A/N: Hi! I started this little story when I heard Taylor Swift's Enchanted and fell in love with the line please don't be in love with someone else. It turned into this and it's 13 chapters. I hope you like it.
... ... ...
It's for the best, really. They're young and going in different directions, and this whole thing was new anyway. They've only been dating a month, and it's practically just a summer fling that started because they bumped into one another on the back deck at Mike's house at a party, and Noah admitted he'd always thought she was hot, and she, for some reason, admitted the same. He'd kissed her and she didn't stop him. She didn't want to. Now she's sitting next to him at the edge of her bed, their legs touching and neither of them saying a word. There are boxes and bags packed and sitting by the door of her bedroom, and all that is, is a reminder of why he's here and why she's just told him it's for the best if they break up. Or stop being together, or whatever the right thing would be, since they never really labeled anything in the first place.
"Yeah," he says after a good two minutes of silence.
"This is hard," she says quietly, admits it like a secret because maybe it should be one.
A month doesn't seem long enough.
"I'll probably miss you, or whatever," he tells her.
She smiles a little bit and looks to her lap, wondering if he thinks her shorts are as short as she suddenly thinks they are. (He does.) "I would probably be okay with that." He bumps her shoulder with his, then leans over and kisses her skin right next to the strap of her tank top. See, he likes to pretend he's not romantic, but he is, however untraditionally. "I'll miss you."
"Hey, we can, like, talk or whatever."
She knows they won't. There's no way she's going to pick up if he calls (it'd be too hard) and she knows he only really uses text messaging for dirty purposes (knows it first hand). He'll leave here today and that'll be that. He'll go to Montana to play football and she'll go to New York City to try and make something of herself, and maybe they'll see one another sometime down the line. She needs to tell herself not to look forward to that, or she'll hang onto him forever. She needs a clean break from Lima and all the people there. There are only a handful of them who think she's worth anything at all, so it's difficult not to hang onto one of those. More difficult than it should be.
"Maybe," she says, though she thinks the chances of him calling are slim anyway.
He stands, leans over to kiss her forehead. She looks up at him after and he gives her this little grin she's never, ever seen him wear before, and kisses her properly, lets his hand tangle in her hair. There's a lump in her throat as he pulls away, and he traces her bottom lip with his thumb, which shouldn't feel nearly as intimate as it does, considering everything they've done together in the last month.
"I'll see you," he says. He walks towards her door and she watches him look at the pile of her things, ready to go with her to New York. "Good luck, hey?"
She smiles and nods. "You too."
He winks, then he's gone, and she should probably be crying or something, but she wants to be stronger than that so she keeps the tears in check.
Part of her wishes they'd gotten together sooner so a long distance relationship didn't seem so scary, or maybe he could have come with her to New York. She knows she's selfish for thinking it, but she's always been selfish anyway, so she doesn't really care. It's too late for what ifs and she doesn't want to play that game, so she just calls her dad's office and asks him if he wants her to do anything for dinner.
She still thinks of Noah all night, though, and part of her wishes she could have waited and had one last good night with him before the ending they both knew was coming.
But there's that selfish thing again.
... ... ...
Yeah, it sucks that they broke up or whatever, because Rachel's a really cool girl, but part of him is really happy he's not going to be one of those pathetic losers who has a long distance girlfriend at the start of his freshman year and misses out on all the fun of frosh and, you know, being a freshman. He needs to leave that shit behind (that shit being Lima) and do something totally different for a while. Given that no one ever thought he'd make anything of himself, he figures he's already halfway towards proving them all wrong.
Montana's nice. Gorgeous, actually, and if he had anyone to send pictures to, he'd take some. His mom doesn't care about the scenery, she's just pissed at him for going so far away. It wasn't really a plan - he'd applied to a few schools closer, too - it's just that he got a scholarship to this one somehow, and he wasn't going to turn that down. Besides, being far away from all his mistakes and all the shit that always held him back is definitely a good thing.
So yeah, the Rachel thing was cool for a while. She's kind of the nicest chick he knows, plus she's got some hidden skills he wishes he'd known about earlier. Not that he was only hanging out with her 'cause she looks so fucking good naked on his bed. He was really starting to like her. He knows them ending things was all for the best, but damn, he didn't realize he'd miss her. He's never really missed a girl before. (Beth doesn't count.) He always just...
