What I Want
Chapter Twelve

)O(

The late afternoon sun beat down on her back as Raven walked down the sidewalk, a mixture of frustration and darkness swirling around in her heart. The neighborhood around her was a little more upscale than she was used to, and people stared blankly at her as her violet hair and pale skin caught the slanted rays of the sun. Hushed whispered followed her steps, and Raven felt as though she were under a microscope, everyone staring at her like a freak of nature had just walked by. Instinctively she went to pull her hood up over her head, and remembered that she was without her security blanket. Holding her head high, she continued to move down the sidewalk, her lips pressed into a thin line.

"Look at her… she's so weird."

"Who is she? What's she doing here?"

"Wasn't she one of the freaks that helped out the Titans the other day?"

"Just what we need. Another weirdo 'protecting' our city."

"They're not welcome here. Don't they know they do more harm than good?"

Eventually, the whispers became too much and too heavy, and she ducked into a small, nearly deserted bookstore to try and collect herself. The tiny slip of a shopkeeper looked at her with a wan smile and turned back to her cooking magazine. Raven rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand and stared out the front window, watching the happy little couples stroll by, now ignoring the stain on their perfect life.

Not for the first time that day, she wondered what in the world she was doing with herself. She should have known better than to just drop everything and cling to the first sentinel who promised to help her. She was putting her trust in Robin, a Titan, someone she barely knew, and ignoring the obvious help that could have come from her partner. Conflicted emotions bubbled up into her chest. She knew the truth, that Jason wasn't ever going to be as prepared as the Titans were. Hell, he barely knew how to run a mission without her help and expertise. What good would he be in a fight against her demonic father and the end of the world?

"Well… imagine the coincidence."

Raven's blood chilled down to her bone and she turned and looked up into the gaunt, almost skeleton-like face of Brother Blood. He stood straight and tall as he tapped his fingers on a worn paperback book in his hands, dark eyes staring down at her. Raven took a half step back, her heels coming into contact with a wobbly, old display case behind her. She swallowed hard and tried to pull herself up to her full height. Brother Blood seemed unimpressed.

"I must say, Miss Raven, I never imagined finding you again would have been so easy. After all, you gave us quite the slip during the party." He hooked the book under her chin, and Raven saw the title of Paradise Lost peep into her vision as he drew her face up to meet his own. He smiled down at her, his thin lips stretching across the yellowed ivory of his teeth. "You put up quite a nasty fight two nights ago… I believe I have a few scars and bruises to prove it. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed that there was a fighting spirit buried in the body of a bastard witch."

"I can give you more if you want."

"Such strong candor for a girl about to die."

Raven pushed his hand out of the way and slid past him, feeling her heart rise up in her throat. She was treading dangerous waters by being alone with him, one wrong move and she would find herself in a situation she couldn't escape. After what she had put herself through the past few days, she was emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained. If he started a fight with her right now, she was sure to lose both to him and the darkness inside herself. Raven moved toward the door, hand outstretched, begging for an escape from the confined shop and into the sanctuary of public space.

"Fallen Cherub, to be weak is miserable doing." He smacked her hand away from the door with the back, forcing her to turn around and look up at him. His other hand reached out and tapped her head a few times, as if applauding a dog's good behavior. "You didn't honestly think that I would simply let you leave, not when I've finally gotten my hands on you? You who are set to be the portal to rise our savior, Trigon?"

"He's no savior." Raven voice dropped down an octave and trembled with the force of her anger and fear. Across the shop, a few books upended themselves from their place of the bookshelves. "He will destroy you."

"Is that so, little demon?" His smile was thin and cocky, and Raven wanted nothing more than to wipe it off of his face with her fist.

"I may be just a portal, but you are nothing more than a pawn." She pushed herself closer to him, snarling into his face. "Once you have served your purpose, he will forget you ever existed to raise him. He will suck your soul from your body and you will be no more than a smeared bloodstain on the annals of history, forgotten with time. At least I have the foresight to know that much, you pathetic excuse for a cleric."

"You know nothing about your heritage and the greatness of Trigon, you pathetic excuse for a child." He growled down at her, his cool veneer breaking with the sharpness of her words. "You are nothing more than a bastard, and you know it. Trigon will use and dispose of you like the trash you are, but I am his cherished priest, and I will be honored at the end. I will find eternal life at his side, basking in the glory of all that is Trigon the terrible."

Raven's eyebrows lifted, challenging him. "Is that what you think?"

"It's what I know."

"Then I pity you and your useless soul."

There was a shadow of doubt in his eyes, and he drew the book back to strike her across the face. Raven screwed her eyes shut and prepared herself for the brunt of the assault, but it never came. She peeked one eye open and saw Jason standing in front of her, his hand wrapped around Brother Blood's wrist as he growled into the face of the older man.

