A/N: I had so much fun writing this piece and I really hope it shows…as this is why I've neglected my other pieces for the last few months. I never actually intended to write a humor fic, but it just happened and I'm so glad it did. With all of that being said, I am in the process of returning to all of my current multi-partners. (Yay!)

Title: Switching Red
Author: iloveplotbunnies
Rating: T for mild humor, sexual humor and Jane just being himself.
Characters: Jane/Lisbon, hints of Rigsby/Van Pelt, Cho, Hightower and a few OC's.
Summary: "Just when you think his plans can't get anymore idiotic. It happens." J/L-ish.
Beta: Miss_Spider
Artists: Petit-J and Chizuru-Chibi (the absolutely amazing artwork that accompanies this fic can be found at Jello-Forever)
Disclaimer: It's not mine.
Notes: Written for The Mentalist Big Bang 2010 on Jello-Forever. Takes place AFTER 2x23, based on Lisbon's quote in the first episode of the third season (Red Sky at Night).

My various thank-you's and what-nots:

watchyouwalk: Did you know that spell check constantly told me that your name was wrong? So, my first thanks to you should be: thank you for allowing me to be smarter than spell check for once in my life. The second thank you of course, deals with letting me use your name without knowing exactly what I was going to do with it. Thirdly, I thank you for becoming an awesome Red John-esque serial killer named Penguin Red, all because I said I was psychic. I seriously would have never come up with the bar name on my own if it weren't for you. I love you so much!

Frogster: I honestly have no idea how I would have gotten through this fic without you, my friend. You helped me past my writers' block, encouraged me to write a humor fic, and helped me know if certain lines in this story were funny or not. I should also thank you for allowing me to use your name in this story, especially considering that you had no idea if I would kill your character or not. Love you also!

Petit-J: You were SO much fun to work with. I told you that you're my partner-in-writing crime, and I meant that—not only did you do my lovely artwork, you also were my cheerleader, which led to many nights of just ranting, and the use of WAY too many smiles (FOX!). I can't thank you enough for becoming such an amazing friend throughout this entire process. :D

Chizuru-chibi: Okay, so my title skills aren't the best (and I make up random words and phrases that shouldn't even be possible, like "writer's exhaustion") but you still put up with me and my craziness. I felt bad that I hadn't gotten the story finished until the last minute, but I suppose that doesn't surprise you...especially as I seem to need that extra "poke" to get everything finished. Thank you so much for the encouragement, the smiley hugs, the laughs, and the friendship...which I treasure above everything else...and of course, I cannot forget the lovely artwork! :D

X.X.X.

"He's had a rough summer" ~ Teresa Lisbon; Red Sky at Night

Prologue

Vacation.

It was the one word that no self-respecting Senior Agent within the California Bureau of Investigation wanted to hear, especially if the word vacation and Patrick Jane happened to be in the very same sentence, for that matter.

Teresa Lisbon, Senior Agent of the Serious Crimes Unit; had a feeling that as soon as Special Agent-in-Charge Madeline Hightower had called a meeting to discuss some highly sensitive subject matter, that the highly sensitive subject matter would be about her very own extremely abrasive (and highly annoying) consultant, Patrick Jane—who just one week prior, had dealt with an extremely emotional traumatic experience of being saved by the serial killer, Red John; who had killed his wife and child many years ago—that the very word 'vacation' would be the first suggestion thrown up to help the man cope, and as much as she loathed to admit it, Hightower had a very valid point.

Patrick Jane needed to be far away from the hustle and the bustle of all of the homicides.

She was all for the idea of sending him away for at least two weeks, as he still needed time to come to the terms of what had happened between himself, Red John and Kristina Frye, before he returned to give an interview, at the instruction from Hightower, for one of the most highly coveted crime magazines in the world. That was, of course, until Hightower had calmly blinked, and had opened her mouth to give the following direction.

