EM: Getting reviews is like watching money fall from the sky. I will love you. But in the end, that choice is up to you. Also there will be references in here to my two previous stories which this one connects with, In Seconds and Minutes and Coming Home. Please consider reading them first. And for those of you who have, welcome back to my continuing love affair of Tony and Ziva.

Disclaimer: Truly, truly if I owned NCIS my name would be among the credits. "Royals and Loyals" belongs to its creator.

What He Really Meant

3 months later…

It had been three months since she had left the hospital and it had been one week after the release before she had actually returned to work. Gibbs had pushed her into taking two weeks off to recuperate fully. She only took a week. She had spent enough time doing nothing in the hospital. So she returned a week later to Gibbs unhappy face, Tim's worried one and Tony's unsurprised one.

When she had first walked into the bullpen, she knew she was home. Hearing the elevator ding her floor, walking out into the light of the room, seeing the bullpen and everyone in it. Her empty desk she would be happy to fill. And when she had sat down, taking in her computer, a fresh plant sitting on the corner probably a gift from Abby, the keyboard waiting for her fingertips, her locked drawers full of papers. And when she looked up, she saw Tony. The best part of her day. She smiled at him and felt the weariness in her face but pushed it away because this was where she wanted to be as he merely smiled back, said a quick "Hey Zee" and returned to his work.

That was it?

No joyous welcome home Ziva or even a snarky comment on how she just had to come in early?

"Welcome back Ziva." She looked up to find McGee standing above her and smiled. She could always count of McGee to welcome her back, to be the first. And she was glad. McGee was like a brother she never had.

"Thank you McGee," and she stood up and hugged him. But when she felt her shirt start to ride up, she broke contact with McGee first, adjusting the shirt further down, feeling the brand through her pants. If there was one thing she didn't want these men to see, it was the brand.

"Desk work for you today Ziver." She turned to Gibbs and smiled knowingly. Though she wasn't fond of desk work, she was just glad to be back. And she had prepared herself for this, knowing that Gibbs would give her something physically easy to do today. And since she had been the one to come in early against his command, she knew she would just have to put up with whatever he gave her.

And that had ended up being a week with desk work before she had been allowed to do field work again. But she had dealt with it. And then she had an assignment in Florida and there she met him.

Randall.

Randall was her email pal from Florida and one she enjoyed conversing with. After she had returned from her assignment, things had picked up a rhythm back at NCIS and she had been grateful for it, emailing Randall often about what was going on at the office. But of course, because he was a man and because she was suddenly happier, Tony just had to know what was going on.

And Tony had spared her no amount of snooping when it came to her "Miami Vice" man she found. She constantly found him trying to hack into her computer, asking her questions about him. As for the questions, she gracefully avoided those and for the computer nonsense, she approached McGee. Her little trap, set up with help from McGee, let her know whenever Tony decided to poke around her computer. She wasn't sure why he was so interested in finding out about Florida but she was determined to keep him out.

Of course, she would never tell him that "Miami Vice" was a middle aged old man who had been kind enough to keep her company when she had been there. His name was Randall Grains and she had delighted in his company, so much so that she had asked to be email pals. Their first meeting she had laughed at his hair, pointing and calling it "salt and pepper." She had not meant to offend, nor had she meant to say the words at all, but she finally understood the meaning of the salt and pepper look. Tony had not elaborated on what he had meant. She had asked McGee as well but he just laughed and said it was hair. But what was salt and pepper hair? There was such a thing? She had wanted to ask Gibbs, but advised herself against it. If Gibbs had the "salt and pepper" look she did not want to invoke one of his slaps.

And there she had found it, in a man who had merely laughed with her. His open smile and hearty laugh struck a nerve within Ziva and what walls she had crumbled quickly beneath his charming demeanor. There she had told him of her plans to become an American citizen because she had found a home in a country she had never expected to call home ever. If she didn't know herself that well, she may have suspected it to be love. But Ziva did not love him, not like-

No. She did not love him. But he was kind and open, offering her time and stories that had her sides aching with laughter. Leaving him had been sad, but with the promise of emails she knew they would keep in touch.

Now Tony suspected her of a boyfriend and as always, did what Tony did best. Investigated. Why he had to know about the men in her life though was a constant ghost screen. Just when she thought she knew why, he would slip between her fingers and she was left again, wondering why he cared to know so much. It wasn't like he had made any attempt to…to what? Well after what had happened with the hospital she had expected something. But no. For these past three months Tony had been dutifully her partner once again, there when she needed him, not when she needed her space, friendly, flirtatious and sometimes hard to pin down. But she wanted more. And if he wasn't going to do anything about it, well then two could play that game. He was making his way to the elevator but she wanted to know. So she laughed a little to herself, hoping that Tony would take the bait.

