Title: Everybody Loves Cloud

Author: CrisisChild

Summary: One happy, hapless day in Shinra, Cloud's hair falls into one of Hojo's concoctions – a vat of Mako laced with a strong aphrodisiac meant for Sephiroth. The strangest day for Cloud ensues. Cloud x everyone in Shinra.

Rated: T

Beta'd: Nope.

Disclaimer: No part of the FFVII Compilation is mine.

Everybody Loves Cloud

Part the Sixteenth

For the second time in 24 hours, Cloud was being subjected to the existence of a maligned rag doll.

At some point during his abduction, he wasn't so much forced to follow at the insistent tug of Genesis' hand as he was carried off, and it was no longer feasible to carry him like some maiden – all pretense had been forgone as he was thrown over the redhead's shoulder and absconded in a standard fireman carry in order to escape the incoming onslaught of cold water.

However, compared to Reno's hold which had been firm and carefully calculated for comfort of the abductee and the abductor, Genesis was letting gravity have its way with Cloud.

Up and down he bounced heavily on the SOLDIER First's shoulder and it was all he could do to keep himself from throwing up again (he had a feeling that no matter how amorous the mako was making Genesis that he would not enjoy vomit all over his coat).

There came a burst of cool air brushing against his skin and he fought to keep steady on Genesis' shoulder and to keep his skirt from flapping about.

And just as sudden as he was captured, Cloud was dumped onto the ground rather unceremoniously.

He cursed colourfully, his back smarting from his less than graceful landing. Gods, when this was all over he was going to learn how to get out of holds, carries and the like – he was being manhandled way too much! Still, the split second of freedom he had to himself made him quickly get to his feet and scramble away. This exercise in escape was probably futile, but better to struggle than to just sit around and take it passively. A few steps, though, and he was already being grabbed (seriously, he promised himself, lessons on escaping grabby bastards are a must). An arm snaked around his waist and held onto him firmly, insistently.

"Ah, ah, ah, my dear," admonished Genesis, "you wouldn't want to run off so blindly...not with that drop."

A gloved hand gestured behind him and Cloud craned his neck a little to see exactly where they were standing and his eyes widened when he realized where Genesis had taken him.

The roof. They were on the goddamned roof of the headquarters.

A place where no one can hear him scream, Cloud mused rather morbidly. His prospects were not looking great. His eyes went skyward and he saw not a single hint that it might rain; this summer had been pretty brutal in the heat department, even for an arid wasteland like Midgar. Cloud felt as if the cheerful, summery sun of August was mocking him. There was no escape.

Cloud was scrawny, a fact that many had used against him plenty of times. But he still bit, scratched and kicked like no one's business on most days when he was well aware of the threat to his person (and boy, did he consider Genesis a big threat), refusing to give up on himself. Even up against a SOLDIER First. His mind went back to the Incident, to how he stood his ground against Sephiroth – to how he still came to save him anyways, even though he made his position clear at the time about going back for simple infantrymen.

There was nothing more that Cloud hated than having to depend on someone, even though he himself like having people depend on him and see him as reliable. But today, he had to be reliant, as much as he hated the idea. He had to stall until Sephiroth arrived, which could be anywhere between the next few seconds or the next few minutes – the timing was crucial for any emergency situation and could be the difference between life and death. Or, in this case, whether or not Cloud was going to do some very risque things against his will.

The blond was roughly pulled back to the present situation when he felt a hand going up his thigh. He quickly smacked at the offending appendage, swatting at Genesis who gave a strained laugh and then squeezed a handful of flesh which made Cloud wince; that was going to leave a hand shaped bruise later.

"Don't be rude, dear. Consider this an honour." Honour his ass, but then again, he might get an ass honouring if he wasn't careful. Genesis pressed his face into the fake hair of Cloud's wig, pushing it into an uncomfortable position on his head. God the damn thing made him itch. "Not everyone catches my eye."

