I'm sorry this took a month to get posted. I am a full time student and this past month has been a bitch. GOOD NEWS: I've almost finished the outline for the sequel and it will be much longer than this story. I hope to work on it this summer.
I must thank my wonderful beta, faite-comme-moi. She whips these chapters into shape for you guys :)
I encourage people to go look on my profile for the images I have posted there. They'll help give you a better visual of the Whitlock-Cullen house and of Oliver and Lily.
Chapter Four – When Did You Finally Get Together? – EPOV
March 26th 2033
"Morning," Lily said groggily as she walked into the great room.
"Morning, sweetie," I replied as she came up beside me in the kitchen area and leaned up to kiss my cheek, "Hungry? I'm making banana pancakes."
"Mmm, my favorite. Yes please," she hummed as she retrieved four plates from the cabinet before moving off to the left to set the morning nook.
"I didn't get to ask you, but how is it going with that guy you're dating?" Lily had mentioned a few times over the past two months about dating a boy named Simon. From what Jasper and I had heard so far he seemed nice.
"I dumped him." Apparently not. "He thought it was acceptable to scream another woman's name in the heat of passion," she sighed as she plunked down in a seat at the island in front of me.
Jasper and my parenting styles were quiet unique, even for that day and age. We believed in a more liberal, non-invasive upbringing in comparison to what was being taught in most parenting books. Unlike our childhoods, we encouraged our children to follow their passions and to explore their curiosities. We tried our best to guide them in the right direction and provide the proper tools to make their own decisions while letting them have some failures if they had set themselves up for it.
Basically, we weren't naïvely unaware that our children were sexually active.
"That sucks. I'm sorry, love," I gave her a compassionate look before flipping the two pancakes that were on the pan.
Lily shrugged, "You win some, you lose some."
"Do I smell pancakes?" Oliver entered the room while stretching his arms over his head.
"Yes, you do and they're just about done," I flipped them over one last time before going over to the oven and taking out the stack I had there staying warm. Oliver grabbed some utensils from the drawer and went to finish setting the breakfast table.
"Where's the other one?" Oliver asked, casually referring to Jasper.
"Oliver Rowen Whitlock Cullen," I pointed at him with my spatula from where I was standing with a sham of a stern face, "respect your elders!"
"Ohhh, middle names! What happened?" Jasper teased as he entered the room. He was dressed in his usual work attire, which consisted of a suit and freshly shaved face. Coming up to me, I turned to give him a light peck on the lips before he passed me for the coffee maker.
"Apparently my usual shenanigans. Bad-mouthing here, snarky comment there, the usual." Oliver shrugged as he sat down at the table.
"One day you're going to be beat over the head for that mouth of yours and we're not going to do a thing to stop it," Jasper lectured as he poured a cup of coffee.
"Sounds kinky. Where do I sign up?" And for dramatic effect he it said while looking around the room.
"What if it was me?" Lily raised an eyebrow as she walked over to the breakfast table and sat down beside him.
"Yeah… that's just weird," Oliver scratched the back of his neck.
"I agree with you on that one, my son," I said as I walked over and placed the large platter of pancakes in the middle of the table. "Voila!"
"They look amazing, Dad. Thanks," Lily praised as she and her brother dug in.
"Jas, are you going to grab some before you have to go?" I turned to look at him quickly before sitting down myself.
"I have some time, so, yes." Then he was pulling out the chair beside me and sliding onto it while lightly resting a hand on my inner knee.
"What is everyone up to today?" Jasper asked as he piled three pancakes onto his plate then drowning them in syrup.
"Gonna go meet up with Gray and Ethan and hang out now that he's in town," Oliver contributed before taking a large bite of his food. Rosalie, Emmett and their kids had flown in for our dinner the following night. Oliver and Ethan, their middle child, were very close as they were the same age.
"Rose, Sophie and Ava are coming over later today and we're going shopping," Lily continued.
"I have to go in for two quick consults this morning but then I'm heading to Grandpa and Grandma's place for lunch. Jas, are we still meeting up with Em and Rose for dinner?" I asked.
"Yup. We're going to Palomino," he confirmed. I knew he was excited to see his sister and brother-in-law as it had been a few months since the last time they had seen each other.
Emmett and Rosalie now lived in Los Angeles. Emmett had been traded a few times during his professional football career, playing for the 49ers, the Chargers and the Titans. While playing for the Titans in 2016 he sustained a major injury to his shoulder, which effectively ended his football career. Rosalie, through all of this, worked for a major PR company so she was able to move her job from city to city. After accepting his injury, Emmett and Rose moved permanently back to LA where she became a top-notch PR representative for a major entertainment corporation and he became a coach for the UCLA Bruins.
They had three beautiful children: Sophie who was almost twenty-six, Ethan who was twenty-three and Ava who was twenty-two. While our children weren't able to physically grow up together, they acquired a closeness that baffled all of us. This included Alice's son Grayden as well.
Alice had attended the Art Institute of Chicago and was now a very successful illustrator for books, magazines and newspapers nation wide. Her husband, Seth, was an architect and I could say, without a doubt, that their home was the nicest I had ever been in. While Jasper and I had decided to settle down just outside of the city in Bellevue, Alice continued to live in the heart of Seattle.
After Alice and I had finally settled in and around the Seattle area, it was only fitting that, when Mom and Dad retired, they moved closer to us. They now lived in the Bellevue area in a gorgeous house that was used to entertain frequently.
