It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas

Disclaimer: I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

AN: This short one-shot is written as a Christmas present for Lila (Lion in the Land). I hope she likes it... despite the fact it takes place in a universe I doubt she's ever visited before. Hey, that's what happens when you give a gaming nut and Bioware fanboy free reign over the content of your Christmas one-shot. ;p Also, should anyone else give this one-shot a try, I hope they'll enjoy it as well.

The Normandy was currently docked at the Citadel, and Liara T'Soni was just coming back aboard. She'd spent the last couple of days aboard the Citadel, helping Shepard with some diplomatic matters. But the Commander, along with Garrus and Tali'Zorah, was currently off scanning Keepers, the mysterious creatures that kept the massive space station running without any apparent outside direction or guidance. It wasn't a dangerous task. The Keepers were harmless, at least as far as anyone knew, and so the team had not needed the Asari's biotics or anthropological experience. So, Liara had decided to use her free time to indulge in a little pampering: a nice massage and beauty treatment at the Consort's Chambers. It had been fun, relaxing, and had done a great deal to remove the stress that their current mission was placing on the young - 106 year old - Asari.

The decontamination lights finished roaming over Liara's clothes and blue skin, and the ship's inner doors opened for her. She stepped into the ship proper, and that was when things started to get... weird.

Strands of strange colored lights were strung along railings. They framed the outlines of chairs and even a couple of computers. On every wall bizarre, green growths were hung. Most of them in the shape of rings, with red bows affixed to them. And an odd music was playing through the ship's intercom.

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Toys in ev'ry store. But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be... on your own front door. A pair of hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots is the wish of Barney and Ben; dolls that will take and will go for a walk, is the hope of Janice and Jen."

The light, joyful sound was so different from the dark, almost eerie background music Liara had become accustomed to since her rescue on Therum. And as Liara began to slowly make her way through the ship, she felt as if she'd somehow been transported to an alternate dimension. The human crew were as decorated as their ship. Many of them still wore their uniforms, but they had additional patches, ribbons and other accessories added to them. Red and green seemed to be the colors of the day. A few of the crew had even abandoned their uniforms entirely, in favor of lightly colored green outfits with pointed shoes or bright red ones with white, artificial fur trimmings.

Liara passed by Kaidan, who was busily typing something up at one of the Normandy's computer terminals, and noticed that the - now green clothed - man had mysteriously developed pointed ears on the sides of his head. She stared at him in astonishment for a moment. But then he turned and gave her a funny look, as if she were the abnormal one, and she decided that she best be moving along.

The Asari continued on down the line of computer stations, feeling as though she was in another world, a strange, unmapped world of happy tunes, funny outfits and pointed eared sentinels. Finally she came to the galaxy map, where the most unsettling sight of all awaited her - Navigator Pressly in a long, floppy, red hat with white trimmings. The sight of the by-the-book navigator in such a ridiculous, obviously non-regulation, hat sent shivers down Liara's spin, as did the fact that, rather than fuming and trying to whip some discipline back into the crew, the ship's second in command was just smiling happily, as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on.

Liara stopped dead in her tracks and once more found herself staring, mouth a gap, at one of her human shipmates. It wasn't long before Pressly took notice of the alien watching him. But, rather than his usual cold shoulder, the human navigator smiled at the alien girl. "Better watch where you're standing, Kid," the usually cold man instructed in a warm tone as he pointed above the Asari's head.

Liara looked up, but all she saw was another piece of some green plant, this time suspended from the ceiling by a thin string. She raised a pencil thin eyebrow at the object wondering why the human navigator had felt the need to warn her about it. Then, suddenly, she felt herself bent backwards as another human held her in his arms and pressed his lips against hers. Too shocked to protest, the Asari's eyes merely opened impossibly wide from the unexpected kiss. Then, just as her brain was beginning to catch up, the man suddenly stood her back up and walked away without saying a word. He merely whistled in time with the music as he headed off, no explanation, no apology, no nothing.

"Soon the bells will start, and the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing... right within your heart," the man suddenly sang happily as he joined the song playing over the intercom.

