A/N: Hey, look, an update! The FINAL one, in fact! I bet you didn't think it was possible, eh? Sorry it took so long - I love this fic too much to rush or force it. And I went back and edited a lot, so I encourage you to re-read, especially if your memory is foggy (it's been so long even I had no idea what I wrote omg ;_;). I can't thank my readers and reviewers enough, you guys are the best! This plotline had to marinate in my brain for years before it could be born as this fic, and now it's finally over! I'm both saddened and relieved, haha. I hope you enjoy the ending!

Chapter 9: The Sky

The bodies excited him. What a feast!

It was a macabre sea of limbs. Dismembered arms, hands, legs, feet, all haphazardly piled on top of each other, a horrifying horizon, a literal mountain of corpses. Delicious. The blank, runny eyes were the tastiest morsels. All there for Sasuke's taking. And how he gorged himself!

He flew from heap to rotting heap, tearing flesh off bone in wet chunks, ripping open skin. He picked at fingernails, swallowed tongues. He burrowed into chest cavities and gulped down gooey hearts. He ate and ate and ate, until his black feathers were slick with old blood and the mucous of the dead.

He cackled in delight as he feasted, giddy with glee at this death, at human suffering. Always ravenous, insatiable, Sasuke did his duty and laughed wickedly as he fed. Flying from pile to pile, he passed over grotesque faces he could just barely recognize. Mr. Umino, the teacher; his classmates, Sakura, Naruto...he saw Itachi and their parents...all lifeless, all festering, all food for him. He ate his fill of each and moved on greedily.

Then he came upon Kakashi's decaying body. Leaning over his oozing face to tear off an ear with his beak, Sasuke froze when Kakashi's bright eyes snapped open. One was the verdant color of earth, the other the sea. Both pierced him through.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Feeding," Sasuke squawked.

"No," Kakashi replied slowly, drawing out each word. "You're dying, Sasuke."

Sasuke looked down and saw his fingernails were missing. No, his hands were...dissolving. He was rapidly evaporating into oblivion, starting with the tips of his toes and fingers, crawling up his limbs. In an eyeblink his legs were gone, then his hips, then his abdomen, his heart...

"I'm disappearing!" he cried.

"Isn't this what you wanted, Sasuke?" Kakashi canted his head to the side, and straw fell out of his shirt collar.

"Not anymore!" Sasuke shouted, nothing more than a head floating in space now.

"But why not?" the scarecrow prompted mildly.

"Because - because I'm finally human again!" Sasuke screamed as he dissolved into nothingness.

"No! I'm human, I'm human!"

"It's okay, you're human!"

Sasuke's eyes flew open. He looked up into Kakashi's face. "What happened?" he gasped, panting. The air burned as he pulled it down his windpipe in great gulps. The other man stared.

"You blacked out in the garden. Then you got up again and ran all the way here, shrieking at the top of your lungs. You don't remember?"

Sasuke sat up dizzily and looked around. He was at the park where he had first met Kakashi, sprawled across the wooden bridge, clothes drenched in sweat. It was nighttime. He suddenly became aware of a stinging pain on the back of his left shoulder. He touched it gingerly and felt fresh blood.

"So much for not scratching. You got yourself real good, but fingernails are not the recommended method for tattoo removal," Kakashi commented.

"Kakashi -" Sasuke blurted out. His pain, exhaustion and confusion were nothing right now, meant nothing in the face of this one terrible thought. "Kakashi - it was me. I think it was me who killed them!"

"Your parents?"

"Yes! I was - I was pretending...Kakashi, what should I do?"

Kakashi exhaled through his teeth. "I can't answer that. What do you think you should do, Sasuke?"

Sasuke somehow pieced his jumbled thoughts together through the ringing in his ears. "I - I want to talk to Itachi."

"I think that's probably a good plan," Kakashi agreed.

"I want to know why he lied," he added, hauling himself unsteadily to his feet.

"Good luck," Kakashi said. "I'll be waiting to hear what happens."

"Right," Sasuke replied absently, already off and running.

"Itachi!" Sasuke's voice echoed through the hall as he burst through the front door, sounding like a stranger's to his own ears. His brother appeared instantly, blank face curiously tight.

"Sasuke. Where have you been? What happened? ...is that blood?" Itachi had just asked more questions than Sasuke could ever remember him asking in a row, but he resolutely ignored them all.

"Itachi, Mom and Dad...was it me who did it? Was it really me who did it?" The words hung in the air like physical things, the weight of them threatening to crush the brothers. Sasuke forgot to breath while the world pressed in on them, waiting with listening ears. The moment stretched on into eternity. Then, Itachi's lips parted.