Well, he never cared enough, really, to miss anyone.
He's not dumb enough to think they would have survived long distance. He knows himself too well, and he knows her pretty well, too. He would have fucked it up or she would have smothered him. Even if she's way cooler than he ever assumed, he knows damn well she would have been really needy and stuff, and that's fine if that's her style, he just can't deal with that. He just can't. He doesn't need to constantly call or text and send care packages and coordinate visits home. That's just not him. Rachel would have wanted that and he can't give it to her, and he doesn't really want to. Their fling was fun, and she's great, but it ended for pretty good reasons and he's not going to sit around and regret it.
The first girl he sleeps with (thank god for the single room) has dark brown hair and a slim little body, and when he wakes up in the morning to a face full of that hair, he calls her Rachel and she doesn't exactly appreciate it.
Maybe the breakup sucks a little more than he thought it did.
He tells everyone he's got a thing for redheads and sticks to those pretty much exclusively.
He gets a postcard from her a few weeks into the semester. It's one of those ones you can make yourself, and it's a picture of herself (she's fucking shameless, so she probably had some random person snap it for her) in front of some building he should probably recognize but doesn't. There's a little message on the back, just the basics, and she's signed it in her loopy writing. He sticks it in the drawer of his desk and forces himself to stop smiling long enough to get his stupid reading done for this class he has to take.
After a half hour, he grabs the postcard out of the drawer and looks at it again. She's wearing jeans and a tee shirt and has a scarf around her neck. She looks hot. Different somehow, but hot. He'd write her back, but he doesn't really know what to say, so he just goes back to his work.
He forgets that postcard is in there until he's looking for condoms one night (it's a fucking dire situation, too) and stumbles upon it. Talk about his conscience slapping him in the damn face. He ends up kicking the girl out and telling her he doesn't do shit unprotected (not a lie) and she's pissed or something but he doesn't care.
He calls Finn, 'cause Finn knows everything Brittany knows (scary fucking thought) but Brittany knows everything Santana knows, and Santana knows everything.
He doesn't ask, but Rachel's doing fine and loving school and making New York her bitch.
He smiles and says, "Cool," and tries to sound totally uninterested.
... ... ...
She runs into Matt at the end of September. They haven't seen one another since a party sometime after their junior year, when she was with Finn and Matt was with some cheerleader from his new school. They danced together to some popular hip-hop song, laughed and caught up. He's going to Columbia on an athletic scholarship. She's impressed with him for going Ivy. He and Santana are the only two she knows who did. And Columbia (and Matt) is closer to her than Harvard is. (Who knew Santana Lopez had the brains and desire to go to Harvard?)
It's nice to see a familiar face. He takes her for coffee and they talk about their first month of college, their friends. It's strange, but they're not really 'their' friends. They haven't been his in a long time, and they were never really hers at all. He doesn't seem surprised at all that Finn and Brittany are together and going to OSU. He also doesn't seem all that shocked that Quinn and Sam are wearing (promise) rings and living in separate apartments in the same building as they go to school together at Penn State.
She shouldn't smile when he says he always thought Mercedes was a bitch. She does, though, but doesn't agree or disagree.
"Puck?" he asks casually, just because he's next on the list.
She looks to her coffee cup and runs her finger around the top. "He's in Montana playing football," she says, trying to sound conversational and like it hasn't been as hard to get over him as it has.
She looks up just in time to see Matt's grin. "Good for him," he says sincerely. "That's really great."
It is, so she agrees. She's more proud of Noah than maybe she should be, but she doesn't care. She knows he's proud of her, too. He told her one night when they were laying on the tarmac of the mostly abandoned airport at the edge of town.
(And he was right. You can see the most stars from there.)
Matt takes her out one night and it feels different than the others. For one, it's dinner. It's not just a movie or a coffee or an art show or a party. It's dinner at a nice restaurant where he made reservations, and he tells her to dress up, then shows up at her door with flowers in his hands. So she thinks this is a date she didn't even know she was going on.
It's a good one, too.
For whatever reason, she and Matt have a lot in common. He's basically become her best friend over the last few weeks, and she loves spending time with him. When he smiles at her across the dinner table as they finish their dessert, he tells her he has a bottle of wine at his place if she's interested. She decides that she is.
