Jack's Tale pt. 2

"Jack Spicer, you have once again lost to us!" Omi laughed, holding his new Staff of Sōngshǔ.

Lamia sighed, "Omi, bragging is not very monk-like."

The small boy paused, "Jiejie* is right… I apologize, Jack Spicer."

Jack smiled, "This reminds me of a story."

Within seconds Lamia had her iPod on voice record and Chase had a camcorder.

"Once upon a time there was a boy. His name was Billy. Billy's life was very boring. His eyes were not green or blue, his skin wasn't too pale of too dark, his hair was neither dark nor light… in fact… it was purple! So he walks up to his mother and says, 'Mom, why is my hair purple?' and she responds, 'Because you're a purple alien. From the planet Purplopia!'

So Billy, also named Blagnarf, goes on a quest to find planet Purplopia. He tied a giant rocket to his back and ignited it. Unfortunately, though, Purpleopians need air like humans, so he died and floated on to become a comet crashing into the Earth while on fire.

Just a few miles away, Santa Claus watched Blagnarf fall to his death, laughing and demanding more wine from his Elf servants. He took the bottle and chugged it down, laughing like a fool he smashed the bottle on the elf's head. Now, what Santa didn't know was that when you hurt an elf, they go for revenge. So the elf turned into the Hulk and ripped Santa to pieces and, with the fat man gone, they were able to celebrate. The Hulk-elf screwed almost every elf at the Workshop and then when he got tired of them, he screwed Mrs. Claus. But she was overused and boring, so he went to the stables and raped the reindeer. Rudolph fell in love and the Hulk-elf and Rudolph had ugly little elven-reindeer babies. The babies all decided to travel the world, but one named Barney decided to go on Television and tempt small children into taking drugs, getting high, and having sex with him.

Finally, the police caught Barney and he was hauled to jail. He called his parents, but the Hulk-elf was too busy smashing things and Rudolph was making lunch. Rudolph laughed when Barney asked for help and hung up the phone. He took the plate of beef jerky out to the Hulk-elf and fed it to him, smiling. The Hulk-elf found it erotic and screwed Rudolph again, allowing them to have more ugly babies. Finally, the world was overly populated with Elven-reindeer babies and we all fell into the sun and burned for the rest of eternity!" Jack smiled, "And that is why there are pumpkins!"

Silence.

More silence.

Still more silence.

"What. The. Heck?" Wuya finally spoke.

Lamia and Chase grabbed Jack and teleported to his house.

"Jack… we need to use your computer."

Jack smiled, "Okie-doike! You can use the one in my lab."

Within Three weeks, everyone was talking about the video they saw online called 'The Story of Jack'.

*Jiejie means older sister. Lamia adopted Omi as her little brother because she, despite being Heylin, is close to the monks. She calls him Didi, which means younger brother. Oh, and the Staff of Sōngshǔ will make an appearance in my Chack: The Insanity We Call Life story.