Authors note: I had to spend a bunch of time at the vet this weekend, which wasn't conducive to work on ATCOTS, but I'd found the plot bunny for this in my notes and knocked out the songs on my Blackberry. The rest followed, and if the interest and reviews are there, I'll get back to it soon. Otherwise, consider this part to be something like a very extended trailer. Seriously folks, with FFN's stat counters apparently dead and dying, reviews and favs are the only way I have to gauge interest in a show. If you want to see more, pop up something, even just an LOL. Otherwise I don't even know if anyone's actually read this. Legal disclaimers: Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Rufus, Shego, Monique, Bonnie Rockwaller, Mr. Barkin, Tara, Jessica, Felix & Dr. Drakken are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Music is stol… a tribute to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, book and lyrics by Richard O'Brien. Use in use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, but just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all human characters doing the naughty shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18, while all mole-rats are also of consenting age.

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The Kimberly Horror Picture Show

A new KiGo musical by SHADO Commander

ACT 1

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"Aw! And now it's raining too!"

Kim Possible gritted her teeth as she continued to plod through the seemingly primeval growth of this strange forest, all the while attempting to ignore the sound of her "partner" and… God help her… fiancé… as he incessantly and repetitively restated and rephrased the blatantly obvious facts of their predicament over and over repeatedly like it was some kind of mantra to bring down even more negative Karma.

Yes, the skies had suddenly opened up and seemed to be dumping the combined contents of Lakes Huron, Eerie and Superior on them simultaneously, and yes the temperature had been dropping steadily to the point where death from exposure was looking increasingly like their likely fate. However, on a day in which Kim had somehow inexplicably found her self ENGAGED to the buffoon, it wasn't likely that things could really get much worse for her.

As if to prove her wrong, a bolt of lightning struck a tree not thirty feet away from them, splitting what had been a mighty oak in half. A dozen birds, three rain drenched squirrels and a semi-toasted possum fled the blazing wreckage in a mad panic, but Kim trudged onward. They'd been marching for nearly two hours now, and only the fact that they still seemed to be moving in the correct direction indicated at the last time they'd been able to get a GPS reading gave the impetus to continue onward. Now they couldn't even raise Wade on their Kimmunicators, as if this forsaken landscape was so dreary that not even radio waves wanted to hang around here. What the hell. It was probably a wild goose chase anyway!

"Hey look! A wild goose!" Ron suddenly exclaimed as the beast in question flew past, with Ron's nerves catching up with him once a second later gain as he exploded in tears and terror. "And I'm afraid of geese, aren't I?"

That was the twist that caused the tightly wound rubber band that was Kim Possible's patience to snap. "Be quiet Ron! We wouldn't be stuck out here like this if you hadn't messed up the Sloth so badly!"

"But the Tweebs said they'd converted it to diesel so that it could run on old fryolator oil from restaurants!" Ron whined.

"AFTER you filter it!" Kim snarled. "There were French fries in the fuel line and a buffalo wing in the carburetor!"

"Well… nobody told me that…" Ron grumbled, retreating into the same whimpering, bellyaching mode he'd been falling back into since they first met in pre-K. It had been cute once. Now it got on Kim's nerves like steel wool being rubbed over an open, gaping sore. That's why she'd "accepted" his ring when he pulled it out in front of her cheer co-captain (and best female friend) Tara and the rest of the cheer squad this morning. She hadn't felt up to enduring a three-day mega-mope, not with a mission coming up, and she'd figured she'd have time to let him down easily later and her teammates would certainly understand… there wasn't a sweeter and more supportive group of girls on the planet and they all knew all too well about Ron's problems and delusions, like his insistence that he could hear understandable speech from a wide variety of wild animals.

If only there had been a third member of their small mission team, besides Wade, that was, someone to share the burden of taking care of Ron in his neediest moments. Or if, just once, she'd stood up and told Ron that he couldn't follow her to Summer Camp one year, so he'd have been forced to make other friends, or even tackle a problem more complex than figuring out which of his socks was supposed to be the left one.

