Written for Droxy at the SS/HG fic exchange 2010 on LJ. The characters and canon situations in the following story belong solely to JK Rowling, Scholastic and WB. I am not making any money from the publishing or writing of this story.

READ THIS PROMPT VERY CAREFULLY!

Genre is Straight-Up Horror (focus on the death, suspense, and fear) or Horror with dark/gallows humor (e.g. Addams Family, Hannibal Lector). Vampire HG and SS are a loving couple and literally have Weasleys for dinner. Please explain how SS and HG become vampires and why they are a couple. How do SS and HG get their dinner guests? One and only one Weasley survives; explain how they survive. You can't kill off Vampire SS/HG. You cannot kill off all the Weasleys at one time, as one human per vampire is a meal. Other book vampires can drain a Weasley if you need to knock off a few in one go. You can dispose of other characters in addition to the Weasleys. SS and/or HG must dispose of the remains. Be creative in your gore, victim attainment and torment, and body disposal. Snappy dinner conversation is always fun, especially when they play with the meals. Must be at least book 6 compliant. You can vary the places where our vampires have their dinners. No crossovers.

Know what that means? For all of those who hate the Weasley's - this is the perfect fic. I will save one of them. The rest? Well. *evil grin* This is and will be YOUR ONLY WARNING: This fic is gruesome, bloody, deals with death/murder/mayhem, and humour. Yup - funny. Several reviewers have already commented that they couldn't believe they liked it. This is not for the squeamish. Also, JK Rowling owns EVERYTHING. I make nothing. There is a significant portion of Chapter 32 of The Deathly Hallows in chapter 1. I used it (and twisted it) so that I could stay compliant with the prompt. My lovely betas: Dusty273, Ssddgr, Imbloodyenglish, and Blackoberst are indispensable, and this couldn't have been done without them. I love you all! Enjoy! NO FLAMES.

He knew he was dreaming again.

"I have a problem, Severus," Voldemort said in a deceptively soft tone.

"My Lord?" the Potions master asked hesitantly, his eyes darting between the Dark Lord and a tall, pale gentleman standing silently in the corner.

The serpentine man raised the Elder Wand and held it delicately. "Why doesn't it work for me, Severus?"

Swallowing the bile that threatened to fill his mouth, Snape drew his brows together in confusion. "I do not understand, my Lord. You have performed extraordinary magic with that wand."

"No!" Voldemort hissed. "I have performed my usual magic. I am extraordinary," he pronounced with haughty disdain, "but this wand… no." He looked at the crooked stick in his hand. "It has not revealed the wonders it has promised. I feel no difference between this wand and the one I procured from Ollivander all those years ago."

What the hell could Severus say? He closely watched as his master rose from the chair he was sitting on and crossed to the person he'd seen perched in the shadows. There was a murderous glint to the gaze the man directed at the Dark Lord as he stroked his face, whispering in some unknown language.

So intent on the other being's eyes was Severus, that he'd almost forgotten the presence of his master. Almost.

"I have thought long and hard, Severus." Voldemort turned his attention to the dark wizard standing in the middle of the dilapidated room. "Do you know why I have called you back from the battle?"

"No, my Lord," Snape hedged, ever vigilant of his master's movements. "But I beg you to let me return. Let me find Potter."

A disgusted sneer arched Voldemort's thin, almost non-existent upper lip. "You sound like Lucius." The words were spat out. Rolling his shoulders, he moved back to the gaunt and pale person residing in the dimmed recesses of the room. "Neither of you understands Potter as I do," he said conversationally without facing Snape.

"Potter will come to me," he continued after several moments of tense silence. "I know his weakness, you see, his one great flaw." He snorted, as if the boy's Achilles' heel was not that much of a challenge. "He will hate watching the others struck down around him, knowing that it is because of him that it happens." Looking briefly over his shoulder at Snape, he smirked. "He will want to stop it at any cost." Nodding to himself, he said more confidently, "Yes, he will come."

"My Lord…" Snape tried to placate him, knowing something terrible was about to happen—and odds were it had very much to do with him. "Potter might be killed accidentally by one other than yourself, and—"

Voldemort whirled around in righteous fury, his already red eyes glowing in an unholy light, as he cut off Snape's pathetic attempts to deviate him from his path. "My instructions to my Death Eaters have been perfectly clear!" He pointed a talon-like finger at his most trusted servant. "Capture Potter, kill his friends—the more, the better—but do not kill him!"