"You just have the one lecture today?" I asked Jasper.
"Yes. It's a special seminar to help the first years understand day-to-day life as a soldier of the Cold-War," he responded while taking a bite of his pancake.
"Sucks that it's on a Saturday, PJ," Oliver said.
"It won't take long. The lecture is only two and a half hours," he said easily.
Jasper was a History Professor at the University of Washington. After years of teaching high school History he went back to school, part-time so he could still work, and received his Masters then PhD in History with a focus on the American Civil War. By 2025 he was teaching as a full time professor for the university.
"When do you have to get going?" Lily asked him. Jasper looked at his watch then scrunched his lips as if evaluating the time.
"In about twenty minutes, why?" he looked back up at her.
"Well, obviously because I want to hear the rest of the story that you two ruined last night," Lily sighed, taking a drink from her orange juice.
"We didn't ruin anything; it was part of the story!" Jasper defended innocently while I chuckled to myself.
"Really? You reject Pop E. then suddenly you guys were having your way with each other on a couch?" Oliver asked skeptically.
"Well… no," I admitted, "but it was defiantly an…illustration of the love your father and I have for each other." That wasn't very clever.
"We know you two love each other already, that wasn't what we wanted to know," Lily stared at me pointedly.
"Okay, my darling, what do you want to know exactly? You know… so we don't misinterpret your questions again," I smiled and quickly looked over to wink at Jasper.
"I want to know when you two finally put all your crap behind you and got together!" She whined like a little girl, apparently for dramatic effect.
"Okay, fine. But this is the part of the story that you two may not like," I started.
February 9th 2001
"Edward, seriously; you've been glued to those two hundred pound medical books for days. You need a break." Jasper sighed dramatically as he flopped down on my couch.
"Jasper, seriously; my midterm is next week! I can't go out tonight." I put my highlighter down and turned around to glare at him from my small dining room table.
"It's going to be so much fun though. It's Garrett's birthday and everyone is getting together at Murphy's and I really think you should take a few hours and have some fun. You did rockin' last semester and I think you owe it to yourself to chill out with this school stuff and be a college student for a night." This was the difference between Jasper and me. While he did his fair share of studying, partying was always on his mind, even when he himself had a midterm the following week.
Lying on his back on the couch, he turned to look over at me and we stared at each other. This had been a common, awkward occurrence in the previous months since our reconciliation.
After that dinner in October, Jasper quickly became the good friend he had been previously, minus the blowjobs. Whenever I had time to socialize, which had been quickly shrinking, Jasper and I would make plans to do something.
As he had promised, he attended the club's event the following night and since then had been a recurring 'member' of our group. I knew at first he was uncomfortable with the idea of being so open about himself in the new social environment, but eventually, after a few gatherings he loosened up and became close friends with certain individuals. He had really taken to Garrett and Leah and spent a lot of his free time with them.
Now that Jasper and I had predominant mutual friends and acquaintances, I found myself always involved with Jasper whenever I had the time to hang out. It was always he and I, or he, I and the group or he, I and a few selected other people, but always him and me.
At the beginning of our newly re-found friendship, I was perfectly content with just being his friend. In October it had seemed that this dark, grey cloud was always following his emotions and personality, but since then that cloud had disappeared and cocky, smart-ass Jasper was back again. Along with the loss of the cloud came the loss of my ability to keep my thoughts about him innocent. While that cloud had been in place it was as if there was a constant reminder that he wasn't ready and was still in pain. But as he came back to me, so did my previous feelings towards him.
But those previous feelings weren't anything serious. They were just a crush and a crush I could deal with.
Soon December had come and we left on our breaks. We stayed actively in touch through email and I became a sort of support system for him throughout his family's ridiculousness.
I thought I had everything under control. The break was perfect because I got my head in order and it no longer seemed to matter that his hair was like silk and his smile was truly dashing and his eyes were like oceans because I had everything under control. Jasper needed a friend and that was exactly what I would be.
And then we came back from break. And he came over to hang out as per usual. And I realized that my feelings were no longer just a crush because hair was like silk and his smile was truly dashing and his eyes were like oceans and he was just flawless and- holy fuck! I loved him. Just like that, it hit me.
I was new to the love thing. Sure, I loved my parents and my sister but this was different. Jasper was different. Every time he casually touched my shoulder or arm the skin under his touch tingled for a moment after. Whenever he laughed I was instantly laughing with him just because it made me. I strived to push his buttons when we disagreed because I loved hearing him debate something he felt truly passionate about. And I wanted to kiss him. All. The. Time.
Realizing I was in love with Jasper was a bonk on the head, and staying in love with him was effortless, but keeping it all under wraps so that I could be the friend that he needed was the single most difficult thing I had ever done. From what I had gathered, we were presently in this limbo of him recovering from Alec and me being his support beam. I then myself rationalizing that Jasper knew that I wanted more from him but was keeping me at arms length until he was ready.
I wasn't completely delusional; it wasn't like I had made this all up. Since we had returned from winter break the atmosphere between Jasper and I had been different. Our gazes caught often and we found reasons to give each other small touches and the time we spent together was more secluded, either at my place or his. Jasper was starting to feel more for me; I could sense it.
But, after weeks of this tiptoe flirting, nothing had happened. I was falling even more desperately in love with this man who, for all I knew, thought of me as his best friend and nothing else.
