Mary closed the door to her room and leaned back to rest against the warm wood for a moment, thinking back to the bleak start to her day. And now... Second chances. Just like those snow covered neighborhoods back home.

Quickly slipping out of her ratty, old sweats she redressed in jeans and a warm sweater. Once again putting on a warm pair of socks she stuffed her feet into one of her few wardrobe leftovers from her Jersey days, fur-lined boots. They were scuffed and worn but served their purpose just the same. Grabbing coat and gloves, she opened the door and walked out to find Marshall waiting for her at the entrance to the hall.

She slipped on her jacket and gloves before walking to the door. "Come on. Let's go for a walk."

"In this?" His look said she'd lost her mind.

"Yes, Miss Fussy." Mary challenged, "What? You afraid you'll melt if your hair gets wet?"

He sneered before walking over and holding the door, sweeping a bow to usher her out into the cold, snowy weather.

"So where to my Snow Queen?" They reached the end of the driveway. "Left or right?"

She shrugged. "Left. Trying to be right never works out for me."

Feeling brave, he grabbed her gloved hand with his own. "Left it is."

They walked for blocks in silence, Mary trying to gather her thoughts and Marshall wondering at their content.

It wasn't until they reached a desolate park almost a mile away that she stopped. Wiping off a spot on top of a picnic table, she stepped onto the bench before turning to sit down. Hands still clasped, Marshall moved to stand against her, offering warmth, support, anything she was willing to accept from him.

Mary looked around the park; there wasn't another soul in sight. The swing set and jungle gym were coated in snow. The fountain gurgled away with no one around to enjoy the sound. And it was cold.

"This is how I've felt the last few months." She gestured with her hand, encompassing the empty space that was meant to be enjoyed and full of cheerful play. "Quiet. Cold. Lonely." She couldn't look at him. "I spent so much time wishing that everyone would just leave me alone. Then my mother moved out. Squish moved out." Wish a rueful smile she admitted, "I was fine with that, actually. But... Then you disappeared without ever leaving." Her voice became harsh, brittle. "They say that you should watch what you wish for, and man does learning that lesson ever suck. I was finally alone, but after you... I found myself wanting the warmth that was missing to come back."

She looked over at the swings, still under small piles of snow. She briefly wondered if they creaked when they moved or if they were maintained with the care that allowed kids to soar higher and higher without worry or fear. "I realize that I caused all of this." She glanced at him sharply, so he didn't speak. "I did. And you did what you needed to do for yourself, which was only right." Looking at their joined hands, she rubbed her thumb down his gloved finger. "And if you decide at the end of today that you need to go back to the way it's been, I won't blame you. But I need you to understand why I did what I did."

"You don't need to explain anything."

"I do." She finally met his gaze before glancing away. "For once in my life I want to explain myself, my actions, to someone so that they can understand instead of needing to guess. I want you to be the person with whom I can share..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "...everything."

Marshall, afraid that any sound would break the spell of honesty that had fallen over his partner, his friend, stood silent. When she hesitated, he squeezed her hand in encouragement.

"You, better than anyone, know that I don't let people get close to me. I don't trust. I don't open up. I do my best, in my personal life, not to care." She swept her gaze over the bleak playground before turning back to him. "'Be the strong one.' 'You're the rock they lean on.' 'Take care of your mom and sister.' Those are all phrases I've read and repeated over and over again." She caught his knowing look and with a sigh promised to explain in more detail later. "I tried, Marshall. I really tried. I gave, and I sacrificed. I focused on their happiness and neglected my own for so long, but they were never happy. Never satisfied. No matter what I did I just couldn't please either of them. And all that time I received letter after letter telling me that I needed to keep them safe and make sure they were okay. No matter how much I did, it was never enough! 'Mary, I need this.' 'Mary, you have to do that.'" She shook her head. "It was never ending. And somewhere along the way, I started to associate love and family with that sense of...overwhelming responsibility and demanded self-sacrifice."

"Do you remember when we first met, how I didn't take my sister's calls and said that I wouldn't give Jinx my phone number?" At Marshall's nod, she went on, "I'd left them hanging for six months. Six whole months of my life that I hadn't devoted to them." She raised a gloved hand to move a damp strand of hair from her face. "For those six months I was free to do what I wanted when I wanted. It was exhilarating. … And I was miserable."

Marshall broke his silence to ask, "Why?"

"Because I knew... I just knew that I was disappointing my dad by neglecting them. That by leaving them to their own devices, I had abandoned them just as surely as he had."

"Mar..."

Self-depreciation was a rare expression for her. "I know. In my head I realize just how ridiculous that sounds. But, in my heart? It was killing me." She covered his one hand with both of hers. "And then you came along. Marshal Marshall of Wimpsec. And, unknowingly, you offered me a way out. A way to live a life for myself guilt free. If I were transferred, surely Daddy couldn't blame me for Squish and Mom having to live on their own, right? So I jumped at the chance to move here. I mean, in three days on the road you hadn't run screaming or even once tried to get in my pants, so I figured we might even be able to work together. And if I had to spend my days dealing with whiny, needy people... Well, hell, I was used to that already!"

"But then the most amazing thing happened. We became friends. I hadn't planned it or tried for it. It was like one morning I had a partner that drove me slightly crazy and the next... I had you standing beside me, offering support, providing help. And I wanted you there. I wanted to let go of it all and let someone else, you, take on my life for me." She looked back to him. "And that terrified me. I had never had a real friend. Hell, growing up I'd barely had time for friendly acquaintances. I didn't know what to do...with you...with me. I just knew that it felt so amazingly good, and that that somehow made it all the more frightening."

