United States of Hetalia Production

December... which means... CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! XD Enjoy, peoples! (Dang, hangover-cola changed my twelve days of Christmas fluff into a crack fic. Oh well... I'm better at writing crack anyways.) Original idea: Have fluff with each chappie named after the lyrics to the song, but... LietPol was first and it all went downhill from there... (Sweatdrop) I also changed some of the lyrics from my original 12 to make this more crack-tastic.

England: Is that even a word?

Me: (writes it in the English-to-American dictionary) It is now.

Italy: Bri does not own Hetalia. (^_^)~

It was the biggest Christmas party of the century. Every country was invited, everyone was partying, and the most important thing was... each of them brought alcoholic drinks from their country. Which was why when England had too much eggnog, he suggested this.

"How 'bout we all start *hic* caroling, eh?"

America (equally drunk) stumbled over and cheered "'Dats a great idea, Iggland! Start da music!"

The tune to 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' came on. Italy grabbed Germany and sang out "On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me~ a PASTA with Germany~!" Suddenly a bowl of pasta fell from the ceiling into the Italian's hands. "Ve~? How did this happen? Oh well, PASTAAA~!" Then Italy 'om-nom-nom-nom'ed the pasta.

While everyone was staring at the magic pasta in awe, Canada decided to sing the second part. "On the second day of Christmas, Kumakichi gave to me~ two maple leaves~!"

"And a PASTA with Germany~!" Italy sang again. Another bowl of pasta fell from the ceiling and landed in Romano's hands. Two maple leaves fluttered down, but nobody noticed.

"Where is that coming from?"

"Who cares? Keep singing!"

Prussia and Germany both stood up and sang "On the third day of Christmas, mein soldiers gave to me~ THREE MUGS OF BEER!"

"Two maple leaves~!"

"And a PASTA with Germany~!"

Three foamy mugs of beer fell from the ceiling into Prussia's, Germany's, and Denmark's hands. Two more ignored maple leaves fluttered down. And another pasta bowl fell into Italy's hands.

Denmark looked from the beer in his hand to the Germans. Then gave thumbs up. "Keep singing. Please." Then chugged the beer.

"Bruder, why did we skip to the third day?"

"Didn't you hear Canada sing the second day?"

"...Who?"

"Guys, just keep going!"

Then Sealand jumped out from the tree and sang out "On the fourth day of Christmas I got, desu yo~ four micronations~!"

"THREE MUGS OF BEER!"

"Two maple leaves~!"

"And a PASTA with Germany~!"

"Sealand!" England shouted. "I told you to stay home and watch anime!"

Then Seborga, Wy, and TRNC (Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus) fell from the ceiling and landed on the Brit. Three more beers fell from the ceiling. Two more maple leaves fluttered. And the new bowl of pasta bounced off Spain's head and into Romano's hands.

Prussia saw his golden opportunity to do something stupid on the fifth day. He had a hand inching towards his belt. "On the fifth day of Christmas, Old Fritz gave to me~ FIVE-"

Prussia didn't get to finish cause America shoved him out of the way. "FIIIIVE GOOOLDEN HAMBURGEEEERS~!"

"Four micronations~!"

"THREE MUGS OF BEER!"

"Two maple leaves~!"

"And a PASTA with Germany~!"

Five Bic Macs fell from the ceiling, three of them landing in America's hands. Two of them hitting Canada. Four more micronations rained down (Minerva, Hutt River, Christainia, and Kingdom of Lovely). Three more beers. Two more leaves. And this time, Seborga got the pasta.

France gave Prussia a sympathetic pat on the back. "Nice try, mon ami."

Hungary was not amused by Prussia's attempt. Which was why she sang "On the sixth day of Christmas, Austria-san gave to me~ (evil grin) Six pans a-flying~!"

"FIIIIVE GOOOLDEN HAMBURGEEEERS~!"

"Four micronations~!"

THREE MUGS OF BEER!"

"Two maple leaves~!"

"And a PASTA with Germany~!"

Six pans fell from the heavens and nailed Prussia.

"Bruder!"

"Prussia!"

Austria and Germany checked to see if Prussia was still breathing. America got more free burgers. Four more micronations fell on top of each other. Three more beers for already-wasted countries. ...Something... And Romano snatched the pasta.

Liechtenstein wanted to sing for her brother. "On the seventh day of Christmas, mein bruder gave to me~ seven purple ribbons~!"

"Six pans a-flying~!"

