AN: Okay, so I'm going to have to be a bad person and turn this twoshot into a threeshot. Also...the third part (which is the part with the Vampire Diaries crossover) won't be up until January. I'm so sorry! It's just that it was getting so long. I had to break it up again. Not to mention I'm leaving in three days and there is no way I'll be able to finish by then. I'm still working like a mad woman to get the next chapter of Queen of Hearts finished and posted before I leave. Plus I have to pack and...yeah, it's a whole big thing.

In summary: The Damon part of this story will not be up until the new year because I am swamped and don't have a crapload of time left and for that I am truly sorry.

However, I do hope you enjoy this part and I hope it quenches your thirst, so to speak, until I get back from my holidays. Love you all!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

your words in my memory (are like music to me)

Written by Becks Rylynn

Part Two; and sets me down

The funny thing is, she's always wanted to travel.

When she was human, she lived in a worthless little town in a worthless era of inequality and judgment. She was a measly little twerp who did everything a proper woman was supposed to do back then, including taking regular beatings from her big brute of a husband. She was a scared, sad girl who couldn't make eye contact and who spoke with a stutter. Why do you think she turned to witchcraft in the first place? It was because she was tired of being meaningless and ordinary. She was tired of taking everything that was dished out onto her. She turned to witchcraft and wound up selling her soul because she wanted to get away to something better. And then, of course, she learned that the promises other witches had made her (namely Kristy) were nothing but words and then her life was nothing but flames.

The time after she crawled out of the pit was spent with the Winchesters. They meant something to the world and she knew she meant nothing, but she could help them. She could save them. She never really saw the world that first year because she was too busy looking at them.

And then there was Bray.

She has always longed to see the world she has been deprived of for so long. However...

...Let's just say this isn't the way she pictured herself achieving her lifelong goal of seeing the world.

She's not sure what to do or where to go and she's fairly confident that traveling with an eight month old is going to be some variation of hell, but if she and her daughter were going to be in danger if they stayed then she'll do anything to keep that danger at bay.

On a whim, she decides to go to Paris. She's not exactly sure why but people always seem to want to go to Paris and she'd like to know what's there that is so special. Plus, as an added bonus it's so far away from Dean and everything they could have had that the distance is almost like a safety blanket. (Although, she will admit that long plane rides with a baby suck.)

Paris is beautiful in the summer.

It's crowded and busy and so hot it's oven-like, but it's beautiful.

She spends the time trying to outrun the memories of that one perfect day she had with Dean. (That, by the way, is a gigantic lie because if she really wanted to outrun Dean's ghost, she wouldn't keep his ring so close to her heart.) She can never run quite fast enough and the memories really get her at night.

She takes Bray to see the Eiffel Tower and tosses pennies into a fountain, making wishes that won't come true and drinks a lot of coffee.

It all sounds very glamorous, doesn't it? She's in fucking Paris.

Unfortunately, the truth is Paris is a place full of romance and adventure and the best fashion in the world. Three things that she is not looking for. (Actually, the fashion part is not half bad.) She is a single mother trying to forget about the man who broke her heart. Paris was a mistake. It's expensive and full of things she can never have.

...Also, the language barrier is, like, hardcore and her life needs a laugh track when she tries to order coffee.

They stay for three weeks and then Ruby decides Paris does not have what she's looking for. (Of course it doesn't. What she's looking for is thousands and thousands of miles away trying to save the world.)

The plane from Paris takes her and Bray to Seattle and when she hears about a small, supposedly peaceful island off the coast, she jumps at the chance to get away somewhere where French people aren't talking loudly or kissing obnoxiously in front of her or cooing at her petit mignon.

The second she steps onto the miniscule island, however, she knows she has made a terrible mistake. It's nice, yes. Peaceful and relaxing and a very nice summer vacation spot. But there is something awfully dark and sinister about this place and she's about 85% sure ghosts weave in and out of the trees. Something either has happened or will happen on this island. Possibly both. There's a startling amount of blood in the air.

