A Plan is All It Will Take

The Losers, Jensen, utter fail at asking Cougar out

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary : Jensen is using military precision to plan exactly how he's going to ask Cougar out. Things just don't pan out quite the way he planned though.

A Plan Is All It Will Take

Day 1

A plan, that's what he needs, you know like military maneuvers or something. Planning. Jensen has done everything Clay told him and has even gone so far as to quietly leave his intel in a manila folder on Clay's desk – no muss, no fuss. Clay's in a meeting with the top brass and he'll be in a bad mood by the time he gets out, so Jensen figures it's better to stay clear for as long as he can while simultaneously doing as he's told.

He heads out thinking that what he needs for this plan is peace and quiet and trying to work out the best location for that . . . The few times Jensen has had to sit on a roof beside Cougar while he hacked and Cougar sniped, it's always been pretty quiet, so maybe that's where he should go, plus the association of it in his mind with Cougs should help, right?

Jensen has barely got himself settled back to the wall, eyes closed as he tries to start imagining the scenario in his head and following it through to a logical conclusion. He's just barely getting started when hands grip the front of his shirt and pull him upright, where, as his eyes snap open in shock, he finds himself face to face with Cougar who is glaring at him.

"Coug?" he almost squeaks, voice high pitched with the surprise and shock and . . . well just the whole of everything. He was thinking about Cougar and now here the man is. Cougar pushes him towards the side of the building he'd scaled earlier and with a nod indicates that Jensen should 'get the fuck down'. It was definitely a determined enough nod for the added expletive Jensen's mind tells him.

Back down on the ground, Cougar shoves him in the direction of their barracks and doesn't give him time to think. The man's clearly pissed about something, although hell if Jensen knows what it is at this point.

All becomes clear later when Cougar snaps something about practical jokes and the brass and being kicked out or court-martialed or some shit like that. Jensen hadn't really thought about the fact that climbing on the roof of the central offices may not have been his brightest idea, but at least he can console himself with the fact that he hadn't intended any trouble; not that Roque and Cougar are listening as they have him running laps in the rain. It's not often they pull rank on him, not often Cougar shops him to someone higher so he figures he'll forgive him for this because seriously no one else would have been so reasonable about finding him up there.

Day Two

Jensen slept well last night so he figures waking bright eyed and bushy-tailed and he just knows that today will be the day, today will be the one when he figures out just how to get Cougar to go out with him.

Well, he did think that, right up until Clay set him to work breaking firewalls and passwords until his brain was ready to melt out of his ears.

Twelve hours without a break and then Cougar (God, Jensen is going to worship the ground he walks on forever for this) brought him sustenance before he got back to work for another eight hours. After which he needs Cougar's help to make it to bed, because he's so fatigued and his eyes ache and his head hurts and he can't think straight at all.

He collapses on his front, still clothed and is asleep within . . . well he was probably asleep before he actually hit the bed in honesty.

Day Three

Jensen doesn't wake up until gone eleven and at that point, his brain still hasn't recovered and he wants to eat and sleep again, or at least slump in front of some Star Trek repeats or something. One thing he most definitely doesn't want to do is have to think and plan and to make it even more difficult Cougar is every-fucking-where.

Actually that's not quite true. Jensen hasn't moved since Cougar dragged him out of bed and forced food into him. Where Cougar left him is pretty much where Jensen stayed, so it's probably less a matter of Cougar being everywhere and more a matter of him keep coming in to check that Clay's orders haven't actually melted Jensen's brain and that at some point it will start to ooze slowly out of his ears, dripping and dribbling down to his shoulders before anyone can do anything to stop it.

Day Four

Jensen's more or less fully recovered from yesterday's brain melt and so he's pretty determined that today is going to be the day when he comes up with the plan and succeeds in putting it into action. He's up and cheerfully amusing himself in what passes for a kitchen. It's not what you'd called well-equipped but then again, most people would probably use the mess so it's not normally a big issue.

He found some bacon and some eggs and bread – total win! So there he is happily frying away and not really thinking about the heat of the cooking or the smoke rising langorously from the bacon or the smoke alarm or the actual time of day . . . so Clay's appearance in boxers, closely followed by Roque who is brandishing a knife that actually does put the fear of God into Jensen.

