Authors' note;

Okay, this is my first try at this. Please don't hesitate to let me know if I'm doing anything wrong, this is pretty much trial and error on my part. Also, english is not my native tongue and I don't have a beta, so if something is irking you language wise be a hero and point me in the right direction!

Thanks to all the ladies in KAST, and to Bioware (who owns all, by the way) for making these lovely characters.

Prologue;

She rested her head in her hands and let out a sigh. As soon as she saw the subject of the email, she was glad to be alone in her quarters. After accepting the way things were now, she had quickly taken to checking her messages there instead of at the constantly busy CIC. Even though she suspected her correspondence to be monitored, she figured there was no point in letting her reactions to said correspondence be public knowledge as well. And now, there it was. "About Horizon". She could sense his conflicted feelings in the message, but she didn't have the strength to care. This mission, this whole situation, took everything she had just to get out of bed in the mornings. Worrying about her love life on top of it was too tall an order. He would just have to make his mind up and either come back to her or not.

The callousness of her thoughts struck her with surprise, and tilting her head to the side she considered the implications. Did she even love him? Could she, after all that had happened? She had certainly died loving him. She was sure of that. She had woken up loving him. And as she searched the depth of herself, she realized that if she was indeed able to save the galaxy, again, she would do it loving him. But this was a suicide run, and she just couldn't bear feeling alive again until it was over.

So she pulled herself away from the terminal, closed that part of her down and buried it deep within. The wary, tired gaze in her eyes was slowly replaced by steely resolve once more as she remembered those who still depended on her. She had a job to do after all.

The instant he pressed "send", he regretted doing it. It was a stupid message by all accounts, at the same time saying way too much and not nearly enough. And yet, for what it was worth, it perfectly conveyed his emotions. He wanted to hold her close, let her know exactly what he had been going through, and at the same time he never wanted to hear from her ever again. This message was really all he could muster in his current state of confusion.

He did love her. And she did betray him. She went where he could not follow and she died when he expected her to be indestructible. When he needed her to be. And it didn't take much for him to realize that she had already started working on the next nine lives the Universe had somehow granted her. She was fighting the same enemy that had ripped her apart last time around, only now it was Cerberus guarding her back. He felt hollow at that last thought, utterly spent. When she stood before him, hair dancing in the wind and cheeks still slightly blushing with excitement from the fight, just so damn full of life, he had at first been in awe. Then reality hit, and while she was still in his arms the only sane conclusion clawed itself into his brain. She hadn't died. She had let him think that she did, but she hadn't. Afterwards, he had used every contact he ever had in the Alliance and piece by piece he had learned what had happened to her. Now knowing, he failed to see the improvement to his previous misconception. She was not a traitor, no. But at least if she had been, he would have known what she was. Who she was.

He pulled a hand through his hair, fatigue and desperation building inside of him. Hell, he couldn't do this. In his message he had urged her to be careful, but he just couldn't trust her to get back to him.