The only reason she sticks it out for as long as she does it because Bray seems to like this place. They stay at a local in and Ruby does her best to forget about her trepidation. It's probably nothing anyway. Her senses must be out of whack because she hasn't needed them in so long. She pushes it all away and starts looking for a job and a place to live. All for Bray.

But the feelings she tries to ignore persist stubbornly and the trees that sway in the wind seem to whisper warnings to her. One afternoon, after she's put Bray down for a nap, she's struck by the unmistakable feeling that someone is watching her. She whirls around and when there's nothing there, she decides it's long past time to go. She actually throws her hands up in the air and announces to the empty room, ''That's it! I'm done.''

She doesn't sleep a wink that night and she takes her daughter and leaves first thing in the morning. The keeper of the inn smiles kindly, tells her they're going to miss her (lie. They're going to miss Bray not her moody mother) but it's actually best that she leave because there's a wedding party coming soon and there wouldn't be room for her. Ruby half listens as the woman rambles on and all she can think about is how much she wants to leave.

''I know you like it here, baby girl,'' she says softly once they're gone. ''But there's something very wrong here.''

(Also, here more than anywhere else, she seems to get mistaken for someone else a lot and it's getting downright annoying.)

When they get back to the mainland, it's raining and she's tired so they stay the night in the city and the sound lulls Bray to sleep with ease. It's probably the best night's sleep they've both gotten in a long time. The rain even manages to chase dreams of Dean away.

The next day, Ruby gets a car and drives the 954 miles to Los Angeles in two days. Why she picks LA, she's not sure. She's not really a sun kind of person and Bray doesn't seem to be too overly fond of the big glowing ball either. It's not so much that she chooses LA. It's more...she gets tired of driving (because she is not a Winchester and she does not enjoy her time cooped up in a car) and LA just happens to be where she stops.

Despite the fact that the overload of sun repulses her, she wants to make this place last longer than a couple of weeks and she desperately needs a job because she's well on her way to running out of money. She gets a crappy apartment, finds a good daycare and gets a job at a bar. It's definitely not perfect and she quite misses her old life, but it's good enough for now.

(In LA, she gets so busy that she momentarily forgets about Dean.)

Aside from the neverending sunlight, LA is not a terrible place to be. Her job is decent and she makes good money, especially through tips, and Bray's happy with her daycare. Sure, their apartment is miniscule and sure she gets hit on repeatedly by guys and girls (although it is nice to know she's still got it going on) but it's not actually half bad. And then one night, things change.

She's sleeping peacefully with the covers pushed off of her as sirens echo in the distance and then everything she thinks she's run away from catches up to her and Dean Winchester invades her dreams once again. She bolts upright in bed with a sharp gasp and sweat beading on her forehead. She draws in a few large gulps of air and clutches the sheets.

Okay.

Time to go.

The day after she gets her paycheck, she bundles Bray up and leaves LA, and the stupid freaking sun that shines all the goddamned time, behind.

Three days later, they're in a small town (she always has preferred small towns) in Ohio that she can't remember the name of. This place, she swears, will be different. She knows she can't stay forever but it needs to last longer than the other places. She gets a job at a local diner this time, a slightly better apartment and things begin to shape up. Her dreams of Dean disappear again and she allows herself to concentrate on everything but the war that's raging somewhere else and wills herself not to wonder if Dean and Sam are okay.

This place is actually pretty perfect (well, almost perfect). It's a nice family oriented small town where everyone knows each other. A good place to raise a child. The only problem with this town is her job. To put it bluntly, it sucks. The owner is a jackass who works his employees to the bone and she is not making nearly enough as she wants. She'd very much like to beat him with his own fucking spatula. She has several fantasies about maiming him with a frying pan. Unfortunately for her, she needs this job.

So she puts up with her boss (the sexist pig) and she still does her best to be a good mom even though she is always dead tired after work. She develops a routine and comes to enjoy the stability her predictable life entails.