"I didn't think hitting a defenseless woman was part of the work of a man of the cloth."

Brother Blood pulled his hand back and out of Jason's grip. "That is no defenseless woman, she's a bastard of darkness, and she will consume your soul. I am merely teaching her the place she belongs in."

Jason raised an eyebrow and looked over his shoulder at Raven, his eyes roaming her face with an understand expression. "Funny, she looks just like an ordinary woman to me, belonging in any place she damn well pleases." He looked back at Brother Blood and frowned. "There's only one bastard of darkness here, and I hardly think it's Raven."

"Do not think I will not kill you to get to her."

Jason laughed. "Actually, I kinda figured you'd say something like that."

"Do not patronize me, boy. I am much stronger than you give an old man credit for."

"And I think you underestimate me and Raven." He pushed forward, his hand moving out to touch Brother Blood's chest with the subtle strength hiding inside him. "I think we're a lot stronger and stalwart than you give either of us credit for. So, maybe you should just back up and let us go without a fight."

"As if I would simply let the keystone to our spell disappear with you."

His face twitched slightly, the only indication of his confusion, but he stayed firmly planted in front of Raven. "I don't know what nonsense you're spouting off, but I'm not having any of it."

"I don't see how your entrance into this conversation is any concern of mine. If you will not move, I will make you." Brother Blood pulled back his hand to strike Jason, but he ducked out of the way of the limb, catching his forearm in his hand. His reaction was so quick, Raven almost didn't see the movement until it had already happened.

Jason moved around Brother Blood, pulling his arm with his weight until Brother Blood's joints were locked behind his back. He struggled in the expert bind, but could not free himself, and hissed out curses as Jason's hold tightened painfully. He snarled into Brother Blood's ear and kicked his knees out from under him, forcing him to the floor. He groaned with the impact and turned to glare at Jason from his peripheral vision.

Jason grinned into his face. "What was that about being stronger than we gave an old man credit for?"

"I will not rest until I have her, you pathetic excuse for a human. The end is near and Raven will be nothing more than a gem, a portal to be used and extinguished, and there is nothing you or the rest of the world can do to stop it." Brother Blood spat into Jason's face and he released his grip enough for the older man to escape the hold. He rose to his feet and rushed forward, reaching out to strike Jason again.

Raven reacted before she could really think about what she was doing, and gathered what little bit of power she could find from her broken psyche. She whispered her mantra between clenched teeth, ignoring the deep burning feeling stretching out from her spine between her shoulderblades. It felt like it did this morning, when her powers lost control and she had violently shredded those two human analogs. One lone thought permeated her entire consciousness as she stared ahead at the back of Brother Blood's head:

Was she already so close to the end that her control was slipping?

She couldn't think about that right now, not when she was in the middle of a battle using her powers. A push of black, static energy flew from her fingertips and struck Brother Blood in the back, sending him careening into a bookcase. His face smacked loudly against the hardwood shelves, and Raven could hear the slight crunch of bone under the force of her powers. Maybe she had pushed just a little too hard. Blood poured from a gash in his cheek and his nose as he turned around to stare at her, eyes glassy from shock.

"I will not be a portal for my father, and nothing will change that." She raised her hands again, this time wrapping her magic around the bookcase behind him. "Not you. Not Slade. Not even the fate of the universe itself. I am a person of my own, my mother's daughter, and I will not be your pawn!" With one more tug of her powers, she pulled the bookcase forward, the contents showering down on the stunned form of Brother Blood as he stumbled wearily on his feet. The furniture teetered back and forth for a moment, before finally toppling over on his old form.

Jason managed to roll out of the way before any serious damage was done to him, and he stared up into her face from the floor, a mixture of relief and confusion lining his eyes. Looking around at the mess of the shop, he pulled himself to his feet and shook his head. "I think we better hightail it out of here, before we find ourselves in even more trouble."

The gaping mouth of the shopkeep seemed to be the final nail in the coffin, and Raven grabbed Jason's hand as she darted out the door. The last thing she needed was any more attention to her freakish powers and what they could do.

They raced down the sidewalk, as far away from the sound of screaming sirens as they could get. A few people had started gathering around the sight, and Raven could hear the shopkeep try to call after them, but they just kept running. A little part of Raven felt kind of bad that she had somehow managed to destroy a part of that woman's livelihood, but in the end, did it really matter? She had just been trying to get away from Brother Blood. And Fate, it seemed, was doing nothing but trying to put her in both his and Slade's path.

When they had put sufficient distance between the scene of the crime and themselves, Jason turned to look over at her, slowing his running pace down to a relatively casual walk. A minute of silence ticked between the two of them before Raven broke it. She pushed at her hair and took a turn down a side street, avoiding another passing cop car.

