Some days, he sits alone in the apartment and pretends to play his games. But really, he's just going through the motions. Up, right, center joystick left, up C, up C, trigger. He knows every move by heart. His games do nothing to distract him from a terrible lonliness pent up inside.
He doesn't talk much. He's never really sure how to put what he's thinking into words. Sure, he's lonely, but will Mello understand that? Of course not. Mello lives with him. Matt is only alone for a few hours a day. How can he be lonely?
How can he not? Aside from the volume drastically increasing, not very much is different when Mello is home, as opposed to when he's off doing who the fuck knows what with who the hell knows who all day. Mello doesn't talk to him, even. He treats him like a dog, a pet, someone to be there and to listen to him talk, but never to answer back to him.
Matt wants to cry from the uselessness of it all. Mello doesn't care, doesn't even notice. He's ranting about a Mafia man. Matt has no idea who, because Mello was too busy verbally abusing him to actually tell Matt who the man was, what he did wrong, and why Mello hated him. The only real image Matt was getting out of the story was that Mello wanted the man dead.
Matt couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't sure what, inside of him, snapped, but something sure as hell did. He lunged forward suddenly, throwing his arms around Mello's shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug as he started to cry.
"Matt?" asked Mello, clearly startled. "Are you crying?" Matt could only sniffle and bury his face in Mello's shoulder. Mello's arms hung loosely around him, clearly uncomfortable, but hugging him nonetheless. One hand reached up to awkwardly pat his head. "Er.. there, there.. it's ok.." Mello sounded hopelessly confused.
"God, Mello, I don't even know what to say," Matt sobbed. Mello's hand awkwardly reached down to rub his back.
"Shh, Matty. It's okay, come on, let's go in my room and talk about it, okay?" Matt nodded gratefully as Mello gently slid his arm around Matt's waist and pulled him forwards and into Mello's bedroom.
When Mello had gotten them both in and locked the door (paranoid.), he gently sat down next to Matt on the bed.
"Matty, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Mello sounded genuinely worried, and Matt supposed he had good reason. Matt hadn't cried in many, many years.
"I don't know, Mel. I just don't know," Matt sniffled and leaned back onto the pillows, pulling one over his face. They smelled, unsurprisingly, like dark chocolate. "I'm just sad and lonely and I don't even know why!" His voice came out muffled by the pillow. He felt Mello lay down next to him.
"Hey, come out from under there," said Mello, pulling the pillow off his face and frowning. "You're what now?" he asked.
"I'm lonely," admitted Matt, looking at his best friend sadly. "I know I see you all the time, but.. we never really talk. You just tell me about the Mafia, never about you. Hell, Mello, you haven't told me about your personal day in years." Matt's eyes were tearing up again. "I just miss my best friend."
Mello looked startled and sad. "Oh, Matty," he whispered, closing his eyes and curling up next to his side. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to shut you out like this."
"I know," said Matt simply. Of course Mello hadn't meant to, it was just how he was sometimes. "It's okay." Mello pushed Matt over slightly and pulled the covers up over both of them, snuggling tightly against Matt's side.
"It's not okay, Matty. I didn't mean to make you feel like I don't care." Now Mello's eyes were getting bright. "You're my best friend, too, you know. I just haven't been.. acting like it.." Mello trailed off, looking increasingly sad.
"Mells," said Matt, pulling him tightly against him, "let's just stay here tonight, ok? Let's just talk." Mello opened his mouth to speak, but Matt cut him off. "Please, Mells. Just one night." Mello paused for a moment.
"Ok, gamer. Start by telling me about your day. What new games did you beat? Any old high scores crushed?" asked Mello, laying his head on Matt's shoulder.
Matt talked his way through his day (not that there was much to tell) as Mello snuggled increasingly closer to him, until Matt finally felt he had to say something.
"Mello, are you cold or something?" asked Matt, looking down at him. Mello shook his head. "I just want you to be sure I'm here."
Matt was touched. That was easily one of the sweetest things Mello had ever said. He smiled down at Mello and pulled him closer. The two were now laying fairly intimately, and Matt knew Mello could feel his heartbeat.
"Mell?" he whispered, hesitantly. "You know, if somebody saw us right now, they might think..." Matt trailed off awkwardly, afraid to finish the thought.
"They might think what, Matt?" asked Mello, gazing up at him through his golden bangs. Matt shrugged, as much as he could with Mello practically laying on his chest. "Think about it, Mells."
"They might think we're... a couple?" finished Mello, gaze falling down at their closely entwined bodies. "Well, let them think what they want."
Matt was astonished. He had expected at least yelling, possibly a fistfight. But this? This caught him totally off guard.
"You mean you're okay with us being a potential couple?" asked Matt skeptically, then immeadiately wished he hadn't. "Wait, I meant-"
"I know what you meant," Mello cut him off. "But, actually, I think I would be okay with it.. if you were, I mean..."
Once again, Matt was astonished. Mello didn't mean, couldn't possibly mean, what Matt hoped he meant. Matt took a deep breath to steady himself before reaching down and carefully taking Mello's hand.
"Is this," he asked, lacing their fingers together, "okay?" Mello smiled softly up at him. "Only if this is," he replied, gently sitting up.
"What are you doing?" asked Matt. "Hush, Mattie," said Mello, leaning forward. His golden hair brushed the side of Matt's face as his lips neared his cheek. Mello's lips pressed a gentle kiss to the apple of his cheek, leaving a crimson blush behind.
"Was that okay?" asked Mello, smiling down at him. Matt reached up and gently brushed his thumb along Mello's cheekbone. "Of course it was." Matt reached up and carefully pulled Mello's face down to meet his own, lips gently colliding.
Fireworks. A hundred thousand fireworks, set to the most beautiful symphony in the world, playing in Matt's head. He pulled Mello closer and whispered "I love you" into the kiss. He felt Mello smile and whisper the words back. "I love you too."
Ending too cheesy? Haha.
FIRST DEATH NOTE FANFICTION! WHOOO! M&M is my very favorite couple of all time. In fact, I think I have a problem, because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with both of them in a completely unhealthy way. BUT THEY'RE WORTH IT!
Reviews are welcome! :)