Author's Note: There are no words for what's wrong with me. Or Robin.

xxx

"If you ever, EVER try to use Gear Three on your dick again while we're screwing, I will fucking CUT IT OFF!"

Five heads instantly whip around to track the furious swordsman's progress across the lawn deck as he hauls on his unbuttoned pants to keep them from sliding towards his ankles, and five mouths drop open in the shock at the sight of the shrunken Straw Hat captain clinging around Zoro's left leg like a small, bare-bottomed monkey.

"But, Zoro~!"

They cringe at the sound of the rubber man's high-pitched voice and, after their green-haired nakama finally slams his way through the observation room door and vanishes from view with Luffy still whining and tugging persistently at his rumpled trouser leg, a blank-expressioned Franky slowly sinks into the empty lawn chair beside Robin.

"... that's gotta be the single most horrific thing I ever heard."

"Mmm," the historian hums without looking up, leisurely turning a page. "Highly amusing to watch, of course, but horrific none-the-less. I don't suppose Sencho-san realized that the cooking oil he appropriated from the kitchen this afternoon would be quite insufficient to the task if he'd been successful. Thank goodness there's no actual bone in the penis, or we might be peeling Kenshi-san off the men's quarters' ceiling right about now."

Sanji's serving tray hits the grass with clatter as glasses and dessert plates scatter in all directions, Nami spills her drink in her lap and Usopp's current experiment explodes in his and Chopper's appalled faces.