"What?"

"Um, do you want to tell me what that was all about?" He wrapped his hand around her arm and stared down at her, finally allowing his shock to appear on his face. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down his emotions as best as he could. "Look, I just punched a creepy, old guy dressed in priest's robes, and you threw a bookcase on top of him. We've moved past the realm of weird into the seriously-this-is-fucked-up area."

"I know." Raven pulled her hand from his grasp and started down the sidewalk again, refusing to directly answer his question.

"Oh, good. As long as you're aware of this." He rolled his eyes and chased after her, keeping his pace steady with her own. "Do you also want to tell my why this whole thing feels like it has something to do with what happened to our last apartment?"

"Because it does, and you know it. Don't play dumb with me, Jason, I don't have have the time or patience to deal with it." She looked up at him and sighed, giving him a deadpanned look as he stared at her. "You've been following me all afternoon. You saw where I was and who I was with."

Jason winced and took a step back from her. "You knew?"

"I saw you outside of the cafe before I went in. At that point I figured you had been looking for me all day." Raven started heading more into the neighborhood she was comfortable with, and she took solace in the familiar buildings and shops surrounding her. It was at least one comfort in the middle of day that had no comforts at all. "I'm not an idiot, Jason. I knew you would come looking for me after I disappeared this morning. I had hoped you wouldn't, but I knew eventually you would find out."

"So, what were you doing with Robin?"

Raven's pace came to a dead-stop, and she turned around to face him. Her eyes searched his face for any kind of teasing, but his expression was blank and serious. How had he known it was Robin? He had been in street clothes, and completely normal-looking. Raven eyed him carefully, as if trying to size him up. "How did you know that was Robin?"

"I know a lot more than I think you give me credit for, Raven." He gave her a strange, strained smile, and pulled his emotions out of her reach before she could investigate any further. "Let's just say Robin and I have met before under… different circumstances, and we'll leave it at that for now."

What in the world did that mean? Goddess, he was even more cryptic now than before. Great. Raven looked him up and down before shaking her head and returning to her path down the sidewalk. Jason followed her with an annoyed sigh, trotting up beside her. She could feel his patience wearing thin. He wanted answers for everything that had happened today, and she couldn't blame him for that. He had seen a cleric attack her, go out on a not-really-date with Robin, and ran off to Titan Tower at the break of dawn. If she had been in his position, she would have demanded answers too.

"Look, if you don't want to talk about Robin, that's fine. I get it… he's a hero and whatever. But, are you at least going to try and help explain what the fuck was going on with you and Cleric of the Damned back there?" He pointed to the empty space behind them. "He kept blabbering on about you being a portal and… seriously, Raven. What the fuck is going on in your life right now?"

Raven sighed in defeat and looked over at him, exhaustion running deep into her limbs. She was too tired to fight him anymore. What was the point anyway? It was already the dawn of the apocalypse, and he was going to find out whatever he wanted to know anyway. She should at least have the decency to tell him first. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

Jason jerked in surprise, as if he hadn't been expecting that answer. "Seriously?"

Raven turned and looked at him. "'Seriously' what?"

"Um… sorry, it's just kind of surprising to see you actually open up to me." He continued to stare at her as if she had grown an extra head. "I mean, you've never exactly been willing to share, so why now? What's changed?"

"Because I'm going to die, so it doesn't exactly matter."

"What?" His face paled and he stopped in his tracks. He didn't have a chance to reign in his emotions, and Raven could feel his fear start to consume his heart as he watched her move forward. "Raven… what is going on? What is happening to you? This is a lot to handle, and you're not telling me anything that makes any kind of sense. Once again, you're all secrets and darkness and death, and I'm still stuck trying to figure you out like a Rubik's cube."

"Why do you care so much?"

He blinked, shock still lining his expression. "I thought that was obvious."

Raven eyed his face for a long minute, trying to decipher his words, but coming up with nothing that made sense. She pushed at her hair and turned down another side street, wandering as far away as she could from the rest of the world. Jason followed her in confused, but respectful silence, waiting to see precisely what she said or elaborated on for her imminent demise. Raven found a small, corner park and plopped down on a bench, motioning to the empty space next to her. He sat down and looked forward, listening to the silence and watching the people pass before them. A long stretch of time passed between them, and Raven finally spoke.

"Remember how I said I was half-demon?"

Jason jerked slightly, as if surprised by the sudden sound of her husky voice, and looked over at her. "Yeah…?"

"Well, the truth is a little more complicated than that." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, gathering courage to admit her darkest secret to him. If she told him the truth, would things remain the same between them? Would he look at her the same way that Robin did? Like she was a creature and not a person, forgetting about the humanity inside her? It didn't do her any good to speculate; she had to admit the truth to him.

