Author: RedDwarfette

Email: [email protected]

Rating: R - Just to be on the safe side.

Summary: Buffy's preggers and whose to blame? A certain Blonde Vampire with a little help from a Cabbage Patch Gnome. Season 6. If this sucks, at least I know there's enough Vampire in it :)

Disclaimer: The characters within this fanfiction are completely the property of Joss Whedon and UPN. I claim the situation they find themselves in & the idea of the Cabbage Patch Gnome J

The Cabbage Patch Kid - RedDwarfette

Chapter 1 – You… Me… Trick…

15th/3/2002

*******************************************************************************************************************

Spike looked up from his position in front of the television as Buffy stormed into his lair.

"Well thanks a lot, you bloody bastard!" she shouted, "I didn't think my life could get any worse after being dead and sleeping with the enemy, but you managed to out do yourself this time."

"What?" said a puzzled Spike. He dodged a blow from Buffy and leapt back. "Pet, what are you talking about?"

"You… you… me… trick…" Buffy gasped articulately.

"Thank god you've got looks, luv, 'cause your conversation skills are a little lacking," Spike said with a smirk.

"What the hell did you do to this?" Buffy said holding up a small cardboard box.

Spike took the container from her and read the back.

Buffy continued, "You knew I had that didn't you? You switched the test as a joke. Well, I'm not laughing at all Spike!"

"Wait, a sec," said a furious Spike, "What the hell do you have a pregnancy test kit for? You know I'm shooting blanks."

"I… well… it… it wasn't mine," she finished looking at the ground.

"Then whose is it?" he said in a deadly voice, "And why were you using it?"

"Anya's, it belongs to Anya. She was worried that she might be pregnant and she was too scared to take the test by herself, so I took it with her," Buffy said quietly before flaring up again, "Why am I explaining myself to you? Did you get a big laugh out of scaring the slayer half to death?"

"What are you saying, Buffy?" Spike asked.

"You switched my test and now it says that I'm pregnant. God Spike, I thought I was having a heart attack for a moment there," she said then suddenly laughed, "I suppose it is kind of funny, you know, me and you having a baby." Buffy, still giggling stepped in front of him and raised her face to his for a kiss.

Spike wasn't smiling. He pushed her back, "I didn't do a damn thing to that test, Buffy."

"What?" she said starting to feel faint.

"I said, I didn't do anything to that test. You are pregnant and right now I'm torn between leaving town or tearing your bit on the side apart with my bare hands," he said visibly shaking in rage and an evil look in his eye.

"There isn't anyone else," Buffy said to Spike's disbelieving face, "I swear. Wait, this can't be happening." She fell to the floor feeling dizzy.

"Get up, Buffy," Spike said, disgust in his voice, "The least you can do now is tell me the truth, I think you owe me that much."

"Spike, I'm serious," Buffy whispered, "I've only been with you."

"Then how do you explain this," he said waving the box at her, "Immaculate conception?"

She stayed silent while he continued, "Yeah, like that story will fly with all the bonking we've been doing."

"You really are a cold hearted bastard, aren't you?" Buffy said rising from her place on the floor. "Somehow, god knows how, you've knocked me up. You do know that what we've been doing leads to babies, don't you Spike?"

She now stood in front of him, "They don't just grow in the cabbage patch."

"Cabbage patch?" Spike said in a hoarse voice.

Buffy didn't think it was possible but Spikes complexion paled even more before her eyes. He walked on unsteady feet over to his couch and sat down shaking his head.

"No, I couldn't have… must have been that time… I knew they had powers but…" Spike trailed off and looked at Buffy.

"Well?" she said, "Do you believe me now?"

"Yes," he said, for the first time in his unlife looking remarkably like a corpse. "I believe you, Buffy."

"Right," Buffy said walking over and sitting next to Spike on the couch, "What we need to do know is find out what caused this. Maybe it's because I came back different." She glanced at his uncomprehending face, "You know. You can hit me, maybe you can impregnate me too. Wait, that doesn't explain how a vampire can reproduce."

Spike sat there with a pole-axed look while Buffy spoke. "I know, I know. What if it's a spell?" she said to him. "I'd better go ask Tara, she'd be able to tell if there's a magical aura around us." Buffy stood up and started to walk out before Spike caught her arm.

"Buffy, I know what caused this," Spike said, "And it wasn't no spell or anything being wrong with you."

"Spike, what is it?" said Buffy watching his face.

"It was me. I put a bun in the slayer's oven. I did it all on my own," Spike said with a triumphant grin, after a minute amending, "Kinda."

"What?" she shrieked. "Need I remind you that technically you're dead? There's no way that this could have happened without some help."

"It's true," Spike said, "And I only had a little help," he finished.

"Spike…" Buffy said with a warning tone in her voice that if didn't start explaining soon he was going to get his arse whooped.

"Ok, ok. I may have inadvertently knocked you up with the help of a Cabbage Patch Gnome," Spike said with a grin and watched the mother of his child.

"You did what?" Buffy screamed.