They drink a bit and she ends up free-falling and wanting to kiss him, but she doesn't want to do it under the influence, and he must not either, because he just tucks her into his bed and sleeps on the couch like a gentleman.
She wakes him up in the morning and they spend the entire day making out, laying around on his bed.
She honestly never expected it, him, or anyone, really. But it's nice.
... ... ...
He goes home for Christmas/Hannukah/Whatever, and Rachel's not there. Sucks, 'cause he was hoping for a few weeks of awesome sex and whatever. He doesn't know why he just assumed she'd be willing. Maybe because they spent half the summer trying to fuck one another into unconsciousness. (Totally wasn't just that, not at all, but some days he still thinks they came close.)
Then he hears she's with Matt Rutherford, and he's fucking pissed that no one told him that shit before (even if they didn't know he'd care, since they didn't know he ever had her to begin with). He gets drunk alone in his room and blames it on the fact that Kurt can't throw a party worth a goddamn, not on the fact that Rachel's fucking someone else.
He bangs Santana one night because she likes it rough and it makes him feel better. He's not using her, really, because she's using him, too. Whatever. It evens out and he doesn't have to feel bad about taking her from behind and pulling her hair maybe a little too hard. Plus, she wears this hot as hell little smile after when she looks at him and he's pretty sure she liked it more than she even should have.
"What's your damage?" she asks when he takes her out for fries at the shitty little diner she loves 'cause the boss' son gives her free shit.
"What?"
"You've been acting like a little bitch all break."
"Fuck you," he bites out, stealing a handful of food off her plate. "Nothing. Forget it."
She rolls her eyes. "I know you, papi. You can't lie."
"Don't fuckin' call me that," he warns her. Fuck, he hates that. She's always done it just to piss him off. "It's nothing."
She grins and sits back in the booth, tosses a crispy fry into her mouth. "'S'a girl."
"Jesus!" he groans, dropping his hand onto the table. "I said it's nothing. Fuck off already. If I wanted a fucking inquisition, I'd spend more than an hour at a time with my nana."
Her eyes get all narrow and she leans forward so she's right in his face. "If you ever compare me to your crazy Jewish nana again, I'll seriously cut you."
He laughs and leans over to kiss her forehead. "Fine. But quit it with the 20 fucking questions. I don't keep you around because you're good at talking."
Oh, fuck. Wrong thing to say. She gets this glimmer in her eye and stands up, heading for the door without paying a cent for anything on the table.
"Not really true, papi."
He drops a $20 on the table and follows her out, despite her use of the stupid nickname.
Truth is, Rachel's better at talking (in any situation) than anyone he's ever been with.
If he thinks about her a little bit when he's with Santana, it's totally just...
Fuck it. It's because he really misses the shit Rachel could do with her body. And to his.
He thinks of calling her to wish her happy Hanukkah, but it'd be way too random and she's probably with Matt anyway.
(Puck really is lucky Santana likes it rough.)
... ... ...
She starts spending more nights at Matt's apartment, which is nice because it's not a dormitory. It's also nice because she doesn't have to sleep alone, and because he's wonderful and cares about her more than she thinks she deserves some days.
If sometimes his touch is too soft or his words too gentle, she tries not to think anything of it. She shouldn't be comparing him to anyone.
Least of all a boy she just barely started to get to know.
"Hey, you okay?" he asks one night, sliding into bed when she's laying on her side and staring at the wall. They're at her place, a rare night in her small bed instead of his double.
"I'm fine," she says, faking a smile. She knows he'll see right through it, but that he's too polite to press the issue too much. "Just nervous for that test, I guess."
He slips his arm around her waist and kisses the back of her shoulder. "You'll ace it. You always do."
She knows she will. It's not about the test.
It's Noah's birthday and she didn't call him, couldn't get up the courage.
"Goodnight," she says after switching off the light.
She stays awake even after she knows he's fallen asleep, slips away from him and opens her laptop. She writes seven drafts of an email before getting frustrated with herself and giving up on the idea all together.
"Hey," Matt mumbles from across the room sometime around 1:30. "Stop. You don't have to...Come to bed."
