Summary: Ashley Seaver is the new girl at the BAU in Quantico, she faces hurdles, lots of them, colleagues that think she's incompetent, training lessons that take up all her energy and worst of all, her own demons. But she also finds something she never had before to help her through; a true friend in Spencer Reid.

Note: This will go along with the episodes of Criminal Minds season 6. Each chapter will contain a moment or so of the actual past episode (will be in italics), some inner monologue and missing scenes if I feel like it.

I'm gonna stay canon for a while and maybe go AU if it feels right and I'm enjoying it but it's too early to say that yet.

I hope that by getting into Ashley's head, some of the readers might rethink their resentment towards the character because I feel that she really has potential.

Note, that I'm a shipper and no hint of that in the series will be left unexplored by me, if you don't like the pairing A/S, you might not enjoy this throughly but since they aren't a thing in canon yet, I think it's safe for you to read on, if you want. For now the pairing will be just a mention because that's what I do. :-P

The furthermost focus is on Ashley Seaver and how she settles in at the BAU.

Updates will come with every passing episode and they won't be super long, maybe around 1200 words each.

oO Whole Again Oo

Chapter One

What Happens At Home

I sunk back into my seat as Rossi left me alone with my thoughts. My head was spinning. I don't know why I always keep bringing my Dad up. It's not doing any good, it just freaks people out. Even Rossi, even past the fact that he tried to console me, I could see that he found it hard, that he would never be able to fully comprehend. And he is the most famous BAU profiler. I'm not saying he should understand because I think in a way he does, I just think he can't imagine how it really is, how it feels like. I hardly believe anyone can.

I really needed to stop thinking about all of this. Things were the way they were and contemplating them, like I did so many times before, did not help, it just pulled me back down to a place I didn't want to be.

But then again I'd said yes when they presented me with this example case of basically my past. I ran right into it. Thinking I could help with my unique insight and like always when I want to make something especially right, I completely messed up.

Where in usual cases this means going overboard with terminology-bragging in psychology-exams or milk through my nose trying to impress a guy by laughing hysterically at medium funny jokes, this time I ran into the arms of the unsub when I tried to return his wife's computer. I felt very heroic going there, wanting to apologize, disobeying orders to cleanse my concisions and I ended up both doing and saying all the wrong things that could've easily got me killed.

I felt so humiliated by my own stupidity and to top it all of, I just couldn't get Helen's face out of my head. The way she looked when she pleaded her father to stop. I hated the thought that she was facing the same kind of future I'd been faced with.

I hoped she would find adoptive parents quick and no one would ever have to know about her father, so she could at least appear to have a normal life.

Unlike me, the daughter of a serial killer, social outlaw whenever people got to know my real last name.

Enough with the self-pity already, I chastened myself, staring out into blackness. I'd been stupid and unprofessional, self-pity was not a privilege I'd earned.

I shut up mentally, at least tried to. I concentrated on occupying my head with other things, other things than failure and embarrassment. I tried to recall the things that went smooth on my trip.

In general everybody seemed nice, although I could feel everyone but Rossi look me down as if I was a possible liability, which I had – of course – proven myself to be just hours ago, so I couldn't blame them.

I was new and they were wary, that was normal. Still, I had to admit that they were making an effort which wasn't a given. Emily had been very supportive and I felt like she really wanted to get to know me where Morgan was polite but seemed unfazed. I mean, I got it, of course, he was on duty and there where certainly many things more important than trying to warm up to me. I wouldn't be so self-absorbed to believe that.

Dr. Reid also seemed nice. I turned around to see where he was on the plane and noticed him at the far end, sound asleep. He was handsome in a very frail and fragile kind of way and I smiled remembering how his voice broke when he told me he had an eidetic memory.

"Has anyone vetted them?", Dr. Reid said, coming towards me and Rossi from the kitchen, I'd just seen him talk to a police officer.

"Garcia is checking all the police staff", Rossi answered lightly.

"Why?", I asked because it seemed peculiar to me that they would think of neighbor-hood securities as unsubs.

"Law enforcement is the kind of job that would attract our unsub", Rossi answered me and that's when I dimly remembered a lesson in socio-economics talking about just that.

"The BTK was a compliant officer in Park City, Kansas, the Hillside Strangler worked as a security guard in California and Washington", Reid said and it sounded like he was reciting from a book, my eyes were glued to his for a while before Rossi demanded my attention back.

"Psychopaths love official jobs and uniforms"

"Yeah, that makes sense", I said and felt stupid for asking in the first place. But there was also another idea blooming in my mind.

I watched Reid return to his maps that he studied relentlessly and I wondered if he would know so much about people like my father, too.

"All that stuff you said about BTK and the hillside strangler", I started carefully as I stepped up beside him, "that's all in your head?"

I really couldn't help the sound of admiration in my voice, because my curiosity aside, I really was impressed by his excessive knowledge.

"Uh, I have an eidetic memory", he said and I could have sworn that his voice broke just at the first part, as if he'd had a hick-up or something. I would have noticed how charming and adorable it had been if I hadn't been focused on my agenda of getting some information out of him.

"So you know everything my Dad did, then?", I pried and earned me a concerned look of his, I tried sounding less pathetic and more casual, adding a shrug to my last sentence "I only know what I was told and what was in the papers...I don't have a lot of details"

The moment I said it, I knew it must've sounded wacky. Reid shot me an irritated glance.

"What sort of details -", he started but was cut off by Agent Hotchner and I opened my mouth to answer him but was gladly quick enough to close it again, noticing that this probably wasn't the best time to let a relative stranger tell me about all the ways my father had raped and killed twenty-five women. How weird was it that I wanted to know about that stuff in the first place?

Reid turned in his seat and his motions woke me of my recalling, I had nothing short of awe for the fact that he was able to sleep on the shaky plane. I felt bad now, looking back on it, for asking him about my Dad, I didn't want to freak him out and so I walked over to him as we hit DC ground and we were all walking towards two parked SUV's.

I was going to join a ride with Prentiss and Morgan because they lived in the area of Arlington, where my hotel was for the time with the BAU but before that, I wanted to set the record straight with Reid.

"Dr. Reid?", I called after him and when he turned he was nice enough to wait a few paces until I had caught up with him.

"You don't need the Dr.", he said when I was level with him, "I mean, you can call me Reid or Spencer, I...you don't need to call me Dr."

"Thank you", I said truthfully and smiled just because I couldn't help, his courtesy was to die for, "I basically just wanted to say sorry for earlier, I really don't expect me to tell me all the gross details about my father's murders, that's...but sometimes I just get...uh, it's hard to explain...I want to know the truth in a sick masochistic way, I guess? Even if it's painful but I still feel like I need to know"

"I know the feeling", he said and just like that, just looking into his green-brown eyes, I believed him. Like a batter to my head I was suddenly dead curious again, how he knew how I felt, what he'd been through, because that he'd been through something was obvious.

"Okay", I merely replied, holding my throbbing questions back with effort, "so I hope we're cool, I'm really sorry about it, honestly, I'm not gonna be go all creepy on you again from now on, promise" I tried a weak smile, wondering how weird this must've sounded.

"Yeah, we're cool", he sounded a bit funny and smiled back, wryly still, but at least he did.

And with that a nice comfortable feeling settled in inside of me.

I like him, I thought, I felt somehow connected to him, like he would understand me somehow, someday, if we were to become friends in some way.

I certainly hoped so.

Please don't kill me. I know many of you hate her with a passion but I really don't, so if you want to critique on my writing go ahead but if you're simply gonna hate on Ashley, I'd ask you dearly to do that somewhere else...I find it slightly sickening.