So he pretty much agrees with the stream of invective when they point out that oh-four-hundred is no goddamned time to be cooking and setting off smoke alarms, but he's not overly surprised when he finds himself outside in the rain, doing push-ups and running laps while Roque watches from the window.

By the time, Roque lets him back in, Jensen never wants to see another piece of bacon in his life. He's soaked to the skin, freezing cold and is shivering so much he can't get the laces on his boots undone.

Suddenly Cougar appears at his side and casts a sidelong glare at Roque before bending down to unravel the mess Jensen has made of trying to undo his boots and then proceeds to help him undo the rest of his clothes till he's left in just a t-shirt and his boxers and then . . . then Cougar (and if it were possible, Jensen would love him even more for this) turns the shower to warm, checks it and helps Jensen right the way up to the shower door.

When he comes out of the bathroom, Jensen is warm and damp but no longer dripping wet, thankfully, and he's dressed in the dry sweats and t-shirt that Cougar had brought for him. He's grateful, immensely so, but it takes him a while to track the other man down and by the time he does, he's sneezing pretty much continuously. Fuck Roque and his over-excessive punishments, after all, it wasn't like he'd set the smoke alarm off on purpose, he hadn't even realised how early it was.

Cougar's hand is on his forehead and he's guiding him to a chair and telling him to sit and rest and Jensen hasn't got the energy left to argue. Maybe if he just sits here quietly, he can figure out his plan. His whole body jerks forward with a huge sneeze and he whines a little in protest at his aching muscles, but mere moments later Cougar is back with hot, sweet tea and a blanket and Jensen doesn't know where he's going to fit any more admiration and love for the man in front of him. "Coug," he starts, voice a heavy rasp.

"Sssh, amigo, drink your tea and rest," he coasts his hand back through Jensen's still damp hair and Jensen can't find the words to say just how truly awesome that feels.

"Don't go," he mutters and as Cougar sits beside him, he allows his head to drop on to Cougar's shoulder, immensely grateful when Cougar's arm slips around his back and his hand slides back into his hair. It doesn't take long for him to slip into a sleep.

Day Seven

So Jensen lost three days of planning, preparation and doing to being sick, thanks to Roque and he's not going to forgive him for that any time soon. In fact it doesn't seem like anyone is going to forgive him for that any time soon. Clay is furious that they've had to delay the impending mission, because seriously that was better than making do with a temporary tech guy and Jensen's been so out of it that it wasn't just a matter of struggling through, between the coughing and the bleary eyes and the ridiculously high temperatures that led to hallucinations, then Jensen ached and ended up looking somewhat like a discarded rag doll on the couch. Cougar hasn't forgiven him for letting Jensen get into this state and Clay and Pooch have got between the two men more than once to make sure no one ends up dead. When Jensen's lucid enough to realize what's going on, he's able to fake the odd coughing fit or weakly call Cougar's name to help disperse the atmosphere of imminent warfare.

So in between some slightly ridiculous plans that even Jensen thinks might be a little OTT and is going to chalk up to either his high temperature or his cold meds; seriously even Jensen now thinks hiring a skywriter seems a little extreme; Jensen finally has something that is looking like a pretty decent plan.

So why the hell is everything conspiring against him?

"Coug'r?" Jensen says hoarsely and has the man in question's instant attention. "Wanted to ask you someth-" Jensen's words are cut off by a hacking cough that doesn't let up, until Cougar has maneuvered him to sit up properly and is rubbing gentle circles on his back, and if he didn't need it so much because of the coughs, it would feel absolutely awesome and if it weren't for the wretched blocked sinuses Jensen's pretty sure Cougar would smell awesome too.

"Sssh, Jensen, rest." By the time the coughing has eased, Jensen knows he isn't up to any lengthy conversation and it has to go right, he knows he needs to get his words just right so he convinces Cougar that it's a truly awesome idea from the start. He doesn't really notice as Cougar pulls him back into resting against him and it doesn't take long for him to fall asleep, not as recovered as he liked to be.