She walks back over and lays down, kisses the side of his mouth and tries to get some sleep and forget about that other thing.
... ... ...
Puck goes out to a club for his birthday with a few of his buddies from the team and gets totally drunk and doesn't spend a cent. It's kind of awesome. He doesn't have to worry about fake ID or anything because one of his friend's friend's girlfriends is a waitress there and she gets them in the back door.
The music kind of blows, since it's all that techno and dance pop and top 40 shit he hates, like Katy Perry and that Ke$ha chick every girl he knows wants to punch in the face. He kinda does, too. He does celebratory shots and has a fucking good time, and if he has his phone in his hand the whole night it's because he's getting a shit ton of texts from his friends, not because he's waiting for one in particular.
It doesn't come anyway, and when he gets into bed at 5:00 in the morning he's alone, and he's actually kind of okay with that, despite the fact that it's his birthday and he should totally be rewarded for being alive with some kind of awesome sex.
Whatever. He dozes off thinking about brown hair and tanned skin and that promise he made (and broke) to call her and get her off over the phone for her birthday. Maybe he was mostly joking at the time, but still.
He knows how Rachel feels about promises.
... ... ...
Rachel and Matt break up when he tells her he loves her and she can't say it back. There's really no coming back from something like that.
She's tried to fall for him. Maybe she did a little bit. It's just that she knows herself. She falls hard and fast and goes all in quickly. She should have known that when they were friends and she wasn't pining for something more, they were never going to work. All her relationships have been born from something just this side of obsession, if she's being honest. She's not counting Noah in that. She doesn't count him in a lot of things. She sets him off to the side, and she's not sure if that's because he was not really a boyfriend, or because there's a part of her that thinks (hopes?) that maybe they aren't really done with one another somehow.
That goes through her head, too, after Matt says the words, and she knows that's not a good thing.
So they break up and she cries for a few hours because she's really gotten used to having him around. It's nearly March break and she's going back to Lima, and they'd been toying with the idea of him coming with her to visit their friends. Well, the people they used to know. She doesn't really know if she has any true friends left there. Sure, she and Finn talk from time to time, and Quinn emails her every so often, but everyone else seems to have forgotten about her. The sad thing is that she's not surprised.
Matt comes by to get his things the day before she leaves. She's in the flannel pajama pants he always made fun of her for and an NYU sweatshirt that she thinks looks better on her than it probably does. She has her hair up and her bare feet on the floor, and even though she was expecting him, this is still very, very awkward. He tries to smile and steps through the door, and she closes it behind him.
She's packed up his things and they're in a reusable cotton bag she doesn't care if he keeps. There's not much there, just a couple tee shirts, a few DVDs and one of his football jerseys he insisted she keep to wear on game days. She doesn't want to keep it now.
"This is really awkward," she says out loud, looking to the floor. He's got his hands in his pockets.
"Yeah." They're quiet for a moment and he sighs and takes a step closer. "Look, is there any way...Can I...? Dammit, Rach, I just want to keep you."
He's making this harder than it needs to be. He's the one who said the words and called them over when she couldn't say them back.
But she's the one who can't fall in love with him, so maybe it's her fault, too.
"Matt." She tries a look of sympathy, but she doesn't know how well she pulls it off.
Just his name was as good as a no.
He picks up the bag off her bed and walks towards her and the door again. He holds her upper arm as he kisses her forehead, and she grabs his shirt and kisses him for real, because she wants to and it felt good when something similar happened during her last breakup.
"I do..." He lets out a breath and looks down at her. "I really...Just call me if you change your mind."
She nods and he leaves, and she knows they both know he won't be getting a phone call.
... ... ...
He's back in Lima, laying on his childhood bed and thinking about maybe getting up at some point. He got in late last night, had Finn pick him up from the airport and drop him at home so his mom didn't have to be out late. It's weird being back in her house and living by her crazy strict rules. (Jesus; one trip to juvie and a guy's privileges are totally revoked.) He slept until about 10:00 and he's been laying around for a good hour before his sister calls up the stairs and tells him to get his ass out of bed. He smiles. That's some language for an 11 year old, and he'd bitch at her for it but he knows exactly where and who she got it from.
But he doesn't answer to her, so he's not getting up yet.
"Noah!" she calls again after about five minutes.