It wasn't like I knew if he was dating anyone. It had become this sort of voo-doo topic: sex. We didn't talk about anything remotely sexual, at all. As far as I knew he hadn't been out on a single date or had a single hook-up since he returned from Italy. I don't know what I would have done with myself had I found out otherwise.
And here we were, once again, engaged in an awkward, flirtatious gaze trap that made me want to squirm out of my seat. I could feel myself already swooning into his trap of luring me out tonight. The idea of taking a break with him was exceptionally alluring.
I dropped my chin to the back of my chair, finally breaking my eyes away from his and murmured, "What time would we have to leave?"
"Yes!" He jumped up in victory, "You will not regret it, my friend. We leave at eight."
Looking over at the clock, I saw that it was now just after seven. "Okay. I'm going to study for another twenty minutes then hop in the shower. Do not distract me," I said pointedly at him. Jasper was most definitely a distraction all by himself.
"Yes, sir!" He saluted. "I'm just going to grab a smoke on the balcony while you study," he said in a mock English accent. I rolled my eyes and turned back towards my studies although, at that point, trying to focus on biochemistry was futile.
After twenty minutes of reading the same diagram over and over again, I got up and headed for the bathroom for my shower. Another twenty minutes later and I was clean, shaven, dressed and ready to go. I wore a pair of dark jeans and a white button-down shirt with thin, blue vertical lines running down it. It wasn't too cold out so I got out my long black pea-coat and my black leather shoes.
When I finally walked out of my bedroom, Jasper let out a low whistle from his position on my couch.
"You clean up good, bud," he complimented. Immediately, a flush came up from my neck and splashed on my cheeks.
He thinks I'm attractive. This is good, right?
"Yeah, well, just trying to make sure I'm the better half," I said through a chuckle while moving over to my kitchen counter to retrieve my wallet and keys.
"Hey! I look sexy-messy. It's totally hot."
It really truly is.
"Are we taking the bus?" I asked.
"No, we're taking the private limo," he teased, slipping into his leather jacket while I rolled my eyes.
"You could just say 'yes'," I said as I put on my own coat.
"And where would the fun be in that? I love seeing you get all annoyed." He had the biggest shit-eating grin plastered on his face as he walked past me and opened my front door.
"Whatever," I huffed as I walked past him into he hallway. After I locked the door we were on our way out.
There was a live band already playing when Jasper and I walked through the door at eight-forty-five. The only way I could really describe the unknown song was as a 'pub song': smooth, with a strong beat and instantly catchy.
We made our way through the tables until we found the festivities in the back.
"You made it!" Someone said exuberantly. We both turned to see where it had come from and saw Garrett with a beer in one hand, a shot in the other and a paper princess birthday hat on his head.
"Of course!" Jasper assured him and was quickly embraced in a solid hug from Garrett. "Had to convince this one," he gestured to me as they dispersed, "but we made it."
"Edward!" The amount of over-enthusiasm he was expressing was clearly due to the fact that he was drunk. Garrett stepped up to me and pulled me into a gripping hug. "I haven't seen you in forever! You study too much!"
"I made it out tonight, didn't I?" I re-assured him as we pulled away.
"This is definitely the best party to come to. Everyone is here. Leah, Jake, Paul, Bella, Tanya…" he started listing off before Jasper cut him off.
"Why don't we take a gander around and we'll catch up in a bit?" he offered
"Perfect! I'll see you guys la…" Someone who I didn't know had come up to him and started up another conversation before Garrett was able to even finish his sentence.
Jasper and I found seats and put our jackets down then went to the bar to order a pitcher.
"Does he get more ridiculous every time I see him, or do I just not see him enough?" I wondered aloud to Jasper as he poured beer from the jug into each of our cups.
"The latter, definitely. Garrett is one of a kind, but I wouldn't change it for the world. When I'm super grumpy and really irritated with the world I always give him a call and let him give me a lecture on how bitter I am," he smirked as he took a gulp from his plastic cup.
"You're not that bitter," I eyed him mischievously.
"Have you met me? I'm a walking stereotype of an asshole," he used his free hand to gesture to himself.
"I dunno, I think you have some charm in you." I truly believed that he had no idea how irresistible he really was.
"Yeah, I am one alluring bastard, aren't I?" Never mind, the ego was definitely intact. But he was completely right.
"Now you're letting it all go to your head," I bit back. Sarcastic banter was how I usually masked my emotions and tendency to word vomit when I was around Jasper.
"Whatever," he rolled his eyes for show then finished the beer in his cup.
"Hey, boys!" Leah greeted us. She gave Jasper and I each a kiss on the check before turning to the tall, blond, handsome man beside her, "Guys, this is my boyfriend, Eric. Eric, this is Jasper and Edward."
We all exchanged hand-shakes before he somewhat nervously said, "I'm totally cool with what you guys've got going on here. There are a lot of narrow minded people out there but I'm totally down with the gays."
"Well I'm totally down with the straits as well so I guess we're all good." Jasper snapped back. I knew he wasn't genuinely offended because this guy clearly meant no harm, but Jasper always got defensive when he was purposefully singled out because of his sexuality.
"Jasper." Leah and I both said in warning at the same time while Eric looked uncomfortable.
"It's cool, bud. Just as you said, there are a lot of narrow minded people out there," Jasper said casually, probably to ease the tension but it didn't help.