Naturally, something has to come along and ruin what she's got going for her, right?

The life she left behind a long time ago comes back to haunt her (no pun intended) in mid October.

She first reads about the death of a well respected lawyer's wife in the paper, but she thinks nothing of it. People die every day and not every death is supernatural. However, when she goes to drop Bray off at daycare, she catches bits and pieces of a conversation being held between two women. Words like ''sudden'' and ''freak accident'' raise the red flags. She eavesdrops just long enough to learn that Mitchall Iverson's wife died suddenly at their home when she fell down the stairs.

Ruby sighs and chews on her lip. Logically, she knows it could actually be a simple freak accident. But when her internal alarm bells go off, they're usually right. To prove herself wrong, Ruby befriends one of the two women who happens to be Mitchall's daughter. Molly doesn't give her much to go on. Just to be sure, Ruby digs around in the Iverson's life. She's not totally convinced it's something weird yet and she's really hoping she's wrong. She's probably way off anyway. It's been a long time since she hunted anything. The last time she had a proper hunt was after Dean died but before she found out she was pregnant. She is way out of practice.

Of course just when she's happily ready to admit defeat, she comes face to face with what is possibly the freakiest looking ghost she has ever seen and winds up getting burned. That's not a...She's not being clever. She really does wind up burned. With one swipe of his charred hand, he leaves her with nasty burns on her stomach and a bad mood permanently ruining whatever she's got going for her in this town.

Seriously pissed off, she sifts through the Iverson's lives without an ounce of patience until she finds what she's looking for. Mr. Freddy Kruger's real name is Demetri Longiven and he died when Mitchall Iverson's law firm burned to the ground in early September.

The next day, when Molly's college aged sister dies in a car accident that no one can explain while on the way to her mother's funeral, everything clicks into place.

Ruby has never pretended to be tact. She is blunt and often times rude and she will not make apologies for that because that is just who she is. However, she does understand that her demeanor can, at times, be quite disconcerting to normal people. So she understands why Molly gets so upset and angry when Ruby plainly informs her that her life is in danger. She gets it, but she doesn't have time for it.

Molly tries to walk away (after rudely calling Ruby crazy, which is totally uncalled for by the way) and Ruby does just not have the time for this crap so she goes all out. ''Your mother and sister's deaths weren't accidents,'' she deadpans, crossing her arms.

Molly stops walking and turns around slowly. ''Excuse me?''

Ruby nods simply. ''They were killed. By a ghost. Who is now going to go after you and your family.''

Molly stares at her with wide, frightened eyes before laughing a shaky little laugh. ''You're insane. You need help.''

''Well, yeah, but that's not the point right now.''

''I-I'm calling the...'' Molly fumbles around in her purse for her phone.

When she finally grasps it, Ruby takes it and crushes it under the heel of her boot, which is not actually necessary but she doesn't like being called crazy. ''Molly - ''

''Stay away from me!''

''Molly, think about this for a second. When your mother died, did she have any burns on her body? How do you get a burn from falling down the stairs?''

Molly gulps. (Aha. Gotcha.) When Ruby takes a step forwards, Molly takes a step backwards, clutching the strap of her purse. ''Sh-She had a burn on her hand. Daddy said she had burned her hand on the stove the night before.''

''Daddy lied.''

Molly's eyes widen and fill with tears. For a second, Ruby's sure she's got her. But then Molly decides to be stubborn, shaking her head adamantly as she swipes at the fresh tears on her cheeks. ''No! This is...This is crazy! There's no such thing as ghosts.''

''Really?'' Ruby cocks her head to the side. ''Then who's that burned man you've been seeing around your house? New neighbor?''

Molly blanches. ''How do you know about that? That...That was a dream. It wasn't real.''

''I talked to one of your sister's friends. She saw him too. Before she died.''

A choked sob escapes Molly's lips and her hands go up to cover her mouth. ''Why are you telling me all of this?''