Emerging from the shadows, the Dark Lord dragged the other man with him to stand before Snape. The Potions master could tell there was an Incarcerous binding the sickly looking being, but something else was making him sweat… droplets of blood. In fact, his entire face was riddled with pinprick beads of crimson. Raising his gaze to the man, Snape recognized the ravenous hunger burning in the creature's eyes, his paper-thin skin so translucent the blue veins underneath were clearly visible. This dark being had been starved for a considerable amount of time and it was plainly evident he would be uncontrollable with his next feed.

"It is you I wished to speak of, Severus," the Dark Lord intoned ominously, interrupting Snape's pondering on the man situated between them. He then surprised the dark-haired wizard further by caressing his sallow cheek. "You have been very valuable to me… very valuable."

Snape gave him a slight bow of his head in acknowledgement. "My Lord knows I seek only to serve him." He tried to appease him again. "Let me go and find the boy. I know I—"

"I said no!" Voldemort roared, hissing at him with tiny, pointed teeth. He tilted his head and studied his servant for a moment before asking, "Why did both the wands I have used fail when directed at Harry Potter?"

A frown creased Snape's brow. In the deepest recesses of his brain, he snidely thought, 'Because you wouldn't know how to handle a wand since you don't know how to handle a woman', but it was violently pushed aside. Instead, he replied, "I cannot answer that, my Lord."

Leaning close, Voldemort closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, opening them suddenly to stare straight into Snape's. "Can't you?"

Low growling issued from the man between servant and master, a sound as if it were a dog warning off an intruder from a prized possession. One look from the Dark Lord, however, silenced his complaints.

Returning his attention to Snape—who was staring at the creature licking his lips as its appetite grew—Voldemort continued on as if they had not been interrupted. "All this long night, when I am on the brink of victory, I have sat here," he whispered heatedly, "wondering, wondering why the Elder Wand refused to be what it ought to be, refuses to perform as legend says it must perform for its rightful owner…" He gave Snape a feral smile. "And I think I have the answer."

Thoughts raced through Severus' mind like Muggle electricity while he searched his considerable knowledge for why he was being detained and what that had to do with the Elder Wand. That piece of wood was simply the most dispassionate, the most ruthless. Though a witch or wizard expected a certain amount of loyalty from their wand, this particular one would only take strength into consideration.

With a regular wand, if the bearer were disarmed while carrying it—even if they lost a fight—it had to develop an affinity with the new master since it would not give up its previous owner very easily. There was the caveat that if a wand was properly won in an adult duel, then it might switch allegiance… but it was not so with the Elder Wand.

It knew no loyalty except to strength; it was completely unsentimental. It would only go where the power was greatest. Inevitably, it attracted wizards who were prepared to—and did—kill for it and with it. Snape knew that Dumbledore had possessed the Elder Wand until… He blanched considerably, his already pale face now marble white, as he fixed his gaze on his lord.

"Ah," Voldemort stated with a knowing smile. "Perhaps you already know the answer, then? You are a clever man, after all, Severus." His smile faltered somewhat when he glanced at the now panting creature off to his right. "You have been a good and faithful servant. I regret what must happen."

"What must happen?" Snape's eyes bulged. "My Lord—"

"The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master." Turning to the bound man, Voldemort cupped his chin, rubbing the traces of blood further into his skin. "The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner," he said idly, obviously enjoying the torment and suffering of the creature before him. "You killed Dumbledore. While you live, the Elder Wand cannot be truly mine."

Sweat now gathered on Snape's brow, his breathing becoming shallower. How had this bigoted prick managed to stay in power this long? Either someone fed him erroneous information or he was too arrogant to study the subject he was currently grousing about. To become the master of the Elder Wand, one had to win in a show of strength; a person didn't need to kill with it! If anyone was that damnable stick's master it was… Malfoy! It was now made all sickeningly clear.

"My Lord!" Snape protested once more. "I am not—"

"It cannot be any other way." Voldemort sounded almost sorrowful. "I must master the wand, Severus." His eyes began to glow again. "If I master the wand, then I master Potter at last!"

Swiping saidwand, Voldemort pointed the Elder Wand at the creature and whispered, "Finite," then ordered him to kill the Potions master.

Immediately, the monster was freed and lunged at Snape, piercing his neck with elongated incisors, toppling them both to the dingy floor. Though Severus struggled, it was in vain; try as he might, he couldn't pry the deadly being off of him. Terrible screams filled the Shrieking Shack, while the Dark Lord dispassionately watched the mutilation of his most trusted servant.