At least they'd finally solved that one though. Since socks came bound in pairs, Kim just marked them Left and Right before breaking the little plastic thing that held them together. But anybody, or anything, even a pet, would have been appreciated.

Because Kim desperately needed a few minutes alone to herself. To figure out what was going on with her. To make sure she wasn't going nuts.

The first of the dreams had seemed innocuous enough. A typical day at school, although she hadn't recognized everybody who was sitting at their table. Yeah, Tara had been there, and Ron, Felix and Jessica. She'd had lots of dreams about them. But in this dream, it had seemed most of her focus was on two people she didn't know: the smiling black one, and the uber-bitch who kept provoking her. And then there had been that OTHER dream entity, the one whom she'd never been able to quite see. A nebulous shape that was still undeniably female in every since of the word and seemed to be her… well… her arch nemesis. Except that unlike every other villain she fought, she and this one got down to grips in a way that…

That had Kim waking up feeling very confused about what had just happened. All she could remember was some vague recollections of wrestling, rolling on the floor of an unknown lair and pounding the hell out of someone who was pounding her back.

As her REAL arch nemesis, Adrena Lynne would say… "Freaky!"

And that had been just the first of many dreams. All roughly the same in the general but different in the particulars. Why was she creating an entirely fictitious set of friends in her head? And just what WAS that unidentified female opponent supposed to represent?

All Kim knew for sure was that if she took these issues to her "Mental Health Councelor," Ms. Rorschach, she ran a good chance of being scrubbed from the mission team. So she kept it bottled inside; her personal secret, and every time she had another dream, she got just a little more confused.

"Hey Kim?"

"Huh?" It had taken a minute for Ron's words to pierce the drowning rain, the rumbling thunder and her own cluttered thoughts. Way to go, seasoned mission professional, Kim thought. If Director Du seen her spacing out like that, she'd be off the mission list, weird thoughts or no.

"What Ron?" She asked, trying to focus.

"Is that a light?"

"A light?" Kim blinked. "Where?"

"In the window of that big castle." Ron replied, pointing to the huge gothic structure rising out of the rain and mist like a bad cliché.

Holy crap! How in the hell had Kim missed THAT?

"Do you think that's the old Frankenstein place?" Ron asked in a nervous whisper.

"I can't imagine why," Kim sighed. "Given that we were sent here to look for a castle that belongs to a missing scientist named Drakken. Why would you even mention Frankenstein?"

"There was a Frankenstein marathon on Zena Phobia's Horror Chiller Terror Theater From Beyond last night,' Ron confided nervously. "And let me tell you, that 'Vs. The Space Monster' one was scary! I wet myself twice."

"Well, I'm wet all over and the one thing I'm most scared of right now is catching a cold," Kim growled, still irritated that Ron, of all people, had actually spotted their destination first. But then again, that WAS why GJ allowed Ron to go on their missions. They called it the Ron Factor, but it was really just plain old dumb luck. At least Kim thought she had heard them call it Dumb Luck. She'd definitely heard the "Dumb" and the "uck" used in reference to Ron. A lot.

"Come on Ron," She finally managed. "Let's see if we can at least get dried off and use their phone."

##########

The castle was even bigger than Kim had thought at first. That sucked, because it meant it was actually even further away than she had thought, which meant the walk was nearly twice as long. By the time they finally got there, the slim defense provided by the water repellent on her mission uniform had been thoroughly stormed and ransacked, and her clothing was so plastered to her body she wasn't just exhibiting an extreme form of camel-toe, but the FBI would have been able to identify which camel it had come from by the specific ridges left by it's "hoof-marks."

"Jeez! What little tiny knockers!" Ron commented.

"It's cold Ron," Kim muttered. "And we can't all be D cups."

