needing too much light. He moved to pull off his shirt and some chain that was around his neck before coming over to me. The moon cast some light into the room setting his glorious body on fire.

His body was toned and muscled in all the right places with a gloriously sculptured and toned stomach and shoulders, his left shoulder had an eagle etched into the skin that rippled as he moved.

He crawled over me and pulled my dress up. I wanted to feel self-conscious but I didn't. I gave myself a stern warning and just lay down on the bed naked except for the very scanty underwear I was wearing, the nervousness bubbling in my system but just one look at Edward and all that was forgotten. For now it was just me, him and the rest will follow.

"Will you still respect me in the morning?" I asked because I didn't want him thinking I was the type of girl that just let random strangers take them home for sex.

"What makes you think that I won't?" he asked me looking hurt by my comment.

"I just don't want you to think I am cheap or that this is the type of frivolous things I do in my spare time like some sick nympho"

"And you think this is the type of thing I do regularly? When I saw you in the pub tonight I was like a moth drawn to a flame, my body craved yours. Even if you end up leaving now, I would still be the luckiest man alive for having spent so much time with you" he finished, fuck he was a smooth talker.

"Bella, I can't give you more than tonight." he said gesturing between the two of us. "Tonight is all I have" he said barely more than a whisper and I leaned forward and kissed him with as much passion as I could, if we only had one night I best make it the most passionate life of my existence.

He pushed me down while he pulled my legs up and removed my shoes all the while placing kisses at the base of my foot. I could feel every muscle in my body vibrate as his hands made contact with my skin. He moved so that he was towering over me while his hands tugged at the sides of my underwear desperate to remove it. My bra was unclipped and my panties down around my ankles in no time.

He had a savage hungry look in eyes that consumed my whole being.

His hand trailed up to cup my aching sex, gently he slipped a finger into my heated core and I moaned out loud, startling myself. I felt his thumb moved to my clit rubbing it while he continued a steady rhythm with his finger.

He added another finger and lowered his head so that his tongue made contact with my clit. He pushed his fingers inside of me faster as my orgasm built up. It was so intense but I was holding back unsure of what I was doing and what was happening. I wanted this and Edward's hands were like magic. He knew what to do and how to please. The heat started running thought my body like and electric current shocking every ounce of flesh on its way.

"Oh God Edward" I yelled as my orgasm ripped through my whole body making me arch my back in the sheer pleasure.

He unbuckled his belt and stripped his jeans. And I watched as he rolled a rubber onto his shaft while he leaned down to kiss me again. I could taste my arousal on his lips, as I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth. I was petrified thinking of how his shaft was going to fit into me, logically I knew it was possible but seeing it in my mind was what scared the shit out of me, his shaft massive and I was not the biggest of girls.

He gently pried his hand between my legs pushing them apart while as he passionately kissed down my neck and collarbone till his mouth made contact with my nipple. He was supporting all of his weight on his arms and I could feel the muscle tense under his weight.

His shaft was at my entrance and I was waiting for the pain to consume my whole body but he was slow and passionate. The head of his cock slipped into my kitty and I froze as he pushed forward some more. I sucked in a breath and grabbed hold of his side squeezed my eyes shut.

"Bella?" he questioned.

The stinging pain was running into my kitty and he tried to move his hips back so that he was no longer in my kitty but I kept him steady.

"I'm fine" I finally managed as the burning subsided.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me this was your first time?" he questioned but I had no answers.

"I didn't want you to stop"

"Fuck" he said as his arms started shaking from holding his weight of fury I wasn't quite sure. In all honesty all I could think about was the fact that his shaft was inside of me well at least on the verge of being inside of me.

"Don't stop please," I said as I snaked my arms around his waist pulling him down on top of me.

He leaned forward and gave me a heart-stopping kiss while he pushed himself further inside of me. I moaned into his mouth as his hips stilled again waiting for me to adjust to him being inside of me.

I felt my kitty meow at the feel of his cock filling me. I wanted him so bad so I wrapped my legs around him.

"That's it babe" he breathed as he started a steady rhythm with his cock rocking in and out of me.

I felt an intense orgasm rumble in my stomach as Edward fastened his pace. His one hand moved between us and started making circular motions with his finger over my clit.

"That's it babe come for me" he said as my kitty vibrated against his cock. As he slammed into me my walls clamped down on his cock and my body rocked with an

Orgasm. He slowed down and waited for me to catch my breath. I looked up at him and smiled sleepily.

"Oh now you don't, this is far from over" he said as he flipped me around and balanced me on my knees.