"You remember."

It wasn't a question. The blood drained from Itachi's already-wan face, and Sasuke's legs turned to jelly. Itachi seemed to struggle to find his next words, as if his tongue resisted them. Eventually, he spoke. His quiet voice resonated in Sasuke's ears like the speech of a higher authority, a judge or a god.

"You remember. I'm sorry, Sasuke. I had hoped you wouldn't."

Sasuke's body collapsed without his notice, but Itachi must have caught him. The following beat of time would be missing from Sasuke's memory forever, though he next found himself settled upright in his usual kitchen chair, the one he ate breakfast in every morning, just like normal. Like nothing was different at all. It wasn't possible to absorb a revelation of this magnitude at once - even if Sasuke had maybe known it all along, buried underneath the underneath. His mind still couldn't process it. Itachi silently joined him at the table, looking forlorn.

"I-I was only pretending," Sasuke offered weakly, limp hands hanging at his sides. "I couldn't tell the difference between real and pretend back then...no, I still can't."

"That's not your fault." Itachi's averted face spoke to the tablecloth.

Sasuke, in turn, stared at the floor as if it he could find all the answers to the known universe in the yellowed grout between the tiles. "Is that why you lied to the police? To everyone? To cover for me?"

"It wasn't your fault," Itachi reiterated. "You didn't deserve the legal repercussions. But mostly, I didn't want -"

Sasuke's gazed snapped up but Itachi's eyes remained fixed on the tablecloth. He studied the abstract blue and gray pattern intently for a long moment before continuing in a low murmur. "I didn't want to be separated from you."

Sasuke gaped.

"But now you can't even stand to look at me," he pointed out, the pieces slowly falling into place.

Something suspiciously like shame colored Itachi's face. Hesitantly, he lifted his black eyes to meet the identical ones of his only living family member. "I'm sorry, Sasuke. I've failed you in - I cannot even begin - I'm sorry." The sincerity was etched into the lines under his eyes. Itachi looked a hundred years old once again. A hundred difficult, painful years. Sasuke bore his gaze and saw the hurt there, and the guilt, and...something else?

Itachi's eyes were red. Sasuke couldn't believe what he was seeing, not even when the moisture gathered in the corners, the meaning unmistakable. Itachi wiped it away with his finger before it could roll down his cheeks. "I understand if you can't forgive me, but do you think...perhaps we..." he broke off.

Sasuke was at a loss for words as time ticked on around them, unnoticed by the pair. He fought the strangest impulse to do something he hadn't done in years. He wanted to reach out and hug his brother, but he wasn't sure where to put his hands, so they remained hanging uselessly at his sides. But the need for touch, for that simplest form of human contact, remained at the surface of Sasuke's mind.

"I'll forgive you if you can forgive me too," Sasuke mumbled, voice embarrassingly hoarse. Itachi could only nod.

Sasuke's next words stumbled out of his mouth too quickly for him to question or overthink them, "You know I lov-"

" - I know, Sasuke," his brother interrupted, almost inaudibly. His eyes were closed, but Sasuke heard the imperceptible waver in Itachi's voice as if his brother's emotions were broadcast through a loudspeaker. "Me too..."

When Itachi dared to reach out and poke his little brother's forehead, Sasuke nearly cried.

It was quite late, but Sasuke knew Kakashi would still be there. He had really become a friend to be relied on when he needed someone to talk to. He hurried to their spot at the park, full to bursting with the need to tell Kakashi the news about his changing relationship with Itachi.

He spotted the orange glint of a familiar book through the dimness. Kakashi was curled up under the bridge by the riverbank. Sasuke hopped down to join him. "Reading in the dark again? You'll ruin your eyes, you know."

Kakashi shut his book and looked up at Sasuke, bi-color gray and blue eyes smiling. "No I won't," he argued amiably.

Sasuke squinted at him. "Hey, were they always that color?" he asked, frowning in puzzlement.

"Why Sasuke, you must be seeing things," Kakashi quipped, eyebrows wriggling.

"Cute."

Kakashi chuckled. "How did it go?"

Sasuke paused, a smile threatening to tug at the corner of his lips. "Not as bad as I thought. Maybe even good. I haven't felt this...light in years. Maybe someday we can finally understand each other."

Kakashi flashed a brief smile in return, but his face grew serious. "I'm glad to hear you can forgive Itachi, Sasuke, but did you forget? What about yourself? Can you so easily forgive your own sins, your own madness?"