"Don't mind this one, he's just bitter." I threw back at him to slightly ease his frustration and the tension. Turning back to Leah and Eric, I asked them how they met and how long they had been seeing each other while already knowing that it was a new relationship. It took a few beats, but Jasper came around and was his usual self again while he interacted with them.
When they left to go speak with the birthday boy, Jasper turned to the bartender and ordered a bottle of beer. I had three beers from the pitcher and decided that that was sufficient for the evening for me. We went to sit at one of the reserved tables and I eyed Jasper skeptically as he sighed.
"You okay?" I asked.
"I know he was trying to be cool, but it still gets under my skin, you know?" He was leaning into me and speaking in a more hushed tone. I knew he was confiding in me because I had head similar thoughts from him before. "I just hate it that people now feel the need to prove that they're 'cool' with the 'gays'. I mean, I'm happy it's even possible now, as twenty years ago it would have been a completely different story, but I still feel marginalized and different when people make a big deal about showing how 'cool' they are with it. I just wish it didn't matter. Like how some people like blue and others like green. I like men; others like women. Big deal," he shrugged before leaning back and taking a swig of his beer.
"I think people are just nervous. For so long it wasn't socially acceptable and now it's starting to be and it makes people who never cared in the first place nervous." I offered in an attempt to put his frustration at ease.
With help from the group, Jasper had become even more comfortable in his own skin while he was in Seattle. While, before he went to Rome, he hadn't flaunted his sexuality, he hadn't exactly been secure in his own skin. This year, I had really seen him more at peace with himself and it was extremely gratifying for me. The only time I had ever seen him crawl back into his insecurity was through his emails when he was home in Louisiana. He didn't talk about it but I knew the environment he was in when he was home made him miserable.
"It's going to get better, Jas. It already has. We just need to wait it out and keep our heads on straight." My pep talk wasn't very peppy.
"I know, you're right," he said just before taking a long swig of his beer.
"Good. Because although this was a very constructive discussion, you did drag me out to this party and promise me a fun-filled evening; so, enough with the moral talk and let's raise the roof!" I even used hand gestures to signify that last sentiment.
"You've got to get out more," Jasper said through a laugh and I shrugged innocently. He started to get up and I asked him where he was going, "To get us more drinks! I don't care about some bullshit 'but I need to study in the morning' excuse, you're at least getting fun-drunk tonight."
I rolled my eyes as he walked away. Immediately Paul filled the empty seat beside me and we began catching up immediately. Jasper came back over a moment later to drop off my drink but then was off to chat with another group.
Throughout the evening we found ourselves apart from each other but our eyes would casually meet and hold each other from time to time. Even after he waved or gave me a slight smirk and turned away I found myself staring at him for a few more lingering moment, just to observe him naturally.
It was while I was talking with Leah that I found myself once again lingering on him from across the room. "Edward." I heard her say my name followed by a tug on my shirt before I returned my full attention to her.
"I'm sorry, what were you saying? I got lost in thought for a moment," I white-washed easily. Lying about my feelings for Jasper was like second nature.
"You've got it bad," she commented with a raised eyebrow.
"I- What- I… huh?" was what I finally settled upon.
"Jasper, Edward. You can't take your eyes off him," she said as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
"I- I wasn't… I mean- I don't know what you're talking about." I felt like child caught in a lie. My entire body was panicking. My heart was racing. I felt sweat at my brow line. My eyes were shifting across the room uncontrollably. Never had I ever talked about my feeling for Jasper with anyone. Ever.
"Edward, it's okay. I'm not going to tell anyone," she put a hand on my arm to sooth me.
I was silent for a long time, debating what I should say next. Finally, while staring at the wall past her shoulder, I ventured, "Is it obvious?"
Bringing my eyes to hers she shook her head. "I've noticed it for a while, whenever you two are together. At first I though you were just really close friends, but the more I paid attention, the more I knew it was more for you," she said calmly.
"Is it just me?" I asked somewhat desperately. Leah was most definitely closer to Jasper than I.
"I don't know. He's never said anything to me. I can't really tell," she said honestly.
I nodded a few time in comprehension, "'Kay."
We were then joined by a group of people who insisted we partake in tequila shots. Being slightly buzzed already, I didn't see the harm in doing one and then calling it quits for the evening afterward.
Jasper came over to me after and wrapped his arm about my shoulder. "Having fun?" he some what yelled into my ear over the music. My cheeks automatically flushed at his closeness and I think I let out a giggle. "Told ya' you'd have fun!" By the way, he was slouching into my side and I could tell that he was rather drunk.
"This really was a good idea. Thanks for making me come out," I said. He quickly leaned in and lightly bonked his forehead with mine before leaving me again to go and talk to a brunette who I didn't know.
I wasn't able to dwell on that for longer than a second, though, as Paul and Jake soon joined me. We got into a deep discussion about what we all were planning to do after we graduated in the spring and our life goals – you know, drunken deep conversations.
The topic shifted to current music then to film then television then sports, all the while randoms would float in and out of the conversation when convenient.
My eyes soon found the clock on the back of the bar and it read one a.m. I had cut myself off at least an hour prior and was able to now determine that it was probably time for me to consider heading out. It also suddenly made me very aware that I hadn't gone to the bathroom all evening and that I was in dire need to 'break the seal' as Jasper would say.
