Author's Note
This is somewhat of a continuation of Sometimes I Wish I Could Save You, but it's in Dallas' point of view talking about Johnny.
The Outsiders belongs to S.E. Hinton.
There's a lot about Dallas Winston the world don't know about. Things that no one would give a rat's ass to understand. One look at me and I'm automatically just a hood lookin' for trouble. I ain't got no feelings, no conscience, not even a name, in their eyes. I'm just a shit stain on the bottom of the world's shoe. Somethin' that should just be wiped off and thrown away, never to be thought of again.
Then I found the gang. A buncha low lives, kinda like me. Kids with no where to go and no one that cared where they were. No one to tell 'em what is and ain't right. Only thing was, they had each other, and I still had nothing. But they welcomed me into their lives, no questions asked. They knew the nothingness I had, the loneliness I felt, in some way or another. Maybe not as much as I did but enough to scratch the surface. And just like that, I became a part of their lives. I became something worth a little more than just a shit stain. They gave me a makeshift family that would care to some degree if I was dead or not.
They never asked anything from me, and I never asked them for anything. But there was still an unspoken devotion between each of us. Not necessarily trust, but close enough to it without having to be tied down by responsibility. Still, no matter how close we all got, I could never fully trust and devote myself to any of 'em. They all somehow knew it too. They knew there would always be a part of me they could never reach, like they had all reached in themselves. But I was okay with that. I was Dallas Winston, and I never needed anyone.
And then along came Johnny Cade, and suddenly things changed.
I had always looked after the gang without them really knowing it. I never even really noticed how much attention I paid to 'em, makin' sure they stayed outa trouble so I wouldn't have to save their asses all the time. I helped them when they really needed it, but I never, in any way, felt that it was my responsibility, or that I owed it to 'em. I just did it. That unspoken devotion thing, remember? But Johnny... Man, he was somethin' else.
We all adopted him into the gang shortly after I came along. He was timid and scared. Like a kicked puppy who'd known nothing but pain and neglect and loneliness its whole life. The moment those big, black eyes met mine I knew what my purpose in life was. To save Johnny. I think all of us felt that need to protect the kid. But I made it my purpose to keep the kid out of trouble, for reasons I didn't quite understand at the time. I never had anything else to live for except causin' trouble all the time in as many ways possible. But Johnny seemed to top it all.
As time went by, he slowly began to come out of his shell and really started to trust us. I'll never forget the first time I saw the kid smile. And it was because a somethin' I said, too. Somethin' inside me got all warm and mushy feelin'. I wasn't really sure what it meant, but I kinda liked it. Not that I'd ever admit that to the guys or anything.
But as the months of hangin' around Johnny went by, we started talkin' to each other a lot more. Most of the time without even speaking with words. I had some sorta connection with the kid that I just couldn't get with the others. And Johnny.. well, he'd sometimes give me these looks, like I just pulled a baby out of a burnin' building or somethin'. Like I was a hero of some sort. No one had ever looked at me like that kid did, and that mushy feeling kept gettn' stronger and stronger every time his eyes sparkled in admiration, just for me.
Needless to say, at some point, the kid got under my skin without me realizing it. Like a splinter that was too deep to pull out. Then the skin healed over it, and it was stuck in there. A part of me that wouldn't go away unless I cut myself open and forced it out.
But unlike a splinter, he kept digging deeper and deeper into my skin, until he found my heart, and then he latched onto it with everything he had. He opened up a door inside me that I never even knew I had. That I thought I was incapable of owning. But it was there, and Johnny busted it open without even knowing it. And then I started feeling things.
The feelings I developed for him were completely out of my safety zone. I'd never felt so attached to a person. Not since I was little. And it honestly scared me. I wasn't sure if I wanted an emotional relationship like that with anyone ever again. Anything and anyone I'd ever loved was taken from me in such brutal ways, that each loss left a hole in me that would never heal. And it hurt me. (Of course it did. I'm only human. Some people forget that about me sometimes.)
So I built myself a good, strong wall and hid myself behind it. I blocked myself off from the world and it's cruelties. In short, I just stopped caring. About myself, about the people around me, about everything.
Except for poor, broken little Johnny Cade. With his puppy dog eyes, and those ruthless, angry scars all over his body from years of torture, and that little voice I only get to hear every so often, cause he's too scared he'd be beaten to a pulp if he stuck up for himself.
I hated his folks. Just as much as I hated my own folks. Our stories were so similar, it was spooky. He was like a smaller, weaker, more dependent version of me.
Maybe that was why I felt so strongly about his safety. No one ever came to help little Dally when I was in a tough pinch back in New York. It was kill or be killed. A dog-eat-dog world. And I was only 7 or 8 when I was kicked out on the streets to fend for myself the rest of my life.
I wasn't gonna let that happen to Johnny. I wasn't gonna let him starve half to death and have to dig through garbages, or get stuck in some gang business and get thrown in jail at a young age. I wasn't gonna let him live his life thinking everything was going to hurt him, like I thought for the longest time, before I hardened myself. And I'd let Hell freeze over before I let Johnnycake harden himself. I doubt he ever could anyway. He'd always cared too much for his own good.
I guess the moral to this story is, there's always gonna be someone there for you when you really need a friend. There's always something good that comes out of a bad situation.
Johnny came to me and gave me a reason to live. He carved his name in my heart and made me his, without even knowing it. And I guess, in return, I trusted him enough to let him keep it.
From then, to now, until the day I die, I will be owned by the gang's pet. And I guess I'm okay with that.
End Notes
I like this a lot better than the first part. I don't know why, but it's so much easier to capture Dally's character than Johnny's.
I might just end up rewriting Johnny's part.
I'd also like to thank Steff Malfoy1 for your critique on the first part, even if it is a little late. Sorry about that. If I do decide to rewrite it, I will definitely keep your tips and ideas in mind. Thank you again! :)