''Uh, because I'm trying to save your life,'' Ruby says slowly. ''Was that not clear? You have kids, Molly. They need their mother.'' When Molly doesn't speak and instead stares at the ground, Ruby continues. ''His name is Demetri Longiven. He used to work - ''

''For my father,'' Molly cuts in with a gasp. ''I know. I remember him. He...He died in that fire last month. But...'' She shakes her head and winds her arms around herself. ''Why would he do this? He was such a sweet man.''

Ruby hesitates briefly. She doesn't particularly want to present her findings to Molly because she will, no doubt, take it badly. But time is quickly running out and she doesn't think she has much of a choice anymore. ''Molly,'' she starts softly. ''The fire that Demetri died in...It wasn't an accident. Your father's law firm...it's not as pristine as you may think. Your father took money from criminals and I think Demetri found out and your father killed him to shut him up.''

As it turns out, Molly is a very sweet, caring mother and wife who just happens to deliver one hell of a bitch slap. ''I don't know who you think you are,'' Molly says shakily. ''But I want you to stay the hell away from my family.'' With a glare, she turns and walks away.

(In hindsight, Ruby doesn't know why she thought that would go over better.)

Molly is attacked later that night in her home and ends up with a nasty burn on her cheek, worse than the ones on Ruby's stomach, that will probably leave a permanent scar. But she's alive. When she turns around to face the person who saved her, Ruby sighs and pinches her lips.

Molly ends up banging on her father's door at one in the morning while Ruby hangs back with her phone to her ear as she talks the babysitter into staying late. As soon as the door opens, Molly's in tears and she's demanding, ''Is it true?''

Tired and haggard looking, all Mitchall can do is nod.

And the Molly puts her bitch slapping skills to good use. ''Mom and Meredith are dead because of you! How could you do something like this? I knew you were cold, but this is murder, Dad!''

''Hey,'' Ruby pushes in between father and daughter with an impatient frown. ''This is all very dramatic, but how about we all focus on staying alive, 'kay?''

Mitchall Iverson is an ungrateful bastard. It doesn't take long for Ruby to learn that key fact. He's also a little sexist if that ''how are you going to save us? You're just a girl'' comment is showcasing his lovely personality.

''What are you doing? How is salt going to help us?''

''Salt repels evil.''

''...That's asinine.''

''Shut up.''

''You could stand to be a little nicer, young lady.''

''Please shut up.''

''Haven't you ever heard of respecting your elders?''

Ruby smirks and stands straight, clapping her hands together to get rid of any leftover salt. ''I've got a lot of years on you, honey,'' she warns. ''But if you like, I can leave and let you and your daughter die. How does that sound?''

''I'm just saying - ''

''Well, don't. I don't have to be nice to you. What are you gonna do if I'm not? Set me on fire?''

''Just so you know, Dad,'' Molly pipes up from a chair on the other side of the room. ''After this is all over, I'm turning you in.''

Ruby rolls her eyes when a bickering match starts and has to all but throw them both into the circle of salt. ''Hey,'' she snaps, glaring at them both. ''In case you haven't noticed, we're stuck in A Nightmare on Elm Street. I, for one, would love to skip to the end credits so I can go home to my kid. Unfortunately, I have to save what's left of your dysfunctional family first. Now, if you want to die in the first half hour of the movie then please, keep fighting. If you'd like to make it to the end, then shut the fuck up. Jesus, I've forgotten why I'm helping you both.''

Demetri attacks at two thirty in the morning.

A wall of fire separates Ruby from Molly and Mitchall and what winds up happening is this: All Demetri wants is revenge on the man who killed him. Mitchall gives him that by breaking the salt circle and sacrificing himself to the pyromaniac ghost to save his daughter. In the end, Molly's left kneeling by the charred body of her father who managed to gain some sort of twisted redemption that smells like burnt flesh and Ruby doesn't tell the other woman that from the moment she found out what Mitchall did she knew this would be the way it had to end.

The house burns to the ground and the rest of the town thinks the Iverson family just had a bad run of terrible luck.