"The truth is that I'm actually the keystone piece in a spell to bring Trigon the demon from his prison in another dimension to this plane of existence."

His mouth fell open. "What."

"You heard Brother Blood blabbering on about the portal?" He nodded slowly, still trying to wrap his head around her words. "Well, I am the portal. I am Trigon's demon seed and nothing more than an expendable piece in his game to conquer this dimension. His energy will consume my own, and through this he will enter this plane of existence. When that happens it will be the end of life and free will as we know it." She gave a sarcastic smile. "So, now you are in on the loop. Aren't you happy?"

"Raven…"

She held up her hand, effectively stopping him from continuing. She could hear that tone in his voice, and it hurt her to know that was his immediate response. "I don't want your pity, Jason. I didn't ask for it, and I don't need it. You wanted to know the truth and I gave it to you." Her smile turned thin and weary. "And don't think that I'm going to take this lying down. If there's anything you've learned about me, it's that I'm a fighter. I won't stop until I've exhausted every possible way to stop this."

"I'm glad to know at least that part of you hasn't changed." Jason's voice and expression was still unreadable, and he continued to watch her through his dark eyes. A few more minutes ticked by before he spoke again. "So, what were you doing with Robin then?"

Raven shrugged, not feeling any animosity in the question, but genuine curiosity. "I've asked the Titans to help me try to stop it from happening."

His eyebrows shot up. "Oh."

Raven misread his expression and waved him off. "Don't worry, no one knows I'm working with them yet, so your reputation is still in tact."

"To hell with my reputation, Raven. That is the least of my worries in all of this." His tone was harsh against her ears, and the sound forced her to look into his eyes. His lips twitched in annoyance and he stared down at her. "Why didn't you tell me this before? Why didn't you come to me after you were attacked? Why did you go to the Titans? Of all people… the Titans."

"Well, because they're a group of aliens and mutants who happen to have the powers and resources available to help me actually fight my father." She at least had the decency to look somewhat sheepish, even if she was a bit upset at his underlying accusation. "It wasn't as if I was deliberately going out of my way to try and stop you from finding out or helping me. I just…" She sighed and looked away. "I wasn't sure if you would be able to help, or even if you cared, Jason. I am just your partner, and you haven't shown all that much interest in my life before."

"You're my friend, Raven. Not just my partner." His head tilted over the back of the bench and he groaned. "Look, I'm not really good at finding and keeping partners, cohorts, or friends. In fact, I'm downright terrible at it, and you know it. But, you're… different, and you're not just some person I call on when shit gets rough and I need help, you're someone I care about. So, yeah, it upsets me that you kept this from me, but I refuse to let you think I don't care or don't want to help."

Raven raised an eyebrow, a little suspicious of him, but also strangely comforted by the idea of his friendship. Robin and his team had strength and purpose, but in Jason she had a past, and sometimes that was more valuable. "You don't even know what's going on with me."

"No, I don't. I don't have the slightest, fucking idea what is going on with you. But, that doesn't mean that I don't want to help, or at least try to be aware of you." There was a long pause and he sighed again, this time in defeat. "Raven, I don't want to pester you, or make you to feel like I'm not listening to what you're saying. If you think that working with the Titans is your only hope at succeeding in this, then keep working with them. Hell, move into the tower if you think it'll help. I trust that you know what you're doing… just don't keep me out of the loop anymore. If there's something going on, I want to know about it. I care about you."

"Even if what I tell you could kill you?"

He laid his hand over hers. "Especially if it could kill me." He grinned. "I like the challenge."

Raven felt something strange and warm flutter through her body, and she shook her head, laughing low in her throat. "You're such an idiot. Trusting the demon with your life."

"I like to live dangerously."

A shadow fell over their bodies, forcing both of them to look up at the unwelcome guest who had intruded in on their conversation. A single, bright eye stared down at them, paired with the violent slash of a maniacal smile.

"Well, well… I never thought Sebastian's tip might actually be right."

)O(

Holy shite, I updated this twice in one month. It's like a record or something.
Anyway, after the last chapter I realized the action was severely lacking again and I needed to up the ante. I hope I didn't disappoint.

Also, side note, I felt like plugging a few stories that I've recently read but they haven't gotten a whole lot of following (for which I'm shocked), and one of them sort of inspired me to keep working on this. So, my recommendation is that you check out Delusions, by ShadowEidolon, and Dark History and Shadowy Love, by Bane of All the World. They are both filled with Robin/Raven goodness and utterly delightful to read. Go… seriously, read them and review.

But, review my story first. I needs dis.