There weren't many things that scared Ryan Evans, but this was certainly one of them.

To console himself, he made a list of things that were worse than this. The jellyfish that snaked around his ankles whenever he was at the Hawaii beach house. Facial acne that oozed pus like water out of a faucet. When the dark denim color disappeared from his jeans after a single wash. Ghost stories in a place with no electricity and, thus, no lights.

Yes, jellyfish, acne, faded jeans, and ghost stories were all horrible things. But this? This was just ridiculous.

When he'd auditioned for Romeo and Juliet, Ryan had no delusion he'd get the part. Sure, it was an off-off-Broadway production, but certainly there were better actors than he going out for the part. But he got the call, and he landed the role, and now he'd be playing Romeo Montague for nine consecutive nights in February. The best part was Chad Danforth had planned a visit for Valentine's Day, so Ryan would be able to perform with his boyfriend in the audience.

There was a hitch, though. And it wasn't a minor hitch. It was a colossal, monstrous, horrifying hitch.

He, Ryan Evans, gayer than Christmas, gayer than the day was long, so gay he wasn't even sure he was gay anymore, had to kiss a girl, and make it look like he liked it.

It wasn't as though Amy was ugly or even unappealing. She just wasn't a guy. Come to that, she wasn't Chad. And after the first time he'd kissed Chad in the hot tub in his parents' basement, Ryan had made and kept a vow to himself that he'd never kiss anyone but his current boyfriend. And now, there went that.

And it wasn't like it was just once, either. Not only did it happen multiple times throughout the play, there were rehearsals, and dress rehearsals, and performances. Nine of them. How was he supposed to do that? How was he supposed to play tonsil hockey with some non-Chad girl so many times over, and over, and over?

The weirdest part was how unperturbed Chad seemed. In fact, he seemed to think it was ... well, funny.

"So you have to kiss a girl. Why does that matter at all?"

"I calculated it, Chad. And according to my calculations, I have to kiss Amy at least 74 times."

"Well, that's a lot. But I bet we've kissed more than that."

"That doesn't matter!"

"Oh, thanks."

"You know what I mean. It's just ... I need to keep this part, but—"

"Hold up," Chad interrupted. "You considered quitting because of this?"

"Well, yeah."

"That's really cute, Ry."

Ryan blushed, and was glad Chad couldn't see it. He always got mocked for that. "I just didn't want to threaten our relationship."

Chad laughed. Loudly. "What, you think you're going to enjoy it or something? Like, you'd find kissing a girl pleasurable?"

"Alright, I guess it is kind of ridiculous. She has a crush on me, though."

"So many misled girls do."

"I can't help being this irresistible," said Ryan with a sigh.

"You'll let her down easy, right?"

"Of course."

"So, hey, what are you wearing?"