Things pretty much go downhill from there. Ruby gets fired for neglecting her work and gets evicted shortly after. But she saved a life and she had forgotten how good that felt.

On Halloween night, Molly invites her over.

Ruby sits on the porch with Molly while Molly's husband takes his two kids and Bray trick or treating. Molly is watching her over the rim of her wine glass and Ruby doesn't waver under the scrutiny, crossing one leg over the other and sipping at her own wine. ''You're leaving,'' Molly says softly. ''Aren't you?''

Ruby puts her wine glass down and stares out at the trick or treaters in the night. ''Yes.''

''When?''

''Tomorrow morning. It's just...time. We've been here too long.''

Molly shakes her head and frowns. ''You've barely been here at all.''

''We've stayed in this place longer than anywhere else,'' Ruby argues quietly.

Molly tilts her head to the side. ''That sounds lonely. Why do you do it?''

''Because I have to. It's a long story, Molly.''

''Are you running from something?'' Ruby's lips twitch; she sends Molly a sidelong glance and doesn't say a word. Molly heaves a sigh and leans back against her chair. ''You have a lot of secrets, don't you, Ruby?''

''Well, if I told you then they wouldn't be secrets, now would they?''

Molly laughs lightly. They're quiet for a moment and then Molly puts her glass down and stares at Ruby with pursed lips. ''You should go to New York.''

Ruby arches an eyebrow. ''New York?''

''Mmmhmm.''

''Why?''

''It's a beautiful city. Especially at Christmas time. And I...I have a cousin who lives there. He knows the city like the back of his hand. He can get you a job and an affordable apartment. You saved my life, you know. I owe you.''

''Your father saved your life, Molly.''

''Ruby...''

Well...she has heard good things about New York at Christmas. She blows out a breath and turns to look at Molly. ''New York, huh?''

She gets to New York by November 3rd and Bray is already entranced by the lights of the city that shine brighter than even the LA lights.

Molly's cousin, Luke, is a very nice boy. When he's not hitting on her. He helps her find a suitable and cheap apartment in an area of the city that is not as terrible as some others, he helps her find a job (as a receptionist, which is new but the pay is better than all of her previous jobs put together) and he transfixes Bray by pulling a quarter out of her ear.

New York turns out to be a great change. In New York, she copes easily with her boss who is a perfectly nice man, he's just the dullest man alive (she's pretty sure he even bores himself), she lives in an apartment without rats or cockroaches, she has time to spend with her daughter and she begins a flirtation with a cop who goes to the coffee place below her apartment.

(As an added bonus, Dean's ghost does not follow her to the city with the bright lights.)

In the most clichéd part of her life so far, she meets Danny De Luca when they bump into each other (literally) at the coffee house she has begun to frequent.

He is an incredibly attractive Italian cop with the body of one of those guys on the cover of a trashy romance novel and he's a total sweetheart. To top it all off, the second time they meet in the coffee house she has Bray on her hip and as it turns out, he's great with kids. (''I've got a lot of nieces and nephews,'' he says.)

They dance around each other every morning and she'll never admit it, but some part of her keeps waiting for Dean to cut into that dance with a cocky smirk and a dude, my girls.

Danny finally asks her out two days before Thanksgiving and Ruby decides it's time to give up the ghost. She doesn't exactly say yes, but when he asks her if that was a no, she looks over her shoulder, sends him a smile and says, ''That wasn't a no, De Luca. Ask me again tomorrow.''

When he does ask her again the next day, she says yes. (It's time to move on.)

Thanksgiving finds her and Bray in that very same coffee place that never closes. Bray has food on her face and is passing the time by playing with a spoon and Ruby is reading. It doesn't strike her as sad because really, Thanksgiving is not one of the holidays she celebrates. She doesn't look up when the bell above the door chimes (she does, however, take the spoon away from Bray and replace it with a stuffed dog that Bray decides is best to chew on) but she does look up when someone says her name.