"I was talking about THOSE knockers," Ron sighed, pointing to the tiny brass objects that had seemingly been attached to the massive wooden doors as an afterthought. The effect was not unlike what might be seen if a manatee had decided to wear a pair of nipple rings.

"Ah. Yes." Kim replied uncomfortably. It irked her that the one thing the girl who could do anything couldn't seem to do was grow the attachments that made her a girl into something more approaching a woman. On the other hand, if she wore a paper bag over her head, she'd probably be getting carded at bars when she was seventy three.

Stepping up thr three stone stairs leading to what was very obviously the front door, Kim reached up for the left knocker, rapped it twice, and was surprised to find that the sound it made was unexpectedly loud. Nothing seemed to happen for a long moment, which gave her time to study the elaborate pattern carved in the door… a rather disturbing image of a female centaur carrying a nude female human into a cave. Inscribed above it was a phrase in Latin "Veni etiam meus venit vagina." Kim blushed as she realized that what the artist had probably been trying to say was "I came and my vagina came too."

Further reflection on THAT thought was cut short as, just as Kim was considering knocking again, there came the sound of locks being unbolted on the other side of the door. Realizing that the door would probably open quite widely, Kim stepped back and gently prodded Ron backwards also. It was just as well, for had Kim been standing on the higher steps, she might have fallen backwards as the door opened just a crack and a face peered out.

A VERY not human face… and rather rodential, in fact. Whatever the rest of the creature might look like was obscured by the door, but the face was oddly round and pink… not Caucasian flesh-tone pink but the color usually reserved for piggy banks, bubble gum and economy personal pleasure products purchased via ebay (not that Kim had seen any of those.) The eyes were almost perfectly round, it's cleft upper lip failed to cover a huge set of buck teeth and if it had ever had any chin, it had apparently lost it in a bet with a fruit vendor. In retribution, however, it had apparently stole the vendor's prize banana-beanie, as a beanie topped by single vertically mounted specimen of exactly that fruit was perched on the creature's otherwise completely bald head.

"You're not Bueno Nacho," The creature sighed in disappointment, in a voice that sounded not unlike an older version of the cartoon character Bart Simpson. With a British accent. "So you must be the entertainment."

"I beg your pardon?" Kim queried at the same instant that Ron replied "Bueno Nacho?"

"Yes, the mistress must be having one of her catered affairs," the creature replied, answering both questions at once. "Though I must say that YOU" He eyed Kim's soaking wet form… and she knew that she probably looked more like a drowned rat at the moment than it did… and emitted a small squeaky exhale, "Will need some cleaning up before you'll be acceptable."

Not sure how to take that, Kim sidestepped what was probably meant to be an insult and put on her best polite smile.

"I'm afraid we're not here for an affair. We… uh… our vehicle broke down a few mile back and we were hoping to use your phone and dry off."

"Only the mistress has access to the phone," the creature snorted. "But we can do something about the dry, I suppose."

With that, the door opened the rest of the way and Kim could see that the rest of the creature's body was very much of a piece with its head… something that was rather easy to see since, except for the previously mentioned banana-beanie and a utility belt (with the words "property D. Grayson, please return to W. Manor" scrawled on the exposed canvas part,) the creature was completely naked. It was also at LEAST sixt feet tall and VERY obviously male.

Kim tried not to look.

Ron, on the other hand, was obviously attempting to figure out exactly which part was an analog for what. He finally gave up with a simple statement of "Not Jewish, huh?"

"No," the creature might have smiled. "Though I love the food. Watch out for the Narrator."

"Excuse me?" Kim following the creature's pointing finger…she belatedly realized he had only three on each hand ala Mickey Mouse… to a large, heavy set man sitting on a stool to the side of the long hall they were entering. He wore a rather well-worn business suit, not unlike a school principal might, and had a name tag that read "Barkin, M."

"As Kim and Ron entered the hallway," the man narrated, "They had no idea of what was about to happen to them… or how their lives would be changed forever.'

