Is anybody still reading this, or am I just typing into thin cyberspace?
As you can see, this is still untitled and I still have no idea what to call it. Suggestions please?
***
"Ms McAwber?"
"Yes, what do you want?"
"I understand you recently rejoined the Supervillains' Guild. Might I ask why?"
"The official 'Cooling Off' period following a break-up from a designated Hero ended. What other reason do I need?"
"You were a victim of 'Catwoman Syndrome' then?"
"You could say that, 'Lady'. I wasn't a very serious villain before I started dating Dark, I was only in it to pay off my college tuition, and when an accomplice very nearly killed him in defiance of my orders, I realized I couldn't be a villain and a Hero's girlfriend at the same time. Not without major conflicts of interest. But since he dumped me, I've decided to become serious about it, but, like I said, the cooling off period."
"You've met Dr. Bushroot, haven't you?"
"Yes."
"Seriously, do you think it's likely that he would succumb to 'Catwoman Syndrome'?"
"Well, I'm heard rumors about him and Negaduck, and Negaduck and Dark are fairly similar, but I don't he's Dark's type."
"Thank you. Now, I don't suppose you'd care to join me for a drink, would you?"
***
Darkwing was chasing a maze of evidence. Belle knew several employees of a small private company that Darkwing had never bothered to pay any attention to, SCSVG Pty. Ltd., at least one romantically. He still couldn't trace the owner, since the company was owned by an offshore company (New Zealander to put a fine enough point on it) that was owned by an other offshore company (Indonesian) which was owned by yet another offshore company (Oilrabian this time) and there the trail petered out. SCSVG Pty. Ltd. claimed to be an insurer, but Darkwing sure didn't know anybody they'd insured.
Feeling a little lost, Darkwing called their number from the phone book.
"Saint Canard Supervillains' Guild, reception, Lisa Cheetah speaking." Lisa sounded like somebody had taken a typical 'valley girl' and sent her to a British school where she'd gotten teased about her accent, with the result she was valley girl bubbly with a slightly put-on sounding British accent.
"Sorry," Darkwing said, "wrong number," and hung up.
Well, that was interesting. The person or persons responsible had enough subtlety to stop him finding out who they were, but not quite enough sense to stop their receptionists answering the phone with the real name of the organization.
The fact he'd found the Fearsome Five's hideout that first time thanks to a hotel room-service crumb while he had managed to miss the obvious-to-everybody-else flag reminded him of itself. They were hiding themselves from intelligent subtlety, not from people who might pick up the phone and dial the number. In other words -- him.
Just as this thought smacked him across the head and challenged him to an arm-wrestle, there was an explosion from the greenhouse.
He was up and across the tower in seconds.
"Bushroot!"
"I'm all right," said a slightly sheepish voice from under the remains of the greenhouse, "but I think I destroyed what I was working on."
*Meeow.* Darkwing looked around.
"Did what you were working on involve cats?"
"There was catnip, but no felines," said Bushroot, as he sat up and carefully brushed glass splinters off himself.
Never-the-less, a green, yet unambiguously felinoid thing emerged from the wreckage not far from Bushroot. It purred at Darkwing, and brushed against his legs in a vaguely friendly manner.
"Oh, bother. I can't keep her, not with Spike about," said Bushroot.
"I take it this kitty was unintentional?"
"Yes. I was working on my experiments concerning vegetable-origin sentience. I've shown noticeable success on the matter of creating independently animate plants, but the smartest I've managed so far that hasn't been monstrous is Spike," said Bushroot as he stood up.
"Maybe Catnip here will be a bit brighter."
"Unlikely. She's the result of an accident, and I don't have that much luck. You remember Posy." Bushroot stepped out of the wreckage, and gave it a mournful glance.
Darkwing shuddered. He'd been through a lot, but the Vampire Potato incident still ranked among his less pleasant memories.
"What about you?" Darkwing asked.
"I started with a sentient being and turned it into a plant that time, without really intending to. I'm trying to create people from plants, not turn more people into plants."
"Why?"
"Because. Spirit of scientific inquiry."
"Nothing to do with being lonely, is it?"
"You tell me. The only women I can count on speaking to me are either begging for mercy or work for the Supervillains' Guild. Could rather, there's nobody now."
There was a flip of the transporter chairs, and Goslyn emerged. It suddenly occurred to Darkwing that it must be later than he thought it was if Goslyn was home from school.
"Hi Dad, Bushroot. What happened?"