"How come?"

"Don't know." Mary shook her head at her own confusion. "Maybe it was because it was a new feeling for me. Maybe it was because I'd never before allowed anyone to take care of anything for me. Maybe it was because I thought that by leaning on you, I'd disappoint my dad by not being self-reliant enough." Her head repeated it's negative swing. "I can't explain it, but I know that the fear latched on and wouldn't let go."

"Then my mother came squealing back into my life, and Squish showed up for a visit that never ended; and I fell into my old habits of doing whatever I needed to do and using whomever I needed to use in order to make their lives easier." She dropped his hand and slid off of the table and started to pace. "And you ended up being dragged along in the wake of our dirty laundry and self-obsession." She turned to face him from too many feet away. "And do you want to know the worst part?"

Tilting his head in inquiry, Marshall asked, "What?"

"I still wanted you there. You made my life easier by being the me in our relationship. I had turned into what I hated, a woman who used someone that she should care about and value. A woman who took everything another person had to give and more, simply because he couldn't bring himself to say no." When he started to object, she cut him off. "That's exactly how it happened. Hell, I encouraged you! Just like with my family, I gave just enough back to make you give even more. But, unlike them, I recognized it for what it was and didn't try to stop it, which made me an even more selfish bitch than either of them have ever been."

"Mar –"

"No; don't try to protect me from the truth. But, what separates me from them in the negative also separates me from them in the positive; because I was and am able to recognize just how much you do for me. I realize that I've brushed you off, ignored you and downright abused you. I know that without you, I would probably be sitting in jail alongside my sister right now. If I'd even made it that far."

"Marshall, in the midst of everything that was happening I also managed to acknowledge, at least to myself, some of the reasons for why you were doing all that you did for me. And with each act of kindness, a little check mark was placed into a column labeled 'Debt to Marshall that can never be repaid'."

"I didn't do anything with an expectation of payback, Mar."

"I know." Her mouth quirked in a grin. "It would have been a helluva lot easier if you were like other men. One roll in the sack, and we'd have been even."

He snorted. "You never know. It might have worked."

"Ha! You're too much of a boyscout for that." Her smile faded. "You were kind to me because that is what's in your heart. And you didn't expect anything in return because this is how you were raised. But, I expected to keep us even for myself. And the longer it went on, the more unbalanced that mental ledger became. And the more I felt indebted to you, the worse I acted.; because try as I might, I couldn't stop feeling like I was more of a leech than my mother and sister combined."

"Then Raph came along, and I thought, 'This is perfect! Here's a guy who's willing to take my shit in exchange for sex!' With Raph there, I could stop draining you to dregs. If it looked like I had a life, you would surely go out and find someone better than me to dote upon. Someone who appreciated you and was willing to show it. But, you didn't." She said him open his mouth to object, and spoke over him, "Alright. There were dates, but you and I both know that they were token efforts at best." She glared at him until he nodded.

"So there I was, trapped in a house with three people that I didn't want near me and in the office with the one person that I wanted to push away and keep all at the same time." Her deep breath puffed out in a visible huff. "I'd gone from having two people to please to four, and it made me...cranky."

Marshall raised a brow, and she relented. "Okay, I turned into a fire breathing bitch." He lowered the brow, approving of that assessment. "And still you stayed. When Raph walked out, I knew. Just knew that you were going to work your way back into your role as me if I didn't do something, so I tried to push you away. God. I was horrible to you, and you still stood beside me. I couldn't figure it out."

Walking back over to him, she looked up before saying, "Until you leaned over my desk and told me that I needed you instead of some random guy off of the street to right my life. … And it clicked. The easy friendship. The guilt over the ledger. The feeling of wanting you near and yet not wanting you in the destruction zone that is my life. I panicked. My only thoughts were that I had to get away and I had to make you see that I was all wrong for you." Glancing down, she continued with the hard part. "So I did the one thing that, after that speech, you probably wouldn't be able to forgive."

A chilled, leather glove skimmed her cheekbone before settling under her chin and tilting her face up. "You were trying to save me. From you." She nodded, eyes full of emotion. Fear. Self-recrimination. Despair. With a sigh he pulled her into a tight hug, shivering as her cold nose tucked under his shirt collar and against his neck. "Don't you realize that I knew what I was getting into? I knew what to expect, and I did it anyway. I had to."

He felt more than heard her mumbled, "Why?"

"Because..." He tried find a way to put everything he was feeling into words and realized that the English language was wholly inadequate for the task. "Pascal said, 'The heart has its reasons, where of reason knows nothing.'" Much like earlier in the day, he moved to touch his forehead to hers. "I can't explain the whys and wherefores. I just know that my heart wants you."

"Still?"

That one word held so much doubt and hope that Marshall wanted to cry for the woman in his arms who had never been taught about love. Instead, he dropped a swift kiss to her nose and whispered, "Always."

Mary, taking an uncharacteristic leap of faith, closed her eyes and pulled him close. "Okay."

Marshall waited for more, but she remained silent. "Okay? That's all I get?"

Nodding against his chest, he could hear her smirk when she replied, "Yep."

He shrugged. "Okay." Pulling back, he smiled happily as she silently protested the loss of contact. "Later. I don't know about you, but I think it's time to head back. While I know it's a physical impossibility, my feet are still managing to convince my brain that they've turned into two lumps of solid ice." He held out his hand. "Ready to go home?"

Home. With Marshall. She liked the sound of that.