Sasuke stared at the rippling black water for a long time, lost in thought. "My parents...I should be devastated, right? It was certainly a shock, but the truth is...it doesn't even seem real to me. I have hallucinations that are real enough to touch, but my own past actions might as well be a dream. I didn't even cry over them. I don't even know if I'm sad. Does that make me a horrible person?"

Kakashi hummed. "I think you know the answer to that question perfectly well, Sasuke. Everyone's reality is different. Your parents haven't been part of yours for some time."

Sasuke mulled this over, face dark with a storm of thought. Eventually, he gathered his courage for what was possibly the boldest assertion he'd ever had to make. "You know, I think you're right. Lots of people who lose their parents so young don't remember them very well. If hell exists, I'm probably going there...but if I'm honest, I don't really think it makes me an awful human being to not be consumed with guilt, even though everything is my fault in the end."

"I didn't say all that. I merely pointed out that you knew the answer to your own question. But if that's your answer, I will admit that I'm proud of you, Sasuke, for finally being brave enough to treat yourself like a regular human being. Even if that little piece of awareness of your own ordinariness, vital though it may be, still doesn't magically solve all your problems."

Sasuke sighed, fingers idly picking apart a blade of grass. "My problems...I don't know, Kakashi. Can they even be solved at all? It might take a long time. Maybe the rest of my life, or forever. And I still might never manage to accept myself completely. But I think...I think as long as I have Itachi, and a handful of people who care about me, like Naruto and Sakura and my other classmates...And my teacher, Mr. Umino. As long as people like them are around. As long as I have a few good places to exist in, like this park, and my neighborhood, and even the garden...and as long as I have myself, most of all. As long as I have myself to love, I think I'll be okay somehow."

Sasuke turned to look at Kakashi, who was gazing at him with something akin to profound admiration on his face, juxtaposed with the somewhat sad smile curving his lips. Sasuke belatedly realized his error.

"Crap - sorry Kakashi!" he blurted out, appalled at his own oversight. "I forgot you, of all people! Without you, I'd still be in hibernation, hiding from the world. And myself. You're my first real friend, you know. As long as I have you I know I can find a way to be happy."

"You'll always have me, Sasuke. Even when you don't," Kakashi replied, eyes crinkling into a grin.

Sasuke laughed. "Is that supposed to be some kind of zen koan?"

"If you want it to be," he responded breezily.

"Hn." Sasuke lay back in the grass and looked up at the stars, suddenly exhausted. The soil was soft beneath his spine, and the velvet of the night enveloped him like a blanket. The minutes ticked by, and Sasuke's lids grew heavier. "Kakashi, how come we always talk about me, but never about you?"

The dark shape of the older man shrugged. "There's not all that much to say about me."

"Well tomorrow, I'd like to hear all about you." Yawn. "Everything. I mean it. For a change."

"That would be a change. You're full of those lately, Sasuke. Does it hurt?" Kakashi's voice echoed in Sasuke's ears, so quiet it almost seemed to come from within.

"Sometimes hurts...sometimes itches..." Sasuke murmured sleepily. "...but in a good way, like you always say...tomorrow, Kakashi..." He trailed off, consciousness fading fast.

"Tomorrow. There's always tomorrow. Goodnight. Have nice dreams, Sasuke..." the voice murmured.

But Sasuke was long gone.

Sasuke blinked at the gray sky overhead, squinting against the brightness of morning. It threatened rain. He sat up, rubbing his eyes groggily. Had he really fallen asleep outside last night?

"Kakashi, what time is it?" Sasuke glanced around blearily when he received no reply. "Kakashi?"

Not under the bridge. Sasuke lurched to his feet, stretching and looking around the immediate vicinity. "Kakashi? Where are you?"

A pair of yellow leaves fluttered across the sidewalk and over the unoccupied park bench, carried by the autumn wind. They disappeared into the bushes with a rustle. Even the crows were nowhere to be found in the deserted park.

Maybe he went home without telling me? Sasuke wondered. But somehow that just didn't seem like him...to just vanish without warning, especially after a night like last night. Kakashi was always there when Sasuke wanted him. This feels wrong. Sasuke bit back the panic he could feel rising in his throat and resolved to search.

He headed to the library first as it was closest, even on foot. He flew through the double doors and bypassed the scandalized librarian (was it even a school day?), making a beeline for the adult section. Someone in a dark coat with his back turned was browsing the orange spines of Kakashi's favorite part of the aisle.