"Yes, yes, very impressive," the pink creature rolled its eyes. "He's always spouting off nonsense that's perfectly obvious, but sometimes he does provide some useful information."

"Said the pink creature, whose name was RuffRatt," the Narrator added.

"Yep, that was useful," Ron added.

"Still thinking about how you would actually circumcise a naked Mole Rat, which was what RuffRatt was," the Narrator droned on, "and also wondering if going naked all the time would clear up terrible hemorrhoids like Ron had up his..."

"And that was WAY too much information," Kim interrupted, gasping. "Way too much!"

"And yet, now that the question had been asked, she was thinking about how you would circum… OOF!" The Narrator's voice gave out as Kim delivered a roundhouse kick to his midsection.

"Enough." Kim stated forcefully.

"Oooo, I think I'm going to like you!" RuffRatt grinned. "And I know who's going to like you even more! But first, you should meet the rest of the… staff."

As RuffRatt said that, they entered what was apparently the main entertaining room… what was it they called them in the old movies? A parlor? Whatever, it looked more like a very large and very debauched library. There were bookcases everywhere, some filled with books, some filled with videos with titles that Kim didn't recognize… "Debs," "Imagine Me and You," and oh, that one looking interesting! "But I'm a Cheerleader." What an odd title!

"If only she knew," The Narrator added wheezily from behind them, having apparently recovered enough to stagger into the room behind them and the others.

Oh yes, and the others. A dozen or so people, most dressed in pink unitards with short vestigial tails (on the unitards, not the people,) opaque black sunglasses and pink mouse-ear caps that had had the Mickey Mouse Club decals crudely covered over with pictures of RuffRatt.

"My posse, the Molerattians," RuffRatt acknowledged. "And my two senior co-horts…"

Kim gasped as she saw the women coming towards her. An elegant black girl with wildly teased hair in an exteremely short blue sequined maid outfit, the dress of which was so scandalously short that didn't quite cover her private parts… which were just barely… emphasis on the bare… covered by a tiny red thong…

"You're welcome, fanboys," The Narrator smoothly inserted.

…and another girl in what seemed to be an x-rated version of Liza Minnelli's tux outfit from Caberet… except the top was nothing more than a pair of suspenders, each of which that somehow strategically covered a thrusting nipple atop an absolutely perfect breast. Her almost completely exposed ass was equally magnificent and her perfect physical tone screamed professional dancer… or cheerleader. A smoldering brunette, the girl's face was the icing on the cake. She was, in a word…

"Schwing!" Ron stepped in on cue.

"Ladies Mo-genta and BonneLabia," RuffRatt grinned, pronouncing the Bonne in the French fashion while watching Kim's face for… something. And he was certainly seeing something all right, as Kim was in complete shock.

Not just over the women's lack of dress, or even her own odd reactions to it… But because she had SEEN them before, in her dreams! No, not that way! In the ones she'd been having about that other version of her life!

"Foreshadowing," quipped the Narrator.

"Shhh!" Scolded RuffRatt.

"Can you "Schwhing" twice without unSchwinging first?" Ron asked.

"Sure," BonneLabia licked her smiling lips at Ron with what could only be called a predatory foretaste. "But if it lasts more than four hours, you won't like what I have to do to drain it."

"Um…" Kim stammered, now in total sensory overload. "Just what IS going on here? Is this some kind of party celebrating…"

"Naked mole rats," the Narrator reminded her.

"Oh, that's only the beginning of what we're celebrating," Mo-genta smirked. "But girlfriend, why wouldn't we want to be having a party over six-feet and two inches of bare pulsing and ready to please exposed pink mole skin? You wouldn't BELIEVE his reproductive drive."

"More than enough to offset the cheese thing," BonneLabia agreed.

"The cheese thing?" Kim gulped. "This is way too weird."