Speaking of Jasper, I hadn't spotted him in a while but that usually meant that he was outside taking a smoke. To his word, he had cut down but during social occasions he would smoke much more than he normally would on his own.
Excusing myself, I went to the back of the bar where there was a hallway that led to the bathrooms. After using the urinal and washing my hands, I went to exit the bathroom. The minute the door was open I heard the distinct noise of two people going at it at the end of the hallway in front of the emergency exit. Shrugging, I gave the couple in questions one glace out of curiosity before continuing on my way. Or, at least, that's what I had planned on doing.
That quick glance captured a head of crazy beach blond waves and, on an impulse, I found myself stopping and actually looking at the couple. Complete and utter dread filled my system.
The hallway wasn't very well lit but the glow of the exit sign was enough for me to take in exactly what I was seeing. Jasper had the brunette from earlier pressed again the wall while their hands roamed each other and their lips were anchored to one another. It wasn't just their lips either; it was their tongues.
I felt my chest physically wheeze. It felt like someone was standing on my ribs and the bones were digging into my heart. I never knew heartbreak literally felt like my heart was breaking. My nose felt tingly as I waited for the tears to blur my vision. I wanted to sit down but, more than that, I wanted to get out of there.
For some reason my feet had been rooted to that spot. My eyes had been glued to the horrific image in front of me, but no more. I didn't say anything to anyone as I approached the bar, paid off my tab and went to retrieve my coat.
"You're leaving?" Leah asked.
"But it's so early!" Garrett yelled from across the table.
"I have to study in the morning," was all I said as I slipped on my coat.
"Get home safe, Edward!" Garrett nearly yelled, to which I scrunched my brows.
"See you later?" Leah looked concerned.
"Yup. Bye." I just needed to get out of there, get home and die. I could barely hold the tears in as I headed for the door.
"Bye, Edward!" I head Paul yell after me.
I turned to give him a quick wave but didn't get a chance as my eyes immediately focused on Jasper coming from the back hallway, his shirt crumpled and a worried look was on his face. His eyes found mine right away and the pain in my chest sharpened dramatically. Looking at him no longer infatuated me; it was breaking me.
Taking one last, blurred glance at him, as the tears were now on their way and there was nothing I could do to stop them; I shook my head twice in complete devastation and left the bar.
I had to get myself into a cab, as the bus service wasn't running anymore, and home before I completely lost it. I needed to be alone. There were no cabs in sight and that just furthered my frustration and pain. I just wanted to be away from here, from the brunette and, especially, from Jasper.
I had so naïvely thought that, when Jasper was ready for more again, I would have been that person to be more with. I was such a fool.
Defeated, I started walking toward the direction of my apartment in hopes that some time along the way I would see a taxi and catch a ride then.
"Edward!" I heard him yell. Couldn't he just fucking tell that I wanted to be alone? I didn't stop walking.
"Edward!" Again he yelled, this time closer. I heard his footsteps running behind me. "Wait!"
"I'm going home. I have to study in the morning." I got out coldly but loud enough for him to hear without having to turn around.
"No! Wait!" He was a few feet away from me now and the fact that he wanted me to wait for him just fucking boggled my mind.
Spinning around, I had a few tears already running down my face and before I could even control it, I was practically screaming, "I've been waiting, Jasper!"
He stared at me with wide eyes, completely stunned. It was like a bomb had suddenly gone off and I couldn't stop myself.
"I've been waiting because, in October, you said you weren't ready! And that was okay. I understood. And I've been understanding ever since!" I was definitely yelling at him. "What the fuck do you think we've been doing this whole time? I've been fucking waiting for you! So, no, Jasper, I will not wait. I'm done. You want to go hook up with randoms while I just wait for you? I won't do it! I fucking love you!"
There was silence between us. My body was on complete overdrive with emotions; anger, sadness, betrayal. I felt physical pain everywhere. It didn't even occur to me that I had just told Jasper that I loved him. If our friendship was at least standing before, it had crumbled now.
"Edward, I…" he had nothing to say. Nothing at all.
"And you know what the worst part is? Had Garrett and Paul not yelled goodbye to me, you'd probably be going home with that guy tonight." I barely got it out through the sobs that I found myself choking out.
The only sound was of my broken breathing as we stared at each other. Jasper with wide sorrowful eyes and mine glazed over with complete hopelessness. He didn't say anything at all; he just stood there as I saw everything and anything we had disintegrate.
Finally, not being able to take it anymore, I closed my lids and felt fat tears fall down my cheeks. Shaking my head as an attempt to clear my thoughts, I said quietly, "I'm going home. Goodnight, Jasper." Then I turned around and didn't look back as I left Jasper standing there.
March 26th 2033
"You're right. I don't like this part of the story," Lily said to her lap. She had long since stopped eating her breakfast.
"Me either," Oliver said very seriously, "I hate hearing about you guys fighting."
"PJ… how could you have…?" Lily couldn't even get out the words.
"Can I finish this part of the story?" Jasper asked me softly and I nodded.
"You just want to tell them the happy part of the story," I smirked.
"The happy part? Thank god; 'cause, so far, this is the worst way to start my morning," Oliver commented.
"Well, hopefully this'll make it up," Jasper began.
February 10th 2001 JPOV
I had fucked up. I had really fucked up.
There were no other words forming in my brain to say to Edward as I saw him walk away from me. The night had been great and, so easily, it had been ruined.