''Danny,'' she smiles (he makes her smile; that's got to count for something, right?) and closes her book. ''Hi.''

He grins and she thinks she might be ready to admit that his smile is gorgeous. ''Hi, Ruby. Are you here alone?''

She nods. ''Yeah. Bray and I got tired of reruns so we decided to get a little fresh air. You can sit down if you want. Otherwise the height difference might get us.''

He chuckles and takes a seat across from her. ''Anyway, what are you doing here?'' She asks, leaning an elbow on the table. ''Shouldn't you be with your family?''

''Nah. I've got a few hours before I have to head to Queens. What about you? Shouldn't you be with your family?''

''Uh...'' She smiles weakly and reaches over to brush a finger over Bray's cheek. ''This is pretty much it.''

He looks surprised, eyes darting between her and Bray. ''You don't have any family in the city?''

''Not in the city, no,'' she admits softly. (She sees Dean and Sam in her head even though she's not supposed to.) She looks at Bray, who's staring up at her with wide, innocent, searching eyes and when she looks back to Danny, he's frowning at her carefully and he looks like he's calculating something in his head. ''Uh-oh,'' she laughs. ''I recognize that look. You're going to do something charming, aren't you?''

He rises to his feet with a dazzling smile and holds out his hand to her. ''Come with me. Let me show you two my favourite parts of the city.''

''You mean like a date?''

''Think of it as more of a pre-date. Come on, nobody should be alone during the holidays.''

She pulls Bray out of her high chair and onto her lap, staring up at Danny for a moment in hesitation. And then she takes his hand.

She has a wonderful time with Danny, and when he touches her she feels those familiar tingles she hasn't felt in a long time. He takes her and Bray all around the city and charms her without effort. He shows her Central Park and Times Square and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and it all happens so fast. The next thing she knows she's letting him take her to Queens as the sun goes down because he doesn't want her to be alone.

His family is big and loud and the women of the family barely seem to notice her, going straight for Bray with high pitched squeals instead. At the end of the night, she looks up from her conversation with two of his sisters and catches his eye with a smile. She's not sure what he means to her. But it's so nice not to be lonely anymore.

(New York was a good choice. She'll have to remember to thank Molly.)

Their official date is even better. It snows and she loves the snow and he makes her smile and laugh like someone normal for a change. New York at night is beautiful, like he is. The lights cast the shadows away from her eyes and she sees the bright lights of the city reflected in his green eyes. He kisses her in the snow and the lights outside of her apartment building and she kisses back.

On their next date, he asks about Bray's dad. She just tells him that Bray's father isn't in the picture anymore. The truth is, Dean was never in the picture. But Danny...Danny could paint a whole different kind of picture.

Before she knows it, Bray's birthday arrives. Her baby girl is one year old. (God, has it really only been a year?) Bray is neither talking nor walking by the time her birthday rolls around because she's stubborn like both of her parents. Ruby of all people knows that the girl does not do anything unless she's good and ready. (She learned that during her three day stop and start labor.)

She spends the day pampering her daughter like a princess and when she takes a picture of Bray with cake on her face and a smile on her lips, she gives serious thought to sending Dean the picture. It's her birthday. He knows it's her birthday. And yeah, Ruby is well aware he told her not to contact him but this is their daughter's birthday and he should...well, let's not get into the things he should be doing for his daughter.

There's a knock on the door and she lets her fingers slip off the buttons of the cell phone. No. No contact means no contact. Whether it's her birthday or not.

She opens the door and it's Danny with an armload of presents from him and his family (who all think Bray is the greatest thing in the world. Seriously, they could go either way on Ruby, but Bray is like God's gift. ...She gets that) and there's that new picture she's letting him paint.

He cooks dinner and showers both Bray and Bray's mother with affection. (Danny is perfect. That's what she knows. What she doesn't know is if she deserves perfect.)