"No, what was weird," the Narrator added, "Was how suddenly there was a band in the room… strangely composed entirely of ex-members of Parliament-Funkadelic… and how they suddenly began to play backup as RuffRatt burst into song!"

(To the tune of Time Warp)

RuffRatt:
It seems strange yes;
All this pink flesh;
Not a single hair to my soul.
But I'm not human...

Mo-genta:
He's not even a primate.

RuffRatt:
Nor am I... a rat or vole.

It's not easy, being a mole rat
Who's strangely six foot two
When the cheese lust hits me

Mo-genta:
And his instincts start calling...

And THEN EVERYBODY STARTED WITH THE LEWD DANCING! So the Drama!

Molerattians:
Let's do the mole rap again!
Let's do the mole rap again!

Narrator:
First you scuttle 'round the floor!

All:
With your eyes squeezed tight!.

Narrator:
Bumping blindly around.

All:
'Cause you ain't got no sight.

But it's that blessed cheese lust
That's gonna drive you insane.

Let's do the mole rap again!
Let's do the mole rap again!

Mo-genta:
It's that cheesey, way queso can please me.
And if you touch mine, I'll cut off your balls.
Get your own Bueno Natchos,
Because my cheese is not yo's,
Which I won't give up, 'til nature calls.

RuffRatt:
And since you're a nude mole rat

Mo-genta:
You'll need to take off THAT.

Kim gasped as, in a single smooth motion, Mo-genta and BonneLabia somehow ripped her entire wet mission outfit completely off her body, leaving her wearing only the tiny white bra and the white panties with the little pink heart on the front. Dimly she was aware that Ron was getting the same treatment from the Molerattians, but all she could thing about was that she was glad she was already soaked so no one would notice how this insane spectacle was affecting her. It was way beyond awkweird!

RuffRatt:
Because this fic needs some more skin stat!

Mo-genta:
And while it may sound half bake-ed.

RuffRatt:
Since you're practically naked.

All:
Let's do the mole rap again!
Let's do the mole rap again.

Bonnelabia:
Well I was held for detention
So it was after school,
When my science teacher showed me his big slide rule!
It was 12 inches, so while I knew it was wrong,
It seems I'm a sucker, for a teacher's schlong!
I needed to pass, decided to stay.
He got some ass, and I got an "A"!

All:
Let's do the mole rap again!
Let's do the mole rap again!

Narrator:
It's like unprotected sex.

All:
Because you're bare to the bone,

Narrator:
Now send some one a sext.

All:
Using the camera on your phone!

Then the mating instinct
Will take over your brain!
Let's do the mole rap again.
Let's do the mole rap again.

Kim had found herself breathing rapidly, getting into the 'mood' despite her best efforts otherwise, but then RON had to blow everything! He suddenly started and singing and dancing TO THE WRONG TUNE!

RON:

What is that,
that freaky thing?
yes that's right its a naked mole rat
Gonna buy me, some bling bling
listen to the naked mole rap

Who oh Who oh huh spike spike spike who oh who oh ooh super freak ooh spike spike spike… uh…

Ron suddenly stopped as he realized that everyone else in the room, including Kim, had stopped and were glaring at him.

"So, uh… no Boo-Yah?" He finished feebly.

"No way Dork," BonneLabia snarked, voicing the general consensus.

"Well that was interesting," Kim tried to smile, then remembered that she was suddenly wearing only her underwear.

"Looks like the room just got cold for the redhead," Mo-genta giggled.

"Enough," The giant naked mole rat coughed discretely. "The time for these minor frivolities is finished. Our Mistress has arrived here."

Kim turned, looked up the stairs and beheld the most amazing woman she had ever seen in her life. I wasn't just that the woman's skin was a beautiful soft green… and it wasn't because the woman was wearing only her black leather lingerie (although that did make Kim feel slightly less uncomfortable about the fact that she and Ron were only wearing their wet underwear as well.) No, what was most amazing was the way the woman made Kim FEEL. It was… as if there was a fire burning inside her that she'd never felt before. Not just in her heart, but lower, too.