"Experiments blow up sometimes. I'm still a scientist, even if I'm not a supervillain anymore," replied Bushroot, quite calmly for somebody who'd just blown up his house, or equivalent thereof.
The newly christened 'Catnip' trotted over to Goslyn, and rubbed against her legs, purring. Goslyn bent over and picked her up.
"Is this what you were working on, Bushroot?" she asked.
Bushroot shook his head. "No, she's an accident."
She looked at Bushroot, eyes wide. 'Can I keep her?"
"If it's all right with your father. Since she's feline, and Spike is behaviorally canine, I can't really keep her myself, since I doubt they'll get on."
"Dad?" she asked, turning big eyes on Darkwing.
"As long as you look after her properly. And you're to treat her like a kitty, not a house-plant. Talk to Bushroot about what she needs. Now, I'm going home to bed."
"Um..." interrupted Bushroot quietly. Darkwing turned to look at him. He looked scared, but reluctant to call attention to it.
"You can come through to the house again tonight if you want," Darkwing added.
Bushroot smiled at him, a little shyly, almost demurely. "Thank you," he said, so quietly that Darkwing barely heard him. His eyes met Darkwing's, and for a second Darkwing found himself transfixed by just how blue they were. He quickly shook himself, and headed off to bed, never thinking once about how far he'd come in trusting Bushroot that he was leaving him alone with Goslyn and not giving it a second thought.
***
*"Now, I was just going to kill you and get it over with, but I've had some thoughts about making this a little more interesting before I do so."
Darkwing gulped, and Negaduck ran a knife (a very big knife) across his neck, too lightly to even scratch, before with several quick, violent movements he'd cut Darkwing's costume off, somehow without injuring him. It was at this point Darkwing realized there was some significance to the fact he was handcuffed to Negaduck's bed. He whimpered, suddenly aware the seemingly unthinkable was about to occur.*
There was a weight on his chest, and he tried to push it off, but it just purred at him, and snuggled closer. Catnip! Darkwing opened his eyes, and sure enough, just visible in the gloom of the pulled blinds was Goslyn's new pet.
"Thanks, buddy," he whispered to her, giving her a pat. "Wake me next nightmare, hey?"
She purred a little louder at him, as if this was a stupid thing to be questioning.
He slept uninterrupted the rest of the evening.
***
Now, as you can see, this chapter hasn't been posted at Toonslash first.
As you can see, this is still untitled and I still have no idea what to call it. Suggestions please?
***
"Ms McAwber?"
"Yes, what do you want?"
"I understand you recently rejoined the Supervillains' Guild. Might I ask why?"
"The official 'Cooling Off' period following a break-up from a designated Hero ended. What other reason do I need?"
"You were a victim of 'Catwoman Syndrome' then?"
"You could say that, 'Lady'. I wasn't a very serious villain before I started dating Dark, I was only in it to pay off my college tuition, and when an accomplice very nearly killed him in defiance of my orders, I realized I couldn't be a villain and a Hero's girlfriend at the same time. Not without major conflicts of interest. But since he dumped me, I've decided to become serious about it, but, like I said, the cooling off period."
"You've met Dr. Bushroot, haven't you?"
"Yes."
"Seriously, do you think it's likely that he would succumb to 'Catwoman Syndrome'?"
"Well, I'm heard rumors about him and Negaduck, and Negaduck and Dark are fairly similar, but I don't he's Dark's type."
"Thank you. Now, I don't suppose you'd care to join me for a drink, would you?"
***
Darkwing was chasing a maze of evidence. Belle knew several employees of a small private company that Darkwing had never bothered to pay any attention to, SCSVG Pty. Ltd., at least one romantically. He still couldn't trace the owner, since the company was owned by an offshore company (New Zealander to put a fine enough point on it) that was owned by an other offshore company (Indonesian) which was owned by yet another offshore company (Oilrabian this time) and there the trail petered out. SCSVG Pty. Ltd. claimed to be an insurer, but Darkwing sure didn't know anybody they'd insured.
Feeling a little lost, Darkwing called their number from the phone book.
"Saint Canard Supervillains' Guild, reception, Lisa Cheetah speaking." Lisa sounded like somebody had taken a typical 'valley girl' and sent her to a British school where she'd gotten teased about her accent, with the result she was valley girl bubbly with a slightly put-on sounding British accent.
"Sorry," Darkwing said, "wrong number," and hung up.
Well, that was interesting. The person or persons responsible had enough subtlety to stop him finding out who they were, but not quite enough sense to stop their receptionists answering the phone with the real name of the organization.