"Emailing senior south beach?" Giggling to hide that fact that he was not far off mark with the "senior" part and that her plan had worked, she merely responded "perhaps," and continued typing.

"Well…I like that there's someone" his pause is noticeable and it seems like he may be struggling to say "someone," perhaps regretting that the someone is not him, "out there that makes you smile," she laughs again, but this time the forced tone of it almost has her cringe back. She hopes that Tony does not notice. But in truth Randall does make her smile. He just isn't the one she had hoped would be making her smile.

"Yes there is." She continues with her smile and she notices from the corner of her eye that Tony is also smiling, but that it too seemed forced.

"Maybe I can meet him someday." She almost stops to stare at him. He's talking of meeting him. Did he really not want to try…If that was really how Tony was going to play that game then she would just let him believe what he wanted. And if she happened to like Randall more than she had thought than perhaps…

"Maybe. One day." Perhaps if she did end up liking him she would introduce him to the team. They were family after all. So she hit send, letting Randall know that she was doing fine. But she had to go now. She couldn't sit here and taunt him when he would not take the hint. He was either extremely dense, which she doubted, or he just wasn't as interested as she had first thought.

"Got a big date tonight?" And why did he still care whether she had a date tonight or not. That was none of his business.

"Um, no. I am going home." It was true of course. There was no place else for her to go. No dates, no one to go home to. Just home. Perhaps some chocolate and a movie. But since he asked…

"Tony I have a question." Finally looking him in the eyes, it was hard to control the way her heart did this little splutter inside her chest. How was it that his eyes always managed to practically make her swoon?

"Shoot."

"If – and when – you meet my friend – and I emphasize 'if'…what will you say?" Her smirk belied her obvious desire to know. She waited as he paused only a moment, watching his eyes as they watch her. She adjusts the top of her shirt just in case.

"Be careful." Be careful he says with that voice. The one that says he can imagine all of the scenarios that might make him say that. Be careful? What would Randall need to be careful of? She was much, much more gentle now.

"Umm…handle with care." She was not a work of glass and could never be broken so easily. Somalia was proof of that. Though there were things she still held secret from her team, especially Tony, she had survived Africa. If having a few scars and marks of the time she spent there made her breakable, then how could she call herself an agent? How could she say that in her previous life she had been an officer of Mossad, the daughter of Eli David? She may be damaged but she was not broken.

"Contents – priceless." Contents-what? Priceless? What had she become, a piece of merchandise? About to protest this reasoning, he smiled something genuine and there she was, her heart all aflutter again. His smile was too damn perfect and she hated the way it made the ache in the pit of her stomach grow. What she wanted to do was take him by the collar and shake him for good measure. He needed to quit being so damn evasive and just do something. If he didn't, she was afraid that she would be the one to throw him against a wall and…and ravish him and kick his ass all at the same time. But that she could not do.

"Good night Tony." He lets her pass with that smile still glued to his face and she walks by nimbly, avoiding touching him in case her body did something on its own.

"Good night Ziva," he calls.

"Ah, I forgot my keys," she hears him say but she knows. He's only stalling and he'll probably try to access her computer again. But she had changed the password once more and with McGee's little program she would know tomorrow morning whether he had or not. So she walks into the elevator and watches as the door slides shut with a ding.

Collapsing against the wall of the elevator, she breathes a sigh of relief that she had gotten out without revealing anything to Tony, of her own feelings and of her scars. Since the incident in the hospital she had waited for any kind of cue, verbal or physical, that would tell her he had the same feelings as she had. And the only time that was ever indicated had been in the hospital three months ago, the day that she had been discharged. She was certain that he would have kissed her had the nurse not entered the room.

The elevator dinged her floor and she exited, making her way to her car.

But since the hospital Tony had not made any other advances. He was just simply Tony again, her partner. Not that she didn't enjoy his company as her partner, but she had been looking for something…more.

Of course she was not sure that she would want to spend the rest of her life with him, but she wanted the chance to find that out. If perhaps, he could offer her what she had always been looking for in life.

Following the line of the scar above her heart with her fingertips absently, she feels the burn of the brand at her hip. Going home alone again would lead to another night of restlessness. Not that she would ever ask Tony to come home with her. She didn't want him to have the wrong idea. But sometimes she wished he was there, in the middle of the night when Saleem haunted her dreams. She wished Tony would be there for her to turn to, to know that he had saved her then and most likely he would do it again, despite the way he was acting now.