"You are going to fuck me doggy style?" I asked

"Oh yeah an ass like that deserves to be seen" he said as he entered me again.

It felt more intense this way as he gripped my nipple and placed kisses down my spine. His balls were banging against me and it felt amazing to be filled to the brim whit such an amazing cock. I felt the energy leave my body as a third orgasm rocked my world. Edward was now keeping me up, as I was unable to accomplish it on my own. My legs felt like jelly. This man had such fucking stamina. I didn't know it was possible. Our bodies were glistering with sweat as he leaded back and rested his ass on his ankles and positioned me onto of him. He picked me up and pushed me down on him, I shifted hips to start moving his cock in me. He put his hands on my hips lifting me and slamming me down hard on his cock, my breast were bouncing around like crazy as I felt him release. His orgasm was so powerful that it rocked through me making me come again. We were both screaming each other names as we rocked our bodies to the pulse of our throbbing sex.

We collapsed on the bed he discarded the condom before he pulled me to rest my head on his chest. I felt so complete and at utter peace. I cannot believe that sex could be this great. We fell asleep instantly.

I was consciously aware of a pulsing erection pressing into my back. I wiggled closer and it pressed forward. I was trying to gather myself and rise from my comatose sleep state.

I heard a low growl escape Edward throat as I kept wiggling my ass against his crotch. I felt the moisture gather between my legs as I pushed back against him. I turned to him as he kept groaning still fast asleep.

He kept rocking his hip and mumbling. I pushed myself down his body and pulled his erection into my mouth.

"Bella?" I heard him ask his voice still gruff with sleep and it sounded so sexy I almost creamed myself.

"Hmmm" I hummed as I felt his erection hit the back of my throat and I had to literally force myself not to gag. It felt good to have him in my mouth. I kept sucking, and I heard his breathing get ragged as his hand stroked gently through my hair.

"Oh…. shit…. that's…gooodddd" he breathed as I sped up the movement of my mouth while I put my other hand at the bottom and stroked the part that didn't fit in my mouth.

His hips started gently rocking against my mouth as I sucked.

"Bella…. you need to move..Now" he said gripping my head and pulling it away from his shaft.

Seeing as I have never given a blowjob I was curious as to the taste of his seed. So I just hummed and kept sucking.

"Ohhhh fuccckkkkk" he said as I felt his hot semen hit the back of my throat. I kept sucking till his hips stopped moving and his breathing relaxed.

"That was wow…. amazing…" Edward said as I pushed myself up his body. He smirked at me and twisted us around so that I was lying on my back. He looked down at me and I lost myself just looking at him.

His lips gently touched the line of my jaw and I could feel his morning stubble against my sensitive skin. His lips made a burning trail down my neck until he reached my nipple.

"You are so beautiful" he said as he pulled my nipple into his mouth and flicked it with his teeth as I felt a ripple of pleasure consume my whole body. He pulled his mouth off my nipple and blew against the moist area and my body trembled. His hand gripped my hips roughly, as he pushed himself against me. I arched my back as I felt his erection close to my kitty. "Please…" I breathed haggardly begging for his touch.

"What do you want Bella, tell me" he said as his breath fanned against my glistering nipples.

"Touch me please," I begged as his hand trailed from my hip down to my moist center. He ran a finger up the wet slit spreading my arousal over my clit before he pushed his finger into my aching core. His fingers had a magic touch as they pushed into me.

"Is that what you want Bella?" he asked, "No," I said shaking my head as he increased the speed of his fingers inside me.

"More" I said and his eyes found mine and I seemed like he was weighing his options

"Are you sure you don't hurt too much?" he asked and I just shook my head.

He grabbed a condom from the nightstand and pulled it open with his teeth never once taking his fingers from me. He rolled the condom over his erection with one hand like a fucking pro.

He pulled my legs up against his chest and entered me softly while I pushed back against his erection.

"More" I said again as his cock filled me to the brim stretching my kitty and making her purr. "Your are so fucking tight" he said as he pulled out completely and then entered me again slowly and softly. I tried to push back against him but he put his hands on my hips and pinned me down as he kept going at a slow pace.

I felt like I was losing control and I needed to lose the edge that was driving me insane.

"Fuck Edward please!" I moaned "What?" he asked like he didn't know the pace he was keeping was driving me insane

"Do you want it hard Bella?" he asked in the sexiest voice I had ever heard. "Yes Fuck Please"

"As you wish sweet Bella," he said as he started pounding into me with frantic need. His hand moved from my hip to my clit turning my body into a drooling, dripping mess.

