A/N: Hi everyone! I'm changing fandoms so rapidly... It's Zim again!

This one's going to be multichaptered. Again some ZADR angst with so veryveryvery one-sided Dib's feelings. Of course Zim would use that to his advantage to torture poor human. There's surprisingly small amount of one-sided ZADR fics here...

But maybe Zim could answer Dib's feelings in later chapters if you want... just review me please, reviews are pure love and it makes me so happy... I'd use some happiness right now...

Anyway, enjoy!

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It wasn't easy, in fact it was hard as hell just to accept it myself – that Zim isn't a hostile alien for me anymore. First I thought that it's just some slight clouding of reason, caused by all that stress and constant beatings. I also blamed my age, lack of feelings I got from the others and towards the others as I hit my puberty. I thought that I just need a day off my "Sole defender of Earth" duty to have some good sleep or maybe play some computer game, but distraction didn't help a bit. I returned to watching Zim, to thinking of him, dreaming of him even, no matter what I tried to amuse myself with.

Only when I realized I can't gain pleasure from hurting him anymore I decided to think my feelings over.

I denied everything first… went through that "5 stages of dying" thing and even through two psychiatrists before I understood that I'm in love. In love with Zim, horrible alien thing that doesn't love and care about anyone but himself. I kept repeating to myself that it's not happening, it's some of my inner problem, misunderstanding, but all of my excuses were ruined every time I went through a pile of Zim's photos I've always kept under my pillow.

Huh, I thought, what a ridiculous thing that love is.

Zim couldn't help but notice my defect too. Once, I remember, he stalked me after the lessons were over and ambushed me in the middle of the street. We got in a fight (through the whole fighting thing came from his side only), and when he pinned my unresisting body to the ground his fist stopped in a middle of a blow.

- What's wrong with you, human thing? Fight for what is left from your honour! – he yelled, but I won't move to hit him. He shoved me from himself and laughed as I rose to my feet.

- You can't resist the power of ZIM! – He didn't stop yelling even after I dragged my damaged body around the corner. All I could think of was the brief contact of his slim body I managed to get during that one-sided fight.

I had to stop him, yet I couldn't. What a bitter irony, huh.

I tried to confess to him, oh, I remember that very well.

He helped me once or twice, Zim. Couple of times he saved me from bullies that were about to corner me in the bathroom (after that he would fight with me myself or take me to his home base for 'some experiments', but it doesn't really matter), and I, fool, thought that maybe he could accept my feelings, free me from this impossible burden.

That was the point when things turned to even more horrible state then they were before. No matter how hard I try to forget, the picture will just stay before my eyes when I close them.

It was in school. At the school yard, to be certain. My trained eye easily spotted my aim, Zim, his lean, unnaturally thin form rose up among the other stinky bodies that looked like overfilled sacks with fat. He sat at the most distant table, as usual, all focused on his alien laptop, fingers ghosting over keys. I remember that for a moment I stood there, thinking blunt, prohibited thoughts, craving to be the keyboard under those clawed hands. I tried to imagine him tapping on my skin ever-so-slightly, oversized nails digging in, but had to shake those fantasies away. Better not be daydreaming in a middle of my bullies playing ground.

My insides twisted, gave me a light vertigo as I took a step forward to him. My little alien swung his leg, hit the ground with his boot in an annoyed gesture, and I thought meekly that this is going to hurt.

He heard me approaching and sharply turned at the sound of my steps. His thoughtful expression eviled as he laid his eyes upon me.

- Human, - he hissed, - Don't annoy me with your filthy presence.

I ignored that and walked to sit besides him – he didn't complain and seemed to completely loose his interest in me for the sake of his laptop. I used this calm before storm to watch his face, so serious and intelligent (surprisingly) during his work. As I again started to drift to my fantasies with Zim as a main character, the alien finally noticed I'm not gone yet. He narrowed his lens-covered eyes on me.

- I thought I told you…

- I have to tell you something, - I said quickly, cutting off his fierce speech. I knew I have to say it right then and there, shortly and simply, and sharp, like pulling out an aching tooth, or pulling a trigger (that's more dramatic image, isn't it?). His claws were already starting to form fists – ah, those little squirming fingers, making me thrilled – when I at lasted barked out my pitiful confession:

- I love you, Zim.

He leaned towards me and punched me in the jaw – it cracked out of its joint, and I fell on the ground. I spit some blood (I bit the inside of my cheek) and had time to adjust my jaw in place before he finally asked:

- What? You said something, huh?

- I said I love you, you dumb alien… jerk!

- Eh? – He made a puzzled face at me. I clenched my fists at him in a gesture of angry annoyance.

- Do I really have to explain it? I thought you knew this term!...

- Don't you dare doubting Zim's superior vocabulary! – I got another smack in my face, the damaged jaw started to hurt even more. I silently cursed him for being so… so him (and myself for being so foolish).

He gazed at me with evil amusement.

- Now, are you going to finally free me from your stinking self?

Before I could start repeating what I have just revealed (through I guess my damaged jaw won't allow me that), he returned to his laptop. I remember my feeling of a lack of satisfaction so bitter it overcame the blood taste in my mouth. I was so eager and needing and craving, so unfulfilled and desperate I felt like my insides were going to be torn apart by this feelings. I don't remember how I got home, who fixed my jaw or was it even fixed by anyone. I only wanted Zim to understand just how serious was all that for me. Now I wish he didn't understand at all.

Zim once told me he noticed human affection is pain-based, he learned it ever since the 'Tak incident'. If only I was able to prove him wrong, I thought on countless nights curling on the bed alone in my room, if only I could prove humans can be caring in his affections… but he seemed hopeless in believing me, just like all the others did.

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TBC...