The fact he'd found the Fearsome Five's hideout that first time thanks to a hotel room-service crumb while he had managed to miss the obvious-to-everybody-else flag reminded him of itself. They were hiding themselves from intelligent subtlety, not from people who might pick up the phone and dial the number. In other words -- him.
Just as this thought smacked him across the head and challenged him to an arm-wrestle, there was an explosion from the greenhouse.
He was up and across the tower in seconds.
"Bushroot!"
"I'm all right," said a slightly sheepish voice from under the remains of the greenhouse, "but I think I destroyed what I was working on."
*Meeow.* Darkwing looked around.
"Did what you were working on involve cats?"
"There was catnip, but no felines," said Bushroot, as he sat up and carefully brushed glass splinters off himself.
Never-the-less, a green, yet unambiguously felinoid thing emerged from the wreckage not far from Bushroot. It purred at Darkwing, and brushed against his legs in a vaguely friendly manner.
"Oh, bother. I can't keep her, not with Spike about," said Bushroot.
"I take it this kitty was unintentional?"
"Yes. I was working on my experiments concerning vegetable-origin sentience. I've shown noticeable success on the matter of creating independently animate plants, but the smartest I've managed so far that hasn't been monstrous is Spike," said Bushroot as he stood up.
"Maybe Catnip here will be a bit brighter."
"Unlikely. She's the result of an accident, and I don't have that much luck. You remember Posy." Bushroot stepped out of the wreckage, and gave it a mournful glance.
Darkwing shuddered. He'd been through a lot, but the Vampire Potato incident still ranked among his less pleasant memories.
"What about you?" Darkwing asked.
"I started with a sentient being and turned it into a plant that time, without really intending to. I'm trying to create people from plants, not turn more people into plants."
"Why?"
"Because. Spirit of scientific inquiry."
"Nothing to do with being lonely, is it?"
"You tell me. The only women I can count on speaking to me are either begging for mercy or work for the Supervillains' Guild. Could rather, there's nobody now."
There was a flip of the transporter chairs, and Goslyn emerged. It suddenly occurred to Darkwing that it must be later than he thought it was if Goslyn was home from school.
"Hi Dad, Bushroot. What happened?"
"Experiments blow up sometimes. I'm still a scientist, even if I'm not a supervillain anymore," replied Bushroot, quite calmly for somebody who'd just blown up his house, or equivalent thereof.
The newly christened 'Catnip' trotted over to Goslyn, and rubbed against her legs, purring. Goslyn bent over and picked her up.
"Is this what you were working on, Bushroot?" she asked.
Bushroot shook his head. "No, she's an accident."
She looked at Bushroot, eyes wide. 'Can I keep her?"
"If it's all right with your father. Since she's feline, and Spike is behaviorally canine, I can't really keep her myself, since I doubt they'll get on."
"Dad?" she asked, turning big eyes on Darkwing.
"As long as you look after her properly. And you're to treat her like a kitty, not a house-plant. Talk to Bushroot about what she needs. Now, I'm going home to bed."
"Um..." interrupted Bushroot quietly. Darkwing turned to look at him. He looked scared, but reluctant to call attention to it.
"You can come through to the house again tonight if you want," Darkwing added.
Bushroot smiled at him, a little shyly, almost demurely. "Thank you," he said, so quietly that Darkwing barely heard him. His eyes met Darkwing's, and for a second Darkwing found himself transfixed by just how blue they were. He quickly shook himself, and headed off to bed, never thinking once about how far he'd come in trusting Bushroot that he was leaving him alone with Goslyn and not giving it a second thought.
***
*"Now, I was just going to kill you and get it over with, but I've had some thoughts about making this a little more interesting before I do so."
Darkwing gulped, and Negaduck ran a knife (a very big knife) across his neck, too lightly to even scratch, before with several quick, violent movements he'd cut Darkwing's costume off, somehow without injuring him. It was at this point Darkwing realized there was some significance to the fact he was handcuffed to Negaduck's bed. He whimpered, suddenly aware the seemingly unthinkable was about to occur.*
There was a weight on his chest, and he tried to push it off, but it just purred at him, and snuggled closer. Catnip! Darkwing opened his eyes, and sure enough, just visible in the gloom of the pulled blinds was Goslyn's new pet.
"Thanks, buddy," he whispered to her, giving her a pat. "Wake me next nightmare, hey?"
She purred a little louder at him, as if this was a stupid thing to be questioning.
He slept uninterrupted the rest of the evening.
***
Now, as you can see, this chapter hasn't been posted at Toonslash first.