But it seemed that he did not have the same feelings as her or he just did not want to act on them. And if that was the way he was going to be, then she would not get her hopes up anymore.

/\_/\_/\

After the debacle with Ziva's computer and a heated conversation with McGee, Tony had finally gotten the computer to shut up with McGee's help. McGee however refused to give Tony Ziva's password. It still stunned Tony that McGee knew her password but he supposed it only made sense that McGeek would know. He had probably hacked it or something because if Ziva had given it to McGoo then he would really need to have a talk with her.

But he knew that he really wouldn't. After the scene at the hospital he had decided to revert back to the way things had been before. He would just ignore the signs that there was possibly something going on between them. Because now it was different. Sure when she had been on the table and they were pumping 200 watts of electricity into her body he would have said just about anything to get her back. Even admitting the truth.

But now, he just couldn't bring himself to confront her. How could he possibly ask for her to talk about something so painful. He wasn't sure exactly how painful painful was. He didn't want to overstep his bounds and lose what little relationship they had left.

And yes the truth was that he loved her. But…loving Ziva required more than just loving her. Though she may not admit it herself, her heart was more fragile than ever. And she needed someone who could commit.

And Tony? He knew he wasn't sure he could give her what he knew she needed, but would probably deny herself. He wanted; he really wanted to be the one to love Ziva but…it scared him.

There. That was it. He was scared of what would happen if he couldn't live up to Ziva's expectations, her needs. What if she needed something that he couldn't give? How could he live with the fact that he had let her down? He wasn't an expert on her life, but he knew that her father had let her down and that Michael wasn't around anymore (thanks to him), and her brother Ari. What man hadn't let her down in the past?

Gibbs. Gibbs, so far as he knew, hadn't let her down. Gibbs had never really let any of them down, now that he thought about it. But what could he do. He didn't want to hurt her any more than she already had been. So instead of trying he just let things continue as they had, hesitant to make any move.

But when he saw her typing something to Mr. Florida he couldn't help but ask. He wanted to know, one because he couldn't stand the fact that someone else could make her smile like that. Ziva had finally been able to return to some kind of normal and ever since she had met this guy from Florida things had…changed. She wrote an email to him at least twice a week and whenever he asked about him she always smiled, that secret little smile of hers. So of course it had to be a man that Tony knew nothing about.

And secondly because he cared. He didn't need some Joe Shmo coming in and breaking her heart. Or worse.

Mending it.

He stopped walking to his car, realizing the weight of what this meant. The mystery man could possibly do what he himself could seem not to do. He could heal Ziva. His Ziva.

"No. Not mine," he whispered. And with his head down, he picked up his heavy feet again and continued his trek to his car.

And as he was getting into his car, pulling the door shut and starting the engine he realized that he was just like his father. Incapable of telling the truth, capable of convincing others just what he wanted them to think. He didn't want Ziva to know that he loved her and that he was scared of not being able to commit so he avoids compromising situations that might force him to do so.

And then he saw all of the relationships that his father went through after his mother had died and he was afraid that if he lost Ziva he too would never be the same.

If he lost Ziva…

"I won't lose her." And he knew he wouldn't. He would wait and see, see where this email guy of hers went. See how much she actually liked him. See if he could pull together the DiNozzo pride he was always boasting about.

But he had not lied to her in the bullpen.

"If – and when – you meet my friend – and I emphasize 'if'…what will you say?" And he saw her eyes, those deep dark beautiful orbs, and he had to tell her the truth.

Be careful. Because you need all the care that someone can give you. He needs to understand just what it is that makes you laugh and what can make you cry. When you need a shoulder to cry on and when you need your space. When your angry and what will make it worse. He needs to know because he needs to know just what to do for you when you need it.

Handle with care. Because you were already broken once and the pieces have only just been placed back together. The glue is still not dry and if he takes one misstep, it could truly be the end of you this time. And there will be no putting your heart back together.

Contents-priceless. Because you, Ziva, are priceless. There is no one in the world who could replace you. Your smile, your eyes, and the way your hair bounced along your back when you let it hang loose. You brought a certain dynamic to the team that was unique and spicy. Your skills as an agent were unparalleled and you were there for the team, taking hits for each and every one of us. And most importantly, because you filled the empty part of my heart that I had never been able to fill.

That was what he had really meant. And if what Ziva needed was that guy and if that was who she chose to be with, then he would smile.

Because her heart was much more important than his.

EM: Reviews are a sign of your kindness.