"Patrick can't go alone, Lisbon…"

The idea of setting Jane free in a foreign country almost made her smirk; if anything, the man would end up behind bars before the two week vacation was over, due to his highly bizarre habit of trespassing into people's homes to make cups of tea.

Actually, she thought, leaning back in her leather chair as she waited for Hightower to continue on, he'd probably get caught up in some conspiracy theory involving a goat.

"…and I can't go with him…"

Jane and Hightower. On a beach. Together; that image did bring the somewhat forbidden smirk to her face.

"…and I've looked over your personnel file, it tells that you haven't used up any of your vacation time….except for that time that I suspended you a few months back…"

The woman wasn't suggesting that she….no, that wasn't possible—she still had things to close up from their last case, and while the salary of a senior agent wasn't minimum wage, she still didn't have enough money to go waltzing around the globe to follow the CBI consultant.

"…I think that on the grounds of our offices receiving a lawsuit, and I'm sure you do realize how unpopular the CBI is after the massacre a few months ago and now, Kristina Frye's disappearance…"

If Hightower didn't get to her point soon, things were going to heat up.

"…I want you, Agent Lisbon, to take a vacation…"

Jane being sent on a vacation, far enough away from her procedural world would have been enough of a vacation for her—not only would it have been two blissful weeks without extra paperwork. It would have also allowed her to take her own mini breather as since Jane's kidnapping four days prior, the entire unit plus Hightower had been walking on eggshells around the man.

He wasn't fragile, he kept insisting—but his lack of sleep, and the way he had seemingly relocated to his little thinking room above the SCU bullpen was enough to prove that he was indeed fragile. Lisbon didn't blame him for it, but he didn't need to be wallowing in self-pity.

"…you'll be gone for at least two weeks, dress down in summer clothes and you will be going with Patrick to a mystery vacation—at which point, the both of you will return to give an interview with the magazine."

Lisbon could only stare at Hightower in surprise.

The woman wasn't honestly suggesting that she take a vacation to babysit Patrick Jane of all people, was she? Was Lisbon the only person who could see how this could quite possibly blow up in all of their faces?

"Your unit will be fine without you, as Agent Cho will be appointed Agent-in-Charge for the time being—your tickets will be given to you by tomorrow afternoon, and you will leave early Sunday morning. Have a good vacation, Agent Lisbon. See you in two weeks."

Hightower didn't say anything else, and Lisbon took that as her chance to leave.

Instead of heading back to the safety of her own office, where she could draw the white blinds and take aspirin to dull the ache settling behind her eyes, she decided to step straight into the bullpen where Jane was currently pretending to sleep against his brown leather sofa, while everyone else kept their eyes (somewhat discreetly) on him. Lisbon didn't say anything at their questioning stares, but instead she rammed her knee into his couch.

"I suppose you had nothing to do with Hightower's latest idea."

Jane's response was to feign innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Lisbon…"

"Let me refresh your memory then." She snarled. "You. Me. Vacation." Jane smirked.

"Only if you're offering Lisbon—I don't go on vacations will all the pretty…Ouch!" Lisbon had pinched Jane. "Do you feel the need to pinch me every time I try and be nice?"

"Jane, I only pinched you because you felt the need to lie to me. I can tell when you lie."

"I wish I had a sixth sense like that." Jane grinned. "Oh wait, I do—and I can assure you, I wouldn't lie to you." Lisbon glanced at him.

"Your fingers are crossed under your head, aren't they?" Jane continued to grin.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jane moved into a sitting position to reveal his upstretched hands. "So, where are we going?" Lisbon narrowed her eyes in response. "I guess it doesn't matter, but I'd like to know if I should pack my winter three-piece suits or my summer three-piece suits." Lisbon didn't crack a smile. "Oh, so you're not humored today? I wasn't aware that today was become a grumpy boss day..." Lisbon moved her arms to rest against her chest.

"Jane?"

"Yes, Lisbon?" Jane managed, quite innocently.

"Shut up."