"What?" he shouts back, annoyed. He's still not moving, just pissed off.
"Someone's here for you!"
"Send them up, then!"
It's not fucking rocket science. Kid's a certified genius (they had her tested last year) but she can't figure out the simple things.
Whoever's coming to see him at 11:00 on a Saturday, the first day he's back, is probably someone who knows him pretty well, so he doesn't bother getting up and putting any clothes on. It's probably Finn, so he doesn't really care about that, and to the best of his knowledge, Santana is the only other person who knows he's home yet, and if he's naked and she gets up the urge to give him a Happy March Break blowie, he'll be totally alright with that.
There's a gentle tap at his door and he grunts something before it opens.
Rachel's standing there in literally the hottest fucking thing he's ever seen her wear. (Okay, not true, but it's sexy as fuck.) She's got on these black leather boots he can't even...And a pair of tight jeans, a black sweater with a plunging neck, and her hair's all down and her makeup's all...
"Hey," he mumbles, still eyeing her.
"Hi." She smiles at him a little bit and pushes the door closed behind her. Fuck yeah. "Your sister is funny."
"'S'mental."
She ticks up her brow. "That's not a very nice thing to say." He shrugs his shoulder. They haven't talked since summer and she's talking about his manners or whatever? Stupid. Plus, he's naked and she's hot, and he's thinking those boots could be...Damn. He has ideas. "How are you?"
"Tired." She nods like she knows what he means. He wouldn't know it to look at her. Girl looks fucking amazing, even if she is sleep deprived. He knows her too well to think she actually is; her schedule's like, the most important thing to her next to her voice. Then he remembers that thing that's been eating at him since before Christmas. "How's Matt?"
He watches her face change, and she tucks her hair behind her ear and looks to the floor. "Heartbroken," she says quietly.
Two things he thinks: He's glad she's honest, and he's fucking happy. He leans up on his elbows and she walks closer. He knows she's probably already assumed he's naked, but that doesn't stop her from sitting down anyway.
"Yeah?" he asks. She shrugs her shoulder. "How're you?"
Shit, he figures he better ask. She smiles at him and fuck you if you wanna laugh because his heart does something weird. She's just hot.
"I'm okay," she says. "It wasn't...I was the one who ended things." Girl's basically ended every relationship she's ever been in. He's not surprised she ended this one, too. "I thought you might want to grab breakfast."
He shakes his head at her. The only thing he wants to eat is... "Lay down."
She actually blushes, which is pretty fucking adorable. "Noah."
"Just do it," he commands.
"Are you wearing pants?" She laughs a little and he has to grin at her.
"Nope."
She rolls her eyes and pulls her legs up onto the bed, and he settles back against his pillow. She says, "Over the covers only," and he can really work with that.
When he slips his arm around her and rests his hand on her stomach, she takes this deep breath that's so sexy he can hardly handle it and he realizes how much he's missed her. A fucking lot.
... ... ...
She knows better than to get involved with him right now. She's on the rebound and he's a player and she knows that hasn't stopped since he left Lima. If anything, he's stepped that behaviour up. No, she hasn't had any confirmation of that, but she thinks it's a safe assumption. Still, she slept in his bed with him for at least three hours and then they made plans to go out for breakfast the next morning and spent two more hours in a Denny's drinking coffee and talking, and she didn't move her foot away when he settled his alongside it.
By the time she gets his text message on Monday, she's already pretty much made her mind up about sleeping with him. He knows all about her relationship with Matt, because she told him at breakfast. He didn't give up too much information about his relationships at school, and she's thankful, and also pretty sure she doesn't want to know anyway. She could ask, but she knows hearing about him with other girls would just make her upset and probably jealous, so what's the point? She saw the hard line of his jaw when she was speaking about Matt and she knows it wasn't easy for him. It shows tremendous personal growth that he didn't stop her and tell her he didn't want to hear it.
Her fathers are at work and she's got the house to herself. She's in bed in her pajamas when she gets his message, smiles to herself before even reading it.
What's up?
She rolls her eyes. He can't even just ask her if she wants to do something. She knows from their summer together that this is his way of saying he wants to see her.
It takes him exactly 17 minutes to get across town. It takes her eight to put on makeup and probably another 10 to change, make her bed, and throw her things into her closet so her room is tidy.