After what seemed like an eternity, the muffled screams died to complete silence, save for the occasional snarl issued from the creature feasting at Snape's neck, the dour wizard finally lay still on the dirty floorboards. Voldemort, apparently sensing that it was time to leave, pulled his cloak around him and swept from the room without a backward glance, flicking the wand once more to take his beloved Nagini with him. He'd originally planned on using her to dispatch Snape, but when an opportunity too great to ignore arose, he used the Dark creature instead. It mattered not, however, since they would all bow before him.

Watching the serpentine lord disappear, the man gorging himself on blood withdrew, wiping his mouth with the back of his wrist. "Can you hear?" he whispered, shaking the raven-haired person a little to rouse him.

Gurgling was Snape's only response, for he couldn't articulate anything with his throat torn open. He did however, grasp hold of the man's shirt, clenching and unclenching his fist, moving his lips in a parody of words.

"Good," the creature whispered, taking his victim's movement as an affirmative. "I am Radu Novac," he said in hushed tones, sensing other humans nearby. "Rightful prince to the Romanian vampire covens."

Unwillingly, Snape closed his eyes in exhaustion, as his hand relaxed and dropped from Radu's chest. The vampire shook him once more, but his eyes refused to open, the blood loss too great. Even a harsh slap brought no response.

"Severus Snape!" Radu hissed in his ear, now smelling three other humans lurking in the shadows. The vampire noticed a wispy blue substance curling its way out of man's slack mouth, and frowned when it lingered above his head. Ignoring it for the time being, he pried open one of the unconscious man's eyelids.

"Listen to me, Snape." There was no reaction. "La dracu," Radu cursed. "Must do this the hard way."

Sinking his fangs into his own wrist, Radu watched as the crimson fluid welled on his pallid skin, waiting until there was enough gathered and then pressing it to the wizard's mouth. "Drink," he commanded.

Nothing happened. Growling in frustration, he lifted Snape's eyelid again, steadily gazing at the lifeless orb until he caught the lone spark of consciousness and grasped hold of it, luring the comatose man to do his bidding. "Drink!"

Reflexively, Snape began to suckle the life-giving substance, as Radu spoke to him hurriedly. "I don't have much time," he murmured softly. "It is dawn in an hour and I must be hidden by then."

Having lapped up a significant amount, Snape now latched on in earnest, nipping at the skin to produce more of the sweet nectar. His eyes slowly opened, so he could gaze at his murderer and saviour all in one.

"Nenorocitul naibii!" Radu snarled, squeezing his fist so his blood would flow easier for the prone human. "Incapacitated me and took me from my homeland, holding me ransom to my father when we would not join his campaign." He mumbled in Romanian then spat on the floor. "But my father is powerful, Snape. He could not willingly join such a crusade, for it would've given that monster such immense strength that you all would have been obliterated. We have tried to remain neutral for millennia, the vampire covens, but this act cannot be forgiven." He withdrew his wrist when he surmised the wizard had had his fill. "You will be our justice." Radu leaned over him and kissed his brow reverently, leaving a bloody imprint of his lips upon his skin. "You will be our wrath."

The vampire clasped Snape's face between his hands, gaze boring into him, commanding and seductive in turn. "Kill that which he holds dear: his pure-blood society." His attention was suddenly drawn to two males and one female that had emerged from beneath the floorboards through a previously unseen door. "Interlopers!"

"We mean you no harm," Hermione pleaded, hands raised in supplication. She looked between her former professor and the being hovering over him. "We need them," she said quietly, pointing to the silvery blue puddles lying scattered on the floor.

Radu considered her for a moment. Hesitantly, he nodded, indicating she could approach, though he warned her in low growls when she was moving too quickly for his tastes. While Hermione dropped to one knee and started scooping up the wispy strands, Ron and Harry took a step forward to help her, halting when Radu hissed at them dangerously.

"No! Only her!" he advised them in a threatening manner, crouched low as if daring the boys to come closer. "Only she is worthy to touch a Novăceşti!"

Harry and Ron looked at each other in confusion, but stayed far enough away that the vampire stopped snarling at them. Hermione stilled until she felt it safe to continue then began frantically gathering the memories into her conjured flasks.

"Micuţo, you shake," Radu observed, wondering why she seemed on the verge of screaming. "I will not harm you, I swear it."

"I-I know," she stuttered, biting her lip. "I just can't think straight at the moment." She coaxed another memory into a blue jar. "And I feel exceedingly strange."