"Kakashi?" Sasuke blurted, forgetting to keep his voice down. Startled, the figure turned. He was a middle-aged man with glasses and an embarrassed expression at having been accosted in the naughty section by a high school kid. Visibly disappointed, Sasuke searched the entire rest of the library just in case, stalking up and down the endless rows of books, hissing, "Kakashi? Kakashi!" into the thick silence. Surprised eyes of various patrons glanced up at him as he bustled past, but Sasuke didn't even notice the stares in his wake.

He endured much shushing and many a dirty look from the librarian, but it was all for nothing. Resigned, Sasuke made his way to the nearby bus stop. He would find him at the next stop for sure.

Sasuke waited around the movie theater for hours, patrolling the corridors and scanning crowds frantically as each film let out. Though a Friday, there weren't very many people there for the afternoon matinée. Once, he caught sight of a tall figure with a mop of unruly gray hair, but it turned out to be a life-sized cardboard cutout advertising the next big action movie. Sasuke continued to scan faces desperately with no luck. He checked the bathrooms (even managing to gather the courage to peek in the ladies' room), the concession stand line, the grounds outside. Eventually the usher kicked him out for loitering.

Trying not to become too despondent (there is still one more place to check, one more), Sasuke made his way back towards the bus stop. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice the approaching curb, or the red DO NOT WALK sign. Red and shining. His foot left the sidewalk just as a familiar voice sounded in his ear.

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke's gaze snapped up just in time. He stepped back from the curb as the bus barreled past, wind ruffling his hair. On it's rear, a woman's face smiled enthusiastically at him from a faded advertisement for toothpaste. Sasuke shivered, surprised by the pounding of his heart and the cold sweat on his palms.

"Oi, pay attention to where you're walking, you assclown! You wanna get killed?"

Sasuke spun around to see two unexpected figures emerging from a popular Asian noodle shop, Sakura waving at him. Naruto, clutching not one, not two, but three take out boxes under his arm, trotted over. The hell do think you're doing?" the blonde growled.

Sasuke felt his ears turn pink. "I was just...thinking."

Naruto frowned. "You do that too often. See Sakura, I told you it was dangerous."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Just because you never have a thought in your head doesn't mean -"

Naruto cut her off smoothly. "Hey, Sasuke! Are you ready for public defeat and humiliation tomorrow? You're not gonna punk out and bail on us, right?" he demanded, elbowing Sasuke in the ribs with gusto while somehow managing not to spill his food.

"No, I'll be there," Sasuke wheezed, rubbing his abused ribs.

"Um...is everything alright?" Sakura asked. "You look kinda...lost. And sad."

"Yeah, even more than usual, which is really saying something," Naruto chimed in with his usual sensitivity. Sakura shot him a warning glance, which went ignored.

"It's nothing, I'm just looking for someone," Sasuke evaded, trying to downplay his despair.

"Who? Maybe we can help," Sakura offered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Sasuke blinked back his surprise. "Thanks, but this is kind of something I have to deal with alone," he replied, not knowing how to explain his relationship with an eccentric, gray-haired, porno-reading man of indiscriminate age.

"You sure?" Naruto asked. Sasuke nodded. "Well, good luck with your search then. Call me if you change your mind, you've got my number. Or just call Sakura, 'cause she picks up her phone more often. See ya tomorrow...or else!" He waggled a threatening finger at Sasuke before taking off down the street at a rather reckless speed, take-out cartons balanced precariously on one arm.

"Later, Sasuke!" Sakura called over her shoulder, jogging to catch up with Naruto. Sasuke smiled faintly at their retreating figures as they disappeared around the corner.

Sasuke caught the next bus back to his neighborhood. If Kakashi was anywhere, he had to be at New Holly 29. It was the last place Sasuke could hope to find him. His resources were exhausted.

At the bus stop, Sasuke nearly bowled over some other passengers in his scramble to get off. He started sprinting as soon as his feet hit the sidewalk. He sped past empty lots and old buildings, past overgrown fields full of mingling flowers and weeds. He retraced the long route he and Kakashi had walked side by side together just a few weeks earlier. His heart pounded in his throat, full of anticipation and fear.

By the time Sasuke reached the garden it was well into late afternoon, and he was panting with exhaustion. He wiped sweat from his brow and sat down hard in the dirt near a row of cabbages, catching his breath and blinking back tears. The only other thing in the garden was the naked post, still missing its scarecrow. Kakashi was nowhere to be found.

I don't know where he lives, his phone number or anything about him, thought Sasuke in utter desolation. I don't even know his last name. I really may never see him again.

