Chapter 16: The Boys Who Saved Each Other

Her name was Dr. Madison Morgan.

Framed certificates of academic accomplishment lined the white walls of her small office.

The room made Kurt feel claustrophobic and made him squirm in his seat on the black leather couch.

Burt sat next to his son as the trio reviewed Kurt's medical and psychiatric history, as well as family history with the psychiatrist.

The teen stared longingly at the drapes as if he could see past the green treetops out the window.

"Kurt?"

"Kurt."

"Is there anything else that you'd like to add?"

"What?" The chestnut haired boy blinked.

"Is there anything else that you'd like to add?" The doctor repeated.

"No."

"Then would it be okay if your father stepped out of the room for the rest of the session and so that we can talk?"

Kurt shrugged.

"You can step into the waiting room, Mr. Hummel."

"Actually, I have to get to the shop. Kurt's brother is going to pick him up." Burt paused, as if to try and remember something, then added, "Is that okay?"

Kurt nodded and Burt left the room. The father closed the door behind him and noted the noise-distilling fans that lined the hallways as he exited.

"Now," The doctor shifted her right leg on top of her left leg and adjusted her notepad. "Tell me about Finn."

Kurt hesitated at first, but eventually answered the questions when prompted.

Finally, the therapy hour was over.

The teen left feeling nervous about he doctors unsaid thoughts about him. He wondered about her other patients and wondered if she could really help him.

Sighing, he stood at the glass door of the office to make sure that Finn could see him when he arrived.

Fifteen minutes later, Kurt grew antsy and continuously checked his phone for any missed communications.

Five minutes later, Finn drove up in Kurt's navigator.

Kurt hopped in the car and scowled at his stepbrother.

He was feeling particularly on-edge already after ranting about Finn for a good 15 minutes in therapy.

"You're late."

Finn raised his arms defensively.

"Put your hands on the wheel!"

Finn grasped his hands back on the wheel. "Sorry."

"Don't crash my baby."

"Sorry, bro… Wanna get some ice cream?"

Kurt glared.

"Oh, right, you don't eat that stuff."

Kurt shrugged.

"No, that actually sounds good."

The corners of Finn's mouth twitched upwards.

He began to drive. Eventually, he pulled up at Baskin Robins.

"Why do you hate me?" the football player asked into the silence.

"I hate everything. Burt's never understood me. Hell, he gave you my navigator. The students and teachers at McKinley are bigots. This entire town is homophobic. I hate this place. I hate myself. I hate my weight, I hate my face, I hate this medicine. I hate how much I hate myself. I don't see the point of being alive…"

Kurt trailed off when he saw that Finn was starring out the window.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to burden you with my problems."

"Don't be. It's good that you're talking about them."

"Yeah, so I fucking hate everything."

Kurt saw the way that his stepbrother's expression saddened.

"I don't hate you."

"Thanks… I guess."

The following week, Kurt went back to Doctor Morgan.

He slumped into his couch as she told him that he didn't have anything to worry about his sexuality since his father accepted him being gay. She said, "Being gay was the cause of all his depression."

The next week, Finn dropped Kurt off at his appointment, but Kurt took a walk to the nearest Starbucks instead.

There was no point in going, if his doctor would only insult him. Make him cry.

The following week, he did the same.

But he arrived to find Finn sitting in his car.

Wincing, Kurt realized that he had no option, but to confront his brother.

"What the hell, man! Why are you skipping your doctors appointment?" Finn screamed.

"It doesn't matter!" Kurt shouted back.

"Obviously it does! You're wasting money we don't have!"

"That's why I didn't tell you! Do you think that I don't feel guilty about it?"

"You're obviously not feeling guilty enough!" Finn shouted back.

"Have you met my doctor? She thinks that I have nothing to worry about since Burt accepts my sexuality. She acts like it's the root of all my problems."

"Then maybe you should tell Burt that you want to see another doctor." Finn shrugged.

"But what if he doesn't believe me? Besides, he has to pay an evaluation session fee and see if the doctor will take me on. He doesn't have the money to pay for the expensive ones who I really need to see, so it really depends if they'll accept the rates he can afford to pay."

"That's rough."

"Depression sucks."

"I can tell- wanna go get some ice cream?" Finn offered.

Kurt offered a weak smile. "Sure."

The following week, Kurt and Burt met with Esme Rodriguez- but she insisted on being called by her first name alone.

She was soft spoken, but knew when to ask a challenging question and when to listen. She knew when to recommend Kurt try to think about things he once loved and suggest he try them again, and when to change his dosages of medication.

Esme reminded Kurt a lot of Doctor Jackie- even though no one could top her.

Weeks of therapy turned into months, and finally the long days of summer rolled around.

For Kurt, that meant sticky days in Burt's boiling shop, long nights under the stars; lazy mornings where he couldn't get out bed; and days when all he could think about was how dark of a place the world could be.

