It takes less than three hours for Roronoa Zoro to decide that he's made a terrible mistake in agreeing to join Luffy's pirate crew. Or, more specifically, what will eventually be a pirate crew. The swordsman doesn't really know all that much about pirates, but he's pretty sure that you need more than two people, captain included, to claim you've got a crew.

Anyway, despite the fact that the rubber bastard has essentially black-mailed him into joining with the whole "your service or your life" bit, Zoro is pretty impressed with how Luffy dealt with Axe-Hand Morgan and his rather odd subordinates.

So what if Luffy's ship isn't quite as large as he'd expected; the pirate can still rightfully call himself captain of his own boat. Although, he considers, maybe dinghy's really a better term for the thing they're sailing...

Regardless, his new captain's either very brave or very stupid. Zoro hasn't quite figured out which, and if he's brutally honest with himself, he probably isn't the best person to judge bravery versus stupidity considering the mess from which he's just been extricated. He does think, however, that Luffy's totally serious about the pirate king deal. In fact, he's very enthusiastic about heading straight for the Grand Line.

He's also very excitable, and it's starting to wear on the swordsman, who's always considered himself somewhat of a loner. Zoro's reputation tends to proceeds him, and he's used to and often prefers when people avoid him. If someone gets too friendly, a good glare usually sends them scurrying away.

It doesn't work with Luffy.

He tugs at the swordsman's arm, whining for him to come look at the weird fish surfacing off the bow. He naps with his head leaning on the swordsman's shoulder and drools through his shirt. He even nudges under the swordsman's arm, trying to get a closer look at his weapons. Zoro's dozing the first time he tries that particular stunt and nearly slices his head off before he realizes that it's not an enemy attempting to disarm him in his sleep.

Zoro finally bans him to the boat's stern, and he's not sure what to think when Luffy actually goes, because what kind of captain takes orders from his first mate, if that's what he considers Zoro?

What a strange guy, the swordsman muses as he rests his arms behind his head and stares up at the clouds, eyes half-lidded against the sun. Luffy perches on their only water barrel and pouts, shooting dirty looks at his new nakama and grumbling under his breath.

It seems as though he might actually stay put for a while, so Zoro closes his eyes. He's exhausted after spending nine days tied to that goddamn post, and he'll be a lot less likely to accidentally kill his bizarre new captain if he gets some sleep.

To his vast annoyance, his body has other ideas and rather impolitely informs him that food and sleep aren't the only things that he's been neglecting for the past week and a half. It doesn't help that - thanks to that goddamn touchy-feely captain - he's had more casual physical contact with someone else in one day than he's probably had in the past year or so.

He rolls onto his side with a muffled curse and grits his teeth, hoping that his arousal will go away if he ignores it for long enough.

"Oi."

Of course. The swordsman wonders if he can just pretend that he didn't hear Luffy; maybe the idiot will give up and leave him alone.

"Oi, Zoro. Oi. Zoro. Zoro. Zoro Zoro Zoro."

"What?"

"Is Zoro sick?" Luffy asks, and this time his breath tickles Zoro's ear, startling him so badly that they smash heads when he sits up too fast.

"Fuck!"

Luffy leans over to peer at him, apparently unaffected by the blow, and suddenly grins when he recognizes why the swordsman looks so uncomfortable - other than his ringing skull, of course. "Ah. Yosh!"

"Wha- IIE!" Zoro yelps as he's suddenly distracted from his aching temple by a hand burrowing down the front of his trousers and wrapping firmly around his erection. His hips jerk forward involuntarily, driving his cock through the tunnel formed by Luffy's clenched fist, and he flails in response, sending his swords clattering across the deck.

"LEGGO, YOU ASSHOLE!"

Ignoring his protests, Luffy gives him a few firm strokes and a strangled moan escapes Zoro's lips as he doubles over the captain's arm, control shattered by the knowledge that the hand on him is not his own. This touch is rough and unfamiliar, and the swordsman grabs a fistful of Luffy's vest, unintentionally dragging him closer, as his cock pulses into the younger man's grasp.

For a moment or two, there's no sound but Zoro's ragged breathing. He glares murderously at Luffy, eyes narrowed and teeth clenched, as the captain pulls his hand free and rocks back on his heels.

"Feels good, right?" Luffy asks casually, looking immensely pleased with himself.

"DON'T GO GRABBING OTHER PEOPLE'S JUNK!"

"I just wanted to lend Zoro a hand," Luffy scowls, examining his wet fingers curiously. To the swordsman's vast embarrassment, he pops one in his mouth and sucks on it.

"Ugh, don't do that," Zoro shudders, shoving him away as he suddenly realizes he's still clutching at his vest. He grimaces as Luffy starts licking his palm. "That's nasty."

The captain flops down next to him, close enough that they're touching, and blinks owlishly. "Why? It's from Zoro, so it's okay."

"Tch."

"Oi, wanna know what feels really good?" Luffy asks, rolling over and draping an arm over the swordsman's torso. Zoro flinches and eyes him cautiously, not quite daring to ask where this is going. He's also not sure that he's entirely comfortable being touched, but it seems kind of silly to complain at this point.

"Wait, what?" He sputters, sure he misunderstood what the chattering idiot's just said. "Bullshit!"

"No, it's not!"

"Luffy, nobody's flexible enough to suck their own cock." Zoro neglects to mention that he knows the impossibility of this due to personal experience. He was young and stupid at the time, this conversation is already strange enough, and Santoryu has absolutely nothing to do with this.

"I can too," Luffy insists, leaning his chin on the swordsman's chest. "I said, I'm a rubber man, so it stretches. Everything stretches."

"That's fucking weird."

"Wanna see?"

"NO!"

"..."

"..."

"I'm hungry."

"Where the hell are we, anyway?"