Sasuke rested for a long, long time, feeling lost and miserable. He wanted to stay sitting in the garden until he sprouted roots and the plants grew over, turning him into part of the landscape. He wanted to throw a fit, or sink back into the numb oblivion he'd existed in for the past several years and let the world pass by without him. He almost would have welcomed one of his waking dreams, but nothing came. Sasuke didn't do any of those things.

Instead, Sasuke sat, and Sasuke breathed. And he kept breathing. The air rushed into his lungs, filled his blood with oxygen, circulated around his brain and stirred the life in him onward. His body just kept on breathing whether he was happy or sad or crazy or lonely, like always. A cricket landed on a nearby leaf and played its music, indifferent to Sasuke's troubles. But Sasuke couldn't feel indifferent to the cricket. Not anymore. In spite of everything, the simple, meditative sound was soothing to his ears.

Time passed in that strange, erratic flow peculiar to the garden, and Sasuke felt every painful, wondrous second of it with his whole being. One can only languish in melancholy for so long, and Sasuke had done quite enough of that for most of his life. He didn't cry. Eventually, like always, he had to get up and move. Everyone has to stand up again at some point and move. He had searched everywhere he could think of; there was nothing left to do but go home for the day.

Someone was waiting for him there, after all.

Itachi appeared in the foyer the second he opened the front door, a crease of concern between his eyebrows. "Where were you Sasuke? I thought you were only going to visit a friend last night, but you never came home and you left your phone here."

"Sorry," Sasuke said, suddenly guilty. "I fell asleep, and then this morning..."

Itachi absorbed the expression on his little brother's face. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm okay. But I have the strangest feeling I'm never going to see my friend again."

Itachi seemed to consider his words carefully before speaking. "I'm sorry to hear that Sasuke. It seems he meant a great deal to you." He paused briefly, then added, "I know it's not much, but you still have me. I'm here, if you ever want to talk about it."

"Thanks, Itachi," Sasuke said, surprised to find he meant it. "I think someday I will tell you about him. About everything."

Itachi offered him a small smile. Sasuke managed one back. For his brother's sake.

On a sudden impulse, Sasuke ducked into his room. He tugged his shirt off and dropped it carelessly in the middle of the carpet. Taking a deep breath, he slowly turned to examine the back of his shoulder in the mirror.

The crow tattoo was gone.

"Hah." Sasuke laughed aloud half-heartedly, sitting down on his bed with a thump. It wasn't particularly funny, but he didn't know how else to react to a situation like this. He was certainly not as surprised as he would have thought. Hah. I guess...I guess I sort of knew it all along. You never were a subtle kind of guy, eh, Kakashi? He smiled to himself, but the bittersweet gesture didn't quite reach his eyes.

He would miss Kakashi something fierce. He knew it would hurt like hell. But with the pain would come the change. It had started already, in fact. He missed the older man's snark, his smile, his poor taste in reading material...most of all, however, he'd miss how easily Kakashi understood him. Of course, that only makes sense now, huh?

How strange, to mourn the loss of something that was never there to begin with. Then again...maybe not?

Maybe it's impossible to truly lose something that's not real, that you dreamed up. Or maybe it's nonsense to say Kakashi wasn't real at all. Everyone's reality is different, and he was real enough to you. In a way, you've always had him. You made him, so he IS you. Sasuke imagined that was what Kakashi would say right about now.

Sasuke knew his visions would probably follow him for the rest of his life, but if he could have more like Kakashi in the future, maybe he wouldn't even mind so much. Things were what they were, the crickets would make music, and his body would keep breathing. Born into this insignificant terrarium hurtling through space, this garden of Eden called "earth," where both the crows and the scarecrows were in your head, what else could you do except try to enjoy the eyeblink of time you've been given? Perhaps that's what life is really all about...just having the courage to keep breathing. To keep dreaming, awake or asleep.

Tired, but with an odd sense of closure, Sasuke stood once more and went to his window. Tomorrow would be Saturday; he needed to remember to ask Itachi for money to play paintball with everyone. He breathed deeply, threw his little window wide open and gazed up at the sky for a long moment. It was gray, like normal. That was only to be expected in Seattle. The overcast clouds began to drizzle lightly.

It was beautiful.

- fin -

A/N: Well that about wraps it up. Congrats to those who figured out Kakashi was a rather sophisticated imaginary friend. I wanted to write a self-help fic featuring that most rare, underrated form of love: self-love (Sasuke/Sasuke, if you will). Okay, I'm gonna go cry now. This fic was my baby, and I'll be satisfied if even one person enjoyed reading it half as much as I liked writing it, difficult though it was.

Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts. ;_;