When I had returned from Italy in July, I had been a real wreck. I'd had to literally walk away from Alec at the security gate with the knowledge that I would never see him again. Both of us had tears in our eyes and on our cheeks and I couldn't remember the last time I had cried. The plane ride was hell. The woman beside me had finally started silently passing tissues to me an hour in, after she'd noticed my moist cheeks. I don't think I even thanked her.
Retuning to Zachary was like a slap in the face. I had been so empowered while in Europe and the moment I stepped back home I had immediately felt the suffocation of the small town surround me. The remainder of the summer I spent working at the local diner where I felt myself feeling more and more numb. My parents, especially my Dad, had begun to comment on my sullen demeanor. He said that I should "stop being a weak fag" and to "go meet a fun girl down at the bar to loosen up." Enough said.
Alec and I attempted to stay in touch, but after the first initial emails and online chats we realized it was much harder than to simply break away for good.
When I returned to school, Rosalie made more of an effort to check in on me if not every day then every other day. I hadn't spoken much to her over to summer as Emmett and she were still getting their lives organized in California. Being able to really talk to her again helped, but I still found myself passing life by everyday.
Then I bumped into Edward. Literally. We'd gone out for dinner and for the first time since returning back to the States I felt a little normal.
Edward was outgoing and full of confidence and it was strangely endearing. Other than his new-found personality he was still the same old Edward who studied until his eyes fell shut and only had one beer with his meal. Oh, and, of course, he was still tragically handsome as always.
I hadn't realized how much I had missed this. Not just Edward, but going out with a friend and just hanging out.
When Edward suggested I come to his group-function thing, I was immediately uncomfortable. Although I knew people were much more understanding here than back home, being so visibly vulnerable within a matter that was highly "controversial" made me nervous. Edward picked up on this right away and reassured me that it was a cool environment and that I didn't have to go or continue going if I didn't like it. I was very glad that I had decided to join.
Walking Edward home, I hadn't realized until his lips were pressed against mine that perhaps he had thought that this was something more. I adored Edward in every possible way; he was gorgeous with a whip-smart personality and a sense of humor that was to die for but I was just not ready.
Just before he was about to run his tongue over my lips I had to break away from him and tell him that, although part of me did want to, a larger part of me was still broken and dead from another. He understood and I was relieved because, like I said; I adored him.
Months past and Edward became a large part of my life. He'd helped me integrate myself into the Gay-Straight Alliance group and I was so happy that he did. The people there were miraculous and made me truly think that our future may not be as narrow minded and hateful as I had previously predicted. I found myself with a new group of friends and a new life.
Edward had become my confidante and I don't think he realized how much I relied on him. Over the months, I found myself wanting to simply spend more and more time with him, even if that time was spent in the library silently studying. I was completely infatuated by him.
But, even though I spent most of my time with him and was definitely attracted to him, the idea of moving forward still pulled at my chest and left me feeling slightly breathless and uneasy.
When I returned back to school from the winter break I noticed a shift in Edward's and my relationship. Gazes lingered, soft, innocent touches were exchanged and at the same time he became more withdrawn from me. I could tell he was, on some level, uncomfortable being around me.
A month of this passed and it was taking a toll on me. I had a much stronger urge to move forward with Edward. It was like I was suddenly realizing how truly hot he was and how funny he was. I just needed a bit more time. I didn't want to jump into something with him then realize I wasn't ready only to hurt his feelings and our friendship in the process.
I was glad I had convinced him to come out to Garrett's party. The evening was a blast and every time I looked over to him I could tell he was enjoying himself. Because he was so pale, every time he drank an immediate flush would come over his cheeks so I could tell he was at least buzzed. Throughout the evening our eyes would catch each other and I would always find myself smirking at how connected I felt to him in those moments.
At some point in the evening I had been introduced to Felix, Garrett's brother's best friend. He was funny and hot and I found myself really enjoying his company. He was definitely gay as I had seen him leave lingering looks towards men's asses in the room so maybe this was a perfect opportunity. Each time I spoke to him he seemed interested in potentially something more for the night and that was great because that was all I wanted. I wanted to make sure I was completely back to my normal self before I pursued Edward.
That drunken mentality is what resulted in me pressing Felix up again the wall in the dark hallway near the emergency exit. As I pressed myself and my lips against his I felt exhilarated. I didn't feel the knot in my chest or the burn of unshed tears. It felt like making out with a hot guy. It was fun and exciting and drunkenly sloppy.
He had just begun to dip his fingertips into my jeans when I heard distant yells that sounded a lot like, "get home safe, Edward!"
Edward was leaving?
Pulling my lips away from Felix, he continued down my neck and then I heard again, this time much clearer, "'Bye, Edward!"
I broke away from Felix completely. Why was Edward leaving? Without even coming to say bye?
"Sorry… I have to go," I said quietly before making my way back to the bar.
As I reached the end of the hallway I saw Edward at the door. He was turned towards me and our eyes met. From my distance I couldn't really read his facial expression but I could definitely see the predominant frown scrunching his forehead. Something had happened.
He shook his head in what appeared to be disappointment then left. Something had definitely happened.
I quickly grabbed my coat from where I had stashed it and dashed ran after him. My head literally felt light and my body felt clumsy but I managed to catch up with him. I called after him and asked him to wait because I wanted to know what had happened. But he didn't turn around and instead he threw back a cold, "I have to study" bullshit response.