Come over in 30.
That's what she sends back to him.
40 minutes later, she's on her back beneath him with his hand pushing at the hem of the satin nightgown she's wearing. He groans against her skin when she tugs his earlobe with her teeth. She smiles to herself, knowing he always loved it when she did that, and he presses his hips against hers even more when she bends her leg to bring him closer. He teases at the leg of her panties, slides his finger just beneath the elastic and runs it basically everywhere but where she wants to be touched.
This is why they're so good together, physically. It's a battle for control, and they go back and forth with it until they give up and decide to work together. That part's fun, too, but the tug of war they generally engage in is one of the sexiest things ever, and she didn't realize how much she missed that until right now, when she's stroking him through his jeans and he trips up with what he's doing with his hand and bites at her neck a little bit.
"Fuck, you're so good," he tells her right before he kisses her.
That's like 'I miss you' for him. She knows that.
And she tells him what she knows will make him crazy. (It also happens to be the truth.)
"You're the best." It's kind of breathless and it makes him buck against her, and she loves that so she angles her hips a little more and feels like she's two seconds away from begging when he stands up, pulls his shirt over his head and starts unbuckling his belt.
They're only home for a week and it's probably stupid to get caught up with him again, but she cannot find it in her to care.
... ... ...
He takes her to the airport and holds her hand so they can sneak between the doors of the gate like they did in the summer. He's not really a hand holding kind of guy, but he doesn't mind with her. She's got these really soft, cute hands and she likes to weave their fingers together sometimes (usually when they're in bed, so he doesn't stop her, like, ever). She's wearing those boots right now and he fucking knows it's because he told her he loves them. There's no chance of her letting him take her right here on the cracked pavement, but he might try anyway.
He shrugs off his hoodie and balls it up so she can use it as a pillow, then he uses her stomach as one when he lays down. He swears he's 16 again when she starts running her hand through his 'hawk and massaging his scalp with her fingertips. God, that feels good. He's never really had anyone do it for him before (his mom washing his hair totally doesn't count) and he doesn't really want anyone but her doing it. It's their thing or whatever.
"Do you think this is a bad idea?" she asks.
"Naw," he says dismissively. "Abandoned means no one ever comes here."
She laughs a little bit and he hears it right under his ear, feels the way her stomach clenches. "I mean us, even though we are totally trespassing and could be prosecuted if anyone caught us here."
He rolls his eyes at her. Just 'cause her dad's a lawyer doesn't mean she has to drop that kind of knowledge on him.
Also; "Not a bad idea," he insists. He takes her hand this time, which surprises the hell out of him. "What else're we gonna do all break?"
She giggles and plays with his ear. (Fuck, that's totally his weakness; he loves that shit.) "Sex is definitely the best option."
He turns his head to look at her. "That's my motto."
He hasn't told her about the 10 or so girls he's been with since the start of school. It'd probably just piss her off for some reason and he doesn't want to.
"It's probably unhealthy."
"Fuck it," he says. "D'you care about that?"
"Not really," she admits. The way she says it is like she's surprised by it or something. Girl doesn't realize that she can enjoy sex without it being part of some big relationship or something.
Still, when he drops her off at home, he knows it's the last time he'll see her until whenever. It sucks and he hates it, kind of, so he kisses her and uses his hand to get her off right there in the driveway of her house and neither of them seems to care that her dads are right inside.
"You shouldn't have done that," she says, breath coming out in pants and forehead a little sweaty.
"How come?" he asks against her lips.
She sighs and presses her forehead against his. "Because now I want so, so much more," she admits.
He doesn't know if she means just the sex, or something else, and it's fucked, but he's kind of glad her flight is so early and she really has to get inside. Yeah, he'd like to bang her one lat time, but he really doesn't want to have that conversation with her. He just gathers the sweat along her forehead and wipes it on his jeans, kisses the corner of her mouth and tells her to have a safe trip back to New York. She tells him to score a touchdown for him and he doesn't have the heart to tell her football season ended forever ago. He waits until she's at the door before backing out of her driveway, and she's combing her fingers through the ends of her hair as he throws his truck into drive. She wiggles her fingers at him and he smiles back.
Fuck, he's gonna miss that girl.