Disclaimer: I do not own these characters – they belong to Trudi Canavan.

This is my very first attempt at fanfic and would be very grateful for your reviews!

Feelings Acknowledged

The sleeping figure was still now, only the faint sheen of sweat on his brow evidence of the turmoil his nightmares caused. Sonea smoothed back a lock of hair which had fallen askew without disturbing him. He was so exhausted, not even his moans and movements had wakened him.

This is the first time I have really looked at him, she thought. When she first moved into the Residence, she had avoided him whenever possible and those times when they had met, he had worn robes, with the hood often hiding most of his face. Once the regular meals had started, she had cultivated the habit of only glancing fleetingly at him while answering his questions.

Although that phase had passed once their black magic work had begun, she had never had a chance to study him without his knowing. Now she had the opportunity to examine his features closely. Many of the younger novices had thought him attractive and Sonea could see why. A pale oval face, thick, long dark hair and chiselled lips had definite charm, she decided.

The shabby, homespun shirt and trousers did him no favours, she thought. Now, those fine silken robes were a different story. She sighed. Would they ever wear robes again?

Akkarin murmured something she didn't understand, then cried out, tossing his head sharply from side to side.

"Shh – it's all right" she soothed gently and to her relief, he quietened again and she was able to resume her musings.

When did I start to think of him as a man and not a magician bent on evil? Her brow furrowed as she remembered the events of the past few weeks. It was difficult to keep them clear in her mind. I learned black magic to protect Kyralia and the Guild but I followed Akkarin into exile because I couldn't bear the thought of his death. Nothing he or anyone else could say would have prevented me,

Sonea sighed. There had been no time or need for thought when the Guild had offered to overlook her crime and let her stay. Perhaps it was then, she thought, that I began to realise I could not live without him. He had been so angry with her, an anger which lasted all through the journey to the border. He had spoken to no one and had totally ignored Sonea, not even looking in her direction.

"I don't need a half-trained, disobedient novice to protect…." he had said when she had tried to explain.

She looked at him again. He was deeply asleep now and, for the first time, his features were relaxed with the strained look smoothed away. Yes, he is a handsome man and when he is absorbed in explaining the finer points of magic or demonstrating warrior skills, his dark eyes sparkling with life, there are few to match him, Sonea decided.

She did not know what he really thought of her. He had been forced to take her as a novice to prevent his secret being exposed to the Guild. She had been a hostage, ensuring the silence of others. He had involved her in his activities because she was strong and already knew his secret, not because he wanted her in particular.

She couldn't remember any times when he had had a conversation with her unrelated to her training, or their secret work. He had never given any sign that she existed other than as a tool to be used to further his work.

Yet, there were one or two occasions when she had glanced up suddenly and caught him looking at her, causing a strange fluttering in her core. And there was that time when he had picked something out of her hair and his hand had lingered for a moment….

She smiled ruefully; I followed a man into a dangerous exile, into a situation which might lead to our deaths in a matter of days or weeks. We have no allies, no home, no possessions and yet….and yet…..she paused, taking a moment to collect her thoughts. I am happy and the reason I am happy is because I am with him.

Sonea had little experience of intimate relationships. I had a crush on Dorrien for a few weeks, she remembered, and he'll always be a friend, but I wouldn't have given up everything for him. There had been no-one else at the Guild who even wanted to get to know her. But I can't imagine not being with Akkarin….is this what it means to love?

She looked out of their hiding place, a small cave, and noticed the first streaks of dawn lighting the night sky. Soon it would be time to wake him and face another day trying to stay alive. And another day of keeping my feelings to myself, she added.

Sonea bent over him and smiled. Still asleep, she thought thankfully. He needed all the rest he could get. The nightmares had gone and whatever he was dreaming now was keeping him calm and happy. A faint smile curved his lips and she was curious. She gently laid her hand over his and entered his mind.

A series of images flashed across her mind, every one of a girl with pale skin and dark, curly hair; a beautiful girl with an inviting smile and sparkling eyes.

That's how he sees me, she thought, astonished at her discovery. He desires me, but hides it.

A giddy feeling swept over her as she realised the extent of Akkarin's feelings for her. Her heart sang and she made an involuntary movement. Akkarin's eyes flew open as he jerked his hand away from her.

"What are you doing?" he demanded, as he hurriedly sat up.

Colour flooded her face as she stuttered, "I….I was going to wake you….I touched your hand and I saw, I saw…." Her voice trailed away under his furious, unblinking stare.

"What did you see?"

"I saw me….." She glanced quickly at his face. He still looked furious, but a hint of colour crept across his pale cheeks. Before she could change her mind, Sonea leaned forward and brushed her lips across his mouth. His arms encircled her as he returned the kiss and somehow they found themselves lying on the makeshift bed, their arms around each other tightly.

Sonea had no time for thought; warm feelings flooded her body as the kiss went on and only the necessity of breathing broke it and with it the spell Akkarin had been under. He pushed her away and got to his feet.

"This can not continue," he said almost angrily, pacing the small space. "It is wrong by all measures of civilised society. You are very young and vulnerable. I am much older than you, not forgetting the fact that I am your guardian."

"But the women of the Houses are married off very young to older men" Sonea countered. "It is accepted by everyone. Besides I am not a child – I will soon be twenty. I am no longer a novice and you are no longer my guardian. We both have feelings for each other and there is no-one here to notice or call us to account."

"You present a good case, " Akkarin smiled briefly before becoming serious again. "However, we are not here to indulge our feelings but to protect Kyralia and we are running out of time."

Sonea sighed and looked down, "Well, things are going to get very awkward from now

on," she said ruefully.

There was silence and she looked up to find Akkarin staring at her. "It seems it's too late to turn back the clock," he said softly. "My attempts at containing my feelings began to fail some time ago."

He moved towards her and held out his arms, smiling crookedly. Sonea moved slowly until she was within the shelter of his body. She could hear his heart beating quickly, a counterpoint to her own. His mouth covered hers and time stopped.