Was he mad at me? Did he see Felix and me? I hadn't meant to ditch him.
He was still walking away. I ran a bit faster to catch up to him and again asked him to wait. My stomach felt like it was rock; I hated this. I hated that he was upset with me.
Then, suddenly, he was facing me and he was yelling. I don't think I had ever seen Edward like that. As he practically screamed at me in the middle of the sidewalk I hoped for that sudden stroke of soberness I had heard so much about when people had to deal with serious crap when they were drunk. But it never came. I was drunk and he was yelling and suddenly he said he loved me and after all his yelling was done my fuzzy mind could only conjure up, "Edward, I…"
He loved me. But he also said he was done with me. All because I had made out with Felix?
Is that why he had been acting weird? He loved me? How had I not fucking figured it out?
"And you know what the worst part is? Had Garrett and Paul not yelled goodbye to me, you'd probably be going home with that guy tonight." And he was right. He was sobbing and in so much pain because I had tried to be better for him.
Then he was walking away.
And there we were, ladies and gentlemen. I was standing in the middle of the sidewalk drunk, confused and, unfortunately, still horny from earlier.
I had fucked up. I had really fucked up.
My first conscious thought was that my head was killing me. The second was water. I desperately needed water.
Opening my eyes, I stared at my ceiling and was so glad that I had closed my curtains last night before I went out.
Mentally bracing myself, I literally rolled out of bed and stumbled into some boxers before making my way to the bathroom. I filled up the cup we kept in the bathroom and chugged it back then did it again five times more.
Turning the shower on, I waited until it was decently warm then shucked my boxers and hopped in. It was only after I had been standing under the spray for at least ten minutes straight before the events of last night really came back to me.
Looking back, I broke the night's events down into a few key points. First, Edward loved me. Second, I knew I was ready to try with Edward. Unfortunately the third point was that I completely destroyed that last night. And finally, fourth, Edward was really scary when he blew up at someone.
I understood why he was so visibly upset with me. When we had met in October I had turned down his advances then but I never denied having something more with him in the future. I suppose he was right in asking what I thought we were doing. I guess I thought we were friends… with a history… and maybe something more? I didn't know what I thought.
Finally, I started to wash myself. After I had gotten home the night before, I sat on our small balcony and chain smoked two packs, then finished off the beer I had in our fridge. To say I smelled bad was an understatement.
After my shower I went back to my room and got dressed. I looked at the clock and saw it was eleven in the morning. After dressing myself, I really didn't feel like eating anything so I sat down on my bed and sighed. I had really gotten myself into a pickle.
I wanted something more with Edward. He was simply… amazing. I knew I had fucked up with him, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I didn't owe Edward anything. Sure, there was some sort of weird thing between us but we were just friends and had I wanted to go off with someone it wasn't his place to be angry with me.
He was right to be hurt, I had definitely hurt his feelings; but what I did didn't deserve his anger.
Being able to think it through clearer this morning made me want to talk to him. I hadn't been able to say anything last night because I was so utterly shocked but now, I was competent and I wanted to see him. I wanted to really discuss what had happened and if there was any chance for me to make it up to him.
I knew he was home studying so I bit the bullet and gathered my things to head over to his place. Making sure to grab my sunglasses before I left, I trekked the familiar walk up 15th Avenue then over one block. Walking into the main foyer, I punched in his buzzer number.
After a few rings he picked up, "Hello?"
"It's me." I said. There was a long pause on the other side but eventually I heard the click that indicated he'd buzzed me up.
Heading to the second floor, I walked to his door not far down the hall and knocked. I heard movement on the other side and then heard the lock unlock and then I was met with a very disheveled Edward.
He was still in his pajama bottoms and a worn in grey t-shirt while his hair was sticking up in all directions. He had bags under his eyes and he looked pale overall.
"Hi," I said shyly.
"Hi," he said in a monotone. His arm was holding open the door and his body was blocking the entryway.
Clearing my throat I asked cautiously, "Can we talk?"
"I don't know, Jasper. I'm… uh, kind of busy." He still hadn't moved his body and the more I took him in the more he just looked completely destroyed.
"Please, Edward." I needed to make this better. I felt completely open and vulnerable. I hadn't even entertained the idea of not having Edward in my life yet and the possibility made me sick.
He looked at me skeptically for a few moments then nodded gently before he opened the door wider and stepped aside for me to enter. Walking past him, I didn't want to overstep my bounds so I stayed in the kitchen. He closed the door and walked to the other side of the island then rested his forearms on the counter-top while remaining standing. I stood uncomfortably in the middle of the kitchen while he just gazed down at his hands.
"I'm sorry," I started. "I'm really sorry, Edward. I truly don't know what I was thinking these past few months. I didn't know you felt that way about me or I would have- I never wanted to hurt you." I finished. He wasn't looking at me. Apparently his hands were very interesting.
"Yeah, well, now you know," he murmured before turning away from me completely and facing the windows in his living room. He had a hint of anger in his voice and that frustrated me.
"I know I hurt your feelings and I'm sorry for that, but come on. I didn't owe you anything, Edward. We weren't together. I know there were implications but nothing had happened and, last I checked, we were friends so I really don't think I deserve this anger you have towards me," I said bitterly.