The coil in my stomach tightened as Edward kept his hectic pace of pounding flesh to flesh. My body burst into flames. "Oh Edward YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" I scream at the top of my lungs as the orgasm lit my whole body. The heat consumed me and my toes curled back as I felt my walls pulse against his rock hard cock. He followed not to long after me "Bellaaaa!" he moaned as he rode out his orgasm. He got off the bed and headed to the bathroom returning with a facecloth and I blushed as he gently wiped my kitty clean. He leaned down and placed soft kissed on my pubic bone.

It was still dark out as he pulled me to his chest yet again. We laid in utter silence as we both fought to control our breathing.

I fell asleep wrapped in the band of muscles that was Edward arms with my head on his chest. The steady rhythm of his heart lulling me into a deep slumber.

When I woke up again light was streaming into the room. I stirred as Edwards hand made circular motion on my back. I turned my head off his chest and found him staring at me.

"Good morning beautiful" he said kissing my head.

"Hi" I said a little bit embarrassed at my slut actions, I guess I am more like Rene than I initially thought. But fuck I had my first orgasm and it was mind blowing. I know fully understand why Alice and Rose enjoy being sexually active, holy shit.

I was pulled from my thoughts as Edward slipped out of the bed next to me and walked into the bathroom his glorious body rippling with muscle. I could feast on the site of his glorious ass all day and not get lonely. His body was in tiptop condition with not an ounce of fat. Every inch of him was muscled and ripped to perfection like he was painted perfectly by the hands of God.

He returned and smirked as he put his arms under me and pulled me to his chest.

"Edward! Put me down" I yelled as he walked us both into the shower. He put me down once we were under the spray of water. The hot water seemed to calm me a bit. My head reached to his shoulder and I looked nervously up at him nibbling on my bottom lip. His thumb grazed my lower lip as he pulled it from between my teeth. His lips crashed down on mine and his arms snaked around my body. I clung to him like a second skin as he pulled me up and I wrapped my legs around his body resting my ankles on his glorious ass as he kept me against him keeping his hand under my ass.

"I want you so bad" he breathed "Then take me" I said against his lips.

"I need to go and get a condom" he sighed "I am okay," I said hoping he would understand. "Yeah?" he asked as I nodded my head "I'm clean so if you are sure." He said and I nodded again.

He pushed me against the wall and pushed himself into me. I gripped his shoulder as he pushed in and out of me, my back against the wall and the water spraying my face as he worked his magic.

I felt myself turning into putty and unable to gather enough strength to stay glued to him as an orgasm shot through me. "I can't hold on" I said as he kept going "I've got you babe" he breath "Oh…yeah…. right there" I breathed and that was all it took for me to milk his cock. He crashed against me as his semen shot into my body.

He gently slipped me from him and made sure I was able to support my weight before he grabbed a louver and soap and gently washed over my entire body. I smiled at him as he hastily washed himself.

Once we were done showering I scrawled back into bed hoping to get a little bit more sleep. I woke up a little while later to an empty bedroom. There was a bottle of water and some Tylenol next to the bed with a note

Beautiful Bella

Sorry I left without a goodbye, but I we are shipping out to Iraq today. I am sorry that I can't offer you more than one night of passion but the life of a marine is never easy. I still respect you.

Take care

Edward.

He was a fucking marine! Shit I got up and just barely made it to the toilet as I heaved the entire content of my stomach. What the fuck have I done! I hate the marines and here I had just spent a night with one I barely knew! I have disgraced myself. I felt sick to my core knowing that I was just like Rene. Everything I stand for I let go in one moment of passion. This hurt me much more than I was able to understand. I know for a fact I hate the marines because my father died serving, but I wasn't sure why I felt betrayed and even hurt maybe used but I wasn't sure why? Life was an enigma that I was unsure how to solve.

I wanted to punch the wall or fuck anything just to vent my anger. I was now forced to dress in my sleazy mini dress and leave the hotel looking like fucking shit. I made sure to phone for a cab first so that the cab would be waiting when I got downstairs. I fixed my appearance up as much as I possibly could before I took the walk of shame out of the hotel. Avoiding making any form of eye contact.

I hate the fucking US Marine Core and I hate fucking Edward what ever his second name is. The son of a bitch! I was angry with him for no reason but I needed the anger it was what gave me the strength to get up and leave the hotel room with nothing more than a night of passion and a Dear John letter. Once again I was left. No one who got to see a loving passionate side of me seemed to care enough to stick around.

My cell was filled with so many missed calls and text messages but that was to be expected I abandoned them last night with no word and then I ignored all their calls, well technically I just didn't hear my phone and calling them was the furthest thing from my mind.