Day Eight

Jensen knows he's on the mend and now he just needs to figure out the actual words he's going to say. Cougar's been awesome, he's really looked out for Jensen, way more than mere team-mateship would normally imply. It gives Jensen a little swell of hope inside that if he can just get the words out, this is actually going to work.

Day Ten

Jensen is determined that today is the day and as such he even manages to coerce Cougar into accompanying him on some errands, using the argument that if Cougar comes too, he'll be done quicker and Cougar will save him from getting distracted from his task. Cougar gives a small smirk before nodding and grabbing his hat ready to join Jensen.

It's day ten since Jensen made his plan or rather didn't make his plan or maybe it should be made his plan to make a plan and whatever . . . that point isn't really important, the ten-ness of it is what's important; the plan was never supposed to drag on this long so Jensen has to take action soon and be done. He needs to put himself out of his misery. He is determined as he climbs into the car.

He makes small talk on the way into the small mall that isn't too far from the military base. And it isn't long before they're heading side by side for the doors. Jensen is a little surprised when Cougar steps ahead to open the door for him, but it gives him a bit of a warm rush inside, that has him throwing a smile of thanks to Cougar. The warm feeling almost solidifies as Cougar's hand rests gently for a brief moment on the small of his back.

They wander through the mall, picking up the things Jensen has come for, browsing in a few other shops as they go. Jensen elicits one of Cougar's broadest smiles when he drags him excitedly into a design your own t-shirt shop. Cougar gives a slight shake of the head, that in a romantic and utterly teenage-girl kind of way, Jensen is sure is affectionate. Sometimes he wonders if he reads too much into Cougar's smiles. He leaves having left an order for a couple of t-shirts he wants made and Cougar still seems to be happy alongside him.

Their hands occasionally brush against each other as they walk and Jensen falls silent as he imagines what it would be like to actually be able to walk down the street holding hands, but that's not going to happen any time soon. The military isn't going to tolerate that, not so close to the base . . . what kind of message is it going to send out after all.

Jensen begins to wonder whether he's doing the right thing making a plan to ask Cougar out. He's asking the man to love him and then to live a secret life; together all the while as friends and only occasionally as anything more depending on the life-threatening situation they find themselves in. He's asking for them both to live permanently with the risk of watching the other hurt, watching the other die.

He shudders so suddenly violent that Cougar is moving closer, a hand to his shoulder and pulling him in. "Jensen?" he says, and Jensen shudders again as he feels his plans falling apart, because seriously just the thought of what could happen hurts, just the vague prospect of it. Jensen's certain he can't make Cougar suffer through something like that. He loves Cougar too much.

He closes his eyes for a few moments and tries to regain his equilibrium, but Cougar's arm is around his shoulder and guiding him out of the mall and back to the car. He hasn't managed to get a word out by the time Cougar has retrieved the key from his jacket pocket, got him in the passenger seat and left the mall parking lot.

Jensen knows now for certain that he can't ask Cougar for anything; it wouldn't be fair. There are too many what ifs, too many disasters waiting to happen. He can't put that on someone else's shoulders. He turns his face as if he's looking out of the window and bites his lips as in actual fact he just turns over and over and over in his mind all the horrendous things that could happen to Cougar and how he would feel and he knows that it doesn't matter anymore whether he tells Cougar how he feels, it's too late for him because it's not going to change anything, but he iloves/i Cougar too much to risk putting him in the position of hurting as much as Jensen knows he would.

Jensen closes his eyes again, trying to hold back the sudden surge of raw emotion at the thought of losing Cougar combined with the thought of hurting him in anyway. He doesn't hear the car indicator go on or the car pull off the road and onto the verge. He doesn't even feel the car stop and the engine turn off, he's so lost in thoughts of losing or hurting Cougar and the realization that he nearly did that by carrying out his stupid plan.