One night, Kurt and Blaine took a long ride through the Ohio backgrounds in Blaine's blue mini Cooper, soft music playing on the radio in the background of the windy static blasting through the rolled-down windows.

Kurt had spent his morning session with Esme sobbing. He'd broken down the night before after several nights of insomnia and cut himself several times on the inside of his thigh, before calling Blaine, who had him call his doctors first thing in the morning and had him take a short-term anxiety pill.

Blaine reached his hand of the gear and set it on top of Kurt's hand, which was resting on his lap.

"We should go somewhere." Blaine said.

Kurt chuckled. "We kind of are."

"I mean somewhere far away."

"Like New York City?" Kurt asked.

"Sounds perfect... How do you feel about Pride?"

"I would love to go to Pride, but we can't just leave our families- and I don't think that I'm allowed that far without my dad or doctors. Not to mention, we'd have to ask for our parents permission."

"We'll ask first thing tomorrow, then." Blaine insisted. "And leave the day after."

"You're outrageous." Kurt swung Blaine's hand and leaned over to peck him on his warm cheek. "I want to kiss you on the lips."

Blaine pulled over to the side of the road, parked, and turned off his car.

"Well, then, Mr. Hummel, you're in luck." He leaned over to kiss Kurt on the lips, but missed and kissed his neck instead.

"The backseat is better for cuddling." Blaine suggested, as the two opened their doors and made their ways into the backseat of Blaine's car.

Kurt ran his hand through Blaine's hair, and kissed Blaine's nose, then lips. They sucked on each other's mouths until they were both tingly and swollen.

"How did I meet someone as caring as you?" Kurt asked, wishing he could see Blaine's amber colored eyes better in the dark.

"I'm wondering the same thing." Blaine grinned, as he snuggled into Kurt's shoulder.

The two rested, enjoying the cicadas and crickets chirping in the calm night.

"Thank you for saving me." Kurt kissed Blaine's ear,

"Thank you for being so strong." Blaine pressed a soft kiss in Kurt's hair and leaned over to rest his head in Kurt's lap.

"That's not something you can thank me for."

"Then I'll thank the music for bringing me to you." The curly haired teen picked up his lover's hand, entwined it in his, and brought it to his heart.

"I like it," Kurt leaned over and pressed a kiss onto Blaine's covered. He lifted their entwined hands into the air. "To the music, our love, and those psychiatric drugs."

"Perfect." Blaine agreed, as he fell asleep with the boy he saved, and the boy who saved him.

Closing Author's Note: My Story:

Mental illness is an issue that is very important to me. It has affected my life because many of my family members and closest friends struggle with it daily.

I struggle with mental illness, as well. I have ADHD (the learning disability), panic disorder, general anxiety, and some depression. Panic Disorder causes me to twitch and shake then physically cripples me and causes my head, hands, and legs to go numb and my body to feel freezing cold. I have to sit down against a wall for head support, I can't walk or stand, and it's usually accompanied by a migraine. They last from an hour to three or.

I have tried all first line ADHD meds, but they all had severe side effects. This past school year, I started on Lexapro for anxiety and Intuniv ADHD- and after 8 years, I finally have a combination that helps me with minimal side effects.

Methamphetamine (patch Ritalin called Daytrana) had me on the floor in hysterics, due to suicidal thoughts every time I took it. Others had me stoned (which sounds like fun, but it sucked major because I also grew up hearing about deaths of people on ADHD medication and thought I was going to die). Ampethamines caused severe anxiety and weight issues)

To help control everything, I have to take care of myself, which is hard considering that I am a college student 3,000 miles from home. I'm in the learning differences program, which is essential to passing. Also, I attend therapy every week. I didn't originally go to therapy at school, and hadn't since high school, but a particularly bad week had me referred to a counselor. I was more or less open to the idea since therapists and neurologists have been in and out of my life since the third grade (seriously I've seen so many mental health professions I've lost count).

The characters and location details from Green Meadows come from my imagination, but they have real- life influences. Many of my dearest friends growing up have been institutionalized. The things that I described in the story are based off things that they have told me. Also, most of my friends have mental and physical illnesses. It is a scary to be- the confidant for someone the best doctors in the world can't help and whose parents make things worse or just don't know what to do. It is terribly sad to watch a friend hurt and slip away. But helping a friend can be rewarding- more than getting into a college, winning a competition, or completing a major assignment.

There is a huge stigma about mental illness and mental health and it has impacted my life and your life weather you know it or not. There are organizations that support mental health awareness such as To Write Love On Her Arms () and Active Minds, which I strongly recommend looking up your local chapter of.

Again, thank you all for reading and responding to my story!

I will leave you with this quote:

"Although not everyone has mental illness, everyone has mental health." ~ Active Minds