Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any characters associated with Glee.
A/N: EEK! This is my FIRST EVER piece of fanfiction that I have written. I have read lots, and had so many thoughts and ideas in my mind, that I finally decided to write some of it down. What Dave Karofsky is going through just tears at my heart, and I want him to find acceptance and redemption. He is a very troubled young man who needs a very gentle hand to guide him through the most difficult journey of his life. This poem is written by him to Kurt, and is what I think he might be feeling after he finds out Kurt is gone.
GONE, THOUGH
NOT FORGOTTEN
It's been a week,
Seven horrible days,
Since I made you leave,
Since I drove you away.
What else could I do?
There was no other choice.
I couldn't take a chance
On you finding your voice.
This silence is worse
Than a windowless cell
It shrieks through my mind
Like demons from hell.
The secret shames me
To the depths of my soul.
Knowing without you
I'll never feel whole.
Wanting so badly to
Hold you and take you,
Choosing instead to
Bruise you and break you.
The fear in your eyes
Is a fist in my heart,
Knowing I've hurt you,
It tears me apart.
I am filled with self-loathing
Grief and fear, also relief
At not having you near.
How can I want you and
Hate you and need you?
How do I live with
Myself since I freed you?
I cannot speak out
Yet I cannot be silent.
I want to be loving and caring
and violent.
How you must hate me with
All of your might,
But oh how I need you
To hold me tight!
I tried once to show you,
I did it all wrong.
I shocked and unnerved you
My need was too strong.
It is time to let go,
I must give up this fight,
And stop longing for things
To which I have no right.
Maybe someday
I'll be free from this mess
And I'll gather the courage
To beg your forgiveness.
I will not deserve it,
But just the same,
I'll ask and I'll hope that
You'll soothe my shame.
I am scared half to death! This is literally the first thing I have ever submitted for public viewing, ever, in my whole life. I really want to know what you think of it, even if you don't like it. Constructive criticism is welcome. Reviews are awesome.