He does feel when Cougar's arms wrap round him and pull him closer. He feels the warmth and security of being held and wishes he could have this for real. He's mumbling apologies into Cougar's shoulder, when Cougar begins to speak, "Silencio, mi amor. Todo irá bien." Jensen knows enough Spanish to know he's being told to be quiet and he's pretty sure that Cougar just called him love. "Jensen . . ." Cougar's breath is warm against the side of his head, the gentle kiss placed on his temple unmistakable and Jensen tenses. He ican't/i do this to Cougar, but the other man just keeps on with the firm hold he's got on Jensen, the gentle soothing stroke of a hand.

It doesn't take long for Jensen to get himself together enough to pull away from Cougar, no matter how much he actually wants to stay there and take every last moment and memory he can of being held and being cared about. It might not be love, but it's more than he'd actually hoped for.

He pulls a face, a sort of squinty grimace as he straightens himself up, embarrassed and unsure what to say, but Cougar is just there, just being Cougar, just like always. "I- um – I –" Jensen shrugs at a loss as to what he should actually be saying at this point. "Huh . . . I dunno," he finishes.

"Jensen . . . Jake." Jensen looks up sharply at the unexpected use of his first name. Cougar's hand reaches out for him again and Jensen watches it in fascination, wondering where it's going to land, almost surprised when Cougar speaks again, "Jake . . . I think we both have feelings for each other. I think we both want the same thing."

"Huh?" Jensen looks up again, forgetting all about Cougar's hand in the shock of the words he thinks he's hearing. "Did you just say . . ." he goes quiet, because the plan was to talk about this and then it wasn't because it might hurt Cougar but if Cougar is saying he's already got feelings and . . . God this is getting confusing!

Cougar's fingers trace lightly down Jensen's jaw, drawing him closer, closer, close enough for the lightest of kisses before Cougar sits back with a smile and those soft seductive eyes that Jensen sometimes thinks he could drown in.

"But . . . I wasn't going to tell you!" Jensen suddenly blurts out.

"Weren't going to tell me what?" Cougar asks.

"I love you," Jensen's exclaimed the words before he had chance to stop himself, bringing up a hand to slap himself on the head a few times, but Cougar's caught the hand brought it to his own lips and kissed it. "It's gonna hurt though," Jensen can't hold back the fear, because he doesn't want to have to live what that kind of hurt, but he wants to cause it even less.

"What?" Cougar asks.

"When one of us gets hurt, if we do this, when one of us gets injured or . . . or . . ." He doesn't even want to think the word 'dies' let alone actually vocalize it. "It's gonna hurt, Cougs . . . I don't want to do that to you."

Cougar smiles like Jensen is stating the obvious, "Too late, mi amor, too late." He slips a hand behind Jensen's neck and pulls him close again, kisses him again and Jensen gives in and relaxes into the kiss and then returns it with equal fervor.

Jensen's lost all track of the time when Cougar pulls back again. "We should return," Cougar says quietly.

"Guess so . . . God, Cougs . . ." Jensen is staring wide-eyed and unbelieving at the man before him. "I wanted this . . . I wanted to ask you . . ." He turns away again and repeats, "I wanted to ask you . . ."

"The answer is yes," Cougar replies. "Always yes."

Jensen smiles as he looks back, a cheeky look replacing the angsty one of a moment before. "Always?" he asks, grinning. Cougar winks and reaches for the ignition. Jensen laughs as he leans back. "You totally ruined my plan, you know, by getting all forward with the kissing!"

"You had a plan?"

Jensen snorts mock-derisively. "Of course I had a plan. I had a plan that I had planned with evil planning-like military precision. I was totally gonna knock you off your feet with the awesomeness of my plan, you know."

"I'm sure."

"I was!" Jensen's voice holds a note of exasperation. "I did plan!"

"I'm sure you did. And how long did it take you to make this plan?"

"Not that long . . . You just jumped the gun with the whole kissing thing . . . I mean not that I'm complaining exactly, 'cause the kissing was okay, better than okay . . . I'd be happy to practice some more with you some time. Improve the technique and all that."

Jensen knows from the look that Cougar gives him that he is amused, but he can tell that Cougar hasn't forgotten what he said about it hurting. Jensen figures that maybe what Cougar isn't putting into words is that the hurt is for the future, but that right now, they can have this . . . the good bit first.