"Is that right?" Cloud bit back, eyes darting to the nearby exit. The only way off or on this roof. Looking at the concrete under his feet, he saw a giant circle around an equally large 'H'. This was the private helipad for the President, if he was not mistaken. "Sure you're not just trying to take a personal stab at Sephiroth."

That was probably the wrong thing to bring up at that point in time, Cloud mused, when he was treated to another not-so-loving squeeze on his other thigh (great, he thought sarcastically, now it's evened out). The whole rivalry between Sephiroth and Genesis was widely known, or rather, the one-sided rivalry Genesis kept insisting was happening between himself and the Silver General. Needling Genesis about Sephiroth was a surefire way to get on the SOLDIER's bad side, even under the impairing influence of tainted mako.

"You watch what you say," he growled, now turning Cloud so that they were face-to-face. A hand roughly grabbed his chin and he was forced to look up to the point that if Cloud didn't stand on his toes, his feet would be left hanging in midair. "If anyone here is to win the day, it shall be me. Not him."

Yeah, right. When Scarlet and Heidegger build a giant robot and start rampaging all over Midgar.

His jaw held strong Cloud couldn't make much of a snappy comeback. But then, there were other ways to stall for time. -Hurry, Sephiroth. Hurry up and get here already.- He just had to figure out what they were before he either lost all breathing functions or Genesis decided to forgo any foreplay and get straight to business at long last...and Cloud wasn't planning on letting him get that far!

Once upon a time, the young man had once been a little boy and said little boy was often excluded from many activities and events back in his hometown of Nibelheim. One of those activities had been the karate classes taught by Zangan. While Tifa and the other town kids went ahead and attended, Cloud as an outsider, was stuck simply watching and imitating what he saw through a the window of his house as the classes were held outside in plain view, right next to the water tower. Cloud had not been particularly adept at any of the moves learned, especially without the proper guidance of a master, but there was one move he'd been able to execute, one he used plenty of times against bullies were who often twice his size to take them down a notch.

And during those times he had a pair of over sized, loose suspenders hanging off of his shorts getting in his way.

Swinging his legs back, hands grasping Genesis' wrist and arm for leverage, her swung up, surprising the SOLDIER First, and quickly wrapped his legs around his arm and with his whole body, twisted as hard as he could to his right. Whether it was the shock of Cloud's action, or Cloud's own strength shining through, it didn't matter as Genesis followed the motion of the maneuver, pitching in the direction the blond was forcing him in. They both fell to the ground in a mess of limbs; Cloud could have sworn he sprained something, but was too busy trying to extricate himself from Genesis' grasp to give his health much thought.

About this time, the door to the roof was blown – not slammed, not banged, not pushed; blown – wide open. Splinters of wood and shrapnel scattered listlessly through the air as Sephiroth stepped out into the ope air, gaze critically appraising the scene. Bright green eyes made contact with blue and before long Sephiroth was sweeping over to them, just as Cloud was getting to his feet and making a limping run for it.

Of course, when was it ever as simple as that.

Honestly, this day was just too much for Cloud, he thought crankily as he was grabbed, yet again, for who knows how many times now. The accumulation of the entire day's stress was finally crashing down through the dam of his patience. He could scarcely hear Sephiroth in the distance warming up a materia for some sort of spell, but he ignored it, in favour of rolling up his fingers into a fist and slugging slugging Genesis one right in the nose.

Like Sephiroth, the other First were set upon this high pedestal way beyond the limits of human ken. They were like gods, or the statues of them that stood tall, high above people and staring down upon them lesser humans imperiously.

Cloud was simultaneously surprised, amazed and disappointed that Genesis' nose gave way like any other idiot's when punched hard enough. One may think punching a SOLDIER was like attempting to punch marble, but the First was flesh and blood like any other and the telltale crack of a broken nose was distinctly satisfying to hear. Genesis howled, letting go of the blond to tend to his, now bleeding, nose.