Snape, still incapable of speech, watched as she tentatively laid a hand on the side of his face, slipping her fingers into the damp tresses at his temple. "There's still one lingering here," Hermione told him softly, removing it to let it fall into her cupped hand.

His eyes followed her every movement, inhaling deeply of her scent when she smoothed back the inky locks from his brow and whining low like a wounded animal when she pulled away. Both Radu and Hermione looked at him with concern.

"What is it, copile?" Radu assured Severus. "She will not harm you."

The whining became panicky the further she withdrew. "I only took the memories," she explained, though Snape's whimpers were causing her eyes to tear up. "I didn't do anything else!"

"Linişte, both of you!" the vampire growled in a tone that brooked no argument, silencing them. "Your name, my lady?"

She made the mistake of looking into Radu's eyes and was immediately captivated by the indigo irises. "Hermione Granger."

"What's he doing?" Ron muttered to Harry, irritated with the situation.

Harry slapped a hand over Ron's mouth. "Shut up and maybe we'll find out."

Ignoring the chattering annoyances in the background, Radu asked another question. "Are you human?"

"Muggle-born witch," she answered somewhat lethargically.

"Give me your hand."

Ron gave a muffled yell through Harry's fingers. "Hermione, no!"

This caused her to startle and the eye contact was broken. She gasped repeatedly, rubbing her eyes until they were bloodshot.

Rising slowly, Radu approached the boys at the back of the shack. "Wag your tongue some more, dog, and I will cut it out and eat it for breakfast."

"I don't think that would be a very wise thing to do… sir," Harry advised. He dropped his hand from Ron's mouth and held his wand aloft, pointing it at Radu. "We're worried about our friend, seeing as you're so interested in her."

"She is no longer your concern."

Both Gryffindors were aghast. "She has been, is, and always will be our concern," Harry intoned, laying the tip of Draco's wand against Radu's neck, secretly hoping the thing would work for him when he most needed it.

The vampire smiled, showing his fangs. "We shall see." Stepping back with his hands raised in surrender, he returned to his position beside Snape before glancing out the window at the slightly orange-tinged sky. "Fir-ar!"

Knowing that his time was limited, Radu knelt before Snape and Hermione, taking the witch's hand. His eyes suddenly flared an intense purple and he let go, gasping. "Anhelo Nex!" he whispered harshly, staring at her. He then grabbed Snape's arm and pushed up his sleeve, baring his skin. "Touch him," Radu commanded her.

"No." She retreated, refusing to look at either man.

"Anhelo Nex, priveşte-ţi perechea!" he compelled her this time.

Hesitantly, she laid her chilled fingers on her professor's equally cold forearm. "I don't understand what—"

Her sentence was abruptly cut off when surges of something that she could only describe as raw energy coursed through her from the contact point on Snape's skin. Both were seized with a jolt, the force causing Hermione to arch her back and him to grind his teeth.

"Enough!" Radu pulled them apart, their anguished whimpers filling the room. Once again, the boys moved to assist Hermione, but the vampire stopped them in their tracks. "Do. Not. Touch. Her."

"She's my girlfriend!" Ron protested with a scowl. "I can touch her if—"

"Only if you want to die, tâmpitule."

Ron frowned and turned to Harry. "What did he call me?"

"Something fitting, I wager," Harry answered impatiently. "Look, sir, I think—"

"No, you will listen to me." Radu now stood before them, studying their weary faces. "You are powerful, Harry Potter, but not as powerful as the Novăceşti. And I do not tell you this lightly." He looked over his shoulder to where Hermione had Snape's head in her lap, stroking his brow. "She is of the Anhelo Nex."

Harry and Ron stared at him uncomprehending.

Radu's lip curled in a sneer. "An aleasă, a-a carrier..." He was getting frustrated with their lack of understanding at what he was trying to say. "A 'mate'—do you understand this word?"

Ron's eyes widened and he made to lunge at the vampire, but Harry held him back. "She's nobody's mate but mine!"

Sinister laughter boomed from Radu. "Foolish mortal." He leaned closer to Ron and inhaled. "You have bad blood," he observed with disgust. "You would not be able to keep her, even if you had her."

"Why you—"

"Ron!" Hermione's voice brought the ginger man to a halt. "Stop your childish posturing, right now."

"But, Hermione, he said—"

"I'm perfectly capable of hearing," she pointed out, then turned her gaze to Radu, "and disagreeing."

A smirk broke out on the vampire's face. "We shall see, micuţo." Birdsong started to filter through the grime-encrusted windows. "But for now, you must listen."