"FIIIIVE GOOOLDEN HAMBURGEEERS~!"

"Four micronations~!"

"Bruder! Get up and sing! Oh, uh... THREE MUGS OF BEER!"

"Two maple leaves~!"

"And a PASTA with Germany~!"

The ribbons all fluttered onto Switzerland's head. Who was not amused. Six more pans pwned Prussia, who could barely stand by now. Five more burgers for America, though he threw the one with kimchi in it to Korea. Four more micronations, that nobody bothered to learn the name of, fell from the ceiling. Three more cold glasses of beer fell from the heavens. And all the Italians in the room started crying because the pasta landed on Austria's head.

"On the eighth day of Christmas, mon amore gave to moi~ EIGHT FRENCH ROSES~!"

"Seven purple ribbons~!"

"Six pans a-flying~!"

"FIIIVE GOOOLDEN HAMBURGEEERS~!"

"Four micronations~!"

"THREE MUGS OF BEER!"

"Two maple leaves~!"

"And a PASTA with Germany~!"

The listed items rained down from the ceiling. The room by now was a huge mess. (Yes, I'm too lazy to type out the items by now.)

"Can we stop? I have to clean this up later, aru!"

"No! We only have 4 more days to go! On the ninth day of Christmas, the Queen gave to me~ nine cups of tea~!"

"EIGHT FRENCH ROSES~!"

"Seven purple ribbons~!"

"Six pans a-flying~!"

"FIIIVE GOOOLDEN HAMBURGEEERS~!"

"Four micronations~!"

"THREE MUGS OF BEER!"

"Two maple leaves~!"

"And a PASTA with Germany~!"

Maybe tea was a bad idea, because everyone got soaked a second later. A drunk Spaniard grabbed a drunk Southern-Italian as they sang the next verse.

"On the tenth day of Christmas, my (tomato/Boss) gave to me~ Ten ripe Tomatoes~!"

"Nine cups of tea~!"

"EIGHT FRENCH ROSES~!"

"Seven purple ribbons~!"

"Six pans a-flying~!"

"FIIIIVE GOOOLDEN HAMBURGEEERS~!"

"Four micronations~!"

"THREE MUGS OF BEER!"

"Two maple leaves~!"

"And a PASTA with Germany~!"

Tomatoes were a bad idea too, since they splattered everywhere. And the tea and the ribbons and the large pile of maple leaves that was building up made the room worse. By now, everyone was to drunk to even catch the beer. And the Italians were fighting over pasta.

"Where's your Christmas cheer? It's only a carol! On the eleventh day of Christmas, Su-san gave to me~ Eleven Finnish Presents!"

"Now you're talking! Ten ripe Tomatoes~!"

"Nine cups of tea~!"

"EIGHT FRENCH ROSES~!"

"Do you like your seven purple ribbons, Bruder?"

"Six more pans for Prussia~!"

"FIIIVE SOLID GOLD HAMBURGEEERS~!"

"Can I have one, desu yo?"

"BRUDER! DRINK THE BEER, I MIGHT SAVE YOU!"

"Are you even listening?"

"And a PASTA with Germany~!"

Eleven presents fell from the ceiling and several nations asked "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU GO FIRST, FINLAND?" Solid gold hamburgers fell from the ceiling and one landed on China.

"There! My debt is repaid!" America laughed.

Then Poland decided to end the song. "On the last day of Christmas, Liet, like, gave to me~ Twelve Pink Ponies~!"

"That's not good, Poland! Oh! Uh... Eleven Finnish presents~!"

"Gimme my ten tomatoes, bastard!"

"Nine cups of... damn... was it tea or rum?"

"No more roses! I can't strip with this many!"

"Seven purple ribbons~!"

"... I think I killed Prussia..."

"FIIIVE GOOOLDEN HAMBURGEEEERS~!"

"Look at all the micronations! Just call me Sea-sempai!"

"Bruder! Don't reach for the light! Reach for the beer!"

"THAT IS IT! NOTICE ME! TWO MILLION MAPLE LEAVES!"

"And a PASTA" Then the pasta bowl landed right on his head. "...with... HRE~!" Then Italy fell to the floor.

Germany caught Italy. "Wait, who's HRE? Italy!"

"We are never serving alcohol at a Christmas party ever again..."

"Except for eggnog."

I blame Poland for this. The first chapter of the fluffy fic was him and Liet, but I couldn't find a way to make it interesting and it all went downhill from there.

England and America: *hic*
Happy Holidays!