Author's Note: If you've ever used Yahoo! Groups, and you've ever seen the
site down for maintainance, you've seen the Yahoo Plumber guy. Well, now
here's his story...
The Story of Quork, the Ex-Happy Plumber Guy
There was once an ordinary plumber guy. He wasn't any different from any other plumber guy you'll meet.
Well, his name was Quork, but that's besides the point.
Quork was a happy plumber guy. He had gone to plumber school for several years, so he got a lot of jobs and made a lot of money. It also helped that he had really good hearing. The sole thing he was missing in his life was love.
But it didn't trouble him too much.
At least, not at first.
But as the years went on, and Quork fixed more and more plumbing systems, at more and more houses in which lived more and more couples, Quork realized that he was missing something.
He thought maybe it was furniture, because most of the houses were cluttered with stuff. So he went and got terribly lost in the never-ending maze they call IKEA. Yet, being the happy plumber guy that he was, he was able to follow the sounds of flowing plumbing water, and emerged with much furniture and the happy news that IKEA's plumbing was in top condition.
Quork got home and put his furniture in the various rooms of his house. He arranged it. He rearranged it so he could hear the sounds of rushing water no matter where he was. But still, that something was missing.
And then one day he realized, while he was sitting on his new 100% leather couch watching Moulin Rouge! playing on his new Sony big screen TV which sat upon his new walnut-finished home video entertainment system:
He had never been in love.
And according to the movie, this was a terrible thing. Nearly as terrible as getting lost in IKEA.
So Quork decided to find love.
But it was awfully difficult.
First, he tried going up to ladies on the street. After several contacts with their hands rather than their lips, he decided that wasn't the best approach to find love.
He didn't give up.
Next, he tried personal ad services, like the ones he saw on his TV. His ad perfectly described him:
"36-year old happy plumber guy. Lots of stuff. Needs love."
Unfortunately, that was all his ad said. After weeks of wondering why no one ever called him on his new Motorola cell phone, he sadly gave that idea.
But he kept trying new ones.
After days and days of torment, with only the rushing sounds of his plumbing system to keep him company, he hit upon the perfect solution:
He would go find a job. And not just any job. A big, super plumbing job, for someone more important than himself, and he could then impress the ladies. He could just imagine going to a singles club and saying, "Pleased to meet you, yes I am the guy who made the plumbing at corporation X a complete success!" They would fall all over him.
Just then, the phone rang.
"Hello?" he said, picking up the receiver on his M&M phone that sung and danced.
"Hi! My name is Courtney! Am I speaking to Quork?" she asked in an obnoxiously cheerful voice.
"Yes," was all he could say.
"Oh, that's so wonderful! I was hoping I would be able to speak with you!" she exclaimed in a nauseatingly happy voice.
"Yes," he said again.
"Well, I'm representing the Yahoo Corporation, and I was wondering if we could hire you to fix the plumbing at our headquarters!" she told him in a disgustingly jovial voice.
"Yes!" he exclaimed.
"Good! That's absolutely splendid! Can you start tomorrow?" she inquired in a sickeningly joyous voice.
"Yes," he agreed.
"How very nice! We'll see you tomorrow!" she finished in a revoltingly sunny voice.
"Yes," he said, not bothering to wonder who the 'we' was, since he was only speaking to one person named Courtney.
The next morning, he showed up at the Yahoo Corporation Headquarters, where he was ushered into a suspiciously white room...
The Story of Quork, the Ex-Happy Plumber Guy
There was once an ordinary plumber guy. He wasn't any different from any other plumber guy you'll meet.
Well, his name was Quork, but that's besides the point.
Quork was a happy plumber guy. He had gone to plumber school for several years, so he got a lot of jobs and made a lot of money. It also helped that he had really good hearing. The sole thing he was missing in his life was love.
But it didn't trouble him too much.
At least, not at first.
But as the years went on, and Quork fixed more and more plumbing systems, at more and more houses in which lived more and more couples, Quork realized that he was missing something.
He thought maybe it was furniture, because most of the houses were cluttered with stuff. So he went and got terribly lost in the never-ending maze they call IKEA. Yet, being the happy plumber guy that he was, he was able to follow the sounds of flowing plumbing water, and emerged with much furniture and the happy news that IKEA's plumbing was in top condition.
Quork got home and put his furniture in the various rooms of his house. He arranged it. He rearranged it so he could hear the sounds of rushing water no matter where he was. But still, that something was missing.
And then one day he realized, while he was sitting on his new 100% leather couch watching Moulin Rouge! playing on his new Sony big screen TV which sat upon his new walnut-finished home video entertainment system:
He had never been in love.
And according to the movie, this was a terrible thing. Nearly as terrible as getting lost in IKEA.
So Quork decided to find love.
But it was awfully difficult.
First, he tried going up to ladies on the street. After several contacts with their hands rather than their lips, he decided that wasn't the best approach to find love.
He didn't give up.
Next, he tried personal ad services, like the ones he saw on his TV. His ad perfectly described him:
"36-year old happy plumber guy. Lots of stuff. Needs love."
Unfortunately, that was all his ad said. After weeks of wondering why no one ever called him on his new Motorola cell phone, he sadly gave that idea.
But he kept trying new ones.
After days and days of torment, with only the rushing sounds of his plumbing system to keep him company, he hit upon the perfect solution:
He would go find a job. And not just any job. A big, super plumbing job, for someone more important than himself, and he could then impress the ladies. He could just imagine going to a singles club and saying, "Pleased to meet you, yes I am the guy who made the plumbing at corporation X a complete success!" They would fall all over him.
Just then, the phone rang.
"Hello?" he said, picking up the receiver on his M&M phone that sung and danced.
"Hi! My name is Courtney! Am I speaking to Quork?" she asked in an obnoxiously cheerful voice.
"Yes," was all he could say.
"Oh, that's so wonderful! I was hoping I would be able to speak with you!" she exclaimed in a nauseatingly happy voice.
"Yes," he said again.
"Well, I'm representing the Yahoo Corporation, and I was wondering if we could hire you to fix the plumbing at our headquarters!" she told him in a disgustingly jovial voice.
"Yes!" he exclaimed.
"Good! That's absolutely splendid! Can you start tomorrow?" she inquired in a sickeningly joyous voice.
"Yes," he agreed.
"How very nice! We'll see you tomorrow!" she finished in a revoltingly sunny voice.
"Yes," he said, not bothering to wonder who the 'we' was, since he was only speaking to one person named Courtney.
The next morning, he showed up at the Yahoo Corporation Headquarters, where he was ushered into a suspiciously white room...