"You're right, you don't owe me anything," he agreed quietly to the room. "I just thought that-" he cut himself off then was silent.
"You thought what?"
"I thought that if you were ready to move on that-" he paused for a moment, "that it would be with me." He was just whispering but I heard it clearly in the otherwise silent room.
"I'm sorry, I just-" and before I could finish, he cut me off.
"I'm not mad at you, Jasper," he sighed before he turned to face me again. "I just don't know how to talk to you right now."
"What the fuck does that mean?" I demanded.
"It means I need time," he said sternly. The sudden strength in his voice took me by surprise.
"Fuck, time!" I took a few steps closer towards him, "You want to know why I was hooking up with Felix? It was because I wanted to make sure when I asked you to be with me that I could really be with you. I didn't want to lead you on only to later freak out and hurt your feelings!" I was getting louder but I was nowhere near yelling. "I guess I managed to do that anyways." I exhaled and ran my hand through my hair as I shifted my gaze to different areas in the room.
"Oh, did your little test work, then?" He asked all snarky.
"Yes!" I found myself exclaiming.
"So, I caught you hooking up, freaked out on you, told you I love you," he laughed humorlessly, "and you come up with a brilliant excuse that you were just "preparing" yourself for me. Okay," he scoffed.
My eyes snapped to his face and I didn't say anything until I had his full attention, "I'm not lying. I have never lied to you, Edward. I'm truly sorry for hurting your feelings but I still want to be with you. I want to try," as I had been talking I subconsciously crept forward and now there was only about two feet separating us.
He looked so conflicted as he shook his head in disbelief.
"I don't know what to say- what to do," he confessed. My body relaxed in relief. I took two steps closer to him then tentatively wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck while my thumbs rested on his cheeks. His hands rose a few times as if to rest them on my hips but each time they dropped right back down. He was staring at the floor and his breaths were coming in shallow pants.
"I want to fix this. I want to try. Please let's try this. I know this was a shitty start but I want to do this. I want to be with you. The thought of losing you completely makes me sick, please-" I was definitely rambling and the only thing that cut me off was the fact that Edward had finally brought his hands to rest on my hips while bringing his forehead to mine.
We stayed like that for a while, just breathing and being completely enthralled in one another.
"Okay," he finally whispered and I couldn't contain the growing smile on my face.
"Okay?" I asked for confirmation.
"Okay," he confirmed.
Immediately, I brought his mouth forward and captured his lips with mine. It was exactly as I had remembered it but so much better. We weren't dicking around this time, we were going to work at this and hopefully last.
It was Edward who deepened the kiss by running his tongue along my lower lip. Instead of shutting him out this time I surrendered to his request by opening my mouth.
As we kissed, one of my hands slithered up into his hair while the other slid down to pull at the collar of his t-shirt. Breaking his kiss, I trailed down his cheek and throat moving his t-shirt collar even more to give me enough room to suck on the base of his neck.
"Jasper," he sighed then ran his hands up and down my still coat-covered chest. I hummed in response while suckling on random spots on his neck.
"Jasper," he said again, this time in a breathy laugh.
"Yes," I murmured while bringing my head back up to him and resting my forehead once again on his.
"As much as I want this, and believe me, I do, I can't," he laughed at my groan. "We should do this right; I don't want to rush into anything. That and I really have to study for my midterm."
I rolled my eyes, of-fucking-course. "Alright, genius boy. How about this: your midterm is Wednesday, right?" He confirmed. "Okay then, Wednesday night we're going on a date. A real date. No dicking around this time."
"That sounds nice," he breathed then leaned forward to lightly press his lips against mine.
March 26th 2033
They were definitely not impressed.
"That's it?" Lily asked.
"Well… kind of, but that's when we finally got together." I tried to suppress my laughter at my children's rather unimpressed expressions.
"Guys, that was really anti-climatic. I mean, you guys! Come on!" Oliver gasped over-dramatically, to which we both laughed.
"Do you really want to hear about the passion?" Edward asked with a smirk.
"Um… no." Oliver rolled his eyes then got up to place his dish in the dishwasher.
"I mean, really? That's it?" Lily asked again.
"For now, yes. But this was really when we first came together as an actual couple," Edward insisted as he stretched his arms out, resting his left on the back of my chair. Peeping down at my watch I saw that I had ten minutes before I had to be walking out the door.
"'Gotta get going?" Edward asked.
"Yeah, sorry. See you tonight?" I turned to look at him as he nodded. Leaning forward, I gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before getting up to put my own plate in the dishwasher as well.
"You know, I totally would have thought there would have been more screaming and crying during that confrontation. You two were way too civil. Just a tip: for that epic romance novel? You should definitely rewrite that scene- OW!" He exclaimed.
Lily had gotten up and joined us in the kitchen and, while Oliver had been speaking, smacked him over the head.
"Jesus, Lil!" He said as he rubbed the back of his head. "Use your words."
"And you've got to learn to not use yours," she bit back and we laughed.
"You guys are just going to stand by and accept this domestic violence?" Oliver raised his eyebrow.
"I did warn you, Oliver, and you totally deserved that."
"Worst parenting ever!" He mocked before walking off towards his room.
Lily walked past me to put her own dish in the dishwasher and I held up my hand for her to high-five. "Nice." I complimented, to which she met my hand.
"This. Right here," Edward used his finger to gesture between us, "totally fucked up."
Hope you guys liked the chapter :)