Liara was practically beside herself. This was insane! They were crazy... every last one of them. Wait, that was it. It had to be: Space Dementia! How anyone could contract the condition while docked to a massive station, one the size of a small planet, she had no idea. Nor could she remember hearing about any case of it spreading so quickly through a crew. They'd all been acting perfectly normal when the ship had arrived at the Citadel, scarcely more than two days ago.

No, it couldn't be space dementia... at least not your typical space dementia. Perhaps it was viral? Yes, that would explain everything: some exotic virus which lived in the depths of space and attacked the brain's reasoning capabilities, causing dementia in those infected. It was then that a terrible realization dawned on the young Asari. If it was a virus, that meant it was spread from person to person, just like the zombification viruses in those cheesy, old horror movies Shepard had introduced her to. And one of the infected crew members had just kissed her! She was infected!

Liara knew that she needed medical treatment, and quickly, before she developed an unnatural fondness for greens, reds, and fanciful lights. Fortunately, there was a fully stocked medical bay one floor down. The young Asari raced down the steps, to the med bay, to Doctor Chakwas. As she ran, Liara mentally chided herself for not heading to the med bay sooner. Something was obviously wrong with the crew, and Doctor Chakwas would already be working on a solution. The intelligent, kind, maternal looking woman would know just what to do. In matters of medicine, she always did.

Liara quickly reached the med bay, and the doors parted for her. "Dr. Chakwas!" the Asari exclaimed. "Something is terribly wron..." the young girl stopped mid word as the doctor turned to her and Liara saw the small, potted tree resting behind the doctor, on her desk. It was decorated the same way as the rest of the ship. Liara's jaw dropped, and the Asari began to slowly back away.

"Liara, are you okay? You look pale. What's wrong?" Doctor Chakwas began, but the Asari wasn't falling for it.

"No... No! Stay back! Stay away from me!" she shouted and used her biotic powers to push the doctor back, the middle aged human, being thrown a little bit harder than the Asari had intended. Liara almost went over to check on the doctor, concern for her friend momentarily overcoming her panic. But then she saw Chakwas rising to her feet once more and realized that the woman would be fine... well as fine as she could be while suffering the effects of... whatever had gripped the crew. Liara ran out the door, intending to get off the ship and find help. It was the only chance now, not just for her, but the crew as well.

But as Liara was making her way back to the stairs, she heard Doctor Chakwas' voice coming through the ship's intercom system, momentarily halting the happy music that was starting to sound strangely creepy to the Asari. "This is Doctor Chakwas. There's something wrong with Liara T'Soni. I believe she's delusional. Apprehend, but do not injure... and watch out for her biotics. They've got a heck of a kick."

The music returned, just as Liara reached the stair's halfway point and saw two armed security officers appear at the top. "Rocking around the Christmas Tree, at the Christmas party hop. Mistletoe hung where you can see; ev'ry couple tries to stop."

Liara turned around as fast as she could and ran back down the stairs. "You will get a sentimental feeling, when you hear... voices singing, 'Let's be jolly; Deck the halls with boughs of holly.' Rocking around the Christmas Tree. Have a happy holiday. Everyone's dancing merrily, in a new old fashioned way."

The Asari ducked under an energy blast, one she assumed was set to stun, given the doctors instruction about not injuring her, and ran for the elevator. More energy blasts ripped the air around her, but Liara managed to dive into the elevator and activate it before the security officers could catch up. She was safe... at least for the moment. Of course, the elevator was only taking her further into the bowels of the ship. But if she could just escape the insanity for a few minutes perhaps she could radio for help?

The elevator doors opened into the ship's cargo hold and Liara used her biotics to warp the metal braces around the elevator, and the emergency access hatch. She figured that would buy her a little while to contact the outside universe. She breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped out of the elevator, and then gulped as she saw an assault rifle leveled directly at her head. Ashley Williams had her pinned.

"Don't move, Liara," the human soldier instructed. "I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to."

The Asari felt like crying, stomping her foot... or maybe just banging her head against the ship's metal walls. And it had started out as such a nice day too. How had everything gone wrong so quickly? Then Liara noticed something that made her think that maybe, just maybe her luck was taking a turn for the better.

