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Dear ass-hat,

Alright, fine. Sam's taken off cos one of his PMS moments really pissed me off and we might have kind of argued, so it looks like I have nothing to do in this damn place. No TV, no cell reception, nothing. I'll add this to the long list of stuff that has really made my week the fun and frolics it's been.

I'd just like to say that I'm only writing this damn thing cos of the boredom. You know this is going in the trash when I'm done, right? There ain't even a town I can mail this from close by, so suck it, Conscience.

Anyway, I was going to do a list of Christmas wishes, so here we are:

I been a real good boy this year, if you don't count the apoca- apoco- apock- aSpocks- Marlon Brando 'Never get off the boat, man' thing. I mean, done lots of other good stuff that's got to count for something. I don't even want stuff for myself. I want a Barbie for Sammy - a real one, like got a brain and likes all his weird stuff but also goes for his puppy eyes. Make it a nice girl who just for once isn't playing him for anything. Asking a lot, I know. But hey, me and him killed some Pagan gods the other year, and they were giving you a bad name, so you kind of owe us, right?

Bobby. I want him to be all like he was and have the stuff back he wants, like legs and hope. It wasn't his fault and he don't deserve what he's got cos of us. And he helped us with them Pagans so you kind of owe him, too.

Let's see. What do I want for me? Another whisky bottle, cos this one's got a hole in it. I'm not kidding, man. It was full when I sat down and thought about this letter, and now it's like… Well it's got a hole in it. I'd like a year's supply of Johnnie Walker and my gun - I need one of them cheats like you used to get on the Sega Megadrive, where you can have unlimited ammo if you put in the right code. It's not for me, it's for work. And I am supposed to be fighting the good fight, right?

That's about it, I think. So go on, prove me wrong and actually make some of this stuff happen. Hey, and if you don't? Remember we kill myths and legends for a living and you're not so different from the other hoaxes and monsters we've burnt in our time. Don't make me come find you. I know it's cold up there but this JW's keeping me pretty warm right now.

Yours,

Dean Winchester

P.S. On second thought, make Sam's Barbie girl a Buffy type. Think he'd go for that more.

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