She falls asleep on the couch with Danny sometime after putting the birthday girl to bed and sometime during the Christmas special playing on TV. She wakes to the sound of Bray's cries as the credits are playing, slips out from underneath Danny's arm and staggers into her daughter's bedroom. She's not sure what's wrong with the poor girl - she doesn't need to be changed, she doesn't have a fever, she doesn't need to eat and she had been doing so well with sleeping through the night - but whatever it is, Bray is not in a good mood.

Ruby does her best to soothe Bray, but the one year old seems intent on being miserable. Bray does eventually wind up quieting down, but she clings to her mother like she's afraid to let go and lets out pitiful whimpers whenever Ruby tries to put her back in her bed. Ruby resigns herself to her fate and sits down in the chair by the window with Bray and her slightly disfigured (because Bray's a chewer) stuffed dog on her lap. Her eyes stray to the clock and when she sees what time it is, a small smile crosses her lips.

''You know, kid,'' she whispers. ''This time last year, I was screaming my lungs out because of you and your big head.'' Bray peers up at her mother with those big blue doe eyes of hers. Ruby stifles a laugh. ''Yeah, that's right. I said you have a big head. Don't worry, though. I love you and your big head.'' She presses a kiss to the top of the aforementioned big head before sighing and resting her cheek against Bray's. ''Do you think you could just stay this way forever? Can't you just be my little girl forever?'' Bray tangles her fingers in her mother's blond hair and clutches her dog.

After a moment of contented silence, Ruby speaks up softly, eyes darting to the door. ''You like Danny, don't you? He's perfect, you know. He's sweet and funny and he's got a great heart. And he really likes you. Everybody likes you. He'd be so good to us, Bray.''

(Yes, true. But there's a silver ring and a memory locked away somewhere that says differently.)

''He'd treat us right.'' Ruby swallows and closes her eyes. ''He's a great guy, baby. But I feel like he can't ever really know who I am. But your dad...he knew...he knows me. He knows every corner, every secret, every weakness.''

The truth is, she mapped out a path to her heart a long time ago and lined the road with bitterness and walls and traps. So far the only one who has ever been able to chase away the bitterness, break through the walls and sidestep the traps, was Dean. With a sigh, she pulls her phone out of her pocket because she doesn't know what else to do and she brings up the one picture she has of Dean and Bray, taken on that one perfect day she can't forget no matter how hard she tries. ''You remember him?'' She asks quietly. ''That's dad.''

...It should be surprising to her that even though she's the one who has been here every step of the way and all Dean did was spend one day buying her presents, Bray still manages to grab for the phone and say dad as her first word. Actually, it's more ''da'' but Ruby knows what she's trying to say. That should be like a knife in her heart, shouldn't it? But all she does is let out a choked little laugh and nod. ''Yeah, Bray,'' she sighs tiredly. ''That's your dad. And he loves you so much. ...I'll bet he misses you.'' She glances at the clock, bites her lip and then decides to fuck it. ''You know what?'' She brings up a different picture and before she can stop herself, she sends Dean the picture of their daughter on her birthday because goddamn it, he's her father and he deserves a fucking picture of his daughter on her birthday.

She looks at the clock and purses her lips.

10:43.

''Happy birthday, baby.''

(Somewhere far away, Dean has just stormed out of a motel room and into the falling snow because he is in a seriously terrible, awful, no good mood (has been all day) and he can't tell anyone why.

FYI, Dean, pretending your daughter doesn't exist doesn't make that raw, aching, infected, bloody hole in your chest go away.

He has a plan. He does. And it's a good plan. He's going to drink and drink until he can't remember how to care whether or not he's crying. However, instead, his phone buzzes before he can even get to his fucking car and when he sees that picture of the prettiest girl in the world, he lasts about 1.5 seconds before he begins to splinter and chip away.