She crossed her arms in defiance. "You can't tell me anything that I don't already know about vampires."

Cupping her cheek, Radu let his thumb caress her skin, feeling the soft vibration of her blood just beneath the surface. "You are naive to think you know everything."

Ron snorted. "Obviously you don't know who you're talking to."

Hermione and Radu turned to stare at him, one in irritation, the other in contempt. Grasping her elbow, Radu moved the bushy-haired witch closer to Snape, who was still lying prone on the floor, unconscious once more.

"Stay with him," Radu instructed, nodding in the wizard's direction. "He is weak, disoriented, and will need to feed again soon. Then, a full night's rest before he attains his full strength."

"I-I can't," she countered in a frustrated tone. "Harry, Ron, and I have to finish this out... today!"

Stroking his chin, Radu weighed the risks. "Can you return when it is done?"

Her jaw dropped a little. "If I'm still alive," she said petulantly.

Radu looked at her as though he thought she'd lost her mind. "Of course you'll still be alive." He scoffed. "You are integral to his survival."

"Is he a full..." She swallowed thickly. "A full vampire, now?"

"As I said before, he will need to feed again and rest before he comes into his powers." He looked at her pointedly and sighed. "You must let him turn you before your twenty-first birthday."

"What?" she screeched, drawing the attention of her best friends back to them. "I have no intentions of becoming a-a..." She waved her hands in a flustered manner.

"A what, Hermione?" Ron asked, coming near and looking between the other man and his girlfriend.

"A vampire," Radu hissed through clenched teeth. He met Hermione's tearful eyes. "If you do not, micuţo, you will die."

"What?" Ron shouted, startling everyone. "Did you put a curse on her when you did that hand-holding thing?" He swung, intending to land a punch to the creature, who was currently smiling in triumph, but his fist landed in the palm of Radu's hand and was abruptly stopped. The impact sent a wave up his arm and into his shoulder, jarring his vision.

"Temper, temper." The Romanian's tone was taunting. "It will get you into trouble one day."

"Sod off!"

"Actually," Radu murmured, avoiding the sliver of sunlight that crept through the boards on the windows, "I think I will." He returned his gaze to Hermione. "Remember what I said."

In an act worthy of any Muggle magician, Radu Novac slowly dissolved into a misty vapour and slipped through the wooden floorboards, leaving the trio and his child in the shack.

They stood in stunned silence for a while before Hermione shook off her stupor and grabbed the boys, heading towards the trap door. "Come on, you need to look at these."

"What about Snape?" Harry pointed at the fallen man.

"Merlin," Hermione exclaimed in exasperation. "Help me move him into a dark corner, Harry."

"No, I'll do it," Ron volunteered. "Just give me Bellatrix's wand and I'll tuck him in. You need to get Harry back to the castle."

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "Ron..."

"What?" he said with a shrug. "I swear I won't harm him."

She pursed her lips, wanting to believe his sincerity. "Fine, but hurry up." She slipped the hawthorn wand out of her back pocket, handed it to Ron since his had been damaged, then opened the trap door and shoved Harry down, ignoring his protests. "And be careful. Death Eaters are everywhere." With one last look, she ducked down into the tunnel and disappeared.

Gripping the strange wand in his right hand, Ron approached the ghastly-looking professor, nudging him with his left foot. "Snape?" he whispered.

No movement.

"Snape?" he said a little louder, but still nothing.

"You miserable, greasy bastard!" Ron yelled at the top of his lungs.

Nothing.

Bending low, he laid the tip of the wand on the unconscious wizard's brow, just above his eyes. "I promised Hermione that I wouldn't hurt you." He smirked. "But memory loss won't harm you, plus it will keep her safe." He bent lower. "You'll never have her."

"Obliviate!"

He knew he was dreaming.

But each time he awoke with a gasp from the images he'd just beheld, everything faded, leaving an empty longing inside his chest—as if a large piece of his core were missing. Damnable dreams! Why couldn't he remember? Why couldn't he recall the reason he'd awoken in the Shrieking Shack to heightened smells and intense colours? How in Merlin's bones had he arrived there to begin with?

Throwing back the covers off his meagre pallet in continuing frustration, Severus Snape attended his toilette, preparing as best he could to appear presentable to the Novăceşti. Once dressed, he nudged the man on the other side of the room until he was awake, though grumbling rather fiercely about being roused in the dead of night.

Tonight, he was determined to find the answers to the multitude of questions he'd had for the past three years.

Tonight, he would find out why his soul ached.