The cargo hold was completely absent any signs of the red and green that filled the rest of the ship. There were no twinkling lights upon the walls, and Ashley looked just as bad-ass and intimidating as ever. Was it possible that the Asari had found the last uninfected human on the ship?

"Wait! You don't understand. The crew... they've all gone crazy. They're... it's like Dawn of the Dead up there... well if Miss Meyers wrote the screen play anyway! You're the last human who's not infected and..."

"Been watching old zombie holo-vids with Shepard again?" Ashley sighed.

"No! Well... yes, but you don't understand. The crew really is completely insane!"

"Funny, you're the only one who sounds insane to me," Wrex's gruff voice cut in.

"You haven't seen it up there! There's... plants... everywhere. And red. And green. And twinkling lights! One human grabbed me, bent me back, and kissed me - for no reason! And Doctor Chakwas tried to attack me! And... and that music! And Kaidan had Vulcan ears!"

"I see Shepard's got you watching Star Trek too," Ashley commented in a sardonic tone. But her posture relaxed somewhat. "You said the Doctor tried to attack you?"

"Yes, she-"

"Wait, I want you to think back. Did she actually try to hurt you in any way?"

"Well, no. B-but she started coming towards me, and she had one of those decorated little trees on her desk, and I thought..."

Ashley sighed again. "It's okay, Liara. Everyone's fine. It's December first. They're just getting into the spirit of the holiday."

"Holiday?"

"Yes, Christmas. That's why the ship's all decorated... well, all the regular living and working areas anyway."

"And the funny music?"

"Christmas music."

"But... but everyone's been acting so strange."

"They're just happy. That's all. For Humans Christmas is a big deal. It's the Birthday of our Savior... and it's still a big deal, even to those who don't believe in Him. It's a time for family and friends to gather together and exchange presents and good cheer. They sing carols, give to those less fortunate. It's just a happy time that puts most humans in a better mood than usual. 'Peace on Earth and good will to men' and all that."

"Wait... so it's just a celebration? The crew? They haven't really... what about that guy who kissed me?"

"You were probably standing under the mistletoe."

"Mistletoe?"

"It's a plant. We hang it up at Christmas time and when two people are under it together, they're suppose to kiss. Sounds like whoever kissed you might have taken things a little far... even still, no one's crazy."

"So... everyone's just been acting like this because it's a holiday?"

"Well, not quite. The actual holiday isn't until the twenty-fifth."

"You mean you people are all bubbly and happy for almost a whole month? Now that's just unseemly," Wrex cut in once more, sounding rather displeased by the notion.

"Er, not to the point she's describing, Wrex," Ashley answered. "The crew's just a little more jacked up today because they did the decorating. 'Course I had to pull the short straw and get stuck with weapons inspection duty," the woman grumbled half under her breath. "They'll all calm down a bit by tomorrow, and things should be pretty quiet until the twenty-forth," Ashley reassured the giant, warrior lizard.

Then she turned back towards Liara. "I suppose we should get you back to the Doc and clear this whole thing up." The human lightly grasped the Asari's arm and started to lead her back over to the elevator.

"Oh, I, ah... sort of warped the rails when I... ah, 'escaped' down here," Liara explained with an embarrassed smile as Ashley tried to activate the elevator only to find that all it did was make a screeching, grinding sound.

"'Course you did," the human replied sardonically and shook her head. She tried the emergency access shaft only to find that it wouldn't budge anymore than the elevator would. "I suppose you did something to this too?"

"I... hehe," the Asari giggled nervously as she stitched her fingers together. "Sorry... but I can fix this one." She summoned up all her biotic strength and shot a bolt of mass effect energy into the hatch, popping it right off its hinges in the process.

Liara looked to the human woman for approval, and Ashley nodded her head slightly in response. "Alright, better start climbing. We've got one heck of a mess to clean up when we reach the top."

Well, Lila, I hope you enjoyed your little present. Let me know what you thought of it, K? Oh and if anyone else read, I hope you enjoyed it too.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.