God, Kim thought, is this how a woman is supposed to feel about another woman? She'd never felt this way about ANYONE before, not even Ron… and now she was feeling incredibly guilty about accepting Ron's ring. Had she just made the greatest mistake of her life?

And then things got even weirder… weirder than the six foot tall hairless mole rat that had greeted them at the door. Weirder than the strangely dressed people doing the weird dance in the parlor… because now music began to play from absolutely nowhere!

"Miss Possible, Mister Stoppable," RuffRatt said with an odd smirk as he introduced them to the staggering woman. "May I present the mistress of the house… the incomparable Shego Kigofurther."

And then Shego's eyes caught Kim's, and for the first time in her life, Kim truly understood the meaning of the phrase 'caught like a deer in the headlights.' She couldn't move! She couldn't breathe! All she could do was stare… at the those incredibly green eyes… the unbelievably curves of her waist, hips and… And most of all, at those impossibly beautiful green lips…

And then, as the incredible green woman started to walk towards Kim, she started to sing!

(to the tune of "Sweet Transvestite" from the Rocky Horror Picture show, if you haven't already figured that out.)

"How d'you do,

I see you've met my

mole rat handyman,
I think he's pissed off because

he'd hoped you'd be our
Bueno Nacho Deliveryman.

.
Now don't be freaked ou

By my skin color,
You'll find looks can be deceptive,
I'm a maraschino cherry that's been dyed dark green,
And I bring my own contraceptive!

I'm just a sweet girl they call Shego 'cause they say 'She goes either way…'

So let me show you Princess,

What kind of fun you might miss
Unless you happen to swing both ways
'Cause I could be oh so naughty,

With that fine little body
Trying everything Possible, I think is the phrase."

Ron was simply standing there with his tongue hanging on the floor, so Kim jumped in and found, to her shock, that she was singing with the music as well!

"Pleased to meet you, I'm Kim,

This is Ron, I'm with him…
We're both coming back from a mission.
And while I'm not sure why,

You're asking if I'm bi,
You won't get any such admission."

At that, Shego's eyes twinkled and a wry smirk crossed her lips. No, she wasn't buying Kim's statement at all. Not surprising, as Kim was suddenly finding it rather hard to believe herself.

Especially when Shego started singing again, her eyes examining Kim the way a starving dog would a side of beef. Hunger… no… ravenous… that was the word. She wanted Kim, and if Kim was truthful with herself, she was beginning to think she just might be interested in finding out what it would be like to be "wanted" that way…

"So you're involved with this schmuck?

Well, that's lousy luck!
But Pumpkin,

don't you worry.
I'll get into your pants,

And teach you a new dance.
That'll get you switched around in a hurry.

I'm just a sweet girl called Shego and I'm asking you to come and play…

.
So why don't you stay for the night?

And maybe we'll fight?
You seem to need to work off some aggression.

First we'll wrestle around,

And take each other down
Before I teach you a brand new obsession!

And then this sweet girl named Shego is going to do you every way…

.

So come on Miss Kimmie,

And I'll make you shimmy.
As your body shivers in complete… satisfaction!
But I do play rough,

So unless you're tough,
I'll warn you that you may end up in... traction!

And then this sweet girl called Shego is going to prove to you you're gay…

"Ooo, and looks like I may be making my point even quicker than I thought," Shego smirked as she took in the luscious young thing in front of her. "Tasty tasty!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Lied Kim.

"Oh, don't try to lie with the Narrator around," Shego grinned. "I read your reaction before the beginning of the song."

"Fuck," Kim muttered under her breath.

"Oh I intend to," Shego slid close. "Multiple times."

"And with that, Kim realized that she was probably screwed," The Narrator added. "The only question left was whether she was going to enjoy it!"

TO BE CONTINUED…