The man staggered back, one hand to his face, the other starting up the first few embers of a flame around his signature sword, Rapier.

"That little bitch broke my nose!"

Say what you will about the man, but that Genesis could still be so articulate while sporting a broken nose and being enraged was actually impressive.

Pure rage seemed to be a good a cure as any for mako-based intoxication. The haze of lust and madness had cleared out of the redhead's eyes and they were now holding a raging clarity that spoke not of dubious amorousness, but of death and fire; Cloud was honestly not a little scared at the murder now being aimed at him.

Dear Mother in Nibelheim,

Your son just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper and should probably learn when to stop.

But thankfully, Sephiroth was close and ready to defend him from Genesis's ire.

"Sephiroth-!"

"Don't worry, I won't let anything happen. I'm ending this now."

The glow of Materia magic flashed from the general's hand, just as Genesis charged forward, intent on slicing someone for the indignity of harming his face. Pushed to stand behind the silver, Cloud watched as time seemed to slow in this moment as Sephiroth brought up Masamune to block the flaming blow by his enraged friend. Rather than parrying, Sephiroth allowed their blade to clash, sparks flying as the two forces pushed at each other; unstoppable force versus immovable object.

The magic that had been prepared was unceremoniously brought up and blasted right into Genesis' face at this pivotal moment of tense sword waving. However, instead of doing more damage as Cloud thought it would, the small force it gave merely gently pushed Genesis away and he slumped to the ground, asleep.

Just as this whole incident started quietly, so too did it end on a low, silent note.

Cloud was actually...a little underwhelmed. Glad that it was over, but now that it was in fact done with, he sort of expected a little more than that...

Once again, he was struck with the thought of smacking himself upside the head for feeling disappointed about something like this. Honestly, he figured himself lucky for not being fired at the end of today. Heaving a sigh, he fell to his knees, unable to stand anymore; for exhaustion and his ankle had definitely been sprained. He won't be walking around on it any time soon. The only noise up there on the roof was simply the high altitude winds blowing at their hair and clothes. Neither Sephiroth nor Cloud spoke for the moment, silence consuming them both in the aftermath of the aborted battle thanks to a well-placed Sleep spell.

The soft touch of Masamune's tip on the roof caught Cloud's attention. Sephiroth was looking at him now, his face impassive, but his eyes...was that worry? The private could almost laugh at the oddness of that expression, but he barely had anything left in him. He was going to need a long nap to recover from today. He wondered if sleeping for thirty years would about do it...?

"Are you well?" the First asked, cat-like eyes roving up and down Cloud's form clinically.

The blond nodded, albeit tiredly. "I'm fine. I got a sprain, but nothing a potion and some rest can't fix."

A dip of the silver's head acknowledged the assessment. "All right." And he paused, a moment of uncertainty crossing Sephiroth's face as he tried to broach the next subject. "...Do you...require assistance?"

The question was so awkwardly phrased, as if he wasn't used to asking it. It was kind of cute, in a very humanizing kind of way. Cloud averted his eyes from Sephiroth's face a moment, trailing down to the general's hands which were clenching slightly, anxiously. Who knew he could feel any kind of anxiety? You'd think the guy would be more confidant in these kinds of situations. You'd think he'd had the chance to play hero more. (But when he thought about it, he didn't know Sephiroth very well at all, did he?)

"Yeah, can't really walk," he replied, soon regretting it. Oh, boy, if he got picked up one more time -

A gloved hand was held out towards Cloud in silent offering. The blond stared, dumbfounded for a second until Sephiroth spoke again.

"I'll help you walk." The First did not move until the other male took his hand, only then did he budge an inch, waiting on Cloud to make the first move. A courtesy; Sephiroth could have easily expedited their return within the building by simply picking Cloud up without asking. However, he probably knew that the infantryman was tired of having choice stripped from him and Cloud really appreciated that.

An arm was wrapped carefully around Cloud's waist to keep him up so he wouldn't have to put any weight on his injury.

Cloud nodded at Genesis' prone form behind them.

"What about him?" he asked. Even though the guy had almost done something to him, they shouldn't really leave outside like that.

Sephiroth merely shrugged, now moving towards the exit with Cloud in tow. "I'll send someone up for him. He'll be fine for a few minutes."

"I thought you were subscribing to the idea of 'no one gets left behind' now?"

"You'll have to forgive me if I am lax in concern to Genesis. My mood does not allow for much charity at the moment considering today's Incident."

Understanding that, Cloud entered the building with Sephiroth at his side.

==Everybody Loves Cloud==

What should have been one hell of a PR nightmare was swept under the rug like so many of Shinra's many deep, dark secrets. No one outside of SOLDIER division and close affiliates within the company knew about what had occurred. A thing that Cloud was personally glad for.

A lot of the SOLDIERs professed having no memory of the Incident involving the tainted mako treatments, other than the aftermath which involved the entire building getting doused in water so cold some poor victims on the other floors had to be treated for low grade frostbite. The SOLDIERs themselves were all right, if a little out of it. Lazard remembered clearly enough of what had gone on and made efforts so it wouldn't happen again. Ever.

"Once was enough," murmured Lazard to a Sephiroth reporting in the next day, now buried in the paperwork that Incident had caused. Easily over forty stacks of desk jockeying had to be finished and the director bemoaned it, unable to wait for the day when the entire process of paperwork was entirely digitalized and less daunting to just look at. Sephiroth held no envy for the man and his personal troubles as an executive.

Cloud did not get into any trouble, oddly enough. Even Genesis wasn't quite that mad at him for socking him one to the face. Granted he never allowed Cloud to forget he had almost ruined a national treasure every chance he got (which was a lot now that Cloud had been formally introduced to the Firsts by one Zack Fair who had conveniently forgotten he'd almost slept with his best friend). Angeal didn't recall what happened, although had been told what had gone on and apologize profusely, despite not having done anything that day...

The last month since the Incident had been nice, to say the least.

Since being introduced to Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis by Zack, Sephiroth had taken a shine to Cloud, as he put it. Maybe it was residual overprotectiveness, or some form of guilt, he didn't know, but Sephiroth often asked him when he went out on missions, even though he didn't really need back-up. It was always with a regular sized suqad of 3 infantryman, but on the request it always stated Cloud's name in full plus 'two others, anyone will do'. The first time his sergeant showed him the request he had to keep from laughing. And when he inquired Zack about it, his friend was positively beaming.

"It means he sees you as a friend!" Zack proclaimed, as if that were the most normal thing in the world.

Him and Sephiroth. Friends. Riiiight. And Cloud could twirl the Buster Sword over his head, one-handed.

Whatever it was, the Silver General seemed to call on him a lot for missions and personal assignments. Sephiroth went out to the field surprisingly little, really relegated to things like pipe openings and ceremonies and other dull things. But Cloud was always set as a plus one. An odd, perplexing state of affairs.

They didn't talk. They didn't interact in any way beyond the mission. There was just this odd satisfied look in Sephiroth's eyes when Cloud would show up for deployment before he'd nod and turn away.

It was pretty bizarre. Even after Angeal decided to take pity on Cloud and explain to him Sephiroth's unique thought process.

"He sees you as a friend," Angeal stated, echoing his student's words. They were seated across from each other in the First's office. Normally Angeal dealt with the problems of green Thirds, homesick during their first nights at Shinra, but he had an open office policy where if anyone had any problems they can come see or talk to him any time to discuss them.

Of course, he didn't see this odd behaviour as a problem, even having the gall to smile about it. If he weren't worried about making Zack sad (bless his pure, well-meaning heart), he'd probably punch Angeal so he'd stop it with that knowing face. It's starting to creep him out.

"It's as simple as that, Cloud. He's not good at getting close to people. He did the exact same thing to Genesis and me," explained the First. "He's not very good at communicating, so to show he was interested he sort of monopolized our time. Whether it was on missions or otherwise; we spent a whole two months having to share close quarters with him because he insisted on it."

Cloud had a hard time believing that, but by the time he'd entered the halls of Shinra the infamous three First were widely known as close friends, so there might be a shred of truth to what Angeal was saying. It still didn't make understanding Sephiroth's behaviour any easier though and he said as much. The older man's answer was simply a shrug.

"When all else fails," Angeal said, "sometimes it's just better to be direct with him."

That was easier said than done.

Cloud wasn't exactly the direct type. He could get things done when the chips were down and no one else was willing to step up, but he wouldn't be the first person to go up to someone and ask if they were friends. It took almost dying from falling off the Nibel Mountains for him to even talk to the most popular girl in his hometown.

So he settled into a rhythm with Sephiroth, leading to simple familiarity. And for the moment, that was fine with Cloud. With everything that had already happened, he wouldn't be wanting anything more than something simple for a good while.

==Everybody Loves Cloud==

Everything seemed to be in order and things were fine. The routine at the office was back to normal, right down to the very next mako treatments for the SOLDIERs. Thankfully, that one went a lot smoother with techs, Turks and assigned SOLDIERs running a fine toothed comb through the mako to make sure nothing would go awry again. Cloud, despite everything, had once again volunteered as an assistant during this time, knowing nothing would happen.

And with Sephiroth hovering like an angry mother chocobo, one could assume nothing would happen as long as he was there.

He didn't know what else to do. He'd been told that mentioning the Incident (wherein Cloud showed an amazing amount of backbone) or the Incident the Second (in which Cloud also demonstrated a great amount of patience and fortitude) was taboo and not the first thing that should come out of his mouth every time he saw Cloud. Either because the matter was supposed to be something private between the two of them or because he'd been ordered to keep quiet about it. In either case, this left him without many topics in which to bring up with the younger man.

After all this time, he was unable to voice his thoughts on the matter. But then again, perhaps it was not wholly important in the end.

For better or worse, the blond seemed comfortable enough being around him and, after much consideration, that was exactly what Sephiroth wanted. A something that had been missing.

Angeal and Genesis were good peers, men his age who could keep up with him mentally and physically. With the eventually introduction of Zack, there came the sometimes need for him to play mentor, a position he really did not favour nor particularly want. But he'd been introduced to it and he did not find the scant moments of being a teacher too terrible; sometimes (he mused with an amused smile) it was rewarding.

What did he want from Cloud, though? Friendship? Or to be in the role of mentor as Angeal was to Zack?

The young man, in question, was next to him, questioning a SOLDIER Third after his first injection of mako, going through the usual gauntlet of questions for the 18th time today, innocently oblivious to the thoughts going through the silver's mind.

"You seem distracted."

Or so Sephiroth had assumed. Cloud had picked up the same senses as Angeal for when Sephiroth's mind would go wandering.

"I was not," he drawled a reply, used to this routine with Angeal. "I was simply contemplating the use of blue pens versus black pens in terms of clarity on standard forms needed to be filed in triplicate for the oncoming tax season."

But rather than calling him out directly, the young man inquired, "And how would that change anything?" with a smile in his words, amused more than exasperated. He'd long exhausted his own friends' concern when it came to his thoughts derailing.

And Sephiroth smiled, ever so slightly, knowing that Cloud could pick out his little quirk so easily.

"It doesn't," he replied. This was the usual cycle, the only time, he mused, when Cloud would talk to him. How...sad, he could hear Genesis say, that the only time they spoke was when his mind was not focused at the task at hand. In this case looking after the infantryman who had him so fascinated and perplexed. So amused and drawn.

It's only been a few months since he found out Cloud existed within the realm of his closed off personal little world. He hoped there would be more time to understand and lengthen their conversations in the future.

But there were so many variables...so many uncertain things...

"You're distracted again."

"I was thinking..."

Here they go again. Another cycle of the same thing.

But was it possible to derail an already derailed train of thought?

"...I would like to be friends."

A beat. And then the pen Cloud had been using dropped. The noise was surprisingly loud and Sephiroth realized that every mako-enhanced ear within range had picked up on what he'd said and had tuned in to see the drama unfold. Frowning at the lack of privacy, he gently excused himself and Cloud and veered them off into a different ward altogether.

Friends. Had he truly meant that? Well, it was certainly close to what he felt like he wanted. People who were his equals was how he categorized his friends, as those who couldn't keep up with him were barely worth his notice. But Cloud...Cloud was different. He didn't know or understand how, but he wanted to discover it all for himself what it was he sought with Cloud.

And that could only happen if the other would just let them be friends.

Alone and with no eavesdroppers, he posed his request again.

"I want to be friends."

Once more there was that shocked expression on Cloud's face as if he could not believe it. Sephiroth, being a creature of habit, repeated himself.

"Cloud. I want to be friends."

"I heard you the first time, just give me a minute-"

And he waited, for precisely that minute, each second obsessively counted before allowing himself to speak up again. "And your answer?"

What he got was a myriad of emotion crossing Cloud's face. Only a few he recognized. The most prominent one was horror, a most confusing feeling to be experiencing over this moment. He was not, after all, pointing Masamune at him which would warrant such an expression. He tilted his head quizzically, just trying to puzzle out why the other would act like he was about to skewer him or worse. During the many transformations of Cloud's face that one seemed to come out the most until it finally settled on something akin to calm.

Cloud, at long last, said, "You know what? Okay. Sure. I think I'd like that."

The answer, though tentative and unsure, made something bloom within his chest. It took the older man a few moments to recognize what that feeling was, since it'd been so long since the last time he'd felt it in its unbridled state.

For all his aloofness, Sephiroth (when with friends) was a lot more tactile than anyone would give him credit for. He dipped his head until his touched Cloud's, spooking the teen a bit, but they both stayed like that a while.

Such a simple joy, being able to call someone friend.

"I look forward to getting to know you better."

"Yeah...likewise."

==Everybody Loves Cloud==

Dear Mother in Nibelheim,

Today I became friends with Sephiroth.

==THE END==

Author's Note: After what feels like ten years, but is actually only like...7?8? YEARS. Gods. I first started this while sitting in a hospital room watching my grandmother have chemotherapy for breast cancer. I simply wrote what I wanted: a ridiculous story to make me smile and laugh during a really hard time. I figured why not share it with people, maybe I can make them laugh, too. When my grandmother finally passed away it was hard continuing to write this. All of my fanfictions, in all honesty. Motivation was low and I didn't have the same mental drive to write something funny. But I felt like I should finish at least one thing. I rarely ever finish anything. And while this may seem a bit rushed, it's only because, well, I felt like I could make this into a bigger series. Something more than just silliness written on a whim. Yeah, yeah, I know, boring plot I can hear some of you say. You're just here for the silliness and the guy on guy action. But you know, I figured something out.

I am still writing this for myself. I am still trying to cheer myself up after all these years because why else would I fall back to this fanfic sporadically? There are times when there are such lows that I feel like I needed a laugh, something to distract me. And I think there are others who sometimes feel that way, too. That they need to smile about something.

So, in short, thanks guys. For not leaving me alone. For reminding me I'm not alone. I write these silly fics for myself, but I also want to share in whatever joy and fun I could with everyone who stuck by this story (and by proxy, me). Thanks so much.

And see you in the sequel...EVERYBODY HATES SEPHIROTH.

Love you guys!

Yours,

CrisisChild