Disclaimer – I do not own anything u recognise

So this pick-up line with is filch and madam pince ;) its been rattling in my brain for a while now, and it made me gag and laugh at the same time writing it :D the pick-up line is underlined

The library was closed for the night and Madam Pince was at her desk, seething. A boy called Neville Longbottom had not returned his book within the limited time. Stroking her wand, she vowed the boy would regret the day he ever crossed Irma Pince.

She heard the door creak open, she whipped her sharp face up and was about to shout at the student who dared enter the library after hours, but then her face softened. It was Argus Filch.

She was wearing a lovely (in her twisted impression) brown suit and was smiling shyly at her as he shuffled up to her.

He leaned over her desk to her and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I don't have a pass but I was still hoping I could visit your Resticted Section tonight," he murmured seductively, his eyebrows waggling.

"Oh, Argus…" whispered Pince, her voice coming out as a rasp as she pulled him into a kiss, all thoughts of Neville Longbottom and over-due books forgotten.

She pushed him roughly against a book-case and began unzipping his trousers…

"Meow?" Mrs. Norris appeared beside them, watching them her with her lamp-like, yellow eyes which had suddenly filled up with tears.

But the two lovers ignored her and Mrs. Norris padded out of the library, heartbroken.

The next day

Harry and Ginny sat down at a table in the library, Ginny preparing to study hard for her upcoming OWL's. But Harry spotted something transparent and wrinkled on his chair.

He picked it up in confusion, "Eh Ginny? Do you know what this is?"

Ginny looked up and saw the condom in his hand and glared furiously at him.

SLAPPPPPP.

"How dare you! I am not a whore! No matter what Ron might think!" Ginny shouted at a bemused Harry, before rushing out of the library in tears.

Madam Pince came around a book-shelf and angrily snapped, "No shouting!" Then she spotted the condom in his hand and blushed.

"Oh, errrr I'll take that…" She whipped it out of Harry's hand and scuttled off.

"What in the name of Merlin's left-arse cheek was that?"

Awww poor harry was confused tell me what you think!