Sam finds him. Of course Sam finds him. Sam finds him on his knees in the falling snow with a hand over his face and his cell phone held limply in his hand. ''Dean?'' Sam speaks softly, crouching down in front of his brother. ''Dean...'' When he gets nothing in response, he takes the phone, looks at the picture and he understands the terrible mood and the odd, unexplainable pleas for forgiveness Dean utters in his sleep. Eyes still fixated on that familiar smile and those frighteningly familiar eyes, he wraps his hand around the pulse point of Dean's wrist in some sort of silent way of comfort. In return, Dean wraps his hand around Sam's arm and even his touch seems to beg for something he can't have. ''Oh,'' Sam whispers, the sound of his brother's ragged breathing breaking the silence of the snow. ''Dean.''

Yeah.)

She's trying with Danny. She's trying so hard. But she thinks she might already know how this story will end. And then...

...A curveball.

A few days after Bray's birthday, on the 15th of December, Danny gets shot. It's not too serious and he'll live, but it scares her more than she thought it would. She cares for this man, she realizes as she's sitting by his hospital bed watching him sleep. She doesn't want to lose him; but she's not sure she wants to keep him either. The path to her heart has always been long and twisty and dark, after all.

New York really is breathtaking at Christmas time. Magical, even. Something about it seems to quiet the rush of the city. Christmas comes quickly and she spends it with Danny and his family because they think it's just terrible for her to spend it alone.

Bray stares in wonder and awe at the lights and the sounds and all things Christmas, and Danny smiles, and Ruby...can't find her footing in all of this mess.

In the time she has spent alone, she has become quite an avid reader. Mostly because when she's not working or being a mom or a girlfriend now, what the fuck else is there to do? At her office Christmas party (which she had been forced to go to), one of the other secretaries recommends an author who ''blew her mind'' and after Christmas, she's bored so she looks him up. Big fucking mistake.

She reads something she shouldn't and finds that the words she reads are the difference between moving on and telling lies to yourself.

''Two brothers: one of them wants to take you apart. Two brothers: one of them wants to put you back together.''

Her breath catches.

Dean catches up to her that night in her dreams and words float in and out, haunting her subconscious to tell her exactly what she's doing wrong here.

''You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you didn't even have a name for.''

She wakes with curses on her lips and sweat on her forehead and the lies she's told come crashing and smashing down around her. Well, fuck. No, seriously. Fuck this shit, she's so screwed. That's what does it? That's the final straw? Printed words? Fuck, Ruby, you're getting so soft in your old age.

Damn you, Richard Siken. (She swears if she ever runs into that stupid, stupid man she's going to break his arm for making her realize that living this way isn't fair to anyone. She had been perfectly content with pretending.)

She breaks up with Danny the day after New Year's, which is a bitchy thing to do but she needs out before she drowns.

He takes it ...surprisingly well. He doesn't yell or beg and he lets her talk. When it's all over and she tells him she's going to be leaving New York, he gives her a half hearted smile and tells her earnestly, ''I hope you find what you're looking for.''

She smiles sadly and doesn't tell him that won't happen. He kisses her one last time before he leaves, tells her he could have loved her and asks if she could have loved him. When she sighs, he puts a finger to her lips. ''Don't answer that.''

And then he kisses her forehead and leaves.

The lights of New York are lovely and Danny is wonderful, but he's not what she wants. You have no idea how much she wishes he was.

(You see, Danny has warm green eyes, a beautiful smile, he adores Bray and he jumped in front of a bullet to save a twelve year old boy like a hero who acts on instinct and adrenaline. Do you see who she's trying to replace?)

Yes, New York was a nice change. But it's just not where she belongs. She and Bray (who has finally started walking and now hates the car because it just means time she can't spend tottering all over the place and getting in trouble) spend about a weak traveling and driving and avoiding solid ground. And then...

...Well, then there's Virginia.

end part two

AN: Let me start off by saying that the excerpts from what Ruby read is part of a story/poem/piece of genius called You Are Jeff by Richard Siken. Who is awesome. And earlier in the story there was a mention of how when they were in Paris people kept calling Bray petit mignon. Rough translation: Little cutie.

Okay! I hope that was good enough to tide you over until early